The Journal
by JustSunny
Summary: Part 1: Ana discovers a set of journals in her new apartment and tries to solve the mystery behind them. Part 2: After Christian walked away from Ana she finds herself confronted with many difficult situations and choices... but the only thing she knows for sure is that she wants a second chance with the man she loves. Will she find a way to get Christian back? AU/OOC/HEA
1. Chapter 1

_**Here we go again a new story while I still have four ongoing stories ... but this one is different, because I have already 10 chapters written. This means for now I will update every Saturday and once I have at least two of my other stories finished updates will be every Saturday and Wednesday. This story is inspired by "If I were you" by Lisa Renee Jones, though all characters will be from FSOG or new characters that I have created. The story is going to have three parts and is AU. Anastasia is very much OOC and Christian will seem very much the same as FSOG for part 1, but there are some things different about him that will be revealed later in part 2 and 3. Each part has about 15 to 20 chapters, so this is going to be a long story. For those of you who want to know if this story is going to have an HEA, well this time I can't reveal it before part 2 starts, as the first part will be a mystery... If you want me to continue, please let me know in the reviews...**_

_**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James and the storyline is inspired by If I were you from Lisa Renee Jones  
**_

_**Day 1 - The Journal**_

"Yes dad, I'm fine ... no the apartment is great, I love it ... yes, I call you back soon. Bye Dad, give mom a kiss for me." I hang up and flop down on my sofa staring out of the floor to ceiling windows of my new apartment in Seattle. I needed this change of scenery. I've lived in Chicago for all my life and now only 22 years old I needed a change of scenery, just something new. A fresh start. And of course I needed to get away from _**him**_. Peter Martin, my childhood best friend, high school sweetheart and fiancé, whom I caught fucking my best friend Elsa Wilkins just days before our wedding.

Only four months ago I had my life perfectly planned. I wanted to marry Peter, work as an editor at the publishing house that had just hired me fresh out of college. After a couple of years I wanted to have kids with Peter and be a stay at home mom. Now, all of that will never happened. I just needed to get out. I couldn't stand the way people were looking at me and of course see the pity in their eyes. It made me furious. I don't need anyones pity and I don't want to be known as Anastasia Steele, the girl who got betrayed by her fiancé and best friend. To make things worse Elsa got pregnant and Peter married her last month. That was when I decided I couldn't stay in Chicago any longer.

My grandparents lived near Seattle and I loved spending the summer with them as a child, so I decided that's where I am going to make a fresh start. Being the daughter of rich parents, I decided for the first time in my life to take advantage of it and pursue a dream I never dared to fulfil before. But instead of reading what over people have written, I decided to write a book myself. I always enjoyed writing as much as reading, so I will give it a try. My parents, only to eager to help me getting through this difficult time bought this apartment for me and gave me 5 million dollar out of the trust fund the set up for me to have once I've turned 25th and now I have enough money and time to come up with a good idea for my first book.

Today though I have a lot of unpacking to do. At least the apartment was sold already furnished and decorated, so I can spare all the furniture shopping. I look around all the boxes and decide to unpack my books first. An hour later the shelfs are filled with all of my favorite books and I have placed some pictures of my family and friends around the apartment. Next I unpack everything in the kitchen and use the shopping service of a nearby supermarket to get my groceries delivered. Usually I like to shop myself, but today I have so much to do, that I simply won't have the time to do it.

My last stop is my walk in closet and it takes me almost two hours to get everything in the right place. I look around and stare at the painting on the wall of my walk in closet. It looks out of place and it's ugly. I love the rest of the apartment, but this painting just doesn't sit right with me, so I take it off and frown. The wallpaper behind it looks like it isn't attached to the wall correctly. I touch it and it feels like there is a hole behind the wallpaper. I leave the closet to get a knife and as I cut into the wall paper and take it off, I reveal a deep round hole in the wall about the size of a watermelon and inside are three books. I get them out and sit down with them on the floor. As I open them I realise they are journals. I can't read them. Maybe they belong to the person who lived here previously and he or she forgot to take them when he or she moved out.

I sigh, I guess I have to return them somehow. So, I get up and leave my apartment, taking the elevator down to the lobby and walk over to the front desk.

"Hi, my name is Anastasia Steele, I moved in today. I found some things in my apartment that the previous owner must have left there, maybe you could help me out with a name or the new address of the former resident." I ask the man behind the front desk.

"I'm sorry Miss Steele, but I'm not allowed to give you that information. Maybe you can call the previous owner."

"Okay, thanks" I mutter get into the elevator and back up to the 20th floor where I live. I'm just about to unlock my door when the second elevator pings announcing someones arrival.

"Emma? Oh my god! Where were you I was worried sick!" A young woman says and as I turn around her mouth pops open.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Umm... I'm Kate Kavanagh, I live in 20B. Are you Emma's sister you look so much like her" the young blonde says and I frown.

"I'm sorry, I don't know an Emma. I moved in here today, but umm... did you say the woman who lived here before me is called Emma. I found some of her stuff and want to return it, do you have an address or phone number so I can contact her?"

She sighs and looks upset. "No, I wish I had. I'm worried about her."

Somehow, I'm curious now. "Do you want to come in? I would like to know more about Emma. Oh, sorry I forget to tell you my name. I'm Anastasia Steele."

"Nice to meet you. And yes I would like to come in." I lead her into my apartment and while she is looking around the livingroom I get us both a glass of chilled white wine.

"Thanks Anastasia. You know, this apartment looks exactly the same. It's weird seeing someone else live here."

"When have you last seen Emma?"

"Five months ago. We talked about going to the movies together one night and the next day she sent me an e-mail telling me that she decided to travel the world and that she has no idea if or when she will be back. It was weird, she never struck me as the kind of girl for adventures." she frowns saying that and looks deep in thoughts.

"Have you tried to contact her, sent her e-mails or something like that?"

"I tried to call her, but the phone is constantly switched off, I also tried to send her e-mails, but she never answered and about a month ago the e-mail I wanted to send her bounced back, so I guess she has deleted her account."

"What about family or a boyfriend?"

"She has no family, poor thing lost her parents and grandparents in a terrible accident when she was just three years old, she grew up in foster care since then and she didn't have a boyfriend. She was shy, but a lovely person. You really look very much alike. Wait, I have a picture of her, here" she gets her cellphone from her purse and shows me a picture.

Holy fuck! This girl could be my twin sister. She has my exact hair color, pale skin, a petite frame and even her clothes look like something that I would wear. The only big difference is that she has dark brown eyes while mine are powder blue.

"That is so weird, she could really be my sister. How old is she?"

"25, you?"

"22"

"Me too. So are you new in Seattle or are you from here?"

"I'm from Chicago, my grandparents lived here though, so I know Seattle." I tell her and take a sip from my wine.

"Well, if you need someone to hang out you know where I live just stop by when ever you feel like it. Do you have a job?"

"No, I'm doing kind of a sabbatical. Well, umm... I was supposed to marry right after graduating from college and caught my fiancé with my best friend days before our wedding. I tried to get over it in Chicago and started my job at a publishing house, but you know people talk and to top it all he got that bitch pregnant and now they are married. I just needed to get out and now I just need some time to myself."

"Oh wow, that sucks big time. What an asshole and bitch. I hope they end up being miserable. Fuck me, who needs enemies with people like this in his life"

"Yeah, tell me about" I mutter and take a huge sip of wine.

"Looking for a hot rebound guy?"

"Not exactly, do you have someone in mind?"

"Yup, the guy from 20C. He is hot as hell, a little mysterious, but you fit his type. He always looked at Emma as if he wanted to fuck her. His name is Matt Turner. Or you could try to seduce Seattle's most eligible bachelor Christian Grey. He lives in the penthouse on the 28th floor, though I think the guy is gay or celibate. Never seen with a date but sexy as fuck."

"I think I have to pass Kate, they both sound complicated and all I want right now is easy and fun. If I want to get laid I prefer the kind of guy who just leaves after a hot night and I never have to see him again. I did the boyfriend thing since 9th grade with my so-called fiancé and now I want to live and fuck, but no strings attached which means no one I can run into at any given chance."

"Well, I think you won't have any problems finding a guy like that. We should go clubbing sometime soon, I could need a good lay myself. I'm suffering from a nasty dry spell after some really bad lays."

"Deal, let's make a toast, to hot guys and uncomplicated, smoking hot sheets clawing sex and toe curling orgasms in our very near future" I raise my glass and we both laugh as we clink glasses.

Later that evening after Kate has left I cook dinner for myself, but my thoughts drift back to the journals, which are in my bedroom and the young woman who looks so much like me. Why did she leave Seattle without another word? I keep thinking about this and when I'm in bed I can't stop myself any longer. I know I shouldn't do this, read the journal of a stranger, but I feel drawn to this woman, so I take all the journals look at the dates and decide to start with the oldest of them, which was written a little more than a year ago.

_I did it. Today, I have signed the contract with Sir. I will only refer to him as Sir, knowing he wouldn't like it if I would write his name down, even if no one would ever read this journal. I know Master wouldn't like it either if I would write his name down. Oh, I hope I'm doing the right thing. A good submissive has to obey her Master in everything, but my Master can't see me all the time and I have needs that need daily sessions. So I went behind his back and found Sir. Who would have thought that I would find two dominants in the same building. Now I like the fact that Master insisted that I move to Escala._

_I always thought this place was to upscale for me. I am a sales clerk at Wal-Mart for heaven's sake and now I am living in one of the most expensive buildings in Seattle and dress in clothes I could only dream about just a couple of months ago. I know I will lose all of it, my apartment, my clothes, the car, just everything if Master finds out about Sir or vice versa. I'm playing with fire, which ironically is one of my hard limits. As a submissive my body is my capital, I can't afford to allow Sir or Master to do anything to me that will leave permanent marks._

_Also from now on I have to be more careful about receiving punishments, the marks of a spanking will fade over night, but a caning or whipping usually takes up to three or four days to completely fade, so I have to avoid this now. I can't let Master or Sir see marks someone else has left on me or I will lose one of them and I need them to take care of me and fulfil my deepest darkest need to be dominated and humiliated. Most subs take the humiliation as part of the scene, but I enjoy it. Not sure why and I don't want to dwell on it, but I like it. Maybe because no one would think that I enjoy it, well most people don't notice me at all anyway and it's a thrill for me to have this secret just knowing that I have experienced more sexual adventures as most people do in a lifetime in just a few years gives me the biggest kick._

_When I first heard of the lifestyle I thought being a submissive would completely debase me, but I couldn't stay away from it, I was too intrigued to just leave. Instead I found a club called "**Black Satin**" became a member and trained as a submissive for almost a year until I signed my contract with Master. Being a submissive allowed me to finally be myself, by giving up control I gained control, I learned more over my body and the sensual pleasure and pain I can endure as I ever thought possible._

_Still I felt empty, because I couldn't be a fulltime submissive. I told Master that I wanted to live TPE 24/7, but though I think he was tempted he simply has not the time to make it happen. So I found Sir and his schedule and Masters schedule allow me to be dominated every day. A little part of me hopes that Master will find out, that he will get jealous and give me what I need solely so I won't need Sir for long. I know I shouldn't, but I know that I have fallen for Master. But I know it's a lost cause. He doesn't do love and still, this little part of me has hope that he will love me one day, not only my submissive alter ego, but all of me. I want him to love me, Emma Mitchell and if he does I will make it my life's mission to please him for the rest of our lives..._

Oh my God! I can't even describe how I feel about this. This so far from everything I know, but at the same time I find myself drawn to this woman and her life like I have never been drawn to anything else in my life before. For the next two hours I keep reading through her journal and with every page I am more intrigued about her lifestyle and Emma Mitchell herself. And as I try to find sleep I decide to find out what has happened to her and I know that there are two persons in this building who might have all the answers I want. I need to find out who Master and Sir are...

So, if you like this story please leave a review and let me you what you think so far...

Sunny


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you all so much for your reviews, favorites and follows :-) ... Many guesses about Christian's role in all of this, but you have to wait and see ... I also have a pinterest for this story the link is on my profile page... one more thing, some of you were worried about reading a story without HEA for Ana and Christian. As this is a mystery I can't give away if there is going to be a HEA here in my A/N, but if you don't want to wait until the end of part 1 to find out, send me a pm and I will answer if this story has an HEA or not...  
**_

_**Day 2 - The Journal  
**_  
While I had breakfast this morning I kept thinking about Emma and her journal. If I want to get to the bottom of this I need to find Master and Sir. My first clue is that Master wanted Emma to live here. So either he paid the rent for her or he owned the apartment, before my parents bought it for me. I called my parents this morning and found out that this apartment was owned previously by Christian Grey. I told my mom I've found some things that belong to the previous resident and she gave me the phone number of Christian Grey.

I left my apartment right after I had the number and went shopping. I have bought an old looking wooden box, some jewelry and other things that looked used, but personal enough that it would make sense to return it to the owner. Once back home I sit down with a glass of wine and dial his number. He picks up after the second ring.

"Grey" _wow he has a sexy voice._

"Mister Grey, this is Anastasia Steele speaking. My parents bought the apartment at Escala from you."

"Which one, I have recently sold three of them."

"Oh, 20A."

"Are there any problems with the apartment Miss Steele?"

"No, everything is fine, though I have found a box with jewelry and other things in my walk in closet. I guess the former resident must have forgotten to take it with her, so I thought you might know how I can contact Miss Mitchell."

"I'm not in contact with her, why don't you come up to my penthouse tonight, say 6:30 pm and we can discuss this. I have a meeting now."

"Yes that would be perfect, Mister Grey."

"Good" he answers clipped and hangs up. Well, looks like I will meet the elusive Mister Grey tonight.

For the rest of the day I stay home trying to find more information about Emma online. What I could find is not really helping me to figure out where she is. Just an online yearbook of her old highschool and not even one article about the car accident which left her as an orphan. How sad must it be to lose your entire family in one single day leaving you all alone in this world at the age of three. From what I could see in her old highschool yearbook she is a bright girl, left highschool with perfect grades, but apparently never went to college.

As I stare at her picture on my computer I will her to give me any clues about what has happened to her and why she would leave in such a hurry, leaving her journals behind. If they were important enough to her to keep them hidden, then why would she leave them here? Especially seeing what she has written down. I would never leave something like that behind, I would be worried sick that someone would find them. So why didn't she return to get them and if she has left to travel the world, would she have taken all her other belongings with her? Even if she didn't have much, surely it would be too much to take with her on a long journey. Maybe she has a storage unit? I take a notepad and start to write some things down and as I do an idea forms in my head.

Maybe this is it, the idea for my first book. Solve a mystery and write it down as a journal. Like a real crime novel, of course I would have to change the names and make it more dramatic, but yes, this is what I'm going to do. I will find Emma Mitchell and her story will be the background for my first novel.

At a quarter to six I take a shower, blow dry my long chestnut colored hair and pick an outfit for my meeting with Mister Grey. I dress in a tight fitting black dress which shows off my curves, but isn't to revealing otherwise. I match it with black high heel boots a long silver necklace and to complete the look I pick my favorite black and pink plaid coat to wear. I put my hair in one thick braid, use a little mascara and take the box and my purse to leave my apartment. In the elevator I press the button for the penthouse and after a few seconds the red little light next to the button switches to green and the elevator rides up to the 28th floor and opens to reveal a beautiful vestibule. There is a large table in the middle with has bouquet of white lilies on it and hanging on the walls are several paintings of Madonnas. It is kind of eery, but I step out of the elevator and a tall guy, maybe in his mid-thirties, dressed in a sharp black suit with white shirt, black tie and black shinning leather shoes steps into my line of sight.

"Miss Steele, I'm Jason Taylor, Mister Grey's head of security. Please follow me."

"Pleasure to meet you Mister Taylor" I say with a smile but his face remains expressionless.

"Just Taylor, Ma'am" he says and leads me through the double doors into an enormous living area. While I follow him I look at the white walls, white furniture and expensive artwork on the walls and can't help but think that while all is super modern, it also lacks a female touch. This place is more like an art gallery than an actual home.

"Miss Steele is here, Sir" Taylor announces and I look over to the kitchen, where a tall, very well build man gets up from one of the bar stools. As he turns around to face me I have to fight the urge to stare open-mouthed at the man in front of me and the only thing that comes to my mind is complete male perfection.

He is tall, my guess would be at least 6'3, muscular, but too bulky. He is bare foot, dressed in dark jeans and a black t-shirt. His dark copper-colored hair is a little over long and unruly, but oh so sexy. Though it isn't until I see his stormy gray eyes and those luscious lips that my breath catches in my throat. As I continue to look at this sex god in front of me a part of Emma's journal comes to my mind.

_... My hands are tied over my head to the grit in his dungeon. Sir is walking around me. I can hear his bare feet touching the hardwood floor as he slowly walks around me, so close and yet so far. His smell is alluring, a toxic mix of his male dominance, sex and bodywash, teasing me to get closer, but I can't. I want to touch him, but I'm tied up helpless to Sir's will. As his fingers slowly slide along the curves of my behind I shiver in anticipation. I want more, I want him inside me. I want all of him but this is his game and I'm a slave to his will, helpless and aroused by his slow sensual seduction and he knows how good he is at it...  
_  
"Miss Steele, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am Christian Grey, please have a seat. I assume these are Miss Mitchell's belongings?" his voice pulls me back to the now and I look straight into his amazing eyes and deep inside it feels like a part of me I was never aware of has awakened, a part that wants to be dominated by this man, wants to experience the things that Emma has experienced.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, too Mister Grey and yes this is the box I was talking about." I hand it to him and sit down at the breakfast bar. He inspects the contents of the box without giving anything away and places it on the far end of the breakfast bar as he sits down too.

"Have you had dinner yet Miss Steele, if not I would like it very much if you would join me for dinner" he says his voice all husky and seductive. Deep down I know I should say no, but I'm seduced by his voice alone and I need answers if I want to find out what has happened to Emma.

"I haven't had dinner yet, so yes I would like to join you for dinner." I give him a shy smile, knowing that if this man is a dominant I can't be to bold with him or he will end this dinner soon and I will never be able to get more information out of him.

"Very good, would you like a glass of wine?"

"That would be lovely."

"Barossa Valley Shiraz fine with you, Miss Steele?" he asks with a slight grin on his face and for some reason this makes me blush.

"That's one of my favorites" I answer and scold myself inwardly because my voice sounds all breathy. _Jesus, get a grip Steele!  
_  
"Gail, wine please" he says and only then do I notice the woman who is cooking in the kitchen. She is in her late thirties, very pretty and blonde.

As she places the wine in front of us Mister Grey tells her that I am staying for dinner and I take a sip of my wine, trying to calm my nervous. Something about Mister Grey makes me feel like an inexperienced schoolgirl again.

"So Miss Steele, if I remember it correctly your parents are from Chicago, why did you decide to move to Seattle." _Oh here we go again, I decide to go for honesty. _

"I needed a change of scenery, I caught my fiancé cheating on me just days before our wedding with my best friend and now they are married with a baby on the way. I couldn't stand the pity in everyone's eyes and seeing who my father is it also made the local news and I was the number one gossip topic for the local high society, I just needed to get out and my grandparents lived in Bellevue, I've spent many summers here, so I thought Seattle is a good place to find to myself again. I've quit my job and came to Seattle just to have some time to myself."

"I'm sorry to hear this Miss Steele, were you in a relationship with your ex fiancé for a long time?"

"We grew up together, were best friends all of our childhood and started to date in 9th grade dated all through highschool and he proposed at our last year of U of C"

"I can see that you needed a change of scenery surely Chicago holds a lot of now painful memories for you. Do you have plans to apply for work here?"

"Not for now, I just want some time for myself. I was raised to be independent, so I have worked all through highschool and college and never asked my parents for anything. After what happened they understood that I needed a break and offered to buy me an apartment and give me part of my trust fond, so I could just relax for a while and figure out what I want to do now."

He seems intrigued and strokes his index finger over his bottom lip as he contemplates his next question. "So even though your parents are rich you never asked them for anything?"

"No, you see most rich kids think just because their parents are rich it means that they are rich too. This is not how I see it. My parents came from normal working families and my father worked hard to make a name for himself and get to where he is now, that is what I want to do, too. If I need something I want to be able to afford it myself. As soon as I was old enough to get a job besides school I found one and paid for my cell phone bills, my clothes, I paid for my first car and my books in college. I think this is how it should be, there are enough spoiled brats out there, I don't want to be one of them. I won't deny that on occasions like birthdays or christmas my parents like to spoil me, but then again I am their only child and they have worked hard to be able to afford what ever they like, so if they want to spoil me a little on special occasions I appreciate it and be thankful."

"I really like your view on this, Miss Steele. But if you at some point decide that you want to work, please do not hesitate and call me. As you probably know I have a lot of influence and connections here in Seattle and most of the US. It would be my pleasure to help you out."

"Thank you Mister Grey, I'll keep that in mind." I smile again, though I'm not sure what he can do for me. As far as I know his company is working in the field of telecommunications and I want to work in publishing. Plus, he might be one of the protagonists in the book that I'm going to write.

"In which field did you work, Miss Steele?"

"I was an assistant editor, for a local publishing house in Chicago. I've studied british literature at the University of Chicago, Mister Grey."

"Impressive, I assume you like a good book."

"Yes, actually there is not a day that goes by where I am not reading at least one chapter of a book." Shit, I need to get this conversation back to Emma, he is quizzing me about my entire life and if I don't start to ask questions myself I will leave here with no new details about Emma.

As his housekeeper serves us dinner I think about how to start and decide to just go for it.

"So, about Miss Mitchell, she rented the apartment from you right?"

"Yes, she moved in right after I have bought the apartment in january of 2010 and she moved out about 5 months ago I guess. She was actually the reason why I finally decided to sell the place again."

"Oh, why so?"

"We had a rental agreement over two years and she lived there little over a year and just disappeared. She didn't even call me and just moved out. I only noticed that she was gone because she didn't pay her rent in may. I don't appreciate this kind of behavior and I decided I don't need the apartments anymore if this is what I have to deal with." He looks really displeased saying this almost as if there is more behind his words.

"Did you know her well?"

"No, I have only met her a couple of times, though I have to say your resemblance to her is quite uncanny. Is she a relative of yours?"

"No, though I have to agree with you. I have met Miss Kavanagh who lives in 20B and at first she thought that I was Miss Mitchell. She showed me a picture of Miss Mitchell and yes, we look very much alike."

"Well, I do hope you won't disappear too." he says and somehow this gives me the chills.

"I'm not planning on it. I was just wondering, hasn't she left any address for her mail or something like that?"

"No, not that I am aware of. You have to ask the front desk about that."

"I did yesterday, when I've found the box, but the man behind the desk told me he can't give me the information and that I should talk to you."

"Well, in this case I am truly sorry that I couldn't be more helpful Miss Steele." he answers and I just give him a smile and continue my meal. Christian Grey was a dead-end, though I am not entirely convinced that he really didn't know her like he just told me. There is something about him that has me wondering if he could be either Sir or Master. So, he is now officially one of my suspects. And after the dinner, when I'm back at my apartment I do a little research about Christian Grey.

He was never seen with a date or any other woman than his mother or sister at functions and galas. Maybe he has a different lifestyle. If he is into BDSM he might not want to bring his sub to such an event or introduce her to his family. He is known for being a very private person, so this could very well be the reason for his no dates in public thing. Yes, I most definitely need to find a reason to spend more time with Christian Grey...


	3. Chapter 3

_**Day 3 - The Journal**_

After meeting Christian Grey yesterday, today I want to find out more about Emma. After doing some research I have found out that she worked as a sales clerk at a Wal-Mart in Bellevue, so this is where I am going today. I need to do some grocery shopping anyway and this way I can do a little more research.

Arriving at the Wal-Mart I grab a cart and make my way in. As I put the things I need into my cart I look around for someone who works here and see a young woman putting some cans of dogfood into a shelf.

"Excuse me?" I say and the moment she looks at me her eyes grow wide and I know that she knows Emma.

"How can I help you Ma'am?"

"Umm... this may sound odd, but I'm looking for someone. A young woman who used to worked here. Her name is Emma Mitchell."

The girl puts the last can into the shelf and smiles. "Are you her sister, you look just like her."

"No, I don't have a sister. I live in the apartment she used to live in and found some of her belongings. I thought maybe someone here remembers her or is still in touch with her."

"Look, my boss is over there so I can't really talk, but I knew Emma. I have my lunch break in 30 minutes. There is a small deli across the street. Meet me there." she says and I nod.

"Okay, I'll wait there for you. Thanks."

I finish my grocery shopping, pay and put the bags in my car before I find the deli the girl has talk about and look for a free table. I sit down and order something to drink and a salad while I wait for the young woman who comes in 10 minutes later. Orders her food and smiles at me.

"Sorry, it's just so weird to see you. You look so much like her, except for your eyes. Emma and I were good friends, until she just left."

"Has she contacted you after she has left?"

"Only once, I've sent her an e-mail because I was worried and she replied telling me not to worry. You know Emma has no family and I guess she just wanted a fresh start, see what this world has in store for her. Though it was a little odd that she just left. They day before she left Seattle she told me that she wanted to move out of Escala and she was constantly looking around as if she feared that she was followed. I even went to the police after she left, but they told me she is an adult and if she wanted to leave town and not get in touch with anyone it was her choice. I guess, maybe she left because she met a guy who really creeped her out. Some stalker or something like that."

"Has she ever mentioned a boyfriend?"

"No, she wasn't like that, very shy you know. Though she never wanted to go out, so I figured she was seeing someone and just wanted to keep it to her. After all she seemed to have an awful lot of money all of a sudden. One day she was dressed in _Old Navy _and drove a death trap of a car and they next day she showed up at worked driving a brand new _Audi_, was dressed in designer clothes and had moved to Escala and I can assure you that Wal-Mart does not pay enough to afford a lifestyle like that."

"Yes, I didn't think so." I murmur. This is so strange, who ever Master was really spoiled her yet he wouldn't want her in his life in any permanent way, this is why she had signed the contract with Sir, who, as Emma wrote also spoiled her with clothes and money. Of course, she couldn't tell anyone about either of her Doms, but why did she leave both of them? I want to believe that she just went away to travel the world, but everything inside me tells me that there is more to the story and I want to uncover this secret.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't help you, but that's all that I know" the girl says and I thank her. I drive back home and park in the garage of Escala, where I get my grocery bags out of the car and take the elevator upstairs. Just as the doors are about to close a tall man comes in with me and as he looks at me his eyes widen and he pales. Okay, he knew Emma too.

"Are you alright?" I ask and he takes a deep breath.

"Yes, I'm sorry you just reminded me of someone I used to know." He says as he ties his shoulder length black hair into a ponytail.

"Let me guess, Emma Mitchell." I smirk.

"You know her?"

"No, I moved into her old apartment yesterday and my neighbor thought I was her. She showed me a picture of her, so that's why I guessed that the person I remind you of is Miss Mitchell."

"Ahh, so you have met Kate. I'm Matt Turner I live in 20C."

"Nice to meet you Mister Turner. I'm Anastasia Steele." we shake hands and I really don't like the way he looks at me, but again he might know something about Emma.

"Are you new in town?"

"Yes, I moved here from Chicago. My parents still live there, but my grandparents lived in Bellevue, so I know the town."

"I see, well I was just about to make me some lunch. Would you like to join me?"

"Oh, I already had lunch, but I would like to keep you company if you want me to, I just need to bring my grocery into my kitchen."

"Sure, just knock, oh and please, call me Matt." he says and strolls out of the elevator as it stops on our floor. I watch him as I walk towards my apartment door. He is good-looking, not Christian Grey good-looking, but definitely a guy women notice. Tall, tanned with inky black hair and twinkling green eyes. He looks every inch like a bad boy, every father's worst nightmare, if their daughter was to date him, though for some reason he does nothing for me. Maybe because his looks are so similar to Peter's.

I get into my apartment, take my jacket off and put my groceries away before I leave my apartment again and knock at Matt's door.

"Hey, come in Anastasia" he says with a smile and I follow him inside. Our apartments have the same floor plan, so I follow him into the open living space and look around. All the wall are painted black and have black and white photographs on them. Mostly still lives, but there is a set of picture that intrigues me. I step closer and look at the arrangement of photos which are all super close-ups. Each shows a different body part; a hand, a thigh, toes, lips, an eyebrow, a nose, a bended knee, the curve of a waist, an ankle, the small of a back, a shoulder. All arranged in a circle around the center piece which is the super close up of an eye with long dark lashes. It's fascinating, but at the same time a little eery.

"I'm a photographer, you like my pictures?" I hear Matt's voice and nearly jump out of my skin.

"Yes, they are really good. Is this your thing, body parts in super close ups?"

He smiles and comes closer. "I like to keep the identity of my models a secret, I usually do places and still lives, but sometimes when I see a woman and see something really special about her, I want to take a picture of it. Your ear for example, it's perfect, maybe one day I will take a picture of it." he says in a seductive tone that doesn't turn me on, but sends chills down my spine. Though I smile at him.

"Maybe, wait, does that mean these are all different woman?"

"Yes, like I said, all I need is this one perfect shot of the part of their bodies that has me the most intrigued and I will never forget about them."

"That's interesting, so Matt tell me, did you know Emma well?"

"No, not that well, we met a couple of times in the hall way. She was a nice girl, a little shy though."

"And Kate, what about her?"

"She is trouble. Rich parents and likes to party a lot. Thinks she is the female Carl Bernstein, in reality her daddy got her the job at the Seattle Times and all she does is making coffee and getting lunch for the real reporters. You should stay clear of her, she will get you into trouble." he says and though he makes it sound like a friendly advise there is an undercurrent to his voice that makes me think it is more of an order.

"I see, well I thought she was nice enough, but maybe you are right. I guess time will tell."

He nods. "I guess, do you like art, Anastasia?"

"I like to look at it, but I'm not an expert when it comes to art."

"My new exhibition starts next Thursday. If you are free I would love it if you could come. I can give you an invitation, it is for hand-picked guests only."

"Wow, yes I would love to see your exhibition." _and get to know you better, so I can either rule out that you are Master or Sir, or find out which one you are, but I'm so not going to tell you this.  
_  
"Perfect, I'll give you the invitation tonight, after I have stopped by the gallery." he says and for the rest of the time I spend in his apartment he goes on and on about his passion for photography while I act like I care when in reality I'm bored to death.

Later that day after a long hot bath, I spend the rest of the evening researching about Matt Turner, Kate Kavanagh and Christian Grey. Matt Turned out to be the most interesting of those three.

He comes from money. His parents died in a fire shortly after he turned 20 and left him with all they had, making him a multi millionaire. He dropped out of college where he had studied law, to pursue a career as photographer and does well for himself. Another interesting part is that he has lived in 12 different states in the last 10 years and he is rumored to be a heartbreaker all over the country. For the last 2 years he has lived in Seattle, so I guess he either has settled down or maybe there is another reason why he has moved so often. For now he is number one on my suspects list of being either Sir or Master.

After finishing my research for today I get into my bed and read more of Emma's journal. The more I read the more intrigued and drawn I become to this dark yet sexy lifestyle. I need to do more research about this and I fall asleep reading Emma's journal

_... Today I had my first scene with Sir. I was nervous. It is always a thrill to have the first session with a new Dom. But it was different with Sir. Where Master is cold and demanding, Sir was gentle and teasing. Making me want him just by sharing the same space with me. It felt like his presence was surrounding me and even when he flogged me hard, he did it so precisely that the pain and pleasure collided in the most delicious way. He marked me as his like no other Dom has ever done before , without actually leaving any mark on my body._

_For being as young as Sir is, he really knows what he is doing. Master likes to improvise which I love, but have to be honest. Sir had planned this step by step and it was amazing. He was in so much control, allowing me to completely submit and giving us both the greatest pleasure._

_If only I wouldn't feel so guilty for betraying both Master and Sir, but both do not share and I have my own needs. I'm all alone in this world and only by being dominated every day I don't feel alone. In these precious moments I feel loved and cared for, something I have been missing my entire life. If I thought that I wanted Master to find out, I now know I never want him to know. I want to belong to both Sir and Master forever..._


	4. Chapter 4

_**Early update :-) I decided to post chapter 4 today as it ends with a cliffhanger and I don't want to make all of you wait an entire week the new chapter... Another thing, if you are reading any of my other stories you know that it usually takes up to 20 chapters until the lemons start... well not in this story because this chapter has a lemon. I know that in reality what leads up to the lemon is not how it would happen, but since this is fiction, let's just assume it does **_

_**Another thing Elena is not going to make an appearance in this story, she will be mentioned, but not before part 2 of the story and only in flashbacks...**_

_**Day 4 - The Journal **_

I have spent all of today holed up in my apartment researching BDSM. To say that I am intrigued would be an understatement. I know I shouldn't think like that, but I have never read something more sexy and at the same time scary in all my life. From my experience with Peter I know that I like a little pain inflicted during sex or foreplay. Like getting my ass spanked while being fucked doggy style or getting wax poured on my nipples. Of course BDSM is more extreme, but there are limits and rules.

_Just do it Ana_. A small voice in my head coaxes me and I can't stop myself any longer. From my research I know that the BDSM club Emma visited is not far away and though it is a private club I want to go and see if this for me. I get up and walk into my closet to pick an outfit. In the end I pick black lace panties and a matching bra, a short black lace dress, black silk stockings which I attach to my garterbelt and black skyscraper heels. I leave my long hair open so it falls in silky waves all the way down to my hips and use just a little mascara and nude lip gloss. Before I get the chance to over think this I put my coat on take my purse and leave my apartment.

I keep telling myself that this will just be research for my book and maybe I will find someone who knew Emma. Though deep inside I know that I want to experience what she has experienced. As I arrive outside the Black Satin I just stare at the building. It looks like a normal building, well what was I expecting; people covered in leather from head to toe and a gang bang on the parking lot? I shake my head annoyed with myself, because one I have no idea how to get in and two, I have no idea if I actually find to courage to really do this.

"New?" I turn around when I hear the voice of a woman saying this and find myself in front of a very elegantly dressed woman with long red hair.

"I umm ... I don't know" I stutter.

"Ahh, so you are a newbie or just curious and want to know if BDSM is for you" she laughs and I nod embarrassed.

"Well, it's your lucky day, I'm Faith. I own the Black Satin do you want to talk inside and don't worry no one is going to do anything unless you ask for it." she asks and I nod again and follow her inside and into an office in the back of the club.

"Sit" she says and without thinking I plant my butt on the nearest chair.

"Looks like you can be submissive if you want to" Faith chuckles and sits down to facing me.

"So, before we talk any further I need to see your driver's license. You look young and I am not going to show you anything if you are not at least 21 which is the age minimum for anyone who wants to become a member of my club.

"Okay, sure" I murmur get my ID and show it to her.

"Good, Anastasia, hmm I like the name. So tell me first, do you prefer men or women?"

"Men."

"And you want to become a submissive?"

"I ... I'm not sure. I did a lot of research in the last days and I'm intrigued by it, but I'm not sure if it is for me."

"Have you ever done anything that is even remotely kinky before?"

"Well, nothing extreme, just a little bit of spanking, candle wax, being blindfolded or tied up, things like that."

"That's a start. If you have done research have you thought about your own hard limits." she takes a notepad and a pen while I think about it all the things I have done research on in the last days.

"No bloodplay or fireplay, no fisting of any kind. No urination or defecation or anything that has to do with that kind of stuff. No animals or kids involved and nothing that has to do with using a taser on me or something like that and no breath control."

"I see, well you definitely have done your research. What about punishment like whipping or caning?"

"I have no terms of reference for that, I'm sure it won't be pleasant, but I wouldn't put it as a hard limit without trying it, though again not to the point where I end up needing medical attention or leave with permanent marks on my body."

"Good, so I have one very important questions, do you want to be a submissive or a slave?"

"Submissive, I don't think that I would be able to live with a set of rules all day every day, but I would very much enjoy it to be sexually submissive and give up control to someone else."

She looks at me for a while as if she is deep in thoughts and finally speaks up. "You know Anastasia, I think I know someone who could be a good first Master for you. I'm not sure if he would be interested in training a newbie, but I could give him a call and see if he wants to meet you." This is it, am I going to do this or not?

"Okay" I answer before I my inner coward takes over and she leaves the room for about five minutes and returns.

"Are you on birth control Anastasia?"

"Yes, the pill, I also have a clean bill of health with me."

"Okay, so I talked to the Dom I had in mind for you and he is interested though under one condition."

"What does he want?"

"He wants a test session, here tonight. The thing is the guy is very private and he doesn't want you to know who he is until he decides if he wants to take you on as his new sub or not. So, it would go like this. I will show you one of the dungeons here, you will undress until you are only in your panties and I'm going to blindfold you. He won't talk to you so you have to trust everything that he is doing to you. You will have safe words and I have already told him your hard limits which he will not cross. So, you want to try or not?"

"Yes" Faith smiles hearing my answer and leaves the room again. Oh man, I am going to have sex with a total stranger tonight and I feel butterflies in my stomach and though I'm nervous I am aroused at the same time.

When she returns she leads me into a dungeon with blood-red walls. There is a bed with satin sheets, a spanking horse, a cross, and something that looks like a throne. In one corner is a huge wooden table and attached to the wall are all sorts of kinky implements and chains. I don't know why, but something about this room really turns me on.

"Here use this hair tie, you should braid your hair so it won't get caught in anything." I quickly do it and undress until I'm only in my panties.

"What are your safe words, Anastasia. I need to know them, so I can give them to your Master."

I know I can either choose my own safe words or use red and yellow. Red and yellow, I don't know if I will remember that, I need something that I will remember no matter what.

"White wine to signal that I'm about to reach my limits and books to signal that I want the scene to stop." I say confidently and Faith smiles.

"White wine and books it is. Don't ever forget those, they are your safety net. Something like this is unusual enough, we don't want anything to happen because you forgot your safe words.

"I won't."

"Good, a few tips to make this easier for you. As there will be no talking he will probably use your braid or arm to direct you through the room. If he grabs your arm sharply or tugs hard on your braid it means to stop what ever you are doing at the moment, most likely. He will give me some rules for you to follow and I will tell them to you when I come in to blindfold you. Once the scene is over he will leave the dungeon and talk to me, you can take the blindfold off once he leaves and then wait for me."

"Okay" I murmur and Faith leaves me in there. I explore a little looking at different sex toys, floggers, whips and canes. I don't think that I want to be caned, but I won't dismiss it without trying. Who knows maybe I really enjoy pain?

I try to see this as an adventure, after all I wanted no strings attached, so what could be less strings attached than to fuck with a complete stranger whom I can't even see, because I will be blindfolded. Shit, why does the thought make me wet? Okay, I admit it, having sex with a complete stranger was always a fantasy of mine.

"He is here" I turn around to Faith who is now holding an eyemask and a some papers in her hand and I walk over to the door.

"Your Master wants to know if you insist on condoms. He will wear one if you want him to, but since you are clean and on birth control he would like to have you without a condom. Here is his bill of health." I look at it and check for a name but it's obliterated with a black marker pen.

"Oh, about that I'm allergic to latex, so since he is clean I'm fine with it. Just if he wants to use toys on me nothing made of latex please or else I will get a nasty looking rash where ever it has touched me."

"I will tell him and don't worry, I know your Master is religious about his health."

"Good, I'm too, and I'm religious about taking my pill, so we should be fine."

"Okay, here is what he wants from you. You are not allowed to talk or make any sound. If you how ever at some point do make any noise he will spank you. He knows you are a newbie so he will start slowly, no canes, whips or belt today, this is something to work up to. The second rule is that you are not allowed to orgasm until he gives you the signal that you are allowed to do so. The signal is he will take the nipple clamps that he is going to put on you off. If you fail and orgasm before you are allowed there will be punishment, he will spank you with a paddle 6 times every time you fail to hold back your orgasm. If he spanks you with the paddle you are allowed to talk, but only in so far that you have to count each strike and thank him."

"Thank him?"

"Yes, you count like this. One, thank you Sir. Two, thank you Sir. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay, tell me what I have told you."

"I am not allowed to make any noise or he will spank me with his hand. I am not allowed to climax until he takes the nipple clamps he is going to put on me off. If I come I he will spank me with a paddle six times, I have to count and thank him for it."

"Very good. What are your safe words Anastasia?"

"White wine and books."

"Good. Kneel by the door, sit back on your heels and spread your legs a little, rest your arms on your legs, palms up. Do you know why the palms must be up, Anastasia?"

"Yes, it indicates that I am willing to participate in the scene and willing to have sex."

"Right, so don't forget your safe words and first and foremost, enjoy this. I will be with you once your Master has left the dungeon." Faith puts the mask over my eyes and I can't see a thing.

I hear her leave and take a couple deep breaths trying to calm my nerves and then the door opens. This is it, now I'm going to find out if I can be submissive or not.

I hear naked feet pat over the wooden floor and some of the drawers open and close. I can hear my heart pumping and I don't think I was ever that nervous and aroused at the same time. I hear the foot steps come closer and stop right in front of me. A large hand grabs mine and pulls me to my feet. I stay still and he walks around me slowly before I feel him kneel down right behind me and he slowly pulls my panties down and I step out of them.

I hear him walk around the room again and after some clicking music fills the room and I have to bite my lower lip to stop myself from giggling. Really, out of all the songs he could have picked he is playing _**Closer by 9 Inch Nails**_. For some reason his choice of music makes me relax instantly. The guy is playing with me. _Well, let's see what you got, big boy!  
_  
About two minutes later I find myself tied spread eagle to the bed and he is licking and sucking my nipple, pulling and twisting the other one between his index finger and thumb. Oh shit, I should have told Faith to tell him that my nipples are a hot wire to my pussy which means I can orgasm from this alone. But I somehow manage to keep it together without making any sound and when he attaches the nipple clamps to me I have to bite my lips to stop myself from moaning. They sting, but at the same time it is really hot. He moves between my legs and rubs my clit while pushing something that feels like small balls inside me, hmm that feels good.

I feel him get of the bed and then I feel the soft strands of what must be a flogger gliding over my skin making me shiver in anticipation of what is to come. One second they are gone and the next the hit my left arm, then my right followed by the insides of my thighs, my belly and then my pussy. He repeats the pattern over and over and though it stings, it also arouses me makes me needy and especially when ever the flogger hits my pussy it gets really hard not to moan loudly.

Finally I hear the flogger drop and the mattress shifts telling me that he is on the bed again. He lifts my head and puts it on a pillow, so my head is a little elevated and his thumb pushes my lower lip down, so I open my mouth. I feel him kneel over my chest and next he slowly inserts his cock into my mouth.

Wow, he is huge and I have to open my mouth as wide as I can to allow him to thrust into my mouth while I lick and suck his erection. Hmm, he tastes good fresh and a little salty I muse while I suck on his dick and I wish I could show him my special talent, which is no gag reflex at all, but in this position and with him cupping my head with both hands I can't take him in further as he wants me to.

While he keeps fucking my mouth he lets go of my head and I hear a faint clicking noise before the balls he pushed into me start to vibrate. _Really dude? Are you crazy to do that while I have your dick in my mouth and make me fight my orgasm now? Well, you better hope I won't forget not to grit my teeth or you might lose some inches of that big cock. _I think as I try to focus on sucking him off, not reaching orgasm and not biting his dick off at the same time.

As the sensation between my legs becomes too much to manage I try to close my legs and squirm, but I can't I'm tied up. He pulls his dick out my mouth and before I know what is happening he pulls the balls out of me and rams his cock into my pussy. I grind my head into the pillow somehow managing not to scream in pleasure feeling him deep inside me. Okay, now I believe it, size does matter. Peter was more on the short side, making it hard for me to reach orgasm through penetration alone, but this guy ... holy hell I could orgasm right about now if I was allowed to. Instead I have to fight it while he fucks me so hard I want to scream and moan in pleasure, but I can't.

Oh god, how am I supposed to stop my orgasm if he keeps fucking me like this. I can't ... oh fuck, I try to think of something else anything to keep my mind busy, but it doesn't help all I can think off is the heavenly feeling of being fucked hard by a guy who really knows how to fuck. And then it is too late. I reach my climax with a scream. I hear him growl and feel him jerk inside me as he finds his own release and for a moment I really wish that I could wrap my arms and legs around him to hold him close, but of course, I can't.

Once I have calmed down from my orgasm and my breathing is normal again I feel him remove my restraints and he pulls me to my feet, leads me through the room and ... oh shit, puts me on the spanking horse. Before I have the time to react he cuffs my wrists and ankles to it and I'm helpless with my ass on display for him. Fuck, not only did I come, but also I screamed, so this means he will spank me with his hand and the paddle. Inside I brace myself for the first blow, but it doesn't come. Instead he softly caresses my ass and lets his finger glide over my rosebud. Oh no, the guy is huge, if he fucks my ass I doubt there is enough lube in this entire club to safe my butthole from being ripped apart.

His thumb starts to circle my clit and I feel him squirt lube on me and then he pushes one finger into my rosebud. Oh, this feels good. He starts to stretch me until he has two fingers inside me and when he pulls them out I expect him to thrust his cock into my behind, but instead I feel something cool pressing against me and he carefully inserts a buttplug inside me. I never had one of those inside me, but I like it, it feels very full, but not uncomfortable. Once it is fully inside me he starts to rub my butt cheeks again and suddenly his hand is gone and lands in a sharp slap on my ass. Ouch, that hurts! But at the same time the buttplug shifts inside me making me want to moan, but I resist. He developes a patters left cheek, rub. Right cheek, rub and the middle hitting the plug and my pussy. I like the ones that hit my middle the best. He hits me 20 times in total and rubs my ass for a while spreading the pain and pleasure. Fuck, I never thought this could be this erotic, but I'm so turned on I want him to fuck me now, I don't even care if he takes my ass or pussy just as long as he fucks me again. But I know my punishment is not finished.

I hear him move through the room again and I know he is getting a paddle. I hope he picks one of the leather ones and not the big wooden one I saw hanging on the wall. So, when he rubs the paddle against my ass and I feel the cool leather I want to sigh in relief, but stop myself. No need to give him more reason to spank my now sore ass.

Just in time I remember that I now have to count each smack on my ass. But when he hits me hard with the paddle I'm shocked. It hurts like hell, but to my shock ... I like it. A sharp tug on my braid reminds me to count.

"One, thank you, Sir" I say and he let's go of my braid. I count every strike until I reach six and my ass is on fire. Not sure I could have taken a lot more of this, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I also thought that it would be humiliating to thank him for hitting me, but in a weird way, it felt right. He is my Master, he wants me to learn and this is his way of teaching me not to fail, because he wants me to be a good submissive. I feel safe and cared for and ecstatic that I could take this to please him. That's crazy, I don't know the guy, but I want to please him. I want him to want me as his submissive, I want to know that I can please him, that I can be everything he wants me to be even if I am new at this.

While I'm still thinking about this I didn't even notice that he has uncuffed my wrists and pulls me up so I'm sitting on the horse. With one hand he grabs both my wrists and holds them behind my back. With the other hand he takes of the nipple clamps and I gasp. Ouch, that hurts really badly, but he soothes the pain, but sucking first on one and then the other nipple making the pain ease quickly. Wait, yes! That means I'm allowed to come, well provided he is going to fuck me again, but seeing that I still have the plug in my butt, I don't think we are done. Gently, he pushes me down again, cuffs my wrists and walks around the horse until he is behind me. I hear something click and hum and he presses a vibrator against my clit.

I move against it and roll my hips and he gives me a slap against the thigh and I know he wants me to keep still. I really try it, but it feels so good and I just move, but when I do he takes the vibrator away. I want to groan, but restrain myself and then I get what I really need and he thrusts his cock into my dripping wet pussy. I hear him moan in pleasure and that only fuels my pleasure. Knowing that he finds pleasure in me gives me the biggest kick, because ever since Peter cheated on me I kept thinking it must have been fault, if I could have pleased him in bed he wouldn't had to go to someone else to fullfil his needs. So, now I need to know that I can be everything this stranger needs to fullfil his needs. And the second he pulls the plug out of my butt we both reach our climax at same time I feel so ecstatic and relieved I have tears falling down mine my face.

For the next few minutes I have no idea what is happening to me, I feel like I am flying which has never happened to me. Shit, can one get high on sex? Because I'm sure I am. When I finally come down again I'm no longer cuffed to the horse but in the bed lying on my belly and the Dom is rubbing some lotion or I don't know spanked ass ointment into my butt cheeks and it feels really good cool and soothing. Once he is finished he rubs my wrists and ankles and leans other me to press a soft kiss against my temple. He gets of the bed and I hear him move around the room and then the door opens and closes and I know I am alone.

I just lie there. Thinking about what has just happened and I know, if this man wants me then I want him too.

"Anastasia, you can take the mask off." I hear Faith's voice and stretch in the bed before I take the mask off.

"Well well, I think we have a natural here. If I didn't know better I would say you went to subspace"

"I didn't go anywhere" I murmur and Faith laughs.

"Sub space, simply said it's when you are high on sex sweetheart."

"Oh, that's what has happened. Wow, that never happened to me before."

"If this was what happened, then I think you really are a true submissive. Your Master was very pleased with you. He wants to train you Anastasia. Come, I show you where you can take a shower and dress again, then you can meet him and the two of you can talk about the details." she says hands me a robe and leads me to a private bathroom were I take a nice hot shower and dress again.

Back in her office I wait for my soon to be Master to come in while I look at the pictures on the wall.

"Anastasia, I must say, I never expected you to be a submissive, but I am very much looking forward to train you." I hear a deep voice behind me and freeze.

Oh. My. God. I know this voice. It is ...

_**Next update on Saturday... so what do you think is it Christian or Matt or maybe someone else? If you have the time please leave a review :-)**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hi guys :-) Thank you so much for all of your reviews and messages! Just a few things I need to say. This chapter includes the discussion of a contract, I did not write the contract down, as the chapter would have been too long with the whole thing written down. Another thing, I want all of you to keep in mind while reading this chapter is that every main character of this story like Kate, Christian and some others are either out of character, have a twist to their character or a hidden agenda that won't be revealed until later in the story, so if some things doesn't seem to be in common with the original characters take it as clues. **_

_**I had a guest reviewer who left a spoiler alert saying that there won't be a HEA for Ana and Christian in this story... Well, all of you who have pm'd me to find out already know if this is true or not, but it had me thinking that there are surely some guests who want to know, too. Since my guest readers can't send me a pm, if you want to know if there is going to be a HEA please go to my story Fifty Shades of Healing Together and read the authors note for chapter 7, this should give you a clue wheather there is a HEA or not...**_

_**And last I am going to give all of you a little spoiler ;-) You haven't met all the important characters to figure this story out just yet... **_

_**Still Day 4 - The Journal  
**_

_Back in her office I wait for my soon to be Master to come in while I look at the pictures on the wall. _

_"Anastasia, I must say, I never expected you to be a submissive, but I am very much looking forward to train you." I hear a deep voice behind me and freeze._

Oh. My. God. I know this voice. It is... _**Christian Grey!**_

I turn around to make sure I'm not mistaken and sure enough I am facing the Adonis that is Christian Grey and I can see the amusement on his face about my shocked expression.

"Why don't we take this conversation to a more private place. Come!" I don't say a word and just take my purse and follow him out of the club where he leads me to a black Audi SUV.

"My car ... "

"Give me the keys Anastasia. I'll have someone drive it back to Escala for you." Again I just reach for the keys in my purse and hand them to him. _Shit, what am I, his puppet?  
_  
I get into the back of the car with him while Taylor is driving us back to Escala. I don't say a word. I need to think this through. Now I know that Christian Grey is one of the men Emma was with while she lived at Escala. So he is either Sir or Master. I'm already on the second journal and I know that Master started to scare Emma by becoming to controlling and borderline abusive. Fuck, what if it is him, what if I just made a pact with the devil and one day soon I will just vanish into thin air like Emma did. But what if he is Sir, the one who Emma started to like more and more? And if I chicken out now I know Christian Grey will never talk to me again.

No, I have to do this and more so, I want to this. It's dark, dangerous and sinfully sexy. I have always lived a rather boring live, I have never taken any risks in my life and now at 22 I want to take this risks. At least I know that I might be in danger with him, so I will always keep that in mind. Besides as his submissive I will be allowed to spend time at his penthouse and maybe I will have some time to myself, which I can use to investigate. If Emma was his submissive there might be some clues at his penthouse and I am going to find them.

Arriving at his penthouse he leads me into his study, leaves for a moment and returns with two glasses of white wine.

"Thank you" I murmur as he hands me one of them.

"Before we start this conversation, I need you to sign this." he says and hands me some papers. I read what turns out to be an NDA and frown as he holds out a pen to me.  
"Anastasia I didn't want to go there, but I have taken pictures of you while you were tied to the bed. If you don't sign the NDA and decide to talk about what has happened tonight I will release those photos to the public starting with your parents."

I look at him and can't help but smile. "With all due respect, but my parents are already aware of the fact that I had sex before and I didn't frown because I don't want to sign the NDA. I'm just wondering if anyone has ever told you before that this NDA is worth shit." I say looking him straight in the eye and to my surprise he smirks.

"I'm fully aware of the fact that if you or one of my former submissives wanted to out me in public it is immaterial if I force them through court because they signed the NDA. This is about trust Anastasia. I need to know that you are willing to keep my secret, just as I will never expose to anyone that you are in the lifestyle. And we both know that you could sign this, expose me, pay the fine and never look back, but if you sign this it is my sign that you are willing to keep my secret. So the question now is can I trust you or have I made a huge mistake tonight?"

Shit, in a way if I write a book about Emma, I will expose him. Of course I will change his name, but I know he can't trust me, because I have an ulterior motive to become his submissive. But I push this thoughts aside, take the pen from him and sign the NDA. I need him to trust me and maybe then he will open up about Emma and I will figure out if he is Master or Sir.

"Good" he says takes his phone from his jeans pocket and shows me two pictures of me tied to the bed in the dungeon and deletes them.

"So Anastasia, I want you to read this contract. It will tell you exactly what you can expect if you decide to become my submissive. After you have read it, we will discuss it. Tonight we will have an open discussion. I like to do this with all my new submissives. You may call me Christian and tell me what ever you have on your mind and ask me every question you have. After you have signed the contract however, I expect you to behave like a submissive. You will call me Mister Grey or Sir, if you please me very much I may allow you to call me Master. If at any point during the term of our contract you have things you need to discuss with me you may request an open discussion. I expect you to be open with me. This is all new to you and so you will have questions at some point, don't try to hide them. I want to help you to become a proper submissive. If you feel you can't discuss something with me or need a female perspective I can arrange for you to meet one of my former submissives or you can meet with Faith, but I want you to tell me if you do."

"Okay." I nod as I take the contract from him and start to read it. After reading the first few paragraphs I look up at him.

"Umm... would you mind if I make notes, because this is so much I might forget to ask you something." I ask and he hands me a pen so I can make notes on the contract.

An hour later I have read the whole thing and I sure as hell have some questions.

"Do you have any questions?" Christian asks and I take a sip of my wine.  
"Yes, okay here, point 9. Obey you in all things. Does this refer to the times I spent with you or the complete term of the contract, even at times I am not here. Because if it means all the time you should change the word Submissive to Slave and I am out of here."

"I am talking about the times you are going to spend here at my penthouse. But, if I find out that you smoke, do drugs and spend most of your free time drunk out of your mind I will punish you for it. I expect you to know your own limits and not put yourself at risk. And of course, if you decide to spend your free time by fucking around I will end the contract immediately. But if you spend your free time hanging out with friends, in the mall or do what ever a normal young woman does in her every day life this is none of my business. I want you to be happy, so I am not going to dictate what you are doing when you are not with me."

He looks sincere and I nod. Okay, obey him while I am here, yes I can do that.

"Good. So, point 11, three months. What if after a month or two I figure out that this is not my thing?"

"Then we end the contract. It's very simple Anastasia. You are here because you want to be here. I will never force myself on you. If you want to end the contract we end it, but I want you to be clear about the fact that if we end the contract that's it. There is no going back and we will have no more contact at all. I'm very clear about this Anastasia, I care for my submissives, but I don't do love so if we end our contract that means we are not going to have any more contact. During our relationship we will meet only here. I don't do dates, so if you are looking for a boyfriend I am not the right Dom for you."

"Christian I did the love thing since I was a young girl and I ended up being betrayed by two persons I thought of as the closest persons in my life and I was publicly humiliated by them. The last thing I want is a new boyfriend, so don't worry I am not going to fall in love with you or expect you to go all hearts and flowers on me, actually it would freak me out if you did."

"So we are clear on this. Go on."

"Okay, point 12. Only the weekends. What if I have to go home to visit my parents for a weekend or I don't know want to go out on the weekend?"

"If you want to go out with friends or want to visit your parents I am not going to stop you, but you have to give me an evening during the week if something like this occurs. Also there will be times when I have to go to a function or I have to go on a business trip, so we have to work the time we spend together around our schedules."

"Okay and umm I don't do period sex I forgot to put that as a hard limit, but only thinking of it really freaks me out."

"Does that mean no sexual activities at all when you are on your period or simply no vaginal penetration."

"No vaginal penetration."

I watch him starting to take notes and he smirks at me. "Well, that will give us plenty of other things we can do, besides it is not exactly high on my favorites list, too." he says and winks at me making me giggle. "Just give me a heads up when you are on your period especially when you are having cramps. I won't play hard with you when you are not feeling well."

"Okay, so here, 15.2. Use me sexually or otherwise. What does or otherwise mean?"

"It means that as long as you are in here your body is mine to do with as I see fit."

"But what does that mean, give me some kind of example where you will use my body in a not sexual manner."

He rubs his chin thinking about this and then looks at me intensely. "Imagine this. You might come to my apartment one friday evening and I still have some work to do. But to get you into the mood and get me into the mood I will ask you come into my study and undress. I will make you lay down on my desk and decorate your naked body with some grapes and cheese. You will not be allowed to move on bit, because I would have to punish you if you would disturb my work and while I would do my work I would enjoy to occasionally eat a grape or some cheese off of you. And after I have finished my work and my snack I will sent you to your room to wait for further instructions. There will be no fucking involved in this particular scene, just me using your body as I see fit." he says and damn, that sounds so hot.

"Okay, I'm fine with that, but I have a big problem with 15.5"

"Anastasia, the punishment is part of the deal. How am I supposed to train you to be a proper submissive if you don't allow me to punish you. Besides you did very well in our scene tonight."

Shit, I know my face is a flame hearing him say that, but that's not my point. "No, look I do understand that you have to punish me if I fuck up and that's okay. It's the last part I don't understand. What does it mean that I agree for you to punishing for any other reason and you don't even have to tell me why I am being punished. That's just mean and basically means even if I stick to all of your rules and obey you in all things I end up being punished, that's not okay with me Christian."

"Yes, I can see your point and seeing that you are completely new to all of this I will erase this last point from the contract and give you my word that when and if I am going to punish you, I will tell you exactly where you have failed or why I want to punish you."

"Thank you Christian. It's just, I want to learn and understand this lifestyle and this for any other reason part sounded too much like me ending up as your human punching bag."

Hearing me say this his mouth pops open. "Anastasia, this is not what BDSM is about. Otherwise it would just be a nicer way to describe an abusive relationship, which has nothing to do with BDSM at all. Look I like to be in control, I need it and I enjoy it very much to have control over the women I am with. I want to take care of you, but at the same time I will do what ever I feel is necessary to discipline you so you will learn to be what I want you to be. But, I will never use you as a human punching bag. I will always honor your hard limits and I will never take you further than you can take. I know there are many Doms and subs who enjoy to give and receive severe bruising and even scars, but I am not. If I punish you depending on the extent of your punishment you won't even feel it the next day or end up being uncomfortable to sit for a day or two, but that's as far as I go. I never had a submissive leave this apartment black and blue nor will this ever be the case. And you have safe words, if you feel like you can't take anymore or don't trust me to stop before you have reached your limits I want you to use them. Communication is very important in our lifestyle Anastasia, just as much as trust."

"Well, trust is not exactly one of my strengths at the moment, but I want to make this work, so I will try."

"This is all I can ask for at this point Anastasia, so anything else."

"Oh, there is a lot more, okay, let's see yes here 15.7 and 15.12 about the implements and toys you will use on me. As you know I'm allergic to latex, so I would appreciate it if you could make sure that nothing that is going to touch my skin in any form has latex in it because otherwise I will get a really nasty looking rash."

"I have already put that to my notes and will make sure that all toys and implements used on your body will contain no latex. Your safety and health are important to me Anastasia, I won't do anything to put you at risk."

"Thank you and umm ... from the contract I understand that I am to be exclusive to you but does this count for you, too? Because if you have other subs or one night stands ..." he holds one hand up to stop me and I stop to talk.

"I'm monogamous with my subs. As long as you keep me happy and satisfied there is no need for me to fuck someone else. Occasionally I like to just have a quickie or fuck you in your room or anywhere else in the apartment without creating a scene for it, but I don't make love Anastasia, I fuck ... hard. So, to answer your question, we are going to be exclusive for the term of the contract and any extension of the contract we may agree on."

"That's good, because I'd rather you tell me that I suck at it and get the hell out, than to arrive here and see another woman leaving, that's a deal breaker for me."

"Understandable, but it won't happen. What else do you want to talk about."

"First, I really like 15.10 and that it's written down, because loaning me to another Dom would be completely unacceptable. Then there is 15.18, what if I do disagree with a punishment?"

"As you are new we will discuss why you are being punished, but Anastasia if you try to weasel your way out of every punishment, let me tell you now it won't work. I want you to be a good submissive and in order for you to get there I have to be strict with you."

"As long as you we do talk about it, okay, I can live with that. But what is it with 15.19 I mean if I touch myself you won't even know."

"You are right, I won't know, but I'm asking you not to it. As my submissive you want to please me and it will give me great pleasure to know that I'm the only one who gives you pleasure."

"I can try, well then my issue with 15.20, you know the part about me eagerly participating in all sexual acts you see fit, isn't a problem anymore, because if I'm not allowed to touch myself during the week I will be so horny by the weekend that I can't see straight."

He starts to laugh. "That's the idea Anastasia."

"Yeah, well the whole safe word thing, I would like to keep my safe words, red and yellow seem so random."

"White wine and books, accepted. Safe words should be personal so if you feel better with them I will revise the contract and change the safewords."

"Good, so the rules. I haven't slept 8 hours since I was a small kid. If I sleep long than it is 7 hours but usually I need 6 hours, I don't even need an alarm clock because I just wake up after six hours, so not sure how I can change that."

"We can agree on six hours if that is what you need."

"Perfect, so the food list, that's a deal breaker Christian. You can dictate how I fuck, but not what I eat. I eat healthy and I haven't skipped a meal in years, so you don't have to worry that I'm on some crazy diet or won't eat, but eating from a prescribed list is not going to happen."

"I have issues with food Anastasia, I need to know you are not hungry. If you promise me to eat three times a day we can try this, but if you fail to do so and I notice it, there will be a punishment and you will stick to the food list."

"Deal, I can live with that. So, the clothes. If you want to buy me clothes that I wear while I'm here, that's okay with me, but I have a walk in closet at my apartment that is more than full, so I actually don't need more clothes."

"You can wear your clothes in your free time, when you are here I will lay out what I want you to wear and you will not question my choice. Agreed?"

"Yes, that's fine with me. Next would be exercises. I run three miles every other day, I go to the gym everyday except for Sundays, I swim laps 7 days a week and I want to enroll in a pole dance class and do hot yoga. I would like to meet your personal trainer to see if I can improve my exercise, but I would hate to cut back to an hour on four days a weeks. If I don't do exercises every day of the week I feel restless and of course, since I never did a diet in my life I would probably gain weight if I would cut back my exercises and I like to be fit."

"You don't have to cut back, I like you fit and with stamina, you will need it to keep up with me. I will arrange for you to meet my personal trainer and you can talk about ways to improve your exercising."

"Thank you, so about the beauty salon. If you want me groomed in a certain way I understand that this is so I fit your standards and preferences, but please don't tell them to cut my hair. It took me years to get it this long and I look really terrible with short hair."

"Don't worry, I happen to like women with long hair and yours is simply stunning Anastasia. I would even go so far as to say that I would punish you if you would cut it more than 2 or 3 inches."

"Good, okay, last I'm okay with all those sexual acts, though no fisting of any kind."

"Hard limit, I know. But now I have a question. You told Faith that you are okay with anal intercourse, yet when I touched your anus you tensed up as if you were scared. Have you done any form of analplay before tonight or not?"

Again I feel that damned blush on my face and I can't even look at him. "I had anal sex before with my ex-fiancé, but I didn't really enjoy it and when you touched me... there, I thought you wanted to claim my ass and umm ... you are really big and I was afraid it was going to hurt badly." I murmur not even capable of looking at him and he gently lifts my chin with his finger so I have to look at him.

"Has that bastard prepared you before he entered you?"

"He used lube, but it hurt anyway." I answer and he looks mad.

"Anastasia, that guy had no idea what he was doing. Anal intercourse needs careful preparation, you can't just go for it. I can promise you now, that I won't just lube my dick up and go for it if we are going to have anal sex. I want you to enjoy it and you will, so I won't claim your ass before I'm not sure that you can take all of me."

"We'll see, so next would be the intensity of pain I'm willing to endure. I'm not sure about that, because I have no terms of reference other than what you did to me tonight. So, when you spanked me with the paddle, which number was it?"

I hope he is not going to say one, because I think then I know that I won't be able to take a whipping or caning.

"When I paddled you tonight I didn't hold back, because I needed you to know how hard it can get, so I would say it was a 3 maybe even 4. A punishment with a belt, cane or whip will be more intense, but we will work up to it. Maybe we leave the intensity open for now and you can decide after you have experienced more. And if we do work up to canes and belts and you decide it is too much for you, you can always put it as a hard limit."

"I think that is a good idea, so last on my list are genital clamps and biting. I would try the clamps once, but I'm nervous about it. If I don't like it can I put it as a hard limit?"

"Yes, of course. You are new to this lifestyle Anastasia. So it will take some time for you to figure out all of your soft and hard limits. I will help you and guide you to figure all of it out and as for biting, I assume you are worried about scars and bloody wounds on your body, but this is not what I am going to do, like I told you before, I don't like to leave bruises on my subs and biting until you bleed would also mean a risk to your health, let me show you." he says seductively and pinches my left nipple through the thin layers of my dress and bra. When it is hard he leans forward and bites down on my nipple over the layers of clothes and pulls on it. It hurts a little, but it also sends a wave of heat all the way down to my core.

He let's go and smiles "You see, this is what is meant by biting, do you want it as hard or soft limit Anastasia?"

"Soft limit" I whisper and scowl at him as he smirks at me. "You know Anastasia, I think our relationship will be rather interesting, because I can already tell that you will have a hard time to be submissive an entire weekend."

For some reason this comment really hurts me and I know he knows when he sees my face fall.

"Shit, I'm sorry Anastasia, I didn't mean it like that. I was just teasing you, if I would think for one second that you are not able to fulfil my needs you wouldn't be here now. You pleased me very much tonight and I know you will continue to do so in the future. Come, I need to show you some things and it is going to be late. I will have the revised contract ready by tomorrow. Be here at lunchtime so you can sign it and then I will start with your training." He holds his hand out to me and I take it and follow him upstairs.

Upstairs he opens a door and I gasp and turn around to him. "You have your own dungeon?" I know from Emma's journal that both Master and Sir have a lot of toys and implements, but I thought by playroom she was referring to their bedrooms.

"Yes, but I like to call it my playroom." I nod and look around, the smell of citrus polish, wood and leather is very alluring and I also notice that this room is a little different from the dungeon we were in earlier. It is more intimate, of course it holds a lot of scary implements, but for some reason it also has a romantic look to it.

"It will be your job to put everything back in its place after we had a session, I will show you how to clean the toys once, after that I expect you to do it without me having to remind you, understand?"

"Yes"

"Good, now your room." he leads me out of the playroom and into a bedroom.

"This will be your room for the weekends. You can decorate as you wish. I don't share my bed with my subs, so you will sleep here alone. And I guess I should warn you now, I'm suffering from night terrors, sometimes you will hear me scream in the middle of the night, but you don't have to worry about me. Do not come into my bedroom, if you do I will punish you."

"Okay, I won't." I would like to ask him what his nightmares are about, but it feels to personal to ask and he doesn't seem to want to elaborate any more information on this subject, so I let it go.

"Good, I guess with this everything is covered, just two more questions. Can you cook?"

"Yes, it's one of my hobbies."

"That is good. My housekeeper has the weekends off, so it will be your job to cook for us. If you want to cook something special just leave a list with the items you need on sunday and Mrs. Jones will make sure that everything will be here."

I nod and he continues. "Last I need to know is what car you are driving. I usually provide my subs with a new car and a monthly allowance, but seeing that you have money it won't be necessary, so all I need to know is what car you are driving."

"A VW New Beetle in pink"

"Oh fuck me, that is your car? I saw it in the garage. Jesus, even looking at it for too long would give me a headache, well at least it is a safe car. I guess you want to keep it?"

"I love this car. I'm not really a girly girl, but I saw it and knew it was mine, to be honest I would be quite upset if I wasn't allowed to drive it anymore."

"I'm not going to stop you from driving it, like I said it is a very safe car and that is what matters to me, if you were to drive some old deathtrap I would buy you a new car, but as it is all is fine."

"Good" I say and stifle a yawn.

"You need to go to bed Anastasia, come" he takes my hand again leads me downstairs, I get my purse from his study and he leads me to the elevator.

"Taylor!" he snaps and Taylor comes into the vestibule. "Yes, Sir?"

"Is Miss Steele's car back in the parking garage?"

"Yes, Sir" he says and hands me the keys.

"Thank you, Taylor"

"Your welcome, Ma'am" he says nods at Christian and goes back into the direction where he came from.

"So, Miss Steele, I will see you tomorrow at lunchtime and don't forget after you have signed the contract I expect you to behave like a good sub. Seeing that I am your first Dom I will give you one warning for each transgression, if you do it again, there will be punishment, understand?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?" he snaps.

"Yes, Sir."

"Good girl, now go to your apartment and get some sleep. Tomorrow you will be mine and only mine" he whispers into my ear and though it sounds holy sexy, it also seems a little creepy knowing that he might be responsible for Emma's disappearing.

"Good night, Sir" I whisper keeping my gaze down and get into the elevator. As the doors close I lean against the wall. _Oh what have I gotten myself into now?  
_  
As the elevator stops at my floor I get out just when Matt comes out of his apartment.

"Hi Anastasia, had a good night?" he asksme with a wink.

"Yes, exhausting though, I need to go to bed like an hour ago. Sorry, we talk another time, okay?"

"Sure, one day soon I have you all to myself and we can have a long talk" he says grinning and that really creeps me out big time.

"Yeah, maybe, bye." I get into my apartment quickly and lock the door. Fuck, this guy is creepy. If he is Master or Sir, I really don't understand what Emma saw in him. Yes Matt is good-looking, but he has the strangest vibe surrounding him.

On my way to my bedroom I shake my shoes off and leave a trail of clothes behind me until I reach my bed, flop down on it naked, get under my duvet and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, dreaming about dungeons, scary neighbors and Christian Grey, my new Master. _Oh my!_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Day 5 - The Journal **_

When I woke up this morning I realised something. Christian only sees his subs on the weekends, which means if I check the dates in the journal, I can figure out if he is Master or Sir. So, I jumped out of bed and spend an hour checking the journals only to end up being bitterly disappointed. Other than the first entries of each journal, there are no dates and only 3 or 4 week days mentioned. Fuck! I tried to figured it out anyway but it was impossible.

She signed her contract with Sir on a Monday, but there are also entries where she sees Sir on a Saturday and Master on a weekday and vice versa. I also tried to keep track of the days on which the entries were made, but she skips days and starts entries just saying that _'it's been a while' _or _'I haven't had the time to write for a couple of days' _so I just can't find a way to make a proper timeline for all her entries. This is so annoying. But then I found an entry in the third journal, which I haven't read yet and it really worried me.

_... Master is starting to scare me. At first he told me I was free to do what ever I wanted to do in the time I wouldn't be with him. But now he is getting more and more possessive. I feel like he is following my every move. I think he suspects that I am seeing another man. Sir, left some bruises on me and he saw them. I told Master that I fell, but I don't think he believed it._

_Yesterday, I had some cocktails with Faith and he called me to ask me how many cocktails I was planning to have after having had three already. I looked out of the window of the bar and sure enough I saw his car on the other side of the street. The scary part is that I have never told him that I would meet Faith there, she said we could go there. So he must have been following me. It's like he knows where I am all the time._

_Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm getting paranoid because I know I am playing both Sir and Master for my needs, but I'm afraid of what Master will do to me when he finds out. He isn't the man he was when I became his submissive anymore. He was so nice, willing to compromise so our arrangement would work for both of us. Now he gets angry at the slightest irritation and I'm seriously considering to end the contract with him. That would leave me with Sir. I like Sir a lot, though the longer I am his submissive the more do I realise that I am not really attracted to him._

_Yes, Sir is very good-looking, but for some reason I just don't feel it. To be honest, and here in my writing is the only place where I can be completely honest, it almost feels forbidden to be with Sir. At first it was the thrill of having a new Dom, but now being with him feels like being with a brother. Oh my god, I'm ashamed to even write this, but somehow I feel that he is feeling it too, like we are not supposed to have a physical relationship. He hasn't fucked me in three weeks, he tried a lot of suspension with me, which is how I got those bruises, but there was no fucking involved. It's like now, we have reached a silent agreement that the sex just doesn't work for us and we are both waiting for the other one to say it out loud._

_I wish I could talk to Faith about it, but she knows both Master and Sir and she would not approve of me having two Doms without them knowing it. She is the only person who knows about me being in the lifestyle, she is like a mother to me and I'm too afraid she will send me away if I confess to her._

_I hope I'm just imagining that Master is becoming somewhat of a creepy stalker, I need him, I need both him and Sir..._

This entry has me really worried, because now I think that Christian is Master and from what I have read so far, I believe that it was Master who has something to do with Emma's disappearance. Her last journal entry didn't give anything away that she was trying to leave, instead it said, _'I'm going to tell Master the truth, tonight' _and why did she hide the journals the way she did? Maybe so that if someone would move in here and find them would try to find out what has happened to her, maybe she knew that something bad was about to happen and that was her way of making sure that someone would know about it?

I read the entry again and think about my conversation with Christian from yesterday. It fits, he told me that I could use my free time as I see fit and he was very willing to compromise. He also told me he doesn't like to leave bruises on his subs. And Sir left bruises on Emma, so either Christian is Sir and left the bruises on her by accident or Sir is someone else, most likely Matt. But after reading that Sir hadn't fucked Emma in three weeks I just can't picture him as Christian anymore.

For some reason, even with all his rules and that he told me he needs control, I got the impression that Christian really only is in it for the sex. I can't imagine him having a submissive and not fucking her for three weeks. Shit, this guy has sex in his DNA, so maybe he really is Master and I'm about to allow a psychopath with potential stalker tendencies to tie me up in his kinky torture chamber. Still, I don't want to believe that Christian is the reason why Emma disappeared or maybe is dead with her body hidden somewhere where it will never be found. I only know Christian so little, but I feel like I can really trust him. Damn, this is getting me nowhere, I need more information, but I can't ask Faith directly about Emma. She will probably figure out why I came to the _**Black Satin **_in the first place and will warn Christian. Heck, maybe they are all in it together.

Hah, now I'm sounding paranoid too. I look at my watch and gasp. Fuck, I have to be at Christian's penthouse in 15 minutes and I'm still in my pj's! I run into my bathroom stripping on my way to the shower and shower in less than 5 minutes. Another five minutes later I am dressed in jeans, ballet flats, a mint colored t-shirt with matching scarf and a grey cardigan. My hair is pulled up in a messy bun and I take my purse and leave the apartment.

"Hi Anastasia!" Oh fuck, it's Kate and I'm in a hurry. I turn, around and smile at her.

"Hi Kate, sorry I'm in a hurry, but I wanted to meet with you, how about we have cocktails tomorrow evening?" I ask her.

"Sure, I know a good place. I'll be ready by 7 pm."

"Perfect, see you" I wave and press the call button for the elevator as she goes into her apartment.

I press the button for the penthouse and a minute later I'm there, looking at my watch, I'm right on time, phew. Crisis or more likely spanked ass, averted.

"Miss Steele, please follow me." Taylor says and I give him a smile.

"Hello Taylor" I follow him into great room, where like the first time I saw him Christian is sitting at the breakfast bar, this time he is dressed in a black jeans and a white shirt. Jesus Christ, this guy looks better every time I see him. I'm getting wet just looking at him.

"Anastasia" he says with a smirk and raises one eyebrow as he takes in my outfit. "Christ, you look so young dressed like this. Are you sure you are 22, right now you look more like a teenager"

"Yes, well, I know it's kind of annoying that I look so young, but on the plus side I won't need botox or plastic surgery for a long while."

"I like it, it makes you look so innocent" he says and after spending the morning picturing him as a potential killer, this really does sound creepy. But I remind myself that I can't come across as if I don't trust him. So, I just smile and he motions for me to sit down.

"I thought we could have lunch together, after that you can read the revised contract and sign it, once you have signed it I expect you to behave as expected from a submissive. So enjoy this lunch because it is your last chance to say what ever you want" he winks at me and I can't help but smile and sit down with him while Mrs. Jones fixes lunch for us.

"So, as today is Sunday I wanted to start your training today, but I had a change of plans, my grandparents made a surprise visit, so I have to go to Bellevue and meet with them. This means your training will start next friday. I expect you here at 7 o'clock sharp."

"Okay, I'll be here."

"Good, so do you have any plans for the week?"

"Not much, I'm meeting with my neighbor Kate for cocktails tomorrow evening and next Thursday I'm invited to a gallery opening."

"Oh, which artist?"

"Matt Turner, he is a photographer and lives in 20C." as I say these words I look at Christian and he looks pissed.

"Do you know him well?"

"No, I've met him once, asked him about Miss Mitchell. I thought as her neighbor he might have her new address, you know so I could return the box to her, but no such luck. I saw some of his photographs and he asked me if I wanted to go to the opening of his exhibition."

"Be carefull with the guy, Anastasia."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because he is a guy and you are a very beautiful young woman, and of course, I do not share. You are mine, Anastasia and I take this seriously, if you fuck around our contract is over before it has started."

"Christian, I am taking this serious,too. If I wanted to fuck around I wouldn't be here. And if at one point I decide that this lifestyle isn't for me or I meet someone else I want to be with, I will talk to you first and end the contract. And I trust you to do the same."

"Very good, so what else are you going to do this week?"

"Not sure, I don't have anything planned as of now, oh, but I guess I will meet your personal trainer."

"Yes, he will contact you via e-mail around Monday or Tuesday to schedule an appointment. Oh and Mrs. Jones needs the list if you are going to cook something special this weekend."

This gives me an idea. "Have you ever had german food?"

"Well if sauerkraut counts than yes, though I'm not a fan of it."

"My grandma is from germany and she taught me all of her recipes. I could cook you a german dinner, but Mrs. Jones doesn't have to buy anything. I need to pickle the meat for three days and prepare some other things. I'll just buy everything and bring it with me on friday."

"Good, just give me the receives and I give you the money back." he says and I roll my eyes.

"Anastasia, do not do this again or I will spank you, see this as your one free pass. Eye rolling is very rude and I do not tolerate it." he says his voice icy cold and I bite my lip.

"Sorry, it's just I can pay for the ingredients I need."

"I know that you can, but I won't let you and if you try to argue about this I will have a credit card in your name here by friday and I will make you use it for what ever you buy at all times."

"But that wasn't mentioned in the contracted?"

"Book it under you have to obey me in all things. So, will you let me pay for the groceries Anastasia?" he says smugly and I scowl.

"Okay, but it's not fair that you use your position as my Dom to get what you want even before I have signed the contract."

"But it is good to see that you understand not to argue any further about this."

I decide it's best not to say anything about that. "Well, umm do you have any allergies or anything you won't eat? The german meal I want to cook for you is a typical sunday dinner, so I thought maybe something light on saturday like salmon with veggies and rice?"

"Sounds good to me and what ever you cook, I will eat it. I'm not picky about my food as long as it has a good quality and I get three meals a day I am happy. As for allergies I have none, do you?"

"Well there is my latex allergie which you are already aware of and I start to itch if I use certain soaps."

"Soap?" I can't help, but giggle because he looks alarmed.

"It's not as bad as it sounds. It's a certain ingredient of soaps and bodywash, I mainly order my soap, bodywash and bubble bath online, there are shops that sell all natural soaps and even cosmetics, it's much better for the skin and I don't itch using their products."

He leans over and runs his nose along my neck. "You do smell very nice, is that cherry?"

"Yes" I whisper tilting my head to one side to give him better excess to my neck, but much to my disappointment he doesn't take advantage of it.

"Good, can you order massage oils there too, I might use some on you during a scene and I don't want you to itch all over."

"Yes, they do. I can give you the names of the sites where I usually order, they have a huge selections of body and massage oils." he nods and Mrs. Jones serves us our lunch.

"Thank you, Gail. I will leave right after lunch, so you can have the rest of the day off."

"Thank you, Sir." she says with a bright smile and leaves the kitchen. We eat our lunch in comfortable silence, but halfway through the meal I notice that instead of eating, he is watching me eat.

"What?" I ask and take another bite of my grilled chicken and cheese sandwich.

"I like to watch you eat. You eat like you really enjoy it." he says with a ridiculous huge grin.

"That's because I do enjoy to eat. That's why I work out so much. I'd rather work my butt off in the gym every day instead of being hungry all day. If I'm hungry I'm grumpy and tend to snap at everyone, so I eat."

"Good to know, I was a little worried about letting the food list go, but it seems I don't need to worry about you eating."

Just when we both have finished our lunch his cellphone rings. "Sorry, I have to take this call. Make yourself at home, this can take a while." he says, answer the call and I decide to make myself useful by loading this dishwasher. After that I take a look around the apartment and end up sitting on the piano bench looking out of the window. I love the view, it's like up here nothing matters.

I absent mindedly press some keys of the piano and continue to look out of the floor to ceiling windows.

"Do you play?" Christian's voice startles me a little and I turn around.

"Yes, I started getting lessons when I was 5 or 6 years old."

"Play something for me?" he asks gently and I smile and turn on the bench so I can play. Even though I can play the classics like Bach, Chopin or Mozart I always prefered to play modern music, because this way I can sing while playing which is one of my hobbies.

I decide to play _Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson_. I love this song, I remember when I first heard it I just had to learn it and would play it so often on the piano that my parents threatened me to take my piano away if I would play it one more time.

When I'm finished I turn to look at him and he has the most unreadable expression on his face. "That was very beautiful, Anastasia. You have a lot of talent." he says and clears his throat. "Well, Miss Steele, let's sign the contract I need to leave soon." I nod and follow him into his study, where I read the contract again and without giving myself the time to over think this I sign it.

"Now you are mine" he whispers against my ear and a shiver runs down my spine. On one hand it's scary to think that I have just signed a contract basically allowing a complete stranger / potential psychopath to do whatever he wants to me, but on the other hand the thought of being his is so enticing. Thinking that even just for a short time I will be the woman in the life of this powerful, sexy as fuck man. That he wants me, it gives me the biggest kick.

He walks around his desk and slowly lowers the zipper of his jeans. "Kneel in front of me Anastasia." his voice sounds harder and colder than before, but I do it immediately and he pulls his dick out and strokes himself.

"Do you like what you see, Miss Steele?" he asks and just to see his reaction I want to say no, but first I'm not allowed to look him in the eyes and second it would be a lie, because I really like what I see.

"Yes, Sir"

"Put your hands behind your back and open your mouth" I quickly do as I'm told and he slowly pushes his hard cock into my mouth.

"Suck!" he orders and I start to twirl my tongue around the tip and suck gently, before I start to take him deeper into my mouth. His hands reach into my hair. I'm just about to get into a good rhythm when I hear his voice. "Stop!" and I pull back immediately.

"I want to see your tits, take your clothes off, everything!" I quickly get up and strip out of my clothes before I kneel again. "Good girl, continue." So I take him in my mouth again and this time I can take him in deeper as I could the last time I gave him a blowjob. Hmm, I wonder if I can take all of him into my mouth. Giving Peter deep throat was never a problem, but Christian is much bigger. I try it and yes, still no gag reflex even if I take him in all to the route.

"Jesus fucking Christ" I hear Christian growl and that sound is so sexy I feel myself getting wet. I continue to take him all in and alternate between deep throat and pulling back to the tip so I can suck it hard and twirl my tongue around it.

"Enough!" he mutters breathlessly and pulls me to my feet. "Bend over the desk, hold on to it and spread your legs a little" I quickly do what he has told me and he pushes two fingers inside me.

"So wet, Miss Steele. I like that a lot, do you want me to fuck you now?" he asks while is fingers move inside me and his thumb is circling my clit.

"Yes, please" I moan and he lands a sharp slap on my behind, making me yelp.

"Yes, what?" he snaps. Shit, I forgot. "Yes, Sir, please." and as I say it he pulls his fingers out of me, grabs my hips and pushes his cock deep inside making me moan with pleasure. He starts to fuck me hard and I push back against him meeting his thrusts in perfect sync and I soon I'm close, but I try to hold my orgasm back not sure if I'm allowed to come.

"Please ... oh god ... please" I cry out if he denies me to come I'm not sure if I will be able to stop it.

"Come for me, now Anastasia" he hisses through gritted teeth and that's my undoing I come screaming and hear him curse and call out my name and he reaches his climax buried deep inside me.  
I am completely exhausted and just try to catch my breath as he pulls out of me.

"Friday, 7 pm. Don't be late." and with that I hear him close his zipper and he leave his study. I need a moment to get my breathing under control and I feel slightly used. Yes I just had an earth shattering orgasm, but him just leaving like that makes me feel used. But, I guess it will always be like this with him. We are not in a love relationship, this is solely about sex. So I get dressed again and make my way to the elevator, but when I'm almost there I hear the voices of Mrs. Jones and Taylor and can't help but listen.

"Jason, I'm worried. It's the same again and she looks just like the others. Have you seen her, it's like Emma is back. This scares me Jason, we can't let him do this again."

"Gail, he is our boss, it's none of our business."

"But we have to live here, too. Do you want the same happen with Miss Steele that happened with all the other women. It has to stop Jason, Emma disappeared from one day to another and Mister Grey is ... I don't know for how long I can watch this happen over and over again Jason. I feel terrible, Mister Grey needs help, maybe Flynn isn't the right therapist for him, maybe he needs to stay at a facility for a while or ... I just don't know ... all this women"

Mrs. Jones is crying and I try to hear more, but they have stopped talking. I hurry to the elevator and press the call button. Oh my god! What was that all about? Is he the reason why Emma is missing? Fuck, I need some time to think. I get in the elevator and sigh in relief when the doors are closed. When I get out of the elevator I walk numbly towards the door of my apartment.

"Anastasia!" fuck, it's Matt. I turn around and give him a weak smile. "Hi, do you have time. I could make us lunch?" he asks giving me a big winning smile and I know I should take his offer to get more information, but I'm just not in the mood to talk.

"Sorry Matt, I just had lunch and I'm really exhausted. Can we take a rain check on lunch?"

"Sure, how about tomorrow?"

"Okay, sounds good. Your apartment?"

"Yes, say 1 pm?"

"I'll be there. Bye Matt." I get into my apartment, lock the door and sink to the floor leaning against it. Now I know that Christian was Emma's Dom and I know I have to read the last journal today and try to find more clues so I can finally decide if he is Master or Sir. _Please, let him be Sir ..._


	7. Chapter 7

_**Okay ladies, this is where the story gets really interesting...**_

_**Day 6 - The Journal**_

Today is Monday and I have a lot to do. First my lunch with Matt and then cocktails with Kate tonight. I really need to figure this out before I find myself in more danger than I can handle. The more I think about everything, the more I am thankful that my Dad taught me how to shoot and insisted that I would get a licence and a gun. I have a 9mm Beretta here at my apartment and another one in my car. So if someone tries to attack me I can defend myself. Though I hope I never have to use one of my guns.

After going for a run this morning and meeting with Claude Bastille, Christian's personal trainer, for a workout I feel really good and take a long shower before going into my walk in closet to pick an outfit. Usually, I would dress up a little for having lunch with someone, but I still have these alarm bells ringing in my head when ever I see Matt and I don't want to give him the wrong impression, so I decide to go for something casual. I dress in a white sweater, dark jeans and brown boots. I put my hair into a ponytail, use no make up and take my brown leather purse before I leave my apartment and knock at Matt's door.

"Anastasia, come in" he says and kisses my cheek, which makes my skin crawl.

"Hi, thanks" I mutter and get into his apartment. The first thing I notice is the song that is playing in the background. _'Where the wild roses grow' by Nick Cave feat. Kylie Minogue_. And as I hear it I swear I hear have this little voice in my head screaming at me: _Run bitch! Run!_

"Sorry, weird song choice, I had my I-pod on shuffle" he mutters and seems a little embarrassed. When he skips it to something from Hinder, which is one of my favorite bands, I feel a lot better.

"Okay, confess, you are a serial killer and that was my cue to run" I giggle, try to sound convincing and he laughs.

"Who knows, but usually people tend to survive my cooking. So you should be safe." he winks and finally I relax a little and sit down on one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar.

"Is asian tuna salad, okay with you Anastasia?"

"Yes, sound wonderful. Do you cook often?"

"Everyday, so if you are too lazy to cook, feel free to stop by. It's more fun to have company for a meal."

"Maybe, depends on how good your lunch is."

"I'll try my best. So, any luck to find Emma so far?" he asks while he keeps preparing our lunch.

"No, not at all. It's like she just fell off the face of the earth. I've asked Kate and Christian Grey, he owned her apartment, but he has no clue either, was just pissed that she just left."

"Be careful with Grey." he says and I frown.

"Why?"

"One night, I came home late from a photo shoot. I sat in my car and was texting with a friend when I saw them together. She was pretty drunk and he was yelling at her. She threw up near the elevator and he dragged her into the elevator. He looked pissed, well I guess if she didn't just decide to leave town he could have done it, there are rumors that he has anger issues. An other photographer I know who works for a newspaper once had to shoot some publicity stills of him after an interview. The reporter asked some personal questions and Grey lost it, threatened to punch him and his security guy had to hold him back. In the end he black balled the reporter in all of Washington and some other states Grey has influence in. Brilliant guy work wise, but with a really short temper. Wouldn't want to be on his bad side." Matt grins and I feel sick.

What if I got this all wrong, what if Christian is responsible for what ever happened to Emma. I was so hoping it was Matt, but maybe I have made a deal with the devil.

"Are you alright, Anastasia?"

"What... sorry, yes. It's just, Grey seemed so nice when I met him."

"Good looking son of a bitch, I know. Since no one ever saw him date I thought I try my luck, but he is not gay" he says and my mouth pops open.

"Have I shocked you now? Well, I'm actually bi-sexual though I mainly get involved with men. Women... to complicated for my liking. Have you ever tried it?"

"Tried what?"

"Sex with a woman." he asks and I'm surprised. That's personal, but I guess it doesn't hurt to tell him the truth.

"My former fiancé was a bit voyeuristic and he had this fantasy about watching two girls. I never was really interested, but there was this one girl at college. She wasn't the most beautiful girl, but there was something about her. She was a lesbian and one night I met her at a college party, she hit on me and I was curious, but told her it could only happen with my boyfriend watching us. She was okay with it and well, let's say it was a night to remember, but I still prefer men."

"Hah, I knew you had a wild side to yourself. Good for you, but do yourself a favor and don't try to tame Grey, you'll only end up getting hurt."

"Has Emma ever told you about him?"

"No, but we weren't that close. There was this other guy though, he lived in 20D, but moved out a week after Emma left. I saw her go into his apartment quite often."

"Do you remember his name?"

"No, never talked to him. He was a bit rude, would never even say hello. Maybe Kate knows more about him, I saw her arguing with him a couple of times. She is a pain in the ass and locks horns with anyone, so I guess she can help you out with his name."

A minute later he puts a plate with food in front with me and we eat in relaxed silence. The salad is very good, but I can't really enjoy it. So, Matt is a dead end. He isn't even creepy anymore and seeing that he prefers men, he can't be Sir or Master. Or is he lying? Shit, this is so confusing and who is this other guy? Damn, I need to talk to Kate this evening, maybe this other guy is the key to all the answers I need.

"Is the salad so bad that you can't talk anymore?" Matt asks and I blush.

"Sorry, I zoomed out, that happens sometimes. And no, it's delicious, I might end up hanging out here every day so you can cook for me."

"I wouldn't mind. Maybe one day I will get my shot of that perfect ear you have." he says staring at my left ear, which is kind of weird.

"For your wall of body parts?" I smirk and he nods.

"It's my master piece, one day I have a shot of every part of the body. The perfect female wouldn't you feel honored to be a part of it?" he asks with a grin.

"Maybe, like I told you I don't really understand art, but I like to look at it."

"That's a good start and sometimes you don't to have to understand a piece of art, sometimes it is really just about enjoying the beauty of it. So, do you want my special dessert?" he asks and I nod. He gets up opens the freeze and giggle when he returns with two watermelon popsicles.

"Bon appetite, Anastasia" he says with a boyish grin and hands me one.

"Thanks, watermelon is my favorite" I smirk back and a little while later I leave his apartment.

Fuck, I thought I already had pinned Sir and Master down to Christian and Matt. Now, I know that Christian has anger issues and Matt is bi-sexual but tends to men. I hope Kate can shed some light on the mystery guy in 20D. If he is Master or Sir, I need to find him.

I spend the rest afternoon writing notes for my book and trying to do some more research on Christian, but there isn't much. He dropped out of Harvard, started his own company and became a self-made billionaire before he turned 25. His parents are a well known attorney, Carrick Grey, and his mother is a doctor. The only interesting fact was that he, just like his siblings are adopted. I make a note to look into this further later and safe all my notes and info on my USB flash drive and take it with me. I might be paranoid, but I also hide a copy behind the picture, that is now covering the hole in the wall with the journals in my closet again.

I meet Kate and we take a cab to a nearby bar, called the zigzag café. They also serve food, so I order a burger with fries and long island iced tea, while Kate orders a Cosmo.

"I had lunch with Matt today, you know I'm still trying to find Emma to return her stuff, he told me there was another neighbor on our floor at the time she lived at Escala. He lived in 20D, but Matt couldn't remember his name."

Kate scrunches her face in disgust. "Yes, Jack Hyde. He is a real asshole. I got into an argument with him a couple of times, because he always left a trail of garbage when he brought his garbage to the chute. He told me that if it bothers me I could clean it up. That guy still thinks we live in the fifties."

"Did Emma get along with him?"

"Not sure, I saw her talk to him a couple of times, maybe he knows something. Though if you want to talk to him you have to do it during the week."

"Why?"

"Not sure, he left every friday with a duffel bag and didn't return until sunday late evening. He works for a local publishing house as an editor. I think it's Seattle Independent Publishing."

"Okay, so do you know why he moved?"

"No, but after he moved out the owner of the apartment moved his mother in. You won't probably ever see her. She is old and sick, doesn't leave the place much. He stops by every day to look after her or take her to a doctors appointment. She has a caretaker who lives there, too. Nice woman in her late fifties, but she can't go out much either because the old lady ... I think her name is Victoria Ingalls, needs her there at all times."

"I thought no one was living there because I haven't seen someone leave the apartment since I moved in."

"Like I said, she doesn't leave often. Oh... but wait, I do remember something that was weird. Before the owner moved his mother in he had to have painters come over. Apparently, that Hyde guy painted not only all the walls in one of the bedrooms black, but also all the windows in that room. How odd is that, painting windows black... who does something like that? Hah, I bet Mister Ingalls made Hyde pay for that one, the rental agreement clearly says you can't change anything without asking the owner for permission. I know that because Ingalls owns my apartment, too. My parents wanted to buy me a place, but all apartments available at the time only had one bedroom and that is not enough space for me."

We change the topic after that and I'm a little tipsy when we leave the café two hours later and take a cab back home. I know tomorrow I have to go and see Jack Hyde. He has to be Master or Sir. It fits perfectly. Christian only has his subs over at the weekends and Hyde is only home during the week. Painting the walls and windows black could be a sign that the second bedroom was his playroom, but if today has taught me anything, then it is that I won't jump to any conclusion anymore until I have proof.

I wait until Kate, who is really drunk is in her apartment and open my door. I'm tired and I just want to go to bed. I lock my door turn the light in my living room on and nearly piss my pants when I see someone sitting on my sofa.

"Nice apartment, Ana. Not sure it is your style though."

"What the fuck are you doing here, Peter?"

"Well, I'm trying to talk to you ever since you walked in on Elsa and I, but you avoided me and then I had to find out through your mother that you have left Chicago. I want you to come home Ana, I still love you." _Oh god, is he kidding?_

"Are you crazy, you cheated on me and not just with anyone, but with my best friend, next you got her pregnant and married her. I have never in my life felt so betrayed or humiliated. So, get the fuck out of my apartment, you have no business being here!"

"Yes, I do. I want you back, look I only married Elsa because of the baby and we are not even sure it is mine. We can still be together..."

"NO! Do you hear me, we are done. I will never be able to trust you again and how the hell did you get in here?"

"Really Ana? I was at your parent's place almost more as at my place, your parents keep all the keys in your dad's office. It was easy to get in and find the right keys." he says looking proud of himself and I have enough. I'm tipsy, I am tired, I had one hell of a day and I want him gone. I take my phone and dial 911.

"911 what is your emergency?"

"Hello, my name is Anastasia Steele, a man broke into my apartment and is not willing to leave."

"Do you know the intruder Ma'am?"

"Yes, he is my former fiancé, but I didn't invite him in, he stole a spare set of keys I gave to my parents and let himself in while I wasn't at home. Can you please sent someone over to remove him from my apartment."

"Yes Ma'am. Please give me your address" I tell the operator my address and he assures me that the police will be there in less than five minutes.

"You called the cops?"

"Yes, because you stole those keys and came in here uninvited. I want you to leave, now! And give me back those keys."

"No, you would never allow the cops to arrest me, you love me and you know it."

"I don't love you, Peter. That's all long gone. I would have forgiven you a lot of things, but cheating isn't one of them. There is no coming back from this one, I will never be able to trust you again. And I will not embarrass myself any further by starting over again with a man who cheated on me and is now married to that bitch."

He just keeps trying to convince me that he is still my happily ever after, but I just can't believe it. Seeing him now just shows me that we are done. Because looking at him, I feel nothing. And finally the cops arrive and take him with them.

I want to go to bed, but suddenly I am afraid he has another set of keys and returns when I am asleep. It's too late to get the locks changed tonight and Kate is probably passed out drunk. I can't ask Matt if I can sleep at his place tonight, because I just don't know him that well, so that leaves Christian as my only option. Shit, maybe this is a really bad choice, but I dial his number anyway.

He answers at the second ring. "Anastasia, is something wrong?"

"Umm, good evening, Sir. I wanted to ask if you would mind if I would stay at your guest room tonight." I stutter.

"Why?"

"My former fiancé stole the spare keys I gave my parents and was in my apartment when I came home tonight. I called the cops and they took him to the station, but he will probably leave in an hour, and I'm afraid he has more keys and will come back."

"Fuck, get what you need and come up."

"Thank you, Sir" I hang up and quickly gather what I need before getting into the elevator.

The moment the doors open at the penthouse Christian is by my side and takes my bag.

"Are you alright, Anastasia?"

"Yes, Sir. Just tired and a little shocked. I'll have my locks changed first things tomorrow morning. Thank you, for letting me stay here tonight."

"You don't have to thank me, Anastasia. I expect you to come to me if something like this happens or if you need anything. Now, come, have you eaten tonight?"

"Yes, I had dinner with Kate while we had cocktails."

"Good, do you need anything?"

"No, I'm just really tired, Sir"

"Then go to bed, you know where your room is. Anything you would like for breakfast tomorrow morning, so I can tell my housekeeper?"

"I'm not picky, what ever she cooks is fine with me." Christian nods and carries my bag upstairs for me.

"Good night, Anastasia."

"Good night, Sir" he kisses my forehead and leaves the guest room. I just change quickly into my nightgown and slip under the covers, thinking about this completely fucked up day, before I finally fall asleep...


	8. Chapter 8

_**Day 7 - The Journal**_

I wake up surprisingly refreshed the next morning. I usually don't sleep more than 6 hours, but when I look at my phone I see that it is already a quarter past 7 in the morning, so I have slept almost 8 hours. I stretch and decide to take a quick shower. So, I get out of the bed, undress in the bedroom and head into the en suite bathroom. Once under the shower I enjoy the hot water and try not to think about the reason why I am at Christian's penthouse and not at my apartment.

Peter must be completely out of his mind if he thinks that after betraying me and putting me through public humiliation I would give him a second chance. Especially if now I would end up as the home wrecker who has an affair with a married man. _No thanks, but I would never sink that low. _I might be someone who always wants to fix things, but not at the expense of losing every bit of self-respect I ever had. I just hope that he got the message now and has left Seattle. The last thing I need is him following me around.

I'm so deep in thought that I only realise that I am no longer alone in the shower when I feel Christian wrapping his strong arms around my waist, pulling me against him, so my back is against his front and I feel his erection pressing against me.

"Good morning, Miss Steele. I thought since you are here this morning, I am going to take full advantage of you. Any complains about that?" he smirks against my neck.

"No, Sir" I whisper. Hell, this man is sex on legs, what women in her right mind would have any complains if he wants to have sex with her? I most definitely have none.

"Good" he murmurs as he starts to kiss down my neck, sucking, nibbling and licking the sensitive skin as he does. His hands glide over my belly and breasts so lightly that it sends a shiver down my spine and all I want is to turn around so I can touch him, too. But I know I am not allowed, so I keep still just enjoying his touch until it is him who turns me around.

"Look at me, Anastasia" he orders and I look into his beautiful gray eyes. "I want you to watch me, do not look away, understand?"

"Yes, Sir" I answer and he moves us away from the stream of hot water, pushes me against the wall of the shower and drops to his knees in front of me. He grabs my hips, pulls me a bit forward and orders me to spread my legs a little. I do as I'm told and he leans forward and starts to lick and suck my folds.

I have to force myself to keep my eyes open and watch him. It's just so intense, watching him do this to me. For the most parts Peter was more about his pleasure than mine and if he did this to me he would usually dive under the covers, so I would never get to see him do this me, but now watching Christian do this me and feel it at same time is almost too much.

I'm just about to reach my climax when he stops and I have to bite my lip to stop me from protesting. Christian gets to his feet again and pins me against the wall, holding me wrists together over my head with one hand.

"I am going to let go of your wrists, wrap your arms around my neck, you may touch my neck and head, if you touch my back I am going to punish you, understand?"

"Yes, Sir" he lets go of my wrists and I wrap arms around his neck and he lifts me onto his hips and enters me in one swift move.

"Look at me Anastasia, I want to see your beautiful eyes" he growls as he starts to fuck me hard and I open my eyes looking into burning gray eyes and I want to kiss him so badly, but I don't, not knowing if he will like it if I do or not. So, I just enjoy the moment trying to hold back my orgasm until he allows me to reach my climax and unconsciously fist my fingers in his wet hair.

"Come for me, Anastasia, now!" he hisses through gritted teeth and that is all I need to let go and reach my orgasm in a rush that has me crying out.

When I come down from the intense orgasm I just reached I find myself in his lap on the floor of the shower. And for a moment he just holds me like this and I enjoy being close to him. But suddenly he gets up with me in his arms and puts me to my feet.

"Breakfast will be ready in 20 minutes, don't be late or I'm going to spank you" he threatens, but I don't think he is serious as he is grinning at me. I watch him leave the shower, wrap a towel from the rack by the shower around his hips and leave the bathroom. Well, that was certainly a good way to start the day. But I wonder why he hasn't kissed me so far. Maybe that's a Dom/sub thing. I decide to ask him at breakfast and quickly wash myself, before I leave the shower and blow dry my hair.

Because I'm going to meet Claude for a workout this morning I dress in the workout clothes that I have packed, pull my hair into a messy bun and grab my duffel bag before I leave the guest room. Thankfully, I am right on time and just as I sit down next to him at the breakfast bar his housekeeper puts the plates with a omelette, bacon and a separate plate with cut fruit in front of us.

"How do you like your coffee, Miss Steele?" his housekeeper, Mrs. Jones asks me and though she is polite enough, I feel a undercurrent of hostility as she looks at me expectantly.

"Lots of milk, no sugar. Thank you, Mrs. Jones." she smiles and turns around, but her smile was fake. Maybe she doesn't like Christian's lifestyle?

"I take it you'll meet Claude this morning?"

"Yes, he wants to see if I can really run the five miles that I told him I would usually do."

"Five miles?" he sounds surprised.

"Near my parents home in Chicago is a park with a beautiful lake. 5 miles is the distance from my parents home to the park, around the lake and back. I used to take that route quite often."

"I see, what other plans do you have for today?"

"I need to get my locks changed and other than that I am not sure." I am not going to tell him that I want to meet Jack Hyde to see if he was the other Dom Emma had...

"Yes, about your locks. They are already changed. Taylor did a sweep through your apartment before the locks were changed. Your ex did not return. As far as my team could find out he has left Seattle late last night."

I'm completely dumbfounded when he hands me a set of keys. "I ... thank you, but you really didn't have to do this."

"As your Dom it is my job to keep you safe. If your ex broke into your apartment once, who says he isn't going to try it again, so I had to make sure if he is still in town, because hadn't he left I would have put security on you."

I have no idea what to say, so I just nod and suddenly my phone rings. I see my Mom's caller ID on the screen and look at Christian.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but this is my mother. I have to take the call" I apologize and take the call when he nods.

"Hi mom"

"Oh darling, are you alright? Karen just called me. Is it true that you called the cops because Peter came to visit you?" Oh great, of course Peter would run to his mother and she would call my mom who still is her best friend.

"Mom, he didn't come to visit me. I came home after I had some cocktails with a neighbor and he was in my apartment. He stole the keys from Dad's study and I first asked him and then told him to leave, but he just wouldn't. So, I called the cops to get him removed from my apartment."

"Oh my, he didn't hurt you, didn't he?" my asks concern clearly audible in her voice.

"No, Mom. I'm fine, he just offended me by offering me to become his mistress. I'm over him Mom. I just want him out of my life and he didn't seem to get the message."

"I understand sweetheart. After what he has done to you that is more than understandable. Are you happy in Seattle?"

"Yes, I like it here. Kate, my neighbor, she is very nice. I think we are going to be friends. So, don't worry about me."

"Ana, you are my only child, I'll always worry about you, that's what moms do"

"I know, listen mom, I have an appointment this morning, can I call you this evening?"

"Of course. Oh, but I forgot, you know your Dad and I always receive an invitation to all those fundraisers all over the country, because I am championing so many charities. Anyway, there is this fundraiser in Seattle the weekend after next, it is for a really good cause, would you mind going, darling?"

"A fundraiser? I don't know mom, I don't even know someone whom I could take with me as my date. Let's talk about this tonight."

"Just think about it, love you darling."

"Love you, too mom" I hang up and take a sip of my coffee which Mrs. Jones has placed in front of me while I was on the phone.

"Which fundraiser were you talking about, Anastasia?"

"I'm not sure, my mother asked me if I could attend a fundraiser for her that takes place the weekend after next here in Seattle."

"That would be the fundraiser for Coping Together which takes place at my parents home. It usually takes place in June, but my mother had such a busy schedule that she had to post-pone it until late october" he explains.

"I'll find an excuse to tell my mother why I can't go, Sir." As I say this he looks at me speculatively for a while, but then nods and resumes eating his breakfast as do I. But while I eat I remember that I wanted to ask him about the kissing.

"May I ask you a question, Sir?"

"Of course, what do you want to know?"

"You ... haven't kissed me so far. Has this something to do with the dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship?"

"Does it bother you?" he asks instead answering of my question.

"I don't know, I was just wondering why."

"I guess it has to do with the dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship, but also I don't really care for kissing if it isn't part of a scene."

He doesn't care for kissing? Wow, he must have had some crappy kisser as subs to say that, to me kissing is half the fun, but I decide to just nod and let it goe, why trying to convince him that kissing is great when he has already made up his mind otherwise...

After our breakfast he accompanies me to the elevator and we wait in silence for it to arrive. When the doors open I take a step forward, but he grabs my wrist pulls me back and before I know it his lips are on mine and he kisses me with so much passion that I feel my knees weaken while his tongue is exploring my mouth and coaxing me to answer his kiss with the same passion, which I do until he lets go and we are both breathless.

"Friday, don't forget to be on time, I hate unpunctuality" he says while his fingers brush over my cheek, with that he turns back around and walks back towards the great room while I stumble into the elevator. Wow ... just wow for someone who doesn't like to kiss he sure as hell kisses like a god.

Four hours later I had my workout and changed into a denim dress and boots, leaving my hair open. I arrive at SIP shortly before lunch time and walk to the front desk where a young african american woman is seated.

"Welcome to Seattle Independent Publishing. How can I help you?" she asks with a bright smile and I like her immediately.

"Hi, my name is Anastasia Steele. I am here to see Mister Jack Hyde. I don't have an appointment, but I was hoping that I could see him anyway."

"Oh, we usually don't let anyone talk to our editors without an appointment. Is is something important?"

"It's a private matter, could you ask him if he could see me, please tell him it's about Emma Mitchell."

"I'll see what I can do." I watch her make the call and when she hangs up she smiles at me.

"Mr. Hyde has agreed to see you. He will be here with you shortly, you can sit down over there" she points to a sitting area with two large green Chesterfield couches and I walk over there and sit down.

"My god, you look just like her" I look up and see a man in his early thirties with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He is very handsome, but not my type at all.

"You must be Mr. Hyde. I'm Anastasia Steele, it's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Hyde, thank your for giving me some of your time." I say as I get up and we shake hands.

"It's my pleasure Miss Steele. There is a nice deli across the street, would you mind if we talk over lunch?"

"No, sounds perfect."

5 minutes later we are sitting at a table in the corner of the deli and look through the menu. We order our food and he looks at me as if he was trying to read my mind, which is really unnerving.

"So you want to talk about Emma, Miss Steele?"

"Yes, I recently moved into her old apartment at Escala and found a box with some of her belongings. I'm trying to find her so I can return it to her. Mister Turner told me you lived on the same floor while Miss Mitchell lived at Escala, so I was wondering if you have heard from her since she has left Seattle."

"No, I am sorry Miss Steele. I saw Emma the last time on a Friday and when I returned home on Sunday evening after I've spent the weekend away she was already gone. I haven't heard from her since then."

"So she hasn't contacted you at all?"

"No, I've tried to contact her, talked to a co-worker of hers, but couldn't find a clue as to where she is now." he seems to be very upset about this and I actually feel bad for him. He seems like he genuinely cares for Emma, but of course he could be putting on a show.

"Did you know her well?"

"We were neighbors and had lunch a couple of times. She was a very beautiful and intelligent young woman. A little lost in life though. No family or really close friends, I guess it was easy for her to just leave town and start over somewhere else. I hope she has found what she was looking for." he muses and our food arrives. Could he be master or sir? I don't know, but he seems to really care for Emma, so maybe he is one of them.

"I have talked to one of Emma's co workers as well, the girl told me that Emma seemed worried the last time she saw her, as if she was afraid someone was following her." I tell him trying to get more information out of him.

"She didn't tell me anything about that. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you out Miss Steele, but ... if you find Emma. Please tell her to get in touch with me, there is something I should have told her back then and I would love to do it now if given the chance."

"Of course, if I find her I'll let her know that you want to get into touch with her."

After lunch I head back home convinced that this man was either Master or Sir. He seemed desperate to find Emma and more so, I think he is in love with her. At home I sit down at my computer and google Jack Hyde. What comes up surprises me. He is not only an editor, but he is also an award-winning bestselling author who apparently spends his weekends at a cabin in the woods to write his crime novels. There is no mention of a girlfriend, but I found some gossip articles stating that he was seen at some BDSM clubs years ago. He brushed it off as research, but now I know he was either Master or Sir.

All that is left for me to find out is who is who, but at least I know now that Christian and Jack are Master and Sir and maybe, just maybe one of them is responsable for Emma's disappearance. _Oh what have I gotten myself into?  
_


	9. Chapter 9

_**I'm going on vacation, so there won't be any update for the next two Saturdays, sorry...**_

_**Day 10 - The Journal  
**_  
The last couple of days have been very uneventful, giving me the time to sit down and work on my book. So far, it's just a whole lot of research material and notes about Jack, Christian, Matt and Kate as well as some of my thoughts about what might have happened to Emma. I just don't think that she would have just disappeared like that. Maybe I'm crazy, but something about the way she just disappeared from one day to the next has murder written all over it.

One thing that really bothers me is where Emma's belongings are. If she really wanted to travel there is no way she could have taken everything she owns with her. I tried to find out if Emma has a storage unit, but so far I came up blank. So, my next step will be to find out if Jack, Matt or Kate have a storage unit and if so, I need to get in there. At this point, I can't just focus on Master and Sir. After all even if Matt prefers men, he is still creepy and Kate, well I don't think she has anything to do with it, but it does seem a little odd to me that she as a reporter just accepted that her neighbor disappeared like that.

Then there is Christian. Checking if he has a storage unit wouldn't help me one bit, he owns so many companies and has a large shipyard, so of course he owns several storage units. And more so, I don't want him to be the one responsible for Emma's disappearance. Even with everything that is pointing at him I just can't picture him as a murderer. Well, actually I just don't want to picture him as someone who would murder a woman and just make it look like she left town. I guess that makes me pretty stupid, I mean I am in a D/s relationship with someone who might have murdered the woman he was in the same type of relationship before, still I feel safe with him.

This is getting me nowhere. So I decide that I need to think about something else for a while. Today is friday and I will start my _training_ today. This also means that I have to go to the beauty salon. I wonder what this will include. Arriving the _**Spa Noir **_punctually at 10 am, I am welcomed with a delicious smoothie which I enjoy while I get a manicure and pedicure. Both are french style, but with a bit of glitter giving it an elegant yet modern look. I like it. Next I get my eyebrows shaped, which I really needed as I never get it right myself and after getting my legs and underarms waxed I am led into another room where I get a hot stone massage. This was really not what I was expecting, basically he sent me to get pampered and not overly styled or all kinds of uncomfortable treatments done.

Last on the list is my hair. I am informed that the spa usually doesn't offer any hair treatments, but Christian hired one of the best hair stylists in town to come here and do my hair. So when I leave the spa three hours later my hair is styled into big curls and looks amazing. I could really get used to this. I decide to have lunch at a nice restaurant I've found earlier this week and after that I go on a little shopping spree and nearly lose track of time. It's already 6 in the evening when I arrive back in the garage of Escala. I quickly put my gun from the glove department into my purse and leave my car. As I walk towards the elevator someone jumps up from behind a car and tries to take my purse from me.

I know that this is the most stupid thing to do, but I hold on to my purse. I can almost hear my Dad yell at me to let the damn thing go as the guy looks like a drug addict and could easily harm me, but my gun is in the purse and also the USB flash drive with all my research and notes including Christian's names, so there is no way I can let go of my purse.

"Let it go, stupid bitch" the guy yells at me and I do the only thing I can and that is to kick him in the balls. But he doesn't even go down and instead he pushes me away, I stumble and fall still holding on to my purse and as I am on the ground he kicks me first in the ribs and then against the head.

"Hey" I hear a woman yell. I think it is Kate, but everything is such a blur that I am not sure and as I see her kneel down next to me I pass out.

Two hours later I am in a private suite at the northwest hospital and Kate has just left. I have to stay the night as I have a concussion, but at least I kept my purse, I think to myself and groan in frustration. From now on I will never again take that darn flash drive with me. Imagine Christian has nothing to do with Emma's disappearance and this gets in the wrong hands. It would ruin his reputation and it would be all my fault. And as I think this I realize that I should have been at Christian's over an hour ago. _Fuck!  
_  
I reach for my purse take my phone out which is silenced and cringe. 10 missed calls from Christian. I don't even bother to open one of the five texts and call him.

He picks up after the first ring. "Miss Steele, how nice of you to finally have the grace to call me back. If this is what you understand under punctuality then we are done..."

"No, please I am sorry. I am at the hospital and I only now had the chance to call you, please don't be mad at me" I beg because actually, I don't want him to be mad at me right now or maybe ever.

"What, why are you at the hospital?"

"Some crackhead assaulted me in the garage of Escala when I came home tonight. He wanted to steal my purse and I decided to act stupid and held onto it. That guy was so high he didn't even flinch when I kicked him in the balls. Instead he pushed me, I fell and he kicked me in the ribs and head. My neighbor Kate came home when it happened and he ran. I should have called you earlier, but Kate just left a couple of minutes ago."

"My god, are you alright?"

"Yes, just a concussion, they want to keep me overnight because I passed out and was unconscious for more than 15 minutes, now my ribs and head hurt, but nothing is fractured, I might get a bump and some bruises, but nothing serious. I can leave tomorrow morning."

"I see, has the police caught the guy?" he asks just as a nurse enters the room.

"No, they are still looking for him. I have to hang up now, a nurse just came in. I will be at your place around noon, good night."

"Good night, Anastasia." I end the call and the nurse gives me some pain medication and tells me that I should rest now. So I take the pills and a couple of minutes later I am asleep.

When I wake the next morning, I need to blink a couple of times until my eyes start to focus. At first I am little confused where I am, but then I remember where I am. I sit up in bed and wince, because my head starts to spin and my ribs hurt.

"Anastasia, are you okay?" I jump when I hear a voice and turn my head into the direction where the voice came from and find Christian sitting in a chair by my bed.

"Christi... umm Sir, why are you here?"

"I was worried about you, I needed to make sure you are alright. I came here late last night, I must have fallen asleep in the chair. Do you want me to call a nurse?"

"No, I'm fine, thank you. I just need to use the bathroom." I manage to sit on the edge of the bed, but when I get up I feel dizzy and before I know it Christian has picked me up bridal style and carries me into the bathroom. He puts me to my feet in front of the toilet and leans against the sink. I wait for him to leave, but he doesn't move.

"Could you please leave, Sir?"

"No, I don't want you to fall, just take care of your business." I want to argue with him, but my head hurts and I am still slightly dizzy, so I just pull the ugly hospital gown up, sit down on the toilet and pee. Once I'm done I quickly wipe myself, flush the toilet and he moves out of the way so I can wash my hands at the sink. I look at myself in the mirror and groan. I look like shit. My hair is a mess, I am pale and I have dark circles under my eyes. I splash some cold water in my face, but it is no help. So, I decide to ignore the way I look this morning and Christian helps me back in bed.

"Could you please hand me my purse, Sir?" I ask because it is now on the table in the corner, out of my reach.

"Just tell me what to you need, Anastasia."

"There is a hair brush and hair tie in my purse" I tell him and he grabs my purse opens it and gasps.

"What on earth? Why do you carry a gun in your purse? Do you even know how to handle that damn thing?" He rants and I want to roll my eyes, but stop last minute remembering that he doesn't like that at all.

"I have a licence for the gun, Sir. Actually, I have another gun at my apartment. My parents wanted me to know how to protect myself. I not only know how to handle a gun, but I also had many defense classes, though I guess I need some more classes as I didn't handle myself too well yesterday" I mutter and he hands me the hairbrush and hair tie.

"I want you to rest at my penthouse today, Anastasia. We can't start your training today, seeing that you are not well, but I don't want you to be alone today."

"I can take care of myself, I really don't want to bur..."

"Anastasia, as your Dom it is my job to take care of you. We will not argue about this, understand?" his voice makes it clear that I am not going to win this argument so I decide to not even try.

"Yes, thank you, Sir." as I say this a nurse comes in and when she sees Christian her mouth pops open, she blushes and stares at him as if she wanted to jump him right here in front of me. _Damn it, don't look at him like this, he is mine... well kind of!_

"I umm ... I'm your nurse this morning Miss Steele, my name is Melanie, how is your head this morning?"

"It hurts and I'm still a little dizzy, though this could be because I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday." I wasn't allowed to eat last night, to make sure I wouldn't throw up and to be honest, I was way to dizzy to eat, but now I am really hungry.

"I will get you pain relief for your head and your breakfast. Do you want me to get you a breakfast, too Sir?" she asks Christian and he nods and thanks her. She leaves and nearly walks head first against the door as she is still ogling Christian on her way out. Okay, I admit it, I am jealous and I want to strangle her. Shit, so much for keeping things casual between Christian and I. My training hasn't even started and I already have feelings for him I shouldn't have, that is not good at all. I try to distract myself by brushing my hair and wince again as the brush touches the bump on my head.

"Let me" he says and holds his hand out for the brush. I hand it to him and turn. After five minutes he has carefully brushed my hair and braided it. Well, I didn't think he would know how to braid hair, but then again I barely know anything about him.

"Thank you, Sir" I say and the door opens. The nurse comes in balancing two trays of breakfast. She places one on the portable tray and the other one on the small table in the corner.

"The doctor will be with you shortly, Miss Steele. Please let me know if either you needs anything" she says and leaves when I thank her. As I feared the food is gross, but I am too hungry to really care.

"Why didn't you eat dinner yesterday?" Christian asks while eating his breakfast.

"I wanted to have dinner at home, but I never got the chance to get to my apartment. When I got into the room here my doctor advised me not to eat, to avoid getting sick. And with the headache I had all I wanted was to sleep, Sir."

He nods, seemingly okay with my answer and we continue to eat in silence until the doctor comes in. He checks on me and then tells me that I am good to go and just need to take care of the paperwork.

An hour later I am with Christian in his Audi R8 and he is driving us back to Escala.

"The car is amazing, Sir"

"Yes it is, and the color is much nicer than the color of your car." he says with a grin and I pout.

"With all due respect, but I love the color of my car. Besides, for most parts black isn't a color but merely the absence of light, Sir." I point out smirking and he raises one eye brow.

"Careful, Miss Steele no one likes a smartass." he warns me, but his voice sounds amused.

"I will endeavour to keep that in mind, Sir" I tell him and 15 minutes later we are at my apartment where I gather some things and then we leave and wait for the elevator.

"Hey Anastasia." I hear Matt's voice and cringe. _Shit, why did he have to see me with Christian?  
_  
"Hi Matt."

"Are you alright? You look pale."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Anastasia said she is fine Mr. Turner." Christian says and his voice is so cold that I would hate it if he would talk to me in that tone of voice.

"Well, she doesn't look fine to me Mr. Grey and as her neighbor and friend I think I am entitled to worry if I see her like this."

"You don't have to worry about her. She is going to stay at my penthouse for the rest of the weekend. Her father and I have done business together in the past and he asked me to look after her as a favor I owed him."

"Yeah right, like the time you dragged Emma into the elevator while she was drunk? Anastasia, be careful with him, don't trust the guy or you might be the next who disappears without a trace" he says goes back to his apartment and slams the door shut. I have no idea what to say and Christian is radiating tension as we step into the elevator and ride up to his apartment. Neither of us says a word as he walks with me to the guest room and once inside he turns to leave, but stops just outside the door.

"Ask me" he says as he turns around and I frown.

"Excuse me?"

"Ask me about Emma!" he says and I sit down on the bed. This is it, I know I am close to getting more answer and now I am actually afraid to ask, but I ask the one question I know he wants to hear.

"Was Emma your submissive?"

He takes a deep breath and sits down next to me, so I have to turn a little to look at him.

"Yes. We met when she signed her rental agreement. She fitted my type. Petite, pale skin, a brunette and clearly intelligent. Very much like you. I wanted her as my sub and I was delighted when I discovered that she was an established submissive. She became my sub a couple of months after she moved in and at first everything was normal. What one would expect from a Dom-sub relationship, but with time the sexual attraction was just gone. It didn't feel ... right, for me to fuck her. I can't explain it and I never felt that way before. I knew that she felt it too, but neither of us said anything. I had to go away on business for two weeks, when I returned I tried to contact her, but my calls went straight to voice mail. I went to her apartment and found that she was gone and so were all of her belongings. I tried to find her, but my team couldn't find a trace. Just some emails she has sent to friends that she wanted to leave town and start over somewhere else. It was only after she had left that I discovered that she had a second Dom. That sleezeball Jack Hyde, he lived here too. I also found out that it was him who paid her rent. He has a bad reputation in the scene. Very generous, but also vicious and with stalker tendencies. So, I figured she wanted to get away from him. I'm sorry that I had to lie to you when you first asked me about Emma. I hate to lie, but I am sure you understand that my lifestyle is nothing I can talk about to strangers."

"Yes, I understand. Can I ask one more question?"

"Of course."

"Why was Matt acting so hostile towards you?"

"The fucker is bi-sexual. One night when I came home he was in the elevator with me and tried his luck. I told him I wasn't interested and that I am not gay. He didn't get the message and lost a tooth when he tried to touch me. I paid him 100000 dollar to make him forget it ever happened, he also signed an NDA. But Anastasia, there is something really wrong with the guy. Call it gut instinct, but I want you to stay the hell away from him. Do not talk to him or have any contact with him, if you do and I find out, I will punish you for it. I have your best interest at heart, so do not defy me on this."

"I won't, Sir."

"Good girl. Now rest. I will order lunch in about three hours, try to sleep until then. If you want to change there are clothes in your walk in closet. Maybe if you feel better tomorrow we can play a little." he says kisses my forehead and leaves.

I sit down and think about all the things he has just told me and then it dawns on me. Christian is Sir, what he told me matches what Emma wrote in her journal. She started their relationship after she was already involved with Mr. Hyde and he also told me that in the last weeks of their contract they did not have sex. It really fits. So, now I know Christian is Sir and Jack Hyde is Master. All I need to do now is to find out if Hyde has anything to do with Emma's disappearance or if Matt has something to do with it, because even though he tends to have relationships with men, it doesn't mean that he can't have anything to do with what has happened to Emma. But at least once I have checked if Christian was really away on business in the time Emma disappeared I can rule him out and just enjoy our arrangement while I find out what really happened to Emma...


	10. Chapter 10

_**Because I had many requests I decided to post this chapter before saturday. Just a small warning, this is the last pre-written chapter I have for this story... I will try to keep my updating schedule and update every saturday, but I can't promise...**_

_**Day 11 - The Journal**_

I wake up and look at the clock on the nightstand. It's only a little after 7 in the morning, so I still have time until I have to get up. I stretch and notice that my ribs no longer hurt and my headache is almost completely gone. Actually, I feel good. I sit up and frown when I see a box lying on the chest of drawers. I get up and see that there is a note on top of it.

_Anastasia,_

The outfit I want you to wear for today is in the box. I expect breakfast at 8:30 am.

Christian Grey

I open the box and inside is a pair of black Louboutains high heels and a black lace teddy. Okay, so he likes lace lingerie and high heels. It's just us here, so I can do this. I take a quick shower, blow dry my hair and leave it open as there were no instructions how to wear my hair and dress in the teddy and high heels.

Arriving in the kitchen I need a moment to find everything I need and start to make breakfast. Since I know that Christian is all about eating healthy I decide to make fruit salad, egg white omelette and a green juice for both of us. Just when everything is ready Christian emerges in the kitchen and sits down at the breakfast bar.

"Good morning, Anastasia."

"Good morning, Sir" I say as I place his breakfast in front of him.

"How are you feeling this morning, Anastasia?"

"Very good, thank you Sir, my ribs don't hurt anymore and my headache is almost gone."

"Good, sit and eat. Is the coffee ready?"

"Oh, I am sorry. I didn't make any coffee. I'll get right on it." I hurry over to the machine and start the coffee. So, much for living healthy... having coffee first thing in the morning is not good.

"Don't you drink coffee with your breakfast, Anastasia?"

"I try to avoid it, Sir. I recently read in a health magazine that it is best to wait with the first coffee of the day until you are up for at least two hours, the body produces natural cortisol which wakes you up, so it is best to have the first coffee about two hours after waking up, so it keeps you more productive. I switched to having a green juice with my breakfast and it makes me feel more energetic throughout the day." I tell him and he rubs his chin thoughtful.

"Well, I guess it doesn't hurt to try. So, what's in this green juice?"

"Green apples, lime, parsley, kale, cucumber, celery and a tiny bit of ginger" I watch him take a sip and he seems pleasantly surprised by the flavor which was pretty much my reaction after trying it for the first time.

"It's good. I think I could get used to it." he says more to himself than to me so I sit down and we eat in comfortable silence and I put everything away and clean after we are finished while he watches me. Actually, I feel a lot more naked in this lingerie than I would if I were naked. Maybe it is because he is watching my every move...

"I am going to work out for a while. Make yourself at home, Anastasia. Are you still planing to cook for us tonight... you know the german meal you talked about?"

"Yes, it's all here, Sir."

He nods and leaves. I am bored. There is nothing for me to do here, so I go back to the guest room, flop down on the bed and grab my purple Macbook Pro from my overnight bag and decide to do some research. After all now that I know Christian is Sir, I can almost rule him out from my list of suspects. All I need to do is find out if he really was away on the weekend Emma went missing. And 20 minutes later I have my proof. There are pictures of Christian at a function in London at the time Emma disappeared.

So, now my main suspects are Jack Hyde and Matt Turner. Both knew Emma and Jack was her Dom. If he found out about Christian and Emma he might lost it and killed her. Though he seemed to genuinely care for Emma, of course that could have been all a show he put on so he wouldn't seem guilty of anything... I decide that I need to talk to him again. I just need to come up with a good excuse for doing so. Hell, he is an editor, I could just give him a call and ask him if he could help me getting published once I have written my book. Since Jack is away for the weekend I decide to call him on Monday and do a little more research on Kate.

After clicking through articles she has written recently and some from her time in college I stop when I see that she has done an interview with Christian for the college newspaper. She never told me that she met him and wow looking through the question they are very personal. It's a little odd that all those people I met somehow know each other in one way or another and Emma knew them all too. Maybe she discovered something that she shouldn't have... _great now I am sounding like a conspiracy fanatic again.  
_  
I decide that I have done enough research for one morning and as I am not allowed to do exercises for a week I decide to play the piano a little. I make my way upstairs and find Christian in the kitchen pouring himself a coffee.

"Do you need anything Anastasia?"

"No Sir, I ... I was a little bored and I thought I could play the piano for a while, if you don't mind."

"No, that's fine. In fact, I will get my laptop and listen to you playing. Can you play classical pieces?"

"Of course, anything specific you would like me to play, Sir?"

"Something soothing." he says gets his laptop from his study and I sit down on the piano bench while he sits down on the sofa. Something soothing... I think for a second and smile. This might not be what he wanted me to play, but I decide to play _River flows in you, _which is better known as _Bella's lullaby _from_ Twilight_.

I start to play it and when I'm finished I change to Rhapsody on a theme by Rachmaninov. I play two more pieces when I hear him get up and he stands right behind me.

"Play the first song again Anastasia, the piece from Twilight. You will play it until I tell you stop, if you stop or climax I will punish you. Understand?"

"Yes Sir" I whisper and for a moment I wonder what he has on his mind, but then his fingers glide across my collarbone and further down into the bra cups of the teddy I am wearing. He starts to massage my breasts slowly and I close my eyes and try to concentrate on pressing the right keys on the piano, which isn't exactly easy because he is now playing with my nipples and as he pinches them hard I hit the wrong key.

"Careful, Miss Steele. Don't mistreat my piano or there will be no orgasm for you this weekend" he whispers into my ear and I whimper a little.

"Hush, no sounds ... I just want to hear the music" he whispers and teasingly bites my earlobe. _How on earth am I going to keep playing like this? _Soon his hands are all over me and I do my best to keep playing... but it's hard.

"Tell me Anastasia, are you wet for me?"

"Yes, Sir"

"How wet?"

"Very" I moan and one of his hands slides under the teddy to find out if I told him the truth, which I did and he groans when he feels how wet I am.

"Do you want me to fuck you on the piano, Anastasia?" he growls into my ear.

"Yes, please Sir" my voice is so husky I barely recognize it myself, but I want him, now!

"Stop playing!" he orders and I immediately stop. I sit there and wait while he closes the lit and then he makes me stand up and slowly strips the teddy of me so I am naked except for my high heels.

He slowly walks around me and then lifts my chin. "You are a very beautiful woman, Anastasia. Do you know how beautiful you are?"

"No Sir" I whisper. I mean I know I am not ugly and before Peter decided to cheat on my I even considered myself as beautiful, but now I am not so sure.

"You are. Say it!" he snaps and for a moment I hesitate, so grabs my hair and pulls my head back a little. "Say it, Anastasia."

"I am beautiful, Sir" I whisper.

"That you are, a beauty like yours is rare, don't ever forget that." he says, lifts me on the piano and then pulls on my legs until the are hanging over his shoulders and my ass is suspended in the air.

"Hold on to the piano" he orders and I do as I am told. When his tongue makes contact with my aching clit a deep moan escapes me, but this time he doesn't seem to mind and I am glad because his tongue is magical and I have no idea how to hold back my orgasm.

"Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes" I gasp.

"Beg me!"

"Please, Sir, please" if he doesn't fuck me soon I will lose my mind!

"No... no. You have to be more specific, Anastasia. I want you tell me exactly what you want" he says playing with my desperate need to have him... but if he wants me to be more specific I can do that.

"I want you to thrust your thick cock inside me and fuck me hard..."

"Oh my goodness!" I freeze when I hear those words cried out from a female voice followed by Christian's gasp "Mom!"

_Mom? Mom! His mother? _Oh. My. God. I am naked on a piano with Christian's head between my legs and his mother just walked in on us? _Can I please die now?_

Christian quickly lifts me from the piano and I hide behind him, seeing his mother who has turned around, but is still standing there. I don't care if I am getting punished for it, but I make a run for the stairs and hurry into the guest room. Fuck, his mother. I am so embarrassed I want the ground to swallow me up. Jesus H. Christ, she heard what I said... she must think I am a slut.

Great, this has to be the single most embarrassing moment of my life. I sit down on the bed and wrap the duvet around myself. Maybe I should get dressed and leave, but just when I think about it the door opens and Christian comes in. He looks not pleased at all.

"Get dressed, my mother wants to meet you." he snaps and my eyes widen. Meet his mother? Why?

"Anastasia, do not make me repeat myself!" oh boy, he is fucking pissed, so I hurry into the walk in closet and quickly put a white knitted dress and some leggings on, instead of the high heels I slip some flats on and quickly put my hair into a messy bun and follow Christian downstairs.

His mother gets up from the sofa the moment she sees me and my face is a flame. _How am I supposed to look this woman in the eyes?  
_  
"Hello, I am Grace Trevelyan-Grey. Christian's mother and you are Anastasia, right?"

"Yes, it's nice to meet you, Dr. Trevelyan-Grey."

"Well, it would have been nice to meet you earlier, Anastasia, but my son seems to think introducing his girlfriend to his parents is not necessary." she says a little hurt and I have no idea what to answer. _His girlfriend? _

"Mom, please! It's not Anastasia fault, we just met recently. Anastasia and I wanted to make sure our relationship would work before we wanted to tell everyone. But I guess now that you know, we can just make it official. So, Mom, meet my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele. Anastasia I am pleased to introduce you to my mother Grace Trevelyan-Grey" Christian says and I am not sure what to do... his girlfriend? Oh my god, how can he lie so smoothly to his own mother?

Can I believe anything he told me when he lies so smoothly? I know this is not the right time to think about this so I just give his mom a warm smile and put on my happy face as Christian wraps one arm around my waist. I play along with his charade and like a good girlfriend I offer his mother something to drink and ask her if she wants to have lunch with us which she politely denies.

"So, it was a pleasure to meet you, Anastasia and I will see you on Saturday. Christian has asked you, right?" she asks me and I have no idea what she is talking about.

"No mom, you've beat me to it, but we will be there, don't worry." he says and gives his mother a kiss on the cheek before escorting her to the elevator. When he returns his mouth is pressed into a hard line.

"Leave!" he hisses.

"I... I'm sorry, Sir ... I"

"Get out now" he yells and kicks one of the bar stools across the kitchen. I don't lose anytime I dart upstairs get my stuff and I am out of the penthouse in less than two minutes. And it is not before I am safe in my apartment sitting on the sofa that I start to shake. Maybe I got this all wrong. Christian lied so smoothly to his mother and his outburst... he actually scared the hell out of me.

I know he was out of town when Emma disappeared, but what if she really was travelling first and he was so mad that she left without telling him, that he tracked her down and just lost it? Fuck, I must not think like this... I must not think like this...

To distract myself I decide to make lunch. Cooking always distracts me. So, I look through the contents of my fridge and pantry and decide to make tuna rolls for lunch. But even while I cook I can't get his outburst out of my head. I am not even sure if this means that our contract is over... and if not, maybe I should end it. Maybe this all was a bad idea, maybe I am in way over my head and soon I will be the one who is missing.

No, I can't think like that. A 25 year old woman just disappeared and no one in this world cared enough about her to find out what happened to her. That's just not right... if she is dead, then she deserves to be found. I started this and I will go through with it. If in the end it turns out that I got it all wrong and Emma is alive, living happily somewhere else, then I will be happy for her. But if not she deserves to get justice and I never met this woman, but I feel so drawn to her that I need to know what happened to her.

In the evening I start to think about what to make for dinner when I hear someone knock at my door. I open and find Christian who to my surprise is holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"Hi, can I come in?" he asks and if I am not mistaken he is nervous. I take a step back to let him in and usher him into my livingroom.

"Can I offer you a drink, Sir?"

"Forget the Sir for now, just call me Christian. We need to talk and um... these are for you" he hands me the flowers and I frown.

"My shrink told me that I needed to apologize for my behavior" he mutters and I smile.

"Well, apology accepted, I get a vase, do you want something to drink?"

"Yes, a white wine if you have."

"Sure" I quickly go to the kitchen put the flowers in a vase and get two glasses of white wine.

"Thank you" Christian says as I hand him the wine and takes a sip. "I didn't mean to scare you earlier, Anastasia. I have ... anger issues. When ever I feel like I am not in control I get very angry. What I usually do in situations like that is to take my sub into the playroom and have her completely surrender to me. I couldn't do that with you and it only fueled my anger. I want our arrangement to work, so I have to earn your trust first and of course we have to work up to the scenes I have in mind with you. I needed you out of the apartment so I wouldn't be tempted to order you into the playroom anyway. I had my shrink come over, we talked and after that and a five miles run I felt the need to explain to you what happened."

I look at him... he sure has some demons and I am not sure what to think. The rational part of me tells me that I should end this now. But the other part of me doesn't want to. There is something about Christian that makes me feel safe, even though this seems ridiculous after his outburst.

"I would understand if you want to end the contract... but I would like it if you wouldn't do it. I want you Anastasia and I know we can make our arrangement work." he says and before I can even think about it I hear myself say "I don't want to end the contract, but ... what about your mother?"

"Well, I hate to lie to my mother, but since she believes you are my girlfriend I think it would be best to just play the part for my family, as long as our arrangement lasts." he says looking uncomfortable with that and I take a huge sip of wine.

"That bad, huh?" he says with a smirk, but if I am not mistaken he sounds a little hurt.

"No, just... I hate to lie and this is going to be complicated. We need to come up with a back story and..."

"Backstory?"

"Well, if someone asks us how we met our answers should be the same. Then there are other things we need to come up with, like our first date and things a couple should know about the other."

"Like what?"

"Birthday... things you hate, things you love... hobbies ... oh do you snore?"

"How would I know if I snore?" he asks and I giggle.

"I don't know, but I guess if so far no one has told you, we will just assume that you don't snore."

"Do you snore?"He chuckles.

"No, but I talk in my sleep."

"What?"

"I talk in my sleep."

"How do you know that you do that?"

"Several people told me."

He raises one brow and looks pissed. "Excuse me if I am wrong, but I assumed other than your ex and now me there was no one with whom you were intimate."

"There wasn't, but I had sleepovers with my girl friends and as a small child I would some times have nightmares and sleep in my parents bed. Oh, and since I want to be honest, I did have sex with a woman once." I murmur a little embarrassed and his eyes nearly pop out of his head.

"You are bi-sexual?"

"No, I was just curious and I live by the philosophy that you can't say you don't like something until you have tried it. It was good, but I never felt the need to repeat it. Have you ever tried something with a man?"

"What? No! I am not gay!" he looks appalled and I laugh. "Sorry, but for someone who takes part in a lifestyle like BDSM I thought you would be open to try new things."

"I am, if it includes a woman. Anyway, I think it is best if we both compile a list with things about us the other should know."

"Okay, so what was your mother talking about earlier when you told her we would be there?"

"The charity event, you know... the one you told your mom you couldn't attend."

"Oh... okay, well I will just tell my mom that I have changed my mind."

"Are you going to tell your parents?"

"Tell my parents what?" I ask confused.

"That I am your... boyfriend" he says and I pale.

"Not if I can avoid it." I mutter and he gets to his feet.

"I see, well then it will be best if I leave now." he says clipped and I am not sure if he is hurt or pissed.

"Christian wait... I am not ashamed of you or anything like that. I just don't want to make this anymore complicated than it already is and if I tell my parents that I have a new boyfriend they will expect us to come to Chicago so they can meet you. My dad... he is like the biggest control freak ever when it comes to me and he will grill you. So if you want me to, I can tell them, but be prepared to make time in your schedule, because my Dad will demand to meet you ASAP."

"I understand, I guess you are right, it would only make things complicated... we will talk about this if your parents should find out about us. So, do you still want to cook for me tonight?"  
"Sure, though I have to cook something else, the meal I wanted to make takes three to four hours to cook and it's already 7 pm, so how about we stay here and I cook a stir fry for us?" I ask, though secretly I also want to stay here, because after his outburst I don't want to go back to the penthouse and give him a chance to drag me into the playroom.

"Works for me" he says and follows me into the kitchen. "Can I help you, Anastasia?"

"No, just sit and enjoy your wine." I give him a smile and he sits down at the breakfast bar.

"Do you enjoy to cook?"

"Yes, it's relaxing and I enjoy trying new recipes. I took some cooking classes while I was in college and the rest I learned from my Mom, my Grams and my Nana. Do you cook?"

"No, my kitchen skills only go so far as to the knowledge of how to heat things in the microwave." he says a little embarrassed.

"Maybe I could teach you some things." I grin and he chuckles.

"Believe me, Miss Steele, you wouldn't want me to ruin your kitchen or mine for that matter."

"Fair point well made, Mr. Grey. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How did you become a Dominant?"

"There are clubs where one can train"

"No, I mean when did you start and how did you know that this is what you like?"

He looks like he is miles away revisiting memories he doesn't like at all. "I was fifteen and a friend of my mothers introduced me to the lifestyle. She wanted me to become her submissive. I... was out of control at the time, desperate to fit in and she promised me that she could help me to get there. Anyway, after a month of her beating the shit out of me I was at her home ready to go into the playroom and suddenly Faith came in." he finishes his wine in one large gulp and I refill it for him.

"Thanks... where was I? Oh yes, Faith walked in and fuck me, she saw me knew right away what was going on and beat the shit out of Elena. They had been best friends for years, but the one thing Faith would never tolerate is to bring minors into the lifestyle. She gave me two minutes to get dressed and leave with her. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, hell, Faith was so mad she scared the crap out of me, so I followed her and she took me to her apartment. She managed what none of those asshole shrinks I was seeing at the time managed to do, she got me to open up. And by the end of the night she told me that I am not a submissive, she told me that if anything I would be a dominant one day."

He smiles at the memory and I have no idea what to say, he was lured into the lifestyle at 15? Christ, that is so fucked up.

"Faith also told me that I was too young to make that decision. She told me to go through highschool and college, try the girlfriend thing and if it wasn't for me and I was still drawn to the lifestyle I could come to the Black Satin and she would help me train to become a Dom. Let's just say highschool and college was a miserable time for me. I was trying to fit in, but I didn't. I went on a couple of dates, but ... it didn't go well. I have issues about touching and those girls were all over me. So, I went back to the club at nearly 20. Faith still thought I was too young, but I convinced her that I knew what I was getting myself into, so she caved in and I became a Dom."

"What do you mean, you have issues about touching?"

"That's a story for another time, now it's my turn to ask you questions, Miss Steele." he tries to sound at ease, but I can tell he does not want to touch that topic.

"Okay, what do you want to know."

"Why exactly did you decide to leave Chicago, I mean, I know that you left because of your ex, but you could have just avoided him."

"It was not just him. It was the media and all the awkwardness. As you know my father is very successful and the media always talked about me like I was Chicago's princess. I ignored them mostly and tried to live a normal life. I didn't mind the paparazzi occasionally taking a picture of me, but they became so intense after my break-up with Peter that my Dad had to hire security for me. I saw my picture on the news every day, I couldn't leave my apartment without them hunting me and all those lies in the news it was just too much. And then my friends... Peter and I grew up together, so we always had the same friends and now it was awkward for them... you know should they invite both of us for dinners and parties or only one... what would happen if I would see him with my former best friend and all of those things. In the end I just had enough, I just wanted to be me again and not Anastasia Steele, the girl who got cheated on by her fiancé and best friend. So, I decided to move to Seattle, I love the town, my grandparents used to live not far from here so I know the area."

"Don't you miss your family and going out with friends?"

"I Skype with my parents or talk to them on the phone every day at least once and as for going out with friends... I was never that kind of girl. I mean sure I went to parties in college or went to clubs some times, but I am the most happy if I can stay at home, cook a nice meal and spent the evening on the sofa with a good glass of wine reading a book or watching a movie. It may sound boring, but I saw to many of my friends from highschool and college losing focus on the important things like getting a good degree and building a career by partying their life away."

While I am talking I continue to cut the veggies and put them in the pan. Christian nods in agreement of what I just told him and then frowns. "You know, I just realised I am your rebound guy" he smirks and I laugh.

"I don't believe in such things, maybe some women need a rebound guy after a break up, but I don't need it. It's like some women who cut their hair after a break up, I wouldn't do that... but then again maybe moving to Seattle was my thing to do to cope with the break up."

He clears his throat and seems worried to ask the next question, but does it anyway. "Do you still love him?"

"No, the more I think about it the more I realise that Peter was just a safe choice for me. I knew him all my life, I knew all of his flaws and good sides, there was nothing unexpected. Boring in a way, but safe. Though to be honest I only now realise that he was and still is a selfish ass. I was always the one to make sacrifices so our relationship would work and I would have continued to do so, if he hadn't cheated on me. I was constantly worried what I would do without him and the sad truth is I am way better off without him."

While we are having dinner we come up with a story about how we met and where we went for our first date, so our stories match if someone asks us. After dinner we sit together with a glass of wine until he gets up.

"I have to leave now. I'll see you on friday, I can't wait to get you into the playroom."

"You can fuck me now if you want to" I smirk and he raises one brow at him.

"Miss Steele, I am shocked that you would talk so bluntly. But, as tempting as this offer is, I have a lot of work to finish tonight and an early breakfast meeting tomorrow, so I need to go."

Shit, I was so hoping he would fuck me tonight, well I guess my vibrator it is for tonight, I think to myself as I walk him to the door.

He leans down and presses a soft kiss to my lips. "Friday, and do not touch yourself I will know if you do and spank you for it" he whispers into my ear and with that he is gone, leaving me hot and bothered. _Shit, how am I going to wait until friday without touching myself?  
_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Day 13 - The Journal  
**_  
Today is Tuesday and I am so bored. I have nothing to do and my research is stuck. I called Jack Hyde and he agreed to meet with me again, but that is still two days away. I also want to talk to Matt again, but I saw him briefly yesterday and he told me that he has to go away for a photo job and won't be back for the next two weeks. I could try to talk to Kate again, but I am not sure how she could be any help at this point. My only other option is Faith, but I am sure she would tell Christian, if I came up to her and asked her questions about Emma. _Crap, I have no idea what to do now...  
_  
Normally, I would just go for a run to clear my thoughts, but I can't because I was advised to stay away from any kind of exercise for a week. So, I decide to just distract myself by reading. I get up from the my couch and look through the books in one of the shelves hoping that one will catch my interest. I am just about to give up when someone knocks at my apartment door. I hurry to the door and open it to reveal a young, beautiful brunette who is smiling brightly at me. I have no idea who she is, but for some reason I am sure I have seen her face before.

"Hi, you have no idea who I am, right?" she grins.

"No, actually not." I mutter and she rolls her eyes. "I knew he wouldn't tell you about me, my brother can be such an ass... oh sorry, I am Mia, Christian's sister."

His sister? What on earth does she want?

"Oh ... um hi, if you want to see Christian, I am sure he is still at Grey House."

"I know, I wanted to see you. Can I come in?"

"Sure" I let her in and lead her into the kitchen.

"So, Mia... to what do I owe your visit?" I ask as I get two glasses and fill them with sparkling water. I offer her one of the glasses and she takes it with a smile.

"Thanks, I wanted to meet you, Anastasia. Ever since Mom told me on Sunday that Christian has a girlfriend I wanted to meet you. I've waited all day yesterday for him to call me and ask me if I want to meet you, but he didn't. So, I had to take matters in my own hands. I thought we could go dress shopping together. Do you have time?"

"Umm... just a minute... sorry, I really have to pee, make yourself at home." I hurry into my bathroom. I would like to go dress shopping with Mia, but I have no idea how Christian feels about me hanging out with his sister, so I better ask him before I get myself into trouble.

I dial his number and he picks up after the second ring. "Anastasia, is something wrong?"

"No, well maybe. Your sister is here at my apartment, she wants to go dress shopping with me."

"My sister?"

"Yes, Mia, a very beautiful brunette, a bit taller than me and very bubbly. She told me she waited all day yesterday for you to call her, so she could meet me and because you didn't do that she came here to meet me."

"Fuck me, that sounds like shit Mia would pull. Just tell her you don't have the time to go shopping."

"Okay... umm, actually I'm kind of bored and... nevermind." for a second I think he is not going to say anything, but then he answers.

"Do you want to go shopping with her Anastasia?"

"Yes, I need to go buy a dress for Saturday anyway and it's always good to have someone with me, so I can ask for her opinion."

"Good, then go shopping with her. Oh and Anastasia, I want your dress to look sexy, but in a classy way."

"Okay, thank you, Sir"

"Your welcome, Anastasia." he hangs up and I return to my kitchen. "About the shopping, I'm in. I guess you know all the good boutiques and stores around here." I grin and Mia grins back. "You can bet on it"

After five hours of shopping Mia and I are both exhausted, but decide that instead of having dinner at a restaurant, we could just cook at my place. Christian and I exchanged some texts throughout the day, so he knows that Mia and I are cooking together and I am sure he will show up at some point of the evening.

Mia and I decide to make sushi for dinner, and while we are preparing everything she tells me stories about growing up with two brothers.

"Do you have siblings, Anastasia?"

"No, I always wanted a sister or a brother, but my mom couldn't get pregnant again after having me."

"That sucks, I couldn't even imagine a life without my brothers, though sometimes I wanted to kill them. They would always tease me. Especially Elliot, growing up he was a pain in the ass sometimes. Christian... not so much. If anything he is too over protective, but I guess you know that by now."

"Maybe, but I prefer having a boyfriend who is protective of me than one who doesn't care at all."

"You know, Christian never had a girlfriend, he dated a couple of times in college, but it never went far. I guess most women don't deal well with it, if their boyfriend doesn't want them to touch him. How do you deal with it?"

I frown, it's not like Christian doesn't want to be touched at all, it's just his chest and back... I am curious why, but I guess I have to wait until he opens up about it or just live with it for now.

"I respect his boundaries, he is a great guy and it is not like I can't touch him at all." I say with a wink and she shudders.

"Eww, sorry but total TMI." she squeaks and I laugh just when there is a knock at the door.

"That must be Christian, I let him in" Mia says and hurries away. When they return and I see Christian dressed in a gray shirt with the sleeves rolled up and blue jeans, I want to jump him. I've been a ball of sexual frustration ever since his mother interrupted us on Sunday. He sees me gives me a crooked smile and strolls over to me.

"Good evening, baby" he murmurs and kisses me. Fuck, I don't care if this gets me a spanking, but the moment our lips touch I take over and press my body against his shamelessly while I push my tongue into his mouth. I kiss him with all that I have and he is right there with me, until we hear Mia clearing her throat vehemently and back away from each other.

"Get a room you two" she giggles, but seems delighted to see her brother with a woman.

"We might do that later" he winks at her making not only her, but me too blush, even before he leans in and whispers into my ear. "Good girl, I can tell you have not touched yourself so far, I bet you are dripping wet right now."

I know he is teasing me, but I am sure that my face is bright red and the smug bastard smirks at me. Damn it, either he has an insane self-control or the no touching yourself rule does not apply to him, I suspect it's option number two.

"I hope you like sushi, Christian." I mutter trying to get to a more suitable topic for us as long as his sister is here.

"I do, so have you two found dresses for Saturday" and with that Mia starts to tell Christian all about our shopping trip, while I put the finishing touches to the sushi.

Because Mia thinks that it is more japanese style to eat the sushi cross-legged on the floor around the coffee table we indulge her and enjoy the sushi while sitting on the floor.

"How do you both do that" Mia pouts when she watches Christian and I eating with chopsticks while she eats the sushi with her fingers.

"I don't know it's easy, here, let me show you" I lean forward and try to teach her how to use the chopsticks which is very easy to do with sushi, but somehow Mia makes it look very difficult. And suddenly I feel Christian's hand gliding up my thigh until it disappears under my skirt. _Shit, is he kidding? _I am in my livingroom, on the floor on my knees, trying to show his sister how to eat with chopsticks and his fingers push my panties aside and gently stroke over my folds. _Damn it, he is insane! _And just when I think he is just teasing me he pushes one finger inside me.

"Wait... like this Anastasia?... oh shit" Mia mutters when the piece she just picked up lands with a flip back on her plate.

"Umm... yes, just hold them closer" I somehow get out and when Christian pushes a second finger inside me I kick his knee. _Oh, you have got to be kidding me, the damned bastard is chuckling. _I turn my head to him and give him a dirty look, which in turn makes him lick his lips before he gives me a big boyish grin.

"I give up, these things are not made for me." Mia gives up with a deep sigh and I sit back again forcing Christian to remove his fingers.

"The food is delicious, Anastasia." he purrs and I blush fifty shades of crimson when he puts first one and then the second finger that was inside of me in his mouth and sucks on it before popping it back out.

"Well, umm... thanks... does anyone want something to drink?"

"Yes, please. More wine" Christian says and Mia shakes her head. I take Christian's glass and hurry into the kitchen.

"You are blushing, Miss Steele" I hear Christian's amused voice when I fill the glass.

"I cannot believe you just did that" I mutter and turn around to glare at him, but his gaze is forbidding which makes me lower mine immediately. _Shit, he changes his moods so fast it's hard to keep up with.  
_  
"Careful Anastasia, that kick you landed three minutes ago is going to cost you your first punishment, you do not want to add to that." he warns.

"But your sister was in the room with us!" _he has got to be kidding!_

"I don't care. You are mine to do with as I please, understand?" he snaps.

"Yes, Sir" I mutter contrite. I decide it is best to indulge him if he wants to go all Sir on me, though we might need to get a set of rules for times we are spending with his family, finger fucking me in their presence is a hard limit for me.

"Good, now smile, we are going back" he says and I hand him his glass of wine and follow him into the living room.

For the rest of the evening he teases me in one way or another and I can hardly wait for Mia to leave, so he is finally going to fuck me.

"It's getting late, I better head home. It was great meeting you, Anastasia. I'm looking forward to Saturday, oh can I count you in for the first dance auction?" Mia asks and I look at Christian. Normally, I don't like to participate in such things, but it is for a good cause.

"Sure Mia, put her on the list." Christian says and gets up. "I'll accompany you to the garage, I have to leave anyway, there is a lot of work waiting for me." he says and my eyes widen in horror. This has to be a joke. All night he made sure that I am horny as hell and now he is leaving me hanging again?

I stare at him, he smirks at me and leans in closer to whisper into my ear. "This is your punishment for kicking me, Anastasia. I had planned to make you come on every flat surface in this apartment tonight, but now you have to wait until Friday and I am not sure you have earned yourself the privilege of having an orgasm even then..."

_What? No! This is so not fair... _and before I can even react I find myself saying goodbye to Mia and they are both gone. _Well fuck!_

I flop down on the sofa and empty my glass of wine, but it's no help. So, I walk into the kitchen and get a bottle of vodka from the freezer. Three shots later I decide that I can do what ever I want. I take my phone and in my slightly drunken state I decide to send Christian a text.

_***Goodnight, Sir. Having a date with my vibrator now... Anastasia.*  
**_  
_Hah, there that told him! _I have another shot and turn the lights off before heading into my bedroom where I strip out of my clothes and walk into the bathroom to draw a bath. I'm just about to choose which bath oil I want to use when someone grabs me from behind and I start to scream bloody murder.

"Anastasia stop!" _What the hell? It's Christian!_

"Have you lost your fucking mind? You scared the hell out of me and how the hell did you manage to get into my apartment?" I yell at him when he puts me back down to my feet.

"Calm down! I don't think it is very polite to yell at me like that!" he snaps his voice a clear warning, but I am too mad to care.

"How did you get into my apartment, Christian?" I put my hands on my hips and glare at him, not giving a hoot that I am naked and that he is my Dom.

"When I had the locksmith changing your locks I asked Taylor to get a spare set of your keys for me."

"What the hell! And when exactly did you planing to tell me this?"

"I am telling you now, and if I were you I would watch my mouth, because that little text of yours is getting you a punishment now!" he hisses and I blanch... _oh crap._

"Got your attention now?" He chuckles and lifts my chin with one finger forcing me to look him into his eyes. "What you fail to understand Anastasia is that you are not the one who calls the shots in this relationship. So, whether you've sent that text to mock me or because you hoped that I would come back and give you what you want, all it is going to get you is a good spanking, so you won't do it again."

Well, a spanking is not that bad, the last time in the club was actually pretty hot, though somehow I have a feeling that this time it is going to be very different.

"After I've spanked you, I am going to fuck you... for my pleasure not yours. Do not come or I will hit you 6 times with my belt."

My eyes widen in horror... oh my god, he just threatened me to hit me with his belt. Suddenly, I feel like running, fast and as far away as possible. This is not good... shit I remember that a belt was one of the mentioned implements for a punishment in the contract, but I thought by belt he meant one of those leather straps from the rack in his playroom. Not that he would take his belt off and hit me with it. Not that one of the leather straps I saw would hurt less, but for some strange reason those don't scare while him using his belt to hit me screams abusive boyfriend.

"Cat got your tongue?" he grins and something about him being so arrogant makes me really angry.

"Okay, that's enough! Give me those fucking spare keys and get the fuck out of my apartment and once you're back at your penthouse take the contract roll it up and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. I'm done with this shit, hell if I want to feel used and get beaten with a bloody belt I can find myself an abusive boyfriend anytime! Shit, I can't believe I was stupid enough to sign that contract, let's face it I don't have a submissive bone in my body..." I storm into my closet and put the first nightgown on that I can find all the while I continue my outburst.

"And by the way punishing me because I kicked you so you would stop finger fucking me while your sister is in the same room with us is just ridiculous. Christ, don't you have any boundaries? Or maybe you enjoy to humiliate me in front of others, well guess what I don't like it. Been there done that and I am sure as fuck not going back!" I stop and he stares at me completely dumbfounded.

"You... you are ending the contract?" he asks finally. Shit... I kind of said that... I look at him and the truth is I don't want to end the contract, but I am so mad at him right now.

"I don't know what I want Christian! Honestly, I like you... maybe more than I should and I don't even know why, because 90 percent of the time you act like an arrogant ass."

"Is this you trying to avoid your punishment?" he asks frowning.

_Oh for fuck's sake! _"No! Though I have to admit that I don't believe that I deserve a spanking, but if you see it that way, fine. But threatening me to hit me with your belt... that's a whole different story. And why would I even want you to fuck me if I am not allowed to come anyway. I mean honestly what's the point of fucking if I don't get anything out of it and end up being more frustrated than I was before, thanks but I'll pass on that one."

"It's about you wanting to please me." he says simply and I can't help but laugh.

"Sorry Christian, but to me that's not how it works. I'm not a brainless sexdoll and what about pleasing me? Because right now I am less than pleased with you and if you say as much as this doesn't matter I will start to scream!"

Christian looks at me almost helpless, he is completely out of his depth. It's almost comical, though I guess in reality it's tragic, no one ever told him that he can't treat a woman like a sex toy.

"Fine, I see that I might have acted wrong by letting you wait for so long. You are new to this so you have to learn how to control your urges. I will spank you, but not tonight. Come here!"

"Why?" I ask cautiously.

"Because I am going to fuck you... you may come" he says looking sickeningly pleased with himself and I sigh.

"Christian, please. I had too much to drink, I am tired, my head hurts and I am not in the mood to have sex" I can't believe I just said that, but it's true I am so not in the mood right now.

"You are not in the mood?" He repeats looking as if this is a whole new concept to him.

"Yes, I am not in the mood. I want to go to bed, alone."

Suddenly he gets the most stubborn look on his face, like a three-year old who was just told he wouldn't get anymore cookies.

"Are you ending the contract, Anastasia?"

"No... maybe... I don't know Christian. It's just ... look what happened between us at the club, I enjoyed that... even the spanking and there is a part of me that enjoys being submissive... just not all the time. Tonight while your sister was here I was just being me and I thought that was okay with you, yet here you are wanting to punish me for being me. Maybe I shouldn't have sent you that text... but again that was just me being me and I am not sure if I can play a role for any extended period of time."

"But you did well at my penthouse."

"Yes, because that's your territory so to speak. Your home, your rules, but here in my home I want to be me Christian. I ... I need to think about this. Can you give me until tomorrow evening to really think this through?"

"Yes, I can do that. Maybe I can arrange for you to meet with Faith, she could come here tomorrow afternoon, so you two can talk." he offers and I nod. Maybe she can help me figure this out and I can ask her about Emma.

"Good, I'll see you tomorrow... my territory or yours?" he smirks and this time I have to laugh.

"I still owe you that german dinner, so my place it is."

"Good, I'll be here at 6:30 pm." he kisses my cheek and with that he is gone. I flop down on the bed and stare at the wall. Damn it, I have no idea what to do. I don't want to end the contract, but at the same time I'm not sure that I want to be in any kind of relationship with a man who has no problem threatening me to hit me with his belt. I guess a true submissive would see this as a normal punishment, but I don't. Looks like I am not the submissive type after all.

I hope tomorrow, once I've had a good nights sleep I can figure this out... there has to be a way for Christian and I to make this work... _because I can't imagine to let him go..._


	12. Chapter 12

_**Day 14 - The Journal**_

The next day I wake up and feel like shit. What on earth possessed me to have vodka shots, send that text to Christian and not expect him to show up, wanting to punish me? But then I remember how he came into my apartment with a spare set of keys I had no idea existed and how he threatened me to hit me with his belt and I decide, I am not sorry.

Instead I take a long shower, get dressed and start to make breakfast. Maybe I should just end the contract. After all I got all the information I needed from Christian, I know that he is Sir and I am sure he has nothing to do with Emma's disappearance. So, I could just end it and concentrate more on Matt and Jack Hyde, but the thing is, there is something about Christian, and I can't quite put my finger on what it is, that has me drawn to him.

It's not just his good looks. There are so many good-looking guys out there, but something about Christian is special. I'm just not sure if I can be what he needs and even if I can, deep down I know that what he needs is not what I need. I enjoy his kinky side, but sometimes what I really need is plain old vanilla. And more so, I need someone who I can call in the middle of the night just to talk, someone who wants more than just sex.

And that's the root of the problem. Suddenly it is so clear to me... I want a relationship. I want to be more than a sub to him, that is why I felt so used after I had sex with him when he just left the room. I am attracted to him in more than just a sexual way and playing his girlfriend just made that clear to me. I've sent him that text, because that is exactly what I would have done if I really were his girlfriend.

Shit, I am in Seattle for less than two weeks and I feel like my life here is just as complicated as it was in Chicago. The worst part is, I brought this all on myself. Had I just ignored those journals I wouldn't be in the middle of a possible murder mystery, I had not signed a contract turning me into the kinky sex slave of a sexy as fuck billionaire who obviously comes with a ton of issues I can't even begin to understand. But I did all that and here I am now, contemplating to go on with a relationship that is not going to make me happy and having to think about the possibility that the man I am slowly falling for is going to hit me with canes and whips and belts the second I do something he doesn't like.

My already complicated life has just turned into a complete mess. A small part of me wants to pack my things and just leave. But I can't. I've already ran when left Chicago, I can't make that a habit. No, I made my bed, so I guess now I have to lie in it. I will talk to Faith and talk to Christian, I will continue my efforts to find Emma and somehow make this all work. No more running!

Around noon Faith comes to visit me and we talk for almost three hours. Actually, I think I understand the whole lifestyle now a lot better. Maybe there is hope for me yet. As Faith is just about to leave I remember that I wanted to ask her about Emma.

"Did you meet Emma? Christian's former sub?" I ask her.

"Of course, I knew Emma quite well. Why?"

"She was the former resident of this apartment, when I moved in I've found some of her things and wanted to return them, but I no one I've asked seems to know where she went."

"Sorry, but I can't help you. I haven't heard from her since she has left Seattle... you remind me of her. Not just from your looks. Anyway, I have to leave now." I walk her to the door and she turns to look at me.

"Call me if you need to talk. I really think Christian and you can make your relationship work. He is a good man, you can trust him." she says steps into the hallway, but stops for a second and turns back around.

"Be careful Ana, you shouldn't trust the people who live here" she says and before I can ask her what she means she is in the elevator leaving me confused.

Great one more mystery, as if I don't have enough of that already...

At 6:30 pm sharp a knock at my door alerts me that Christian has arrived so I open the door to let him in.

"Why didn't you use your key?" I ask smirking and shrugs. "Didn't seem like you appreciated it much yesterday."

"I guess you are right about that. Anyway... come in dinner is almost ready. Can I get you a glass of wine?"

"Yes, please." he sits down at the breakfast bar and I get us both a glass of wine.

"So... have you thought about the contract?" it seems he doesn't want to waste any time so I sit down too and look at him.

"I don't want to end the contract, but we need to come up with more rules."

"Excuse me?"

"Look Christian, it's just this whole playing your girlfriend thing is confusing me. When you came over yesterday you were relaxed, which made me relaxed and I assumed I didn't have to follow the rules of being your sub. So, I need to know how you want me to behave and those little games while others are around are a hard limit for me."

"Games?"

"Finger fucking me while your sister is in the same room with us, come on! How would you feel if I would give you a hand job while others are in the room with us?"

He looks thoughtful for a second and then nods. "I can see that I went to far with that one, but it was still disrespectful to kick me!"

"Really, what else was I suppose to do, ask you to remove your fingers out of my vagina while your sister was in the room?"

"No... well, fuck okay I get your point. I still want to spank you for the text, but I get where you are coming from."

"Fine, I take the spanking, but Christian and I am serious about this, if you ever take your belt off and hit me with it we are done."

"Why is that such a problem for you, after all you agreed to discipline with a belt." he points out and I want to roll my eyes but stop myself at the last second.

"It's different, and by belt I thought you were referring to those leather straps I saw in your playroom."

"I was, but I don't carry them with me where ever I go, so using my belt is the next best thing."

"It's a hard limit for me"

"Why?"

"Because to me there is a difference between you punishing me with those things in your playroom and you just using what ever is in your reach to hit me with. That's like living in an abusive relationship where everything can turn into a potential weapon. It actually makes me want to look around all the time, just to make sure there is nothing in reach you could use to beat me with. Being a submissive does not mean that I agreed to become your punching bag."

"Good, I agree. You see Anastasia, if you talk to me we can resolve all this problems. Now, what rules do you want?"

"I just need to know what you expect from me in the times you want me to play your girlfriend. Because I am not going to end every evening I have to play this charade for your family with a sore ass. And I also don't want to worry about every little thing that I say or do around your family." I need him to understand this, I would like to tell him that I want more, but I am afraid he will leave once I've said that... but his answer makes my heart beat faster.

"Let's agree on this, you are my submissive once you enter my apartment. Any additional time we are going to spend together outside of my apartment you are my girlfriend. You can say or do what ever you want, no punishments. The only rules I want you to stick to even then is to behave respectful towards my family, I don't want you to put yourself at risk and if I see you with Matt Turner or flirting with any other men there will be a punishment. Can we agree on that?"

"What about making me wait... you know delayed gratification" I ask and inwardly slap myself. _Christ Anastasia, he basically just agreed to be your boyfriend, don't push him! _But to my great relief he smirks.

"That doesn't seem to agree well with you, but it is a very powerful punishment, though I won't use it too often on you. So, anything else you need to discuss?"

"No, I agree with everything."

"Good, because I am starving and the food smells delicious." he gives me that boyish grin that I really like and I get up and get everything ready.

"Sauerbraten, red cabbage and potato dumplings, a little warning, it's addictive" I smirk as I place his plate in front of him.

"Don't you think it's a bit much, I hate to waste food" Christian says as he eyes everything on his plate.

"Don't worry, if you don't finish I'll eat what's left on your plate, too. That's my favorite food as long as I can remember, there is no such thing as a plate that's too full when it comes to this" I reply with a huge grin and he seems amused but doesn't say anything.

"This is very good, Anastasia. I might show up here every evening just to enjoy the food you cook."

"Well, I wouldn't mind, but I guess since your housekeeper already doesn't like me, that's not the best idea."

Christian looks at me with a frown. "Why would you say that?"

"Oh, come on. Those looks she gave me when I had breakfast with you the morning after Peter broke into my apartment... it's good looks can't kill or otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here right now."

"I'm sure you are mistaken, Gail is very professional, she wouldn't give my guests odd looks" he says and I shrug. It's not worth to argue about this, so I decide to change the topic.

"Do you want dessert?" I ask and he smirks at me. "Yes... you!"

"I was actually talking about white chocolate pudding with cherries, but sex works for me too" I giggle and his lips quirk up.

"That is a very lovely sound, Anastasia." he muses and we finish our meal.

"See it wasn't too much" I smirk as I put the empty plates in the dishwasher.

"No, though I might need an extra hour of workout tomorrow after eating so much."

"Maybe I can give you a good workout, because in approximately 10 seconds from now I am going to jump you!" I tease, but frown when I see that Christian looks tense hearing me say this.

"What's wrong?"

Christian gets up and starts to pace, rubbing both hands through his hair. "Look... it's...it can't be like that. I enjoy you being yourself, don't get me wrong. But sexually, I need to be in control. I ... I need to make sure you can't touch me and... fuck... I've tried this before, do you want to know why dating in college didn't went well for me?" he asks complete distraught and I slowly nod.

"I wanted to be normal, I tried... I thought I could control my phobia of being touched and it ended badly."

"Badly" I ask and actually, I am not sure I really want to hear this.

"There was a girl I liked, we went on a couple of dates and I thought, maybe if I just allow her to touch me that I would somehow get over it. I was 18 and we went to my dorm room. I had a couple of beer while we were at a party and the next thing I remember is three of the guys who lived on the same floor pulling me out of the room while the girl was curled up on the floor with a bloody nose. She never talked to me again and I can't risk that with you. I would never forgive myself if I would hurt you."

For a moment we just look at each other. Me trying to comprehend what he has just told me and him silently begging me not to send him away. And I know this might turn out to be the most stupid thing I have ever done in my life, but looking at this beautiful and clearly troubled man in front of me, I want to fix him. I have no idea what has made him this way, but in this moment it is crystal clear to me that he needs help, and in order for me to help him, I need to fully gain his trust.

"Come" I hold my hand out to him and after what seems like an eternity he takes my hand, so that I can lead him into my bedroom.

"I'll be right back." I say as I let go of his hand and make my way into my walk in closet. Once inside I grab two silk scarfs and the box with my toys before going back into my bedroom where I place it all on my bed.

"What's in the box?"

"Just some toys... handcuffs, vibrators... stuff like that." I say and hand him the scarfs.

"You want me to tie you up?" he asks and I can tell from the look on his face that he is excited about this.

"I want you to trust me that I am not going to touch you, but until we reach that point you can tie me up, so you don't have to worry about that. Though I have a question, at your place when we had sex under the shower, why was it okay for you then when you let go of my hands and now it seems to be a problem."

"Because I vowed to myself I would never again attempt to have a normal relationship, now with you that has changed. As your Dom I expect you to do as I say, but we've established today that those rules do not apply outside of my apartment. I feel... less in control like this and I need control."

"Okay, one day I would like to know why touching is a hard limit for you, but for now I can live with it."

"Good, so let's see what we have in here" he says and opens the box looking back at me in surprise.

"Well, that is quite a selection you have here, Miss Steele" he teases and I raise a brow at him.

"Really, you want to tease me about having a box full of toys, when you have a whole room at your apartment outfitted for you to have a good time."

"You just didn't strike me as the kind of girl who would keep leather handcuffs in her closet" he smirks.

"You should never underestimate me, Mr. Grey; I am full of surprises"

"That you are, Miss Steele, now let's see what we have here..."

Three hours later I am completely exhausted. This man is a machine, good lord, I am pretty sure I had a dozen orgasms and I am going to be sore as hell tomorrow. And when I look at him he doesn't look like he is done.

"Okay, time out, please untie me, I need a drink. Christ, what kind of vitamins are you taking, because I am sure they are not legal." I mutter and he laughs while he unties me.

"You need more stamina, Miss Steele" he teases and I throw one of my pillows at him as I get up and put my bra and panties back on. I make my way into the kitchen and down a small bottle of water in three large gulps. I really thought that I was in a pretty good shape stamina wise, but I need to step up my workout or else he is going to fuck me to death...

As I turn around from the fridge I jump a little when I find Christian behind me only wearing his boxer briefs.

"Ready for the final round of the evening, Miss Steele?" he says with a devilish grin and sure enough, when I look down at his boxer briefs he is ready for some action, but I decide now it is my turn to tease him.

"Oh I am ready, Mr. Grey, but you have to catch me first." I can see the excitement in his eyes as I am saying this and with that I dart into the livingroom. I can tell from hearing his footsteps that he is right behind me, but I manage to get the sofa between us.

"Come on Grey, you want me, come and get me" I giggle and squeal when he just jumps over the sofa. I try to move out of the way, but before I know it he grabs me around the waist and tackles me to the sofa, caging me with his body so I can't get away.

"Gotcha" he says smugly and rubs his nose against mine.

"You know I could always fight you" I tease and he chuckles.

"I'll keep that in mind, Miss Steele. But since I caught you, I want my prize." as he is saying this he reaches behind my with one hand and unclasps my bra. Since it is strapless he just takes it off and throws it off the sofa. Next he backs up a little and flips me over so I'm facing away from him while kneeling on the sofa.

"Hold on to the sofa, baby. This is going to be quick and rough." his voice is so sultry just listening to him turns me on. And a second later I hear the sound of fabric ripping. Well, there goes another pair of panties... and before I can even think about it he is inside me.

"Fuuuckkkk!" I cry out in surprise, he really is not wasting any time... and I'm loving it. When he grips my hips and really starts to move I push back against him.

"Fuck... Anastasia, keep still" he hisses through gritted teeth, but I don't care.

"No! My home my rules... fuck me harder!" I moan and I swear I hear him growl hearing me say that. But he does as I told him and I can literally feel the sofa move.

Suddenly he wraps one arm around my middle and pulls me up, so my back is against his front and he brushes his thumb against my lips.

"Suck" he orders and I do until he pulls his thumb out of my mouth and pushes me back forward on the sofa, picking up his speed again. I'm not sure how long I can keep up with him and my legs are starting to shake.

"Christian ... oh ...fuuuuckkkk... shiiiiitttt" and before I know what is happening he thrusts his thumb into my rear end and I reach my orgasm screaming something unintelligible.

I think I must have passed out, because the next thing I remember is him placing me on my bed and leaning over me.

"Go away, I'm all fucked out for tonight, tell your dick the party is over and that my vagina has her do not disturb sign out" I grumble into my pillow and he laughs.

"Don't worry, my dick and I think that you have earned yourself a good nights sleep." he says amusement clearly evident in his voice. Christian leans down and kisses my temple, but then he gets out of my bed and starts to collect his clothes.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving, it's late and you need to sleep, Anastasia."

"Stay, it makes me feel cheap when you leave after we had sex" I whisper through a yawn.

"Anastasia, I don't ever want to hear you say that you feel cheap again, but I can't stay. I told you that I have nightmares, some of them are very vicious and I can't risk to hurt you while I am having a nightmare."

Even in the half asleep state I am in I can see that he is upset about this, so I decide to try something else.

"Can you at least stay until I am asleep?"

"Yes" he gives me a warm, almost loving smile and lies down next to me. We just look into each others eyes until I can't keep mine open any longer and drift of into a deep dreamless sleep...


	13. Chapter 13

_**The Journal - Day 15  
**_  
I wake up feeling way to warm and when I try to stretch out in search of a cooler spot in my bed I realise that I can't move. Christian is still here, one arm over my breast and the other wrapped around my belly he is holding me close to him. He also has one leg hooked over both of mine, making me completely immobile. And I want to enjoy the feeling of being that close to him, but I have the pressing urge to pee, so I try to get out of his grasp without waking him, as a results he pulls me even closer to him.

"Christian, wake up." I whisper and get no answer, so I try to wiggle my butt against his morning wood, which pressing against me. He shifts a little, but doesn't let go. Oh man, I am going to wet the bed.

"Christian!" This time my voice is a lot louder and he groans. "5 more minutes Mom"

I can't help it. I burst out laughing, he has no idea where he is and he just called me mom. I don't know why but I can't stop laughing.

"Anastasia?" Christian mumbles sleepily.

"Good morning, do you think you can let go of me, I need to use the bathroom?"

"Sure, how late is it? I must have fallen asleep."

"You sure did, and it's only 6:30" I answer as I get up and hurry into the bathroom where I take care of business and use some mouthwash before I go back into my bedroom. Christian is casually stretched out in my bed on top of the covers with sexy grin and a very impressive erection.

"Care to help me with this, Miss Steele?" he asks and this gives my an idea. I walk slowly towards the bed swaying my hips as I go and crawl onto the bed straddling him.

"So, you want me to help you with this little situation" I smirk and he raises one brow.

"Baby, I don't think that there is anything little about me" he says arrogance personified and while usually arrogance is a turn off for me with him it's hot.

"Can't argue with that one, how about a musical interlude, Mr. Grey?" I ask and he nods, so I lean over to my nightstand where my I-pod is in the dock and press a few buttons until _Kid Rock's So Hott _comes through the speakers.

I can tell that he is surprised by my choice, but I feel naughty this morning and I want something wild. Damn, I would love to rake my fingernails over his chest right now, but I know I can't so I don't and instead I kneel over his thighs and lick my lips.

"You know I am feeling rather naughty at the moment, I think I have to break one of your rules. Just watch, no touching!"

I start by removing my hair tie so my long hair cascades down my back and look into his amazing gray eyes.

"What are you doing, Anastasia?" he ask grinning and I smirk.

"Just enjoy the show, Mr. Grey." I whisper seductively and run my right hand down my throat while my left hand skims over my thigh and up my belly until both hands reach my breasts and I squeeze them gently and start to play with my nipples, never breaking eye contact with Christian.

I can see his pupils dilating and his lips part slighty when I take first one and the a second fingertip into my mouth to lubricate them. Once they are I remove them from my mouth and slowly slide them down all the way to the apex of thighs until I start to gently rub my clit, while my other hand is still playing with my nipple pulling harder now.

Actually, I was never a fan of getting myself of in front of my boyfriend, for some strange reason it just seemed to intimate, but with Christian it's hot, like I am trying to find out for how long I can tease him before he loses is precious self-control.

"I am so wet, just looking at you watching me makes me so hot" I moan as I insert one finger into myself and Christian's eyes are so dark and dilated, they are almost black, still he is not touching me. So, I decide to go even further. I remove the finger that was inside me and slowly trail it up my body until I reach my mouth and suck on it, tasting myself.

"Mmmmh" I purr and in this moment Christian grabs me flips me on my back and is inside me in less than a second. I am just about to place my hands on his back when I stop myself and instead rest them over my head where he can see them.

"Good girl, don't move your hands, leave them where I can see them." he murmurs against my lips and starts to move. I expect him to make this quick but instead he starts to move almost agonizingly slow.

"Christian, please faster" I beg and kisses me softly.

"No, let's take this slow, baby." he murmurs looking into my eyes and in this moment I am lost and I know there is no way in hell that I can stop myself from falling in love with this man, because I think I already am. So far we fucked, but this is different, it is slow and sweet love-making, leaving me breathless and bringing me close to tears as I reach my climax with him.

I don't why, but I feel extremely vulnerable and shy as he gets off me and I just turn to switch the music off.

"I need a shower, I'll be right back" I murmur not quite able to look him in the eyes. Why has this to be so confusing? And deep down I know it is because I am fighting my feelings, knowing that I am going to get hurt or end up hurting him, once he finds out why I agreed to become his submissive.

While I took a shower Christian must have called Taylor, because the moment I stepped out of the shower I found him on one of the sinks shaving.

"Did Taylor bring you your toiletry bag?" I ask him and make my way to the other sink.

"No, Mrs. Jones did, she also brought me a change of clothes. I have a very important meeting in about two hours." he explains and finishes shaving while I towel dry my hair and braid it.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I ask when I am finished.

"What ever you make will be fine, baby. But today I really need a coffee. I like the green juice you are making, but I like a coffee with my breakfast."

"Okay, but you have to know that it is your fault if I have a coffee too." I pout and he smirks.

"I'll live with it."

"Good, towels are over their in the build in closet, if you want to take a shower. Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes." With that I grab my lotion; because I know if I drop my towel now we will never leave this bathroom in time for him to eat breakfast and I am actually a little sore, so it's best if I use my lotion and dress in my closet.

After using the lotion I look through my clothes and decide on a tight grey dress and black boots as outfit for today. Once I'm dressed I walk into the kitchen and get everything out that I need. I started the batter for the pancakes and but two pans on the stove.

15 minutes later I have pancakes, bacon, eggs and some cut fruit ready. I am just about to grab the plates when I feel Christian behind me and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer so my back is to his front.

"This dress is very tight, Miss Steele, do you have anything plan for today" he purrs into my ear. Oh shit, I can't tell him that I am going to meet Jack Hyde. He will probably spank me for that. So, I have to lie and I hate to lie to Christian.

"No, I just felt like dressing a little sexy today. Don't you like it."

"Oh, I like it very much, Miss Steele."

"Good, sit down breakfast is ready and I am starving." I take both plates and we sit down at the breakfast bar.

"So, do you stay in today?"

"Yes, unless I feel like taking a walk I am staying in." Fuck, I hate this. I don't want to keep lying to Christian. Actually, I want to tell him the truth, from finding the journals to me thinking that someone killed Emma, but I know, deep down, that he won't forgive me that I started our relationship solely to get information about Emma. And that scares more than I want to admit. I just don't want to lose Christian. I have no idea if it is just lust or if it is really love, but I am not ready to let him go and I know at some point I have to tell him the whole truth, but not today... _or maybe not ever. _

"Are you free tonight?"

"Why?"

"Because, I want you to come to my place. I still owe you a spanking and I want to do a scene with you. Are you up to it?" I look at him, he makes it sound like a challenge and there is a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"What time do you want me to be there?"

"6:30 pm. We will have dinner and then we will play" he smirks and I have a feeling that this is going to be a long night. If what he has in mind for me is only half as hot as he makes it sound I will take the spanking gladly, just so we can come to the good part of the night.

"Got your attention now, Miss Insatiable?"

"I insatiable? Careful Mr. Grey, you know what they say about living in a glass house and throwing bricks?" I tease and he tries to look affronted, but I can tell that he is amused.

"Fair point well made, I can't get enough of you either."

"Good to know." I grin, somehow hearing him say this makes my day. Christian Grey is sex on legs, he is too damn attractive for his own good and he can't get enough of me. _Me!_

After breakfast I walk Christian to the door and come up with an idea.

"When exactly do you have to be at your office?"

"In about 30 minutes, why?"

"Oh, I thought I could do this" I drop to my knees in front of him and open his fly, reaching inside I get his cock out of his pants and boxers. He goes hard in an instant and I peek up to him through my lashes and flick my tongue over the top of his erection.

"Still hungry, eh?" he asks his voice all husky and I giggle.

"Famished, do you mind?" I ask and he slowly shakes his head so I take him in my mouth and twirl my tongue around him before starting to suck... hard.

Christian's breathing becomes louder and he fists his hands in my hair guiding my head back and forth in the pace he wants me to go. Hmm, I was never a big fan of giving head, but doing it to Christian is a major turn on. Hearing the sounds he makes and knowing that he can find pleasure in me and what I do to him is almost addictive. Hell, I would even go so far as to admit that I am seriously addicted to Christian Grey.

When he starts to thrust his hips a little I take him all in to the root and Christian moans loudly leaning against the door and flexing his hips. I double my efforts and within less than a minute I feel him come in my mouth followed by his rather loud exclamation.

"Fuuuuucccckkk, shhhiiiiiiiittttt, Anastasia!" So I slow down a little and let him enjoy his high until I have licked him clean and tucked neatly back into his pants.

Careful not to touch his chest I adjust his tie and when I look up at him he has a look on his face I have never seen before and for a faint moment I want to be believe that it is love, but I do not dare to even go there.

"You know, Miss Steele if this is how you like to say goodbye every morning, I might have to stay the night with you more often."

"Looking forward to it" I giggle and he presses the softest of kisses to my lips.

"Laters baby" with that he opens the door and we both see Kate rooted to the spot in the hallway gaping at us and before I know it Christian pulls me in his arm and kisses me like there is no tomorrow. When he pulls away he winks at me and steps out of my apartment.

"Miss Kavanagh" he greets Kate as he strolls to the elevator and I can't resist.

"Have a good day in the office, dear" I call after him. Christian turns around and gives me a boyish grin before stepping into the elevator and the doors close. I look at Kate and can't help but laugh, her eyes are as big as saucers and her mouth is hanging wide open.

"Oh my God, was that... I mean he looked like... Christ, Anastasia that was Christian Grey!" she stutters and I grin.

"I know." and with that she grabs me by the elbow drags me into my apartment and slams the door shut.

"I need all the details, did you... wow" she gasps staring at my living room and when I follow her gaze I blush. There are sofa cushions all over the floor, one of the side table lamps is knocked over, my bra is hanging from a vase next to my panties and Christian's boxer are on the coffee table which is bumped out of place. _Shit, how did I not notice this earlier?  
_  
"You fucked him! You had sex with Christian Grey." she almost sounds accusatory and I roll my eyes at her.

"Yes, a lot of sex, but that is all I am going to say about it."

"What?! No! You have to give me some details, I mean everyone thinks he is gay... is he good in the sack? Is he well hung? I mean come on, that guy is so good-looking, it would be a shame if he wasn't. He has a lot of stamina right? Come on, throw me a bone here!" she throws all those frankly inappropriate questions at me and I sigh.

"Look Kate, Christian is not just a one night stand, if he was I would consider giving you some details, but I have no idea where this thing between him and I is going, so I won't say anything."

"Okay, I get it, but just one question. Was he a virgin?" I gape at Kate who just asked me that. I mean, has she looked at Christian... like ever?

"Okay, let's just say he is familiar with the techniques, but that is all you'll get out of me. I don't want to sound rude, Kate, but I need to clean this mess up and I have an appointment at noon, so I better get started now."

"Sure, I need to go to work anyway. Wow, this will make the news, Christian Grey is not gay!" and with that Kate hurries away.

Oh shit, she is going to write an article about this. I better let Christian know. I send him a quick text and he answers with in twenty seconds.

_***Don't worry, I wanted her to write that. Those gay rumors were getting on my nerves. See you tonight.***_

Well, I guess I don't have to worry about that then. So I start to clean my apartment and around at 11:30 am I arrive at SIP to meet Jack Hyde.

When I enter his office the first thing I notice are two posters which are framed on the wall. Once shows a bloody hand holding a knife that is dripping blood and the other is showing a woman who is tied up in what appears to be a professional bondage kind of way. Both posters don't seem appropriate for the workplace at all.

"The cover of my first book and some inspiration for my newest novel" he explains when he sees me staring at the posters. Next he pulls out a chair for me and as I sit down he puts his hands on my shoulders and brushes his fingers against the back of my neck as he pulls his hands away. Okay, that was just majorly creepy and a total invasion of my personal space. Suddenly, all my senses are on high alert and I inwardly try to recall everything my dad and the coaches at the self-defense classes have taught me.

"So, Anastasia... you don't mind if we call each other by the first name, right?"

"Actually, and I don't want to sound rude, but I prefer Miss Steele, it's more professional, Mr. Hyde" I try to give him a smile, but I am sure he can tell that it is fake.

"Sure, so, what can I do for you, Miss Steele?"

"Well, I am thinking about writing a book, a murder mystery to be more specific. And since you are not only an editor, but also an author I was thinking you could give me some advise."

"I see, what is your story about?"

"Basically, Emma inspired me. You know a young woman who disappears all of a sudden and no one is able to find her. Until one day another young woman moves into her apartment and tries to solve the mystery."

"I assume that young woman is you" he says and sits down on the edge of his desk, way to close for my liking.

"In some ways yes, but the heroine of my story finds a set of journals instead of a box with things like I did."

"Well, this could be promising, why don't you send me your manuscript once you are done writing and I will read it. If it is good I am sure SIP would be interested in getting it published. If you need more help, you can always give me call, maybe we could go out sometime. I know we could do great things together."

Ewww, I need to get out of this office, now! "We'll see, Mr. Hyde. I have to leave now. But thanks for meeting me" I get up grab my purse and just when I reach the door he grabs me and spins me around.

"Oh, why such a hurry, Anastasia. You know, I have done my research about you and believe me, I could give you so much more than your ex, I don't cheat, that's not my style" I watch in horror as his face comes closer and closer. Oh god, he is going to kiss me. Last second I manage to turn my head and he laughs.

"Come on, darling! Why so shy, don't you want to know what is feels like to be with a real man?" He asks and then he grabs my ass and I have had enough I punch him straight in the face and just for good measure land a swift kick right to his balls. He sacks to floor groaning like a whore in church and clutches his crotch.

"Don't you ever touch me again! If this is how you work than I will gladly find another editor! And just so you know, you and I are never going to happen, because I have already found the right guy for me and you have nothing on him." I turn around to leave the office and run straight into a wall of muscles.

I need a second to realise that it is man who is standing on the threshold of Hyde's office and when I look up I freeze and all the color drains from my face. It's Christian and the look on his face is murderous. Oh God, I am in deep deep deep shit. I told him I would stay at home and he told me about Hyde, oh this is bad.

But as I stare up at him I realise he isn't even looking at me. His gaze is fix on Hyde and by the tick in his jaw I can tell that he is about to lose it.

"Christian..."

"Don't" he snarls and walks past me straight to Hyde and grabs him by the collar of his shirt. The next thing I see is Hyde flying through his office and slamming against the wall. I have my hands clutched over my mouth to stop myself from screaming and watch in absolute horror as Christian grabs him again and lifts Hyde just enough to stare into his eyes.

"You. Are. Fired! And if you ever come anywhere near Anastasia again, I will ruin you, now get the fuck out of my company!"

His company? What the hell! And before I can think about what this means he turns around and glares at me.

"Roach, make sure that he is out of the building within ten minutes or else I will sell SIP first thing in the morning making sure it is going to shut down within a year!" he hisses at someone behind me and then grabs me by the elbow and starts to walk. I have to run to follow him, because I am sure if I stumble and fall he won't stop but just drag me along with him.

Before I can really comprehend where we are going he rather harshly pushes me into the backseat of a black Audi and gets in behind me while Taylor gets into the driver's seat.

"Where to, Sir?" he asks.

"Escala" Christian grunts and I do not dare to mention that my car is still parked outside SIP. I guess I have to get it later, provided Christian isn't going ground me or worse.

I watch him press a button on his armrest and a privacy glass rides up effectively separating us from Taylor's view. I have no idea what is going on and so I just watch as Christian shuffles into the middle of the backseat and buckles his seatbelt. He still looks furious and I am actually afraid to say something, because that is probably only going to fuel his anger. Oh damn, he told me he has anger issues and stupid me had to rattle the cage, big time.

I am still contemplating what to do when he suddenly grabs my arm again and before I know it he has pulled me across his knees. My upper body is resting on the seat and my feet are on the floor. He hooks one leg over both of mine and rests his arm over shoulderblades, making it impossible for me to move.

"Christian what..." and before I can finish my sentence he lands a sharp slap on my behind and I yelp. Oh shit, he is going to spank me, in the car! Oh this is beyond humiliating. Taylor is in the car with us, and even if he can't see what Christian is doing he can still hear.

"Christian you can't..."

"Yes, I fucking can Anastasia. You lied to me! And not just that, but you met with Jack fucking Hyde, a guy I told you is violent. Do you have any idea what he could have done to you? Do you want to get raped or worse? Christ, and I thought you are an intelligent woman."

"I am ... ouch!" I exclaim when he lands another slap on my behind and then I feel him pushing my dress up and he yanks my panties down.

"How often are you going to spank me?" I ask contrite. I can't get away and I guess after lying to him and meeting with Jack Hyde I deserve a spanking, so I might as well find out what I am in for.

"Until we reach Escala"

"But that's a 20 minutes drive" I whine. My ass will be on fire by then.

"I know, and once we are there I will think about what your real punishment is going to be."

I want to argue, but he is starting to spank me again and he is not holding back. Each slap on my behind hurts more than the one before and he is never hitting the same spot twice making sure that he spreads the pain all over my behind. After he has hit me 30 times I lose count and just try to find my happy place. Man, his hand must be hurting by now, I think to myself and want to laugh. Here I am in the back of the car getting my bare ass spanked and all I can think of is that his hand must hurt, all the while my ass is on fire and I can feel the pain spreading down to my toes and up my back even though he is only spanking my behind.

Finally he stops, pulls my panties up and dress down. Next he places me in the seat and all I want is to get up, sitting is torture right now. It hurts so bad I want to cry, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry, so I don't. And as I look out of the window I see that we have reached the garage of Escala. Taylor parks the car, inwardly I sigh a huge sigh of relief and reach for the door handle, but Christian stops me.

"I have to talk to Taylor, you won't leave the car until I come to open the door for you, understand?"

"Yes, Sir" I whisper not trusting my own voice and sure enough even my whisper is laced with unshed tears. I watch him leave the car and talk to Taylor while shifting in my seat. Shit, if I can't get up soon I will start to bawl like a baby my ass hurts so much. I am just thinking about getting out of the car despite what Christian told me when he turns around and opens the door for me. I can't even look at him when I get out of the car and it takes all my strength not to wabble awkwardly to the elevator. Every freaking step hurts and if I have needed proof that I am not a true submissive I have it now. I know from doing my research that as a submissive I should feel like I got what I deserved, but all I feel is that I want to kick Christian in the balls to get even with him. Shit, does that mean we have no chance in hell to make it as a couple?

I spend the whole elevator ride up to his penthouse contemplating if I should end our relationship now to save myself the heartbreak I will surely have to go through if I let this go on any longer, but I can't. Not even my sore ass is enough to make me stop wanting him. Once we reach the penthouse he leads me to his study makes me wait outside and returns with his laptop before leading me into what I assume is his bedroom.

"Lay down, you should rest." he says without looking at me. I take my boots and the large necklace I am wearing off and lay down on my belly. Great I hate to sleep on my belly, but even thinking about turning on my side sounds exhausting to me.

I feel Christian sitting down on the edge of the bed and flinch when he pushes my dress up.

"Relax I am not going to spank you again I just want to apply some arnica cream, it's soothing" he says but honestly, I don't want him to touch me right now.

"No"

"Anastasia, after care is important and..."

"If you touch me I am going to scream bloody murder! Leave me alone Christian, I'm not joking!" I snap at him and pull my dress back over my behind.

"You are mad at me?" Christian sounds so confused that I turn to my side, so I can look at him, he looks like he is at a complete loss.

"Yes, I am mad, but I am not just mad at you, I am also mad at myself" I confess.

"Why?"

"Because I knew that this was what would happen if you would find out I was meeting Hyde again."

"Again?" he hisses and I cringe. _Fuck, is going to spank me for that too?_

"I well... you know I am trying to return this box to Emma and Kate told me that Jack Hyde once lived on our floor and that she saw him talk to her. So, the day after Peter broke into my apartment I went to SIP to ask him if he knows where Emma is, we had lunch. He seemed to genuinely care for her, but he didn't know where she went. I thought if I meet him again he might remember something that is going to help me find her."

"Why did you lie to me, Anastasia?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't let me go and I ..." I stare at Christian. I can't tell him the whole truth or tell him about the journals, I know he wouldn't forgive me if he knew that I only signed the contract to get information about Emma, but I can give him some details.

"... I think Emma is dead and either Hyde or Matt Turner did it." _there I said it. _Christian looks at me and for the longest time he says nothing.

"Why would you think that?"

"Why? Don't you think that it is strange for a young woman to just fall of the face of the earth and no one knows where she is. Why didn't she contact anyone or tell anyone that she was planning to leave. I went to her former workplace and a girl who worked with her told me that she was feeling as though she was being watched. I tried everything I could to find her and came up blank. And anyway, if she wanted to leave, don't you think that it is strange that she took all of her belongings with her? I mean did she pack everything she owned over night in her car and left without anyone seeing her leave the building? Or use the elevator multiple times to get everything down to her car? I know I might sound like a nutjob, but I am sure something bad has happened to her and it's so sad that no one cared about her enough to uncover what has happened to her, so I decided that I would do it."

"You are right, it does sound strange. I mean, I just thought she wanted to leave and when I found out that she was also Hyde's sub I didn't really care what had happened to her anyway... but why do you feel she is dead?"

"I can't put my finger on it, it just screams murder to me. I feel like I have all the pieces I need right in front of me and I just can't put everything together. But mainly it's that I want to find her dead or alive, if it turns out she is happily living somewhere else fine, but if not she deserves that her story is heard."

"And why do you suspect Hyde or Turner as possible killer?" he asks and I realise he is not dismissing the idea, actually he seems upset that he never thought of it himself.

"Well, actually I didn't really suspect Hyde, he was on my list, but my main suspect is Matt. He just keeps giving me the chills and he has those creepy pictures in his apartment."

Christian pushes to his feet immediately and he glares at me. "You were in his apartment?" he all but screams at me.

"Calm down, it was before I've even met you. And I've been avoiding him ever since you've told me to stay away from him."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I told you he gives me the chills, he is like majorly creepy."

"So, what pictures were you talking about?"

"Pictures of different parts of females. Like a hand, an eye, things like that all super close-ups and arranged in a circle with an eye as center piece. He wants to take a picture of my left ear, he thinks it's perfect and I don't know, he just gives me this really bad feeling in the pit of stomach."

"Anastasia, you need to stay away from him. I will have my team look into it, but from now on you will stay out of it. No more playing Miss Marple for you, understand?"

"Okay, I promise."

"Good, do you want to take a nap. I have some work to do, I can work from here on my laptop."

"A nap sounds good, but umm... can I have some of this sore butt cream first, it's going to bruise anyway, but maybe it will help." I know my face is a flame and he leans down and gives me a kiss.

"Turn on your front, baby and I promise you, you won't bruise. I know how to give a spanking without leaving my sub bruised" he says and I decide it's not the right time to argue. I bruise super easily so I know in a couple of hours my butt is going to be black and blue, but I don't want to argue about it now.

"Anastasia, baby wake up." I am startled when I hear Christian's voice and blink. It's already dark outside.

"How long did I sleep?"

"About five hours, I didn't have the heart to wake you. Dinner is ready in 30 minutes, do you want to take a bath with me?"

"Can we make that a shower?" I ask not wanting to sit on my behind. Shit, my butt still hurts, looks like I have to eat standing up.

"A shower it is. I've ordered some shower gels and bath oils from the website you've told me about, it's all in the bathroom." he says and holds out his hand to help me up. Oh damn, moving around hurts, maybe a hot shower is going to help, but then I remember something.

"Are you going to punish me again after dinner?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"No, I guess not following through makes me a shitty Dom, but I already gave you a punishment and I am a in the moment kind of guy, luckily for you the moment where I wanted to punish you has passed."

"Thank you, I don't think my behind could take anymore" I admit a little embarrassed.

"Believe me, after we have finished our shower you will feel much better." Somehow I doubt that, but I say nothing and follow him into the bathroom.

We both undress and while he starts the shower I turn to the mirror and unbraid my hair, but turn around when I hear a plastic bottle hit the floor. Christian is just standing there naked staring at my behind. Well shit, now I know it's already bruised.

"Christian, what is wrong?" he looks at me and just leaves the bathroom. What on earth?

I try to look at my behind and when I finally see it I am surprised. From his reaction I thought that my behind was black and blue, but it's just red and there is one bruise. It's not that big, maybe a little bit more than a walnut though it could get bigger until tomorrow. Still, I have no idea why he has left. I decide to find out now, so I put my dress back on and slowly make my way out of the bathroom. He is not in the bedroom and when I look into his walk in closet he isn't there either. Great, where the heck is he? And why the hell is he so upset about a bruise. He is into BDSM for crying out loud, seeing a woman with a bruised ass should be the most normal thing to him.

I continue to look where he is and finally find him at the breakfast bar downing a vodka shot and refilling the glass immediately.

"Christian, what is wrong?" I ask and out of the corner of my eye I see Mrs. Jones and she is glaring at me. Damn it, what have I done to that woman that she is always looking at me like I had just murdered her first-born.

"Christian, what are you doing, good lord, slow down!" I say when he takes his fourth shot and take the bottle away from him.

"You have to leave, Anastasia." he says and his voice sounds so cold I don't even recognize it.

"What? Why do you want me to leave?"

"Anastasia, for once do as your told, we will see each other saturday for the coping together event. I will pick you up at 6 pm. Now leave."

"No I am not leaving until you have told me what the hell is going on! One minute you want to take a shower with me and now you are sitting here trying to get drunk in record time. Talk to me, Christian." I demand and he gets up and glares down at me calling for Taylor without taking his eyes of mine.

"Sir?"

"Miss Steele is leaving Taylor. Get her shoes and purse from my bedroom. Is her car back at the garage?"

"Yes, Sir"

This is not happening, he is kicking me out? "Christian, why are you kicking me out?"

"Because I can't look at you damn it!" he yells at me and my mouth pops open.

"So you can go and spank my ass for 20 minutes, but you can't look at the result of it? That's crazy, Christian, especially for someone in your lifestyle. I mean you have a room full of whips, canes and who knows what else, don't tell me that you are never bruised anyone before."

"But they leave on Sundays and I don't see them ... I ... fuck!" he has both hands in his hair and is pulling on it as if he was trying to rip it all out.

"Christian, please calm down. I can leave, if that's what you want." I offer because he looks like he is going to have a major breakdown any second.

"It's not what I want, but I can't... I just can't look at you like that." he says and takes the bottle from me and takes a huge gulp straight from the bottle.

"Christian, oh my god, you are going to be sick as dog tomorrow morning if you keep this up. Please, give me that bottle. Can I call you once I am at my apartment?"

"Why?"

"Because I am worried about you. I would like to stay to make sure that you are fine, but I think me staying here is upsetting you even more, so I would like to talk to you on the phone. Is that okay?"

"Yes, that would be okay. I am sorry, Anastasia... I just ... " when his gaze drifts back to that bottle again I get onto tiptoes and press a soft kiss to his lips.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me. Just please, don't drink more of that vodka tonight."

He nods and Taylor appears with my purse, shoes and necklace.

"Thank you, Taylor. I'll call you once I had dinner, you should eat something, too." I give Christian a quick kiss and make my way to the elevator. I have no idea what just happened, but for some reason I didn't like the way he drank that vodka at all, it was like he was seeking comfort in it and not in a healthy way.

I don't think he has an alcohol problem, at least he didn't drink any hard liquor or too much since I have known him, but that's just a short time after all. Oh hell, please don't let him be one of those guys who drink themselves into oblivion because they have no other way to deal with their emotional stress.

This day has been one of the most exhausting days in a long time, both physically and emotionally. Actually, all I want is to sit down and have a good cry, but I can't even do that, because my ass hurts too much to even think about sitting down... and for the first time in a long while all I want is to go home and curl up in my dad's lap like a small child so all the bad stuff would go away, at least for a little while...


	14. Chapter 14

_**The Journal - Still Day 15  
**_

Back at my apartment I order a pizza and some tiramisu before having a long hot shower which surprisingly helped a lot with my sore behind. A little later I have changed into my pj's and enjoy my pizza while lying on the sofa, watching a re-run of Pretty Little Liars. After finishing my meal I take my phone put it on speaker and call Christian.

"Hey" he says and sounds a little unsure.

"Hey there, are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I am sorry Anastasia, I didn't mean to be rude. I just... it's complicated."

"Look, you don't have to tell me if it's too much right now, we can put it on the we talk about it another time pile for now." I would lie if I would say that I don't want to know, but I also don't want him to re-live painful memories because of my curiosity.

"Thank you, did you eat dinner?"

"Yes, I've order a pizza, I didn't feel like cooking tonight."

"You do realise that pizza is not exactly healthy?" he scolds.

"I know, but once a month it's okay, and just so you know I had a four-cheese with extra cheese, lots of onions and cheesy crust."

"That's a lot of cheese" he chuckles.

"I know, oh do you like cake, I feel like baking, but I can't eat a whole cake alone."

"What kind of cake?"

"Chocolate with three layers, each filled with a different type of chocolate."

"I love chocolate cake."

"Perfect, maybe you can send Taylor or Mrs. Jones down tomorrow evening to get it for you." I want him to stop by himself, but if he is still upset about leaving a bruise on my behind I am not sure that he is going to come anywhere near me until it's healed.

"That would be good. Anastasia, it's not your fault... I ... I have a lot of issues and I would totally understand if you don't to want to waste your time with someone like me, so if you want to end..."

"Christian, stop right there, I don't want to end things between us. Yes, it's complicated but most relationships need a lot of work, I am not afraid of that. I am only worried about you, sometimes I feel like you don't even like yourself." shit, maybe I shouldn't have said that, but he just talked so negative about himself that I couldn't hold it back.

"No, you are right, I don't like myself."

"You are a good man, Christian. Please believe me, you are kind and caring and..."

"Please, don't Anastasia. I don't want to hear things like that. Can we talk about something else?"

I want to say no, but I am afraid he is going to shut down and spends the rest of the evening getting drunk. "Okay, so I am not in the mood for phone sex, but we could try to get to know each other better."

"How?"

"Well, what is your favorite color?"

For the next three hours we just talk about everything from our favorite movies to books and just everything that comes to mind. I am now in my bed and I can barely keep my eyes open, but I don't want to hang up. I like listening to his voice.

"You should sleep now, baby"

"I know, but I don't want to hang up."

"Me neither."

"We could just stay on the line all night. It's the next best thing to sleeping next to each other" I murmur through a long drawn yawn.

"Okay, we can do that" he agrees, so I plug the charger for my phone in and put my phone on the pillow next to mine.

"Good night, Christian. Sleep well"

"You too, baby" and I think I hear him say some more, but it's lost as I drift off into a deep sleep.

I wake up to the darkness of my bedroom not sure what has woken me and suddenly the most pained, gut wrenching scream fills the room and I sit up and turn the lamp on my nightstand on. I am completely confused, not knowing where that scream came from and then there is another scream and I realise it's coming from my phone.

Christian! Oh my god! "Christian, what is happening, Christian? Christian!" I yell but he isn't answering and I am sure someone is at the penthouse hurting him. I jump out of my bed and run full pelt towards my apartment door, grabbing the keys as I go and leave my apartment. In the hallway I nearly run Matt over who was just coming out of the elevator. I tap the code for the apartment into the keypad and will the fucking elevator to ride up faster. How can someone possibly get into his penthouse and attack him? And where the hell is his security?

The moment the doors of the elevator slide open I can hear the screams coming from his bedroom and run towards it, cursing myself that I left both of my guns downstairs. What the hell am I going to do now; kill an intruder with my bare hands?

I open the door to his bedroom and freeze for a second. There is no one in there with him, but he is screaming and trashing around the bed like he was fighting against someone or something that is evil personified. In the back of my mind I remember him telling me that he has nightmares and to stay away from him if I hear him scream. But I can't leave him like this, just watching him like this is breaking my heart.

So, I walk towards the bed and grab him by the shoulders. "Christian, wake up! You are having a nightmare, wake up!" I say as firm as I can and shake his shoulders until his eyes snap open. He looks around frantically and then focusses on me.

"Anastasia?"

"Hi, sorry. I know I shouldn't be here, but I heard you scream and I was so worried."

"He ... he burned me ... and she ...she wanted to stop him and he ... he beat her ... he wouldn't stop and she... and when I looked at her body it was you... he killed you, but you here... you are here." he murmurs and pulls me in his arms holding onto me for dear life.

"Hey, it's okay. I am here, it was just a dream, Christian. Everything is fine" I try to reassure him, but deep down I know that this wasn't just a bad dream. It was way to violent, something must have happened to him that has left him with those terrible night terrors.

"You are here" he whispers finally as if it would just now sink in that I am really here with him.

"Yes, I am here. Come, you are dripping sweat, let's get you in the tub and then back to bed." I take his hand and lead him into the bathroom where I draw a bath for him and once he is in the tub I grab a sponge and lather it up.

"I am going to wash you now, I promise I will only touch you with the sponge, is that okay?" I ask and he slowly nods, so I roll my sleeves up and wash him. Once I am done I grab a glass from the rack next to the sink and ask him to lean his head back. I wash his hair and towel dry it while he is still in the tub.

"You can come out now. I am going to change the sheets quickly."

"Wait" he says as he gets out of the tub and wraps a towel around his hips. "Thank you"

"For what?"

"Taking care of me, no one has done that in ... well I don't think I can even recall a time." he murmurs.

"You are very welcome" I say and give him a quick kiss before leaving the bathroom. I find clean sheets in one of his drawers and quickly change them because his sheets were drenched in sweat. I am just finished when he comes out of the bathroom and puts some pj bottoms on.

"Do you need anything else?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay, well I better go back to my apartment then." Shit, I don't want to leave him alone, but if he doesn't want me here I can't stay.

"Stay"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" he holds his hand out for me and when I take it we both lie down in bed and fall asleep quickly.

I wake up from the alarm while Christian is still fast asleep, so I decide to surprise him with breakfast in bed. I make my way out of the room as quiet as possible and in the kitchen I see Mrs. Jones already preparing breakfast. Shit!

"Good morning, Mrs. Jones" she turns around and gapes at me for a second. What an odd reaction!

"Umm, Miss Steele. I didn't know you are here"

"I came up late last night. Listen, umm... I wanted to surprise Christian with breakfast in bed, will that be a problem?"

"You know that he doesn't like anyone to come into his bedroom, right?" she asks and her tone pisses me off.

"Since I have slept with him in his bedroom, I am sure he won't mind. So, do you mind if I prepare breakfast for Christian and I?" fuck me, I am not a snob, but she is staff for pity sake's and I don't know how things go in Seattle, but if my parent's housekeeper would take that tone with their guests she would get fired.

"Oh, I have already started, Mr. Grey likes the same breakfast every day, can I prepare something for you, too or do you want to prepare your own breakfast?" she asks hostility personified and I give a tight smile.

"I'll have what ever Christian is having and a cup of tea, what ever you have will be fine, thank you." I try for polite, but I am sure by my tone she can tell that I am not happy with her.

"Very well, Miss Steele." While she is preparing the breakfast I try not to look at her and sit down at the breakfast bar, surprisingly my butt doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It's a little sore, but nothing I can't deal with.

"There you are" I spin around on the bar stool when I hear Christian's voice. Man, I am one lucky, lucky girl. He is dressed only in his pyjama bottoms which are hanging almost indecently low on his hips, his hair is all sleep tousled and he looks simply divine.

When he reaches me he tips my chin up with his index finger and kisses me, thrusting his tongue into mouth and I forget all about Mrs. Jones in the kitchen and fist my fingers in his hair kissing him with all the passion and lust I am feeling for him... until I hear someone clearing his throat.

Christian backs up and smirks at me, before turning to Taylor, who just like Mrs. Jones looks oddly at me. Weird!

"Taylor?"

"I just wanted to inform you, that there are several news reports about you dating Miss Steele, Sir. Building security has informed me that there are at least 50 reporters and paps outside the building."

"Fuck, well, I guess I should have know that this would happen. Is Sawyer here?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Bring him in." he says and I frown. "Who is Sawyer, Christian?" I ask him and he looks a little unsure like he is bracing himself for a fight.

"Luke Sawyer is the CPO who is following you since you were attacked in the garage."

What the hell? Wait a second... that is how he knew that I was at SIP!

"Okay, and when exactly were you planning on telling me that there is someone following me around."

"I have hoped I don't have to, that it would be enough to follow you from a distance, but since Miss Kavanagh released your name to the media I am not going to take any chances with your safety." his tone makes it clear that he is not going to argue about this and that I have no choice but to deal with it. Thinking back to how the media in Chicago kept haunting me after Peter cheated I decide security isn't the worst thing.

"Okay, I can live with it. For now anyway, but please if you have someone following me around just tell me."

"We are good?" he asks looking hopeful and I giggle. "Yes, we are good. Though I wanted to have breakfast in bed with you, but now you are already up" I pout.

"On the weekend, promise." he says just as Taylor re-appears with a guy in his early thirties and he is giving me the same odd look.

"Okay, what is wrong, why is everyone who sees me this morning is looking at me like I'm having something in my face" I ask and Christian chuckles.

"That would be because of your interesting clothing choice, baby." he says and I can tell that he is trying hard not to succumb to full-blown laughter. What the hell? I look down at me and blush crimson. Shit, how could I forget that I am wearing my bright pink onesie with white polka dots. I bought it just after I found out that Peter cheated on me, because I was in desperate need for total comfort on the outside. I think for the first month I wore nothing else and yesterday after everything that happened I needed to feel as comfy as possible. Oh man, that's embarrassing, my hair is in pigtails, too and I am looking like a three-year old wearing that thing. Actually, my parents have a picture in there livingroom of me wearing something quite similar when I was two or three years old.

"I thought I would stay at my apartment and it's comfy... hey do not laugh at me" I pout but it's too late Christian can't hold it back any longer and he is laughing at me.

"That is so mean" I pout and get up to get me a yogurt from the fridge, but seeing me stomp to the fridge makes him only laugh harder.

"I... I'm sorry baby, but you look so silly wearing this thing."

"Careful Grey, they are made for men too, you know? Maybe I'll buy one for you and make you wear it for laughing at me, maybe one with bunny ears" I say and poke my tongue out at him.

"Is that an invitation."

"No, you laughed at me, now I am not in the mood and just so you know, I am having a headache tonight" I try to make a straight face, but he has the biggest grin on his face which makes it impossible for me not to grin like an idiot too.

"I'll keep that in mind, baby. So, now let's get down to business." he says and turns to Sawyer. "Sawyer, from now on you will follow Miss Steele openly, I don't want her to leave Escala alone. Miss Steele will inform you if she is planning on leaving the building. I don't want the paps to harm her by trying to get the best picture. If you need back up, give Taylor a call, but I expect Miss Steele to be safe at all times, there is no room for fuck ups, understand?"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Good, baby I will give you Sawyer's phone number, no running around outside on your own, it's not just the media okay?"

"What do you mean?"

He sighs sits down on one of the bar stools and pulls me close. "I am a very rich man, baby and with that come certain threats, some are just seeking attention, others are more serious. But the bottom line is that people want what I have and some are prepared to go to great lengths to get money out of me. I have security on my entire family to ensure nothing happens to them, but now that it is public knowledge that you are my girlfriend, you have officially become the easiest way to my fortune, because I would pay all that have to make sure I get you back safe and unharmed."

I stare at Christian, he would give away all that he has... for me? Does that mean he... no don't even go there Anastasia, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment, surely Christian is not in love with me... but what if he is?

"Nothing is going to happen to me, though I guess now is a good time to mention that my Dad probably has someone watching me, too."

"Why?"

"Well, my Dad is a control freak and I am his little princess, plus he makes about 50 million a year, so I guess his reasons and yours are pretty much the same."

"And he has allowed you move here alone?"

"It's not like I am Paris Hilton or some other party girl, I'm not interested in this whole jet set thing, so for most parts I am not interesting enough for the media. Besides, I know how to handle a gun and as you saw yesterday I know how to handle unwanted attention, my dad made sure of it."

Christian actually winces as he hears that. "Yes, I saw it, oh and just so you know, you weren't at SIP yesterday."

"What? Why?"

"Because you not only broke Hyde's nose, but he also had to undergo surgery to relocate his nuts. My security took care of it and Hyde agreed to keep his silence for half a million in return. Fucker was probably to ashamed to admit that a girl half his size beat him up like that. He told the cops that some guy assaulted him in the garage, lucky for you that the camera's didn't work yesterday." he says with a wink and I am shocked, I mean, yes Hyde went to far, but I never meant to injure him that severely.

"Do you have a way to contact him so I know were to transfer the money?" I ask and Christian snorts.

"Baby, I have already transferred the money into his account, it's dealt with."

"But..."

"Anastasia, it's done. Don't argue about it, half a million are peanuts for me, I make roughly 100.000 bucks an hour, so you see I have already earned the money before I even got up this morning."

"I just don't want you to spend so much money because of me."

"To me it's nothing and seeing Hyde getting kicked in the balls like that was quiet entertaining, I would have paid even more for it. So, all is good, now sit down and eat your breakfast."

"Yes Sir" I salute him with a grin and we have breakfast together.

An hour later we enter the elevator with Taylor and both men are smirking, probably still amused about my onesie. I'm just glad that I can change into something else once I am at my apartment. Christian offered that I could wear some of his clothes, but I didn't want to take the onesie off and risk him seeing my behind. I just hope the bruise hasn't gotten any worse so it won't become a problem for us again.

"I'll see you for dinner tonight. Have a good day baby." Christian says as the elevator stops on my floor.

"You too, bye" I kiss him quickly and just when I am about to step out of the elevator I freeze, something is not right.

"Baby, what is wrong."

"The door to my apartment is ajar, I know I've closed it when I came up last night" I say and Christian nods at Taylor.

Taylor makes us walk a couple of steps behind him and enters my apartment first. We all hear noises coming from the kitchen.

"Is that you, sweetie pie?" I hear a very familiar voice and squeal in delight.

"Daaaaaaddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Okay, so I know I am 22 and should act like a grown up, but when I see my Daddy I feel like a small girl again and so I run full speed into the kitchen and jump into his arms nearly tackling him to the floor.

"Missed me much, sweetie pie?" My dad laughs and puts me back to my feet after twirling me around.

"I always miss you, daddy. What are you doing here? How long can you stay?"

"Well, I came here after the google alert I have on you showed article after article about you dating Christian Grey. Forgot to tell me something?" he asks with one raised brow and I cringe a little. Shit, I totally forgot to tell my parents.

"Yes, well, I had a busy day yesterday and Christian and I only just started to see each other and..."

"And you were scared that your old man would scare him away" my dad chuckles.

"Something like that. Is mom here, too?"

"Yes, she is in your bedroom, she said something about making sure that you have enough warm underwear" he rolls his eyes and I groan. Lord help me, my mom is going to drive me nuts.

"Does that mean she is going to drag me shopping?"

"I believe so, but you know sweetie pie, if it makes your mom happy just go with it."

"Yes, daddy"

"Good, now don't you want to introduce us" he says nodding in Christian. Taylor must have left, because he is nowhere to be seen and if I am not mistaken Christian looks nervous. Well, I guess meeting the parents is new to him. Poor Christian, my dad is going to grill him.

"Of course, sorry Daddy. Dad, this is Christian. Christian meet my Dad, Ray Steele."

"Sir, it is a pleasure to meet you"

"We'll see about that, because I have one question first" he says and take a manilla envelope from the kitchen counter which he opens and retrieves a picture.

"Now, did you drag my daughter into a BDSM sex club or did you two just happen to meet in there?"

Oh. My. God! He has pictures of Christian and I leaving the _**Black Velvet**_. Fuck, for the first time in a long while I am speechless. _Can I please die now?_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Like I've said before Christian's back story is slightly different and this chapter will give all of you a little inside into his past... **_

_**And I know some of you are really curious about Gail and her hostile attitude towards Ana... sadly I can't reveal her reasons just now, but it will become a topic during part two and three of this story... **_

_**Day 17 - The Journal**_

I look up at Christian and his face is completely blank, there is no reaction whatsoever and I have no idea what to say to my Dad.

"Well, one of you kids is going to explain this to me" my Dad demands and he is staring at Christian with that look he has. The one that even now as a grown up makes me cringe and want to apologize, even if I have done nothing wrong.

If Christian tells him that he is into the lifestyle, my Dad is going to kill him or ruin him... or maybe both. If there is anything in this world that my Dads truly hates then it is if someone hits a woman, even if it's consensual, to him it makes no difference. Shit, I want him to like Christian, because if he doesn't I know he will do what ever is in his power to ruin this relationship for me.

"I like rough sex" I hear myself blurt out. My Dad stares as me as if he can't believe I just said that and Christian looks at me as if I had just lost my mind, which I guess I have because I continue.

"I umm... you know I was single and wanted to try something new and the whole BDSM thing sounded interesting... so I've found this club on the internet and went there. I had met Christian once before here at Escala and he... kind of liked me from the get go, so when he saw me leave Escala all dressed up he thought I was going to a club, which would have been a good opportunity for us to socialize, so he followed me. To say that he was shocked once he realized to what kind of club he had followed me would have been an understatement. I was having a look around and he walked straight up to me, grabbed me by the elbow and got me out of there. See here..." I take the picture and show my Dad my car in the corner.

"He wouldn't even allow me to take my car and had someone drive it back to Escala for me, so I wouldn't go back there ... and that's how we started."

Holy crap, I have never lied to my father before and this is not just a small lie, this is like the big kahuna of all lies with a cherry on top and two cups of sprinkles. In this moment I know, there is not much if anything, that I wouldn't do to protect my relationship with Christian.

I look at my Dad again and he still seems to be recovering from me telling him that I like rough sex, which I am sure will go down as the most mortifying moment of my life.

My Dad clears his throat and holds his hand out to Christian who takes it.

"My Annie sure is a handful, you better keep her under close watch, son. Or else she will get herself into trouble so often you'll start to wish you were into BDSM just to have an excuse to give a good old spanking." My dad chuckles and I pout.

"Not true, daddy."

"It is sweetie pie, don't lie to me or your boyfriend." he grins and even Christian is slightly smirking. "Now, I'll have a look what your mother is doing; are you having dinner with us, Christian?"

"Yes, Sir" he answers my dad nods and heads towards my bedroom. I turn to Christian and hide my face against his chest with a grown.

"Oh my god, please tell me that I did not just tell my dad that I like to have rough sex" I whine and Christian chuckles.

"You sure did, baby and of course you sure do" he teases and I lift my head to raise one brow at him.

"Careful Grey, I could still tell him the truth" I threaten, but he knows I am not serious.

"I have to go to work, I'll be here for dinner around 6:30 pm, okay?"

"Sure" I walk with him to the door and he leans down to kiss me.

"Laters, baby" he murmurs against my lips, grins and turns to head towards the elevator.

"Baby girl, you are drooling" I jump when I hear my dads voice close to my ear and turn around to scowl at him.

"I am not drooling" I pout and close the door.

"So, is he good to you, Anastasia?"

"Yes, daddy. Christian is great, actually, he reminds me a bit of you." I smile at my dad, but inside I feel terrible. Why does everything has to be so complicated? All because of this darn pictures...

"Daddy, who send you the picture?"

"I don't know, it was delivered late last night without a name on the envelope."

I frown "So you don't have someone following me?"

"I wanted to have someone following you, but your mother convinced me that you are a big girl who can handle herself. Though I have to admit that I am a bit relieved that you found yourself a guy like Grey. From what I have heard he is a very private guy who is known for being all about safety and being on top of things."

_Yeah, including me... _but I dare not say that out loud. Instead I just nod.

"So, how long can you stay?"

"Just the weekend, your mom and I decided to visit you and attend the Coping Together event."

"I'll be there too, it's at Christian's parents home."

"I know, and just a tip, if I were you I would go into your closet, your mom is cleaning it up and she is about to throw away most of your underwear." My dad snickers, I grown and hurry towards my bedroom, finding my mom in my walk in where she is making piles of clothes on the floor.

"Mom! What are doing?"

"Oh Ana, you can't wear those clothes, I mean look at that, your new boyfriend will think you are a whore!" my mom says and holds up the black lace teddy Christian got for me. I close my eyes and count to ten.

"Actually mom, that one was a present from Christian, so could you please leave my clothes alone?"

I love my mother, I really do, but our relationship was never exactly easy. We are so different in everything, during my teenage years I was convinced that I was adopted. She is the kind of person that could try the patience of a saint and she drives me nuts. But of course, she thinks that is because I am stubborn and hotheaded.

"Goodness, he gave you this? Well, I hope you've told him that a young lady with the moral standards I've tried to teach you does not wear something like that!"

"No, I did not, I wore it for him and it had a rather beneficial effect on him." I can't help it, if she is like that I just have to rile her up even more.

"I see, well, we are going to buy you new underwear young lady, my daughter does not run around wearing those flimsy scraps of material; did you know that those thingies you call panties can make you infertile."

_Oh dear god, please bless me with serenity. _Taking a deep breath, I decide it is best to distract her.

"Mom, how about we go to a spa instead, I could use a manicure and pedicure, maybe a massage. I've been to a place recently and the hot stone massage I've had was amazing."

"Oh, yes, this will be so much fun, now clean this mess here up, you don't want anyone to come in and think that you are not capable of keeping your home neat and tidy" she says and with that she walks out of the closet.

Oh, tell me she did not just do that. She wreaked havoc in my closet piling clothes on the floor and leaving drawers open and now I am the one who has to clean this mess? I decide to have a quick shower first. Taking a look at my behind in the mirror after I had my shower, I find that the bruise looks worse than yesterday, but it doesn't hurt so I am sure it won't cause any problems, as long as I can keep Christian from seeing it again.

When I am dressed and my closet looks presentable again I leave my bedroom in search of my parents, but I only find my mom who has everything that was in the cupboards out on the kitchen counter and breakfast bar.

"Mom, what are you doing?" I ask staring in horror at the mess she's made of my kitchen.

"Darling, I'm just helping you, there was everything just put in completely randomly." she says and I close my eyes. _Did I mention that my mom is driving me insane?_

"Mom I don't... " I stop when I see a garbage bag in the corner which is full of food.

"Mom, why did you put that in there?" I ask and lift the bag.

"Anastasia, have you looked at those things? I wouldn't even call it food, it's full of sugar and other unhealthy ingredients, you can't eat that."

"Well, I am certainly not throwing a hundred dollars worth of food away, and I happen to like those things." I start to unpack and my mom glares at me with her hands on her hips.

"Anastasia Rose, when will you start to listen to me?"

"I am listening, but I'm still not throwing food away, that's a sin mom, do you have any idea how many people die because they don't have anything to eat?" _Great now I am sounding like her...  
_  
"I know that, honey, but I wouldn't even call these things food."

"Where is Daddy?" I ask trying to get off that topic while putting everything back in the fridge and cupboards.

"He scheduled some meetings, he'll be back in time for dinner." she answers and puts things back into the cupboard.

An hour later I've finally managed to get her to the spa. I've texted Christian and sure enough as soon as we entered the spa we were told that Mr. Grey called and what ever treatment we want to have is on him.

So, now I looked through the book with nail art for my manicure and I've just picked one when one of the staff members places a glass of pink champagne with a note next to me.

"Mr. Grey has sent this for you" she says and I look at the note.

_To calm your nerves, baby. Enjoy your time at the spa. Christian  
_

He is so thoughtful, I can't help but smile as I take a sip of the chilled champagne. Thank god, my mom decided to have a facial, so she is in a different room and I can really enjoy my glass of champagne. But I make a mental note to tell her not to be too familiar with Christian. My mom is not disrespectful or anything, but she is a hugger and toucher by nature. She just thinks nothing of it when she talks to someone and places her hands on the person's knee or just pulls someone she has just met into a hug, but I am sure Christian with his touching issues will find that rather uncomfortable and I want him to like my parents.

After the spa my mom and I went shopping, which didn't exactly went well because we locked horns when she wanted me to buy some knee-length skin-colored cotton panties. She thinks those are more appropriate than everything that I have, but honestly I wouldn't even want to be buried in those panties, so we went at it for a while and when people started to watch our banter I had enough and stormed out of the shop, which in turn made my mother buy the freaking panties and tell me later that I am acting like a child. At that point I decided to say nothing. We will only end up fighting more and it will make my mom upset. I hate it when she is upset, she will cry for days in turn making me apologize on an hourly basis, until she stops. So, to spare us the drama I accept the darn panties... I can throw them away once she is back in Chicago.

Now back at my apartment we started to cook dinner, well... my mom is cooking dinner. I decide to bake the cake I wanted to do and my mom makes chicken pot pie, which is once of my favorite dishes and her way of apologizing for our argument earlier. Sometimes I am sure she knows that she is way out of line and on those occasions she always cooks my favorite food, I guess that is her way of showing that she is sorry.

"So sweetheart, tell me more about, Christian."

"There is not much to say, mom. He is just a great guy, he works hard, is caring and very thoughtful. He makes me feel safe and I ... I think I have fallen in love with him."

"Oh darling, so quickly? You know I only wish you the very best of everything, but don't you think it is too soon to talk about love, you've barely just met him."

"I know, mom and I haven't told him. We are not at that stage of our relationship yet, but I hope we get there. For now I just enjoy the time I can spend with him."

"Have you met his parents?" she asks and I blush crimson.

"Ana?"

"I ... well, I've met his mom... she ... umm... kind of walked in on us." I murmur and leave it to my mom to react the way I expected the least, because she giggles.

"Mom! It wasn't funny, I was mortified and I am sure I will never be able to look his mom in the eyes without being completely embarrassed!"

"Oh, I know sweetie, and I didn't mean to laugh at you, it is just... well back in the day when I started to date your dad... well one night his father walked in on us."

"No way! Grandpa caught you and daddy?"

"Yes, well we were about to get dressed again, but he knew what had happened just minutes ago. I wanted the ground to swallow me up."

"Wow, that's embarrassing, at least it was just his mom and not his dad. Did he say something?"

"He said 'teaches you to lock the door, son'" my mom says and I giggle. That sounds like my grandpa... I miss him a lot, he passed away when I was 17 and we had a great relationship. He would take me on camping trips, fishing and he taught me how to play chess. I suspect he let me win a lot, but I always enjoyed spending time with him.

"We all miss him, sweetheart" my mom says and rubs my back and with that I forget all about our early spat, because even though we are completely different, my mom understands me without words.

Shortly after my Dad arrived back at my apartment my Mom has dinner ready and we are waiting for Christian. He of course arrives punctual at 6:30 and I am glad my mom remembered that I told her not to hug Christian.

"The pot pie is delicious, Mrs. Steele" Christian says while we are eating and my mom smiles at him.

"Please, call me Carla. This is one of Ana's favorites."

They do some small talk and we have the cake I've made as dessert.

"So, how was Anastasia as a child?" Christian asks and I sink deeper into my chair. Oh man, why did he have to ask that question?

"Oh, she was a handful" my dad chuckles. "I remember one time my wife went the weekend away with some of her friends and left us a cherry pie to eat the next day. That evening I found Annie in her bed crying at the top of her lungs that her belly hurts. I asked if she had snuck into the kitchen to eat some of the pie and she told me no. So, I took her to the hospital fearing that she needed her appendix removed and after an hour in the hospital a Doctor came to me telling me that I shouldn't allow my daughter to have so much pie. I went in there find her sitting on a cot and ask her why she lied to me and she looked up at me with the most innocent look on her face, telling that she didn't lie, because I had asked her if she had a piece of that darn pie, but she ate all of it." my Dad says and of course everyone except for me is laughing.

"Don't pout" Christian whispers in my ears when it is now my mom's turn to tell some freaking embarrassing stories of my past. He seems to have a really good time, so I decide that I'm not going to ruin the fun by pouting.

My parents decide to talk a walk before retiring for the evening leaving me with Christian at my apartment.

"Your parents are great people, Anastasia."

"I know, the best parents in the world."

"I've notice they call you Ana or Annie." he says and I shrug.

"My Dad is the only one who calls me Annie... or sweetie pie for that matter. As for Ana, I never really liked my name and Peter started to call me Ana, I liked it better so after a while everyone called me Ana. Now, it's just another reminder of him and how much influence he had on my life, I prefer Anastasia now." I explain while I put the dishes into the washer.

Christian comes to stand behind me and wraps his arms around my middle.

"I happen to like Anastasia, it is a beautiful name. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl" he murmurs as he runs his nose along my neck.

"Christian, please my parents will be back soon" I whisper when he pulls me against him and I feel his erection against my backside.

"Oh I can be very quiet, can you Anastasia?"

Damn it, he is challenging me again. "I can try" hearing me say that he picks me up strides towards my bedroom and kicks the door shut once we are inside.

"Hmm what do we have here?" he murmurs with a smirk when he sees the shopping bag on my bed, plops me down on my bed and takes it. _Oh no! _

I want to stop him, but before I can reach for the bag he has reached inside and holds those darn panties my mother has bought for me in his hand. He looks at them puzzled for a second and then smirks at me.

"You know baby, if you are not in the mood you could have just told me, this a little drastic don't you think?" he laughs.

"My mom bought them, she thinks my underwear is way to sexy." I blurt out completely embarrassed.

"Well, I certainly hope you won't wear them any time soon." he says and puts them back into the bag. "Now where were we?"

"I think we were about to find out if I can be quiet." I grin and he pulls me to my feet again.

"You are right, and while I happen to like the dress you are wearing, it has to go; lift your arms."

I do and he grabs me dress by hem and takes it off in one swift move.

"That's more like it, but I think the rest has to go too" he smirks and continues to undress me until I am naked in front of him. But suddenly his face falls and I turn around to follow his gaze. Shit, of course the bruise is still there and he can see it in my reflection in the full body mirror in the corner behind me.

"Christian, please it is just a small bruise." I try to get his attention, but he is still staring at the mirror.

"Talk to me, why is this such a big deal for you... I mean you're a Dom, I am sure you have seen a lot of bruises."

"I don't bruise my subs... it's a hard limit." he says without taking his eyes of the mirror, so I pick my dress up and put it back on.

"Do you want to tell me why it is a hard limit?" I ask tentatively.

"It's... complicated, Anastasia. I shouldn't have punished you while I was so angry, that was a mistake on my part."

"Well, I've learned my lesson, isn't that what punishments are about?" I ask and he shrugs indicating that he doesn't want to talk about it, but I really want to know why this is such a big deal for him.

"I'm clumsy... so enlighten me are you going to be like this every time I happen to have a bruise?"

"It's about me leaving you bruised, okay?" he snaps and I sigh.

"I am just trying to figure you out, Christian. I mean I don't get it, from the research I did on BDSM leaving marks or bruises on a sub is the most common thing... and I'm sorry to tell you, but if you spank, whip, cane or whatever someone then bruises are to be expected."

"But it's not what I do! I can't... I am not... like him." he says and runs his hands through his hair.

"Him?" I ask and he sits down on the edge of my bed.

"My birth mother, she was a crack whore, Anastasia. She had me when she was just 16 years old and from what I know her parents kicked her out and she ended up as a drug addict. We lived in a shady apartment in Detroit and... her pimp, he would stop by once a day. He was a true sadist, so she would make me hide under the bed or in the closet until he would leave. Sometimes he found me and would beat me just for fun, mostly when he already had beaten her until she couldn't move. I remember her being bruised so badly, sometimes she couldn't even open her eyes, one time he beat her so badly that she was spitting blood. I guess she stayed because she was too afraid to leave. When... when I was four she went out to buy drugs and I stayed at the apartment. I was playing on the floor when he came in. He was drunk and pissed about something. He just stared at me, sat down on a chair and started to smoke. Cigarette after cigarette, but there wasn't an ashtray so he stabbed them out on my chest and back. When my mother came home and saw what he did she started to scream at him and he... he beat her... only this time he didn't stop until she was dead. Before he left he bend down to me and told me that this was only my fault. I was too young to understand that my mother was dead... and it took four days for someone to find us. I had nothing to eat and I wanted her to wake up so badly, but she just wouldn't. The police report said that it was a girl who found us... I can't remember... all I remember is him beating her all the time and the bruises... I can't be like him... I..."

I try to comprehend what he's just told me and it absolutely breaks my heart. He had to watch his mother getting beaten to death at such a young age... now it becomes clear why leaving me bruised is such a big deal for him.

"Christian, you are nothing like this man. Don't do this to yourself" I beg but he isn't even looking at me, so I kneel in front of him and cup his face in my hands.

"Listen to me, you are not like the monster who did this to you and your mother. You didn't beat me and I had choices, I could have used my safe words, but I didn't"

"I don't know if I would have stopped, even if you had used your safe words, I was never so angry with anyone, Anastasia... doesn't that make me just like him?"

"No it doesn't. Because I know you would have stopped. I trust you Christian, you make me feel safe. I know that you would never hurt me in any real way. You were so angry with me, but you did nothing other than to spank me, you could have waited until we were at Escala to give me a caning or something like that, but you didn't."

Maybe I should be worried, but I just don't want to believe that he wouldn't have stopped or that he would beat the crap out of me for any reason.

"I don't want you to be my submissive, Anastasia. I want you like today... like the last couple of days... I want to do this right. With you as my girlfriend, not with you as my girlfriend here and my sub at the penthouse. I can't risk to see you as my sub and bruise you."

"Okay, then I am your girlfriend."

"So... you don't mind?" he ask cautiously and I giggle.

"No, because the simple truth is, I like you... a lot. And let's face it, I would have made one shitty submissive, but I am a pretty good girlfriend." I smile and he seems to relax.

"And what do you think qualifies you as a good girlfriend, Miss Steele?" he teases and I get up and sit down on his lap.

"Let's see... I am not a jealous person, I don't cheat. I think I am good company, I can cook a decent meal, I don't have unrealistic expectation of what a good relationship should look like... oh and I am a very good lay" I smirk and he chuckles.

"That you are, Miss Steele and I think we need to put that theory to the test, right now!"

And so we do for the rest of the night...

_**Next chapter is the Coping Together event and after that the last chapter of part one which I can't wait to post, so I might post the next chapter earlier so I can share the last chapter with all of you ;-)  
**_


	16. Chapter 16

**The next chapter is the last of part 1 and since it's already written I am going to post it tomorrow... a little warning for this chapter: Elliot is very OOC **

_**Day 19 - The Journal**_

"Baby, we have to leave in 30 minutes" Christian tells me as he walks into the en suite bathroom of his bedroom, where I am getting ready for the Coping Together event.

"I'm almost ready, I just need you to pick out a dress for me, I have three and I can't decide which one I want to wear."

"I thought you bought one with, Mia"

"I did, but there were three dresses I really liked, so I bought them all. After all I can wear the others at my parents new years ball and the fund-raiser for my parent's charity next February." I explain and get the dresses. Christian and I have already talked about the upcoming holiday season and we will spend Thanks Giving separate with our families, but I will be here to celebrate Christmas with him and his family, while he is celebrating the new year with me in Chicago. It fitted perfectly with my parents plans, as they want to go on a cruise over Christmas and return in time for their annual new years ball. My aunts both asked me to celebrate Christmas with them, but I want to stay here in Seattle and celebrate with Christian.

I put all three dresses on the bed and he looks at them. "Definitely not this one, baby. I would have to beat up every asshole who dares to look at you. Sorry, but that's just too revealing, though I wouldn't mind at all if you plan to wear this one for me in private." he says and puts one of the green ones to the side. I knew he wouldn't want me to wear it, as it backless and leaves part of my middle uncovered.

"I like this one, sexy, but in a classy way" he says and holds up the other green one which has sequins all over it, cap-sleeves and a slit which is almost indecently high. I take it from him put it on and he zips it up for me. I put my silver stilettos on and look at Christian.

"I can't wait to for the first dance, baby" he says and looks at me lovingly which in turn makes my heart beat faster.

"You have to win me in the auction first" I point out.

"Baby, there is no chance in hell that I am going to let any other guy win that dance with you. Besides, I have some plans for tonight."

"Oh?"

"I never had a girl in my old bedroom, maybe we find the right time to change that." he whispers into my ear.

"Sounds like a good plan." I whisper, but we are interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Yes?"

The door opens and Taylor comes in. "Sir, we have to leave if you want to arrive on time."

"We'll be ready in a minute, Taylor" Christian says and while Taylor leaves Christian gets a box out of his nightstand and hands it to me.

I open it and inside is a very beautiful silver mask. "It's a masquerade ball" Christian explain and I thank him with a kiss.

"So, your brother will be there, too?" I ask when we are in the car.

"Yes, I guess I should warn you, he is an inappropriate son of a bitch." he says and my mouth pops open.

"He's your brother, Christian. You shouldn't talk about him like that." I admonish him and he grins.

"You know, I rather enjoy it when you scold me, but just to give you some peace of mind, even though he annoys the hell out of me, I still consider Elliot my best friend. He was out of town for a while, working on a project in New York. He returned yesterday, so I'm looking forward to seeing him again."

"Who else is going to be there, from your family I mean."

"My mother's parents. My grandfather was a big number in the financial world before he retired five years ago, my grandma, well she is a great woman, though she has lost her filter over time and thinks she is entitled to say what ever comes to her mind, because of her age." he says and grimaces which makes me giggle.

"Let me guess, she is breathing down your neck to finally settle down and have a family."

"He exact words when I saw her the last time were and I quote. _' Christian Trevelyan Grey, if I am dead before my first great-grandchild is born I will haunt you and make sure you'll never get laid again'_" he mutters and I laugh.

"Something amusing you, Miss Steele? Because the moment she sees you, she will probably send us to my old bedroom to produce her first great-grandchild."

"Oh well, we could just have a quickie without telling her that I am on birth control." I suggest and he shakes his head amused.

"I get the feeling that my grandma is going to love you."

"I have that effect on people" I joke and he kisses my temple.

"That you do, baby" he murmurs and my heart skips a beat, though I don't allow myself to dwell on his words. We haven't been dating long enough to drop the L-bomb on each other.

When we arrive at Christian's parents home, he leads me inside where his family is gathered in the dining room. Christian already told me, that his family always meets in the house before an event like this to have a glass of wine together and talk.

So, far everyone except for his brother, who apparently is always late, has arrived and true to his word Christian's grandma is all over me.

"Look at you, such a beautiful girl. No wonder Christian never brought a girlfriend home, he was waiting for you, sweetheart. Oh you have nice broad hips perfect to have a lot of babies." she says and because she such a nice old lady I smile.

"I know, right? My nana tells me the same thing all the time. She believes she is psychic and that one day I will have a house full of children."

"Well, Christian have you heard that, you better get started then." his grandma says to him and he looks exasperated, but smiles at her.

"Call me old-fashioned grandma, but I would like to get married before I start a family. Or do you want your first great-grandchild born out of wedlock?" he asks and her eyes widen.

"Good God, no! Though I wouldn't mind the bride to already pregnant when she walks down the aisle" she says making me laugh and Christian excuses himself because his phone rings.

A moment later a tall, very handsome man comes in. He is very well-built, has a ton of blonde curls and twinkling blue eyes. I watch him say hello to everyone else in the room and then he spots me and the look on his face changes from happy to see his family, to baby I want you. _Oh no!_

I watch him stroll over to me and when he is in front of me he gives me a huge, full teeth smile, which I am sure has high success rate with women, sadly for him, it has no effect on me.

"You must be one of Mia's friends. I am Elliot, Elliot Grey."

"Hi Elliot, it's nice to meet you. I am Christian's girlfriend, Anastasia." he stares at me for a moment and then he bursts out into full-blown laughter.

"Yeah right, that one was good. Come on, who are you really?" he chuckles, but in this moment Christian arrives back in the room and the moment he sees me with his brother he walks other to us, wraps one arm around my middle and pulls me closer to him.

"Elliot, you've already met my girlfriend." he says and stares at him. I don't know why, but I feel like Christian is a tad to possessive, seeing that this is his brother.

"Come on, bro. You are fucking with me right? Confess it, you hired a hooker to prank me. Can I have her for the nig..."

"Christian!" I squeak when he lets go of me and grabs his brother by the collar of his shirt.

"Don't ever talk about my girlfriend like that or I will forget that you are brother and beat the shit out of you." he hisses and thank god Grace steps in.

"Now, both of you calm down. Elliot you will apologize to your brother and Anastasia. And Christian, I don't ever want to see you grabbing your brother like that again. Understand, both of you?"

They both look pretty shame-faced after being scolded by their mother in front of everyone.

"I'm sorry, bro. And Anastasia, sorry about the hooker comment." he says and winks at me which I choose to ignore.

"Anastasia, do you have a second?" Mia asks and before I can even answer she pulls me out of the room and into a nearby bathroom.

"Sorry, but I thought it would be best to give you a little warning." she says and I frown.

"Elliot, he... well usually he and Christian get along just fine. But about five years ago Elliot met this girl Gina. He was totally in to her, which was unusual for him, because ... well he is man whore. Anyway, he brought her to a family dinner and the moment she saw Christian she forgot all about Elliot and was openly flirting with him. Christian simply ignored her, but she dumped Elliot and told him she was head over heels for Christian. Elliot was heart broken and he ... he kind of swore that if Christian would ever bring a girl home he would get even with him by having his way with her."

"What? But from what you just said Christian didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, but Elliot still believes he did something to spark that obsession she had for Christian. They were always very competitive, so just try to avoid Elliot or he will try to charm your pants off."

"Don't worry Mia, he can try what ever he wants. I'm happy with Christian and won't allow anyone or anything to come between us. If his brother wants to get even with him there is no way I will let him use me to do so."

Mia seems relieved and I have a feeling that this evening is not going to be as much fun as I thought it would be. And this feeling comes true when two hours later I find myself on the stage with Mia and some other girls for the first dance auction.

When it's my turn I step forward and just hope that Christian is going to win me quickly, because I hate it when all the attention is on me, so I am rather thankful that this is a masquerade ball and my face is hidden. 

The moment the bidding starts Christian steps forward.

"Five thousand dollar" he announces loudly and I cringe inside when his brother steps forward.

"Seven thousand five hundred" he bids.

"Ten thousand" Christian counters. And they start a bidding war. When they reach fifty thousand dollar I want to die. This is humiliating and I can feel my face heat up under the mask. _Oh please, can't Elliot just give up?_

But they continue until I hear an unfamiliar voice. "Five hundred thousand dollars"

Everyone in the tent including myself turns to look at the man who has just made that bid and I frown. _Christian's grandpa?_

"Sold!" the MC announces and his grandpa steps forward takes my hand and helps me off the stage before leading me towards Elliot and Christian.

"Here son, I think you should have the first dance. And Elliot, snap out of it. The girl is taken and she is not a hussy like that girl who broke your heart. Find yourself a nice girl and stop trying to rain on your brother's parade" his grandpa says and Elliot storms off.

"I'll pay your bid, grandpa."

"Let it go, son. Your mother refused to take my donation earlier because she thinks it's too much, so this was a perfect opportunity. And now go work on that great-grandchild so your grandma will finally stops to bug me about it." he says and makes his way back to the table while Christian leads me to the house.

"I'm sorry, baby. It looks like Elliot is still holding a grudge over that slut."

"Mia told me about it, I just don't get why he is blaming you."

"After they broke up, that bitch started to stalk me. I lived in a different apartment by that time and she managed to break in. I hadn't told Elliot about her stalking me, and I was out having a drink with him. He got pretty hammered, so I took him to my place as it was closer. Fucking bitch waited naked on the couch for me. She acted like we were having an affair. I told him all about her being a stalker, but I think deep down he still believes that I fucked her."

"Maybe you should talk to him again. If he is this upset about it even after all those years he clearly isn't over her."

"Later, I need to be inside you now" he says and my heart skips a beat.

"Well then, where is your old bedroom?" I ask and he leads me up to the third floor and into his old room where he locks the door before he pulls me in his arms to kiss me. 

"We have to back in 25 minutes for the first dance, but I really need you now. I want to be rough with you, tell me if it is too much" he whispers into my ear and that alone turns me on.

"As you know, I like it rough" I murmurs against his lips and teasingly bite his lower lip.

"Then we better get you naked, but I want you to leave your mask on."

Seconds later I find myself kneeling on the bed while holding on to the headboard.

"Spread your legs a little more, baby." he orders and so I do it. "Fuck, I can see how wet you are, baby. Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes, I've been thinking about you fucking me senseless since you told me that you wanted to show me your old bedroom"

"I can tell, baby" he says huskily and thrusts one finger inside me. "So, tight and wet, baby... and you don't even know half of the things I could do to you." he whispers as he slips a second finger inside me and curves them before he starts to move them fast hitting my g-spot each time he does.

"You have to quite, baby or else people outside might hear you"

"I don't care" I mewl as the heat starts to concentrate deep in my belly and I grown in protest when he removes his fingers leaving me feeling empty and wanting more.

"I want you to rest your upper body on the bed" he orders and I shuffle back and do as he'd asked.

"Fuck Anastasia, your ass is perfect, I love this little birthmark you have right here, it looks like a heart." he says and kisses the birthmark on my left buttock before he lets his fingers run up and down my spine sending goose bumps all over my body.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Miss Steele?" he asks and I roll my eyes, but even though he can't possibly have seen it he lands a firm slap on my behind.

"I know when you are rolling your eyes at me, baby."

"Then maybe you need to spank me some more." I murmur because that felt good I can hear him inhale sharply.

"Like this?" he asks and rubs my behind for a moment before he spanks me again and this time his hand lands on my sex, making me moan loudly. He does it four more times and I am dripping wet and moaning so loud I am sure even the neighbors can hear me. And without a warning Christian grabs my hips and thrusts his cock into me balls deep, making me cry out.

"Shit, are you okay?" he asks concern evident in his voice.

"Yes... please move" I moan and I rock against him to get the friction I am craving so badly right now. He doesn't need to be asked twice because, boy does he move.

"Christian... oh god... oh god...fuuuccckkk" I cry out, when he goes even faster and he lands another firm slap on my behind making me moan even louder. _Oh hell, everyone will know what we are doing up here..._ but at least now I don't care.

"Fuck baby, keep squeezing my dick with your pussy like that... oh fuck you are so tight and wet baby...oh shit... yesss just like that..." he moans getting louder too. Fuck, that turns me on even more, usually he isn't loud at all but today he seems to be completely out of his mind.

He lets go of my hips with one hand and wraps my ponytail around his wrists, the mix of the pain for him pulling my hair and the pleasure of him fucking me furiously is more than I can take and I spiral into a mind blowing orgasm that brings tears to my eyes and has me screaming his name.

"Oh fuck... fuck ...Anastasia ... fuuuuccckkkkk" Christian is almost screaming as he reaches his orgasm just seconds after me and collapses on top of me. For a moment we just lie there like this, me flat on the bed and him on top of me, but then he pulls out of me and I wince.

"Are you sore?" he asks when he moves to lie beside me.

"These days I'm always sore" I giggle and turn my head a little to look at him.

"I like you sore, reminds you where I've been." he says with a lopsided grin and gets up. It's only now that I getting fully aware of the fact that he never got undressed, but I don't care this was an awesome way to christen his childhood bedroom.

"Come baby, the first dance starts in less than ten minutes." he says but I don't want to get up and wait until he pulls me to my feet and helps me to get dressed again.

"Hey, I need my panties" I protest when he puts them in his pants pocket.

"Let's get you cleaned up first." he says and takes my hand in his before he unlocks the door and we step out of the room only to find his brother leaning against the wall in the hall and he is smirking at us.

"Looks like she is one hell of a lay bro, maybe I borrow her one day" he says and I have to hold Christian back so he doesn't punch him.

"What's the matter with you? Stop riling him up like that." I hiss at his brother.

"But it's fun, you know Anastasia, I could swear I have seen you before. Have we hooked up before? You sure sound like a chick that gets fucked a lot." he says and that's it I stop my efforts to hold Christian back and he lunges at his brother shoving him against the wall and just when he is about to punch him in the face we hear his mother.

"Christian Trevelyan-Grey, don't you dare hit your brother."

"I warned him mom, he disrespected Anastasia the second time and I am not..."

Christian doesn't get to finish his sentence because Elliot has landed one hell of a punch right to his jaw and if it wasn't for their mother positioning herself between her sons I am sure they would have ended up in a fist fight.

"That's enough. Elliot I want you to leave, now!" she says and he gapes at her.

"Mom I..."

"No, this is my house young man and you don't get to come here and disrespect your brother's girlfriend, just to rile him up when you are well aware of his issues. And I'll be damned if I watch my sons beating each other. Now go, I will call you tomorrow and we will talk about this" she says and tone makes is pretty clear that she is not to be argued with which is why Elliot turns around and storms down the stairs. Thirty seconds later we hear the front door slamming shut and Christian's mother sighs.

"Come let me see your face, darling" she says.

"I'm fine mom." he mutters but I am sure that he will end up with a bruise.

"I can get you an ice pack" she offers but he shakes his head.

"I don't need one, mom. I'm fine. But please don't be mad if Ana and I leave after the first dance, I had about enough for today." he says and he sounds really upset. Hell, he told me his brother is his best friend, but in reality the guy is an asshole.

"Of course, darling. I am sorry, I really thought Elliot is over that terrible woman." she says with a sigh and leaves us in the hallway.

"Come on baby, let's get cleaned up." he says takes my hand and leads me into a bathroom. Once we both have cleaned ourselves he turns to leave, but I stop him.

"Let me see your face" I ask and he sighs.

"I am fine, baby. Don't worry." he says, but I get onto my tip toes and softly kiss him along his jaw where his brother has hit him.

"Are you trying to kiss it better?" he asks and is smiling shyly which makes me melt.

"Yes, does it help?" I ask and he continues to smile.

"You have no idea how much baby." he says and I frown when he drops to his knees in front of me, but then he retrieves my panties from his pants pocket and I smile when he puts them on me.

"I wouldn't want anyone else to see what's mine. Come, let's get this dance over with and then I am going to take you home so I can make slow love to you." he says and my heart skips a beat. But I follow him out of the house and back into the tent where we dance to Come Fly With Me To The Moon before we leave and once back at Escala he makes good on his promise to make love to me for the rest of the night...


	17. Chapter 17

_**Day 50 - The Journal**_

"You know Mr. Grey, as cute as you look when you are pouting, I am still staying at my apartment tonight." I giggle looking at Christian as we Skype.

The last three weeks have been perfect. Christian took me on a flight around town in his helicopter Charlie Tango, I taught him how to cook a simple meal like pasta with meat balls and I even convinced him to go to a club with me. At first he didn't seem to like it at all, but after a while he really got into it and we had a great time. I can't wait for spring because Christian wants to take me sailing on his boat The Grace. And we have planned to go to Aspen for a week right after new year.

We have spent hours just talking and getting to know each other better. And we have spent a lot of time in his playroom. At first he was a little apprehensive about taking me inside the playroom, but I convinced him that I wanted to try it and we both enjoy our side dish of kinky fuckery a lot.

Today though, I needed one evening alone. We just can't seem to keep our hands of each other and I am seriously sore back and front. And because I knew that we would have never made it through the night without trying to fuck each others brains out I've decided to stay at my apartment for the night.

I haven't slept here since my parents came to visit and if it was up to Christian I would just get all of my stuff to his apartment and move in with him, but so far I avoided that topic, as well as telling him that I love him. I just can't because I feel so guilty for lying to him in the beginning. I know at some point I have to tell him the truth, but it's hard. I know that trust is a huge thing for Christian and he hates people who lie, so I still don't know how to come clean without losing him.

"Men aren't cute, baby" Christian mutters and I giggle.

"Yes, they are, they just don't like to hear it. But I happen to think that you are very cute. Like a big teddy bear" I giggle and he makes a face.

"Are you trying to wound my ego, Miss Steele?"

"Wouldn't dream of it." I laugh.

"So, what can I do to convince you to come up?"

"Nothing, I need a day to recover. Seriously, you have a crazy sex drive."

"Says Miss Insatiable, because correct me if I am wrong, but aren't you the same girl who just three days ago came into my study, while I was having a teleconference and started to suck me off, then proceeded to sit on me and fuck me while I was trying to secure a multimillion dollar deal?" he asks one eyebrow raised.

"Oh come on, you loved it, Grey. And what about you Mr. Kinky? Your mom baked your favorite pie for you and as soon as she had left I had half of it smeared all over my ladyparts for you to feast on it" I laugh and he gives me a big boyish grin.

"But that was fun."

"It sure was, but I am still not coming up tonight."

"I could come to your apartment."

"Christian, please. I really need one night to recover."

"I know, baby. But how about a little show for me?" he asks and so I find myself naked on the sofa masturbating for him to watch. While I am touching myself, for a second I feel like there was a noise in my apartment, but I ignore it until I hear Christian yell.

"ANASTASIA BEHIND YOU!"

I want to turn around, but before I can do so someone has grabbed me by the hair and is pulling me off the sofa. I scream and try to get away, but in the process I kick the laptop of the coffee table and end up getting slammed against the wall. I sink down to the ground holding my head and look up.

Oh fuck it's Matt. He is staring at me and there is nothing but pure hate in his eyes.

"I'll always find you, Lilith, you can change your looks all you want, but you don't fool me. Now I have to kill you again... I mean you deserve to die, you did back then and no matter how often you return, I am just going to kill you again." he says and I blanch. _Oh fuck, he is a complete nutcase. _

"Matt, my name is not Lilith, it's me Anastasia." I try to sound calm, but he is just staring at me.

"I know who you are, bitch. I don't care what name you pick. Megan, Hannah, Crystal, Susan... or Emma. I always know who you are. It's your ear this time, I saw it and I knew!" he hisses accusatory and yanks me up by my hair again only this time he starts to choke me.

I try to fight him, but he has me pressed against the wall, with his hands wrapped around my neck cutting my air supply. And just when I think that I am going to suffocate I hear a loud bang as if someone was shooting and Matt's grip around my neck loosens. His eyes widen and he sacks to the floor.

I hit the ground with a thud, coughing and gasping for air and then Christian is at my side pulling me into his arms.

"It's okay, I got you... I got you" he murmurs into my hair. I just hold on to him shaking like crazy and still trying to get enough air into my lungs.

"Sir, he is dead. The cops and paramedics are on their way" I hear Taylor's voice, but everything is a complete blur until I find myself wrapped in a blanket on Christian's lap on the sofa with a female cop sitting next to us.

"Miss Steele, can you tell me what happened in here tonight?" she asks gently.

"Detective Hastings, my girlfriend almost got murdered tonight, she is under shock and in no condition to answer any of your questions." Christian snaps and they start to argue.

"He killed them all" I whisper.

"What?" both Christian and the female cop say at the same time.

"Those women in his pictures... he killed them all" I croak my voice completely hoarse.

"Miss Steele, what women are you talking about?"

"Can you open his apartment?" I ask and so Christian carries me into Matt's apartment after the police opened the door.

"Those pictures... all the women are his victims." I say and she stares at me.

"How do you know?" she asks and I want to answer, but all that comes out is a cough and I start to feel dizzy again.

"Now that's enough. I'm taking her to the hospital now" Christian snaps and somewhere between him snapping at the cops and carrying me out of the apartment I pass out.

When I wake up I am in a hospital bed and Christian is sitting in a chair next to the bed.

"Hey, you're awake." he says and takes my hand in his.

"What happened?"

"You passed out. The paramedics took you to the hospital. You've slept all through the night, but you are fine."

"Thank you." I whisper and he looks at me puzzled.

"What for?"

"For saving me."

He wants to answer, but a Doctor comes in to check on me and after 30 minutes I am discharged and Christian's helps me to get dressed before Taylor drives us back to Escala.  
"I want you to move in with me, baby" Christian says as we step into the elevator.

"I need some things from my apartment" I murmur not wanting to give him an answer to what he has just said.

"Sure"

When I enter my apartment I am shocked. The place is an absolute mess and on the floor where Taylor shot Matt is a huge puddle of blood. I will never be able to sleep here again, only the thought that this sick person died in here makes my skin crawl, so I hurry into my bedroom and start to collect the things that I need.

Christian takes the duffel bag that I've packed, but stops.

"Baby, I can't do this. I need to know that I can keep you safe at all times. Moving in with me is not enough. I... I love you, Anastasia. Please, be my wife."

_Holy crap... did he just propose?_ And he told me that he loves me. I mean I felt it all the time, but he has never said it out loud... and I want to say yes, jump into his arms and marry him, but I can't. I have to be honest. I can no longer live with the fact that I started our relationship to get information out of him... that for a short he was one of my suspects.

"I've lied to you" I whisper and the tears start to flow down my face. Christian drops my bag and stares at me.

"What do you mean, you lied to me?"

"When I moved to Seattle, I wanted to write a book. I had no idea what about and the first day here I found something that belonged to Emma, but it weren't the things I've shown you. I bought that stuff, what I really found is a set of journals. Emma wrote journals about her daily life, mostly about her life as a sub. I... I was intrigued by it, even more so because she just disappeared and ..."

"So you knew? You fucking knew that I was her Dom before we even met?" Christian yells at me and I take a step back.

"No, she would only refer to her Doms as Master and Sir. I didn't even know that you were in the lifestyle before we met at the _Black Velvet_, but at this point I was convinced that it was one of her Doms who killed her. The one she called Master in her journals was my main suspect, at the time I thought it was either Matt or... you."

Christian gaze turns so icy I have never seen him like this. "So, you've signed that contract thinking that I might have killed my previous sub?" he snaps.

"I didn't want to believe that it was you who was responsable for her disappearance. And then Kate told me about Hyde and I figured out that he was Master, so I was no longer suspecting you and ... I fell in love with you, Christian but I was too afraid to tell you the truth and..."

"Enough! I've had enough of this shit. I hope this was worth it Anastasia. I hope almost getting yourself killed was worth everything and I hope you write one hell of a book, but never... and I mean never again even try to talk to me. I am done with you!"

"No, please Christian, please. I am so sorry, please give me another chance. I will never lie to you again, I promise" I sob but he just stares at me with no emotion at all.

"How? Tell me how can I possibly ever trust anything you are telling me? I mean I saw how smoothly you lied to your father, maybe that's your nature. I've trusted you Anastasia, I've told you more about myself than I have ever told anyone else and you... you are nothing but a liar." he turns around to leave, but I can't let him go. This can't be how things between us end.

"Please don't leave me" I cry and grab his hand.

"Don't fucking touch me!" he yells pushes me away and because I am still weak from what happened to me the night before I stumble, fall and my arms hits the edge of the chest in my bedroom. For a brief second there is the terrible sound of a bone breaking and then I am on the floor holding my arm as pain shoots through it causing even more tears to roll down my cheeks.

Christian stares at me for a moment complete horror showing on his face and then he bolts from the bedroom and I hear my apartment door slamming shut shortly after that.

I just sit there, on the floor of my bedroom and I can't stop to cry. He wanted to marry me... and here I am now all alone with a fractured arm and nowhere to go. Somehow I manage to get up, take my duffel bag and leave my apartment. I make it to the hospital dish out yet another lie about me tripping and falling and leave the hospital two hours later with my arm in a cast. All I want is to go home, back to Chicago and forget all about Seattle... but I can't. The police still needs my statement and maybe Christian will come around.

But do I even want him back? Yes, he was angry and rightfully so, but leaving me with a fractured arm in my apartment ... I have no idea what to do and because I can't stand the thought of going back to my apartment I check into a suite at the Fairmont Olympic order some food and leave a message on Detective Hastings phone, so she knows where to find me. And after that I just sit there on the bed and stare out of the window as the bitter thought crosses my mind that I brought this all on myself...

_**Three days later**_

The last three days of my life have been hell. The media is all over Matt's death and the fact that he was a serial killer. The police found out that in each state he lived a woman who either lived in the same apartment complex as he did or had to do with his work went missing. Those pictures were most likely his trophies. The police now suspects that Emma was one of his victims, they have found a storage unit in Matt's name that kept all of her belongings, so now they are searching for her remains.

My parents are worried sick about me, but they are in Japan because my Dad has business there. They wanted to come back right away, but I told them that I am fine and that Christian is looking after me so they wouldn't worry. I guess Christian was right and lying is just part of my nature as I am so good at it.

Yesterday, I couldn't take it anymore and tried to call Christian, but my call went straight to voice mail. I tried a couple more times, but it was always the same, so I guess he either needs more time or he really meant what he said and he is done with me.

Maybe, I should be angry at him too, from the look on his face he knew that my arm was fractured after I fell and he just left me there. But then again he just confessed his love and proposed only for me to drop that bomb on him. I wish I would have kept my mouth shut, I should have just said yes, what good did the truth do?

A knock at the door interrupts me from my thoughts and I get up to open it, but frown when I see Faith.

"Faith, how did you know where I am?"

"Oh, I have my ways, Anastasia. I would like to take you somewhere, do you have time?" she asks.

"Where do you want to take me?"

"It's a surprise, there is someone who wants to talk to you." she says and my heart rate picks up. There is only one person we both know... Christian!

"Okay, I just need to change. Come in."

In less than ten minutes I manage to change into a dress and ask Faith to help me braid my hair. Having only one arm to use makes even the most simple things a challenge, but when I look at myself in the mirror I am rather happy with the way I look and so we leave the hotel.

Faith drives out of town and after 45 minutes she stops at a cabin in the woods. When she gets out of the car I get a feeling that maybe this wasn't a good idea. Why would Christian want to meet me in the middle of nowhere?

But since I don't have much of a choice I get out of the car and follow her into the cabin. It's sparsely furnished and not very welcoming. There is one big room and a door to another room which is closed.

"One minute" Faith says with a smile, but I really feel like this is a trap. So when she disappears in the other room I look around for a potential weapon, but look up when the door opens and I can't believe what I am seeing. This can't be real... I mean how... but it is real and finally I find my voice and there is only one word that leaves my mouth

"Emma"

Her lips quirk up and she walks straight up to me to pull me into a big hug.

"I've waited 22 years to finally see you again, little sister" she whispers under tears...

**End of Part One**

_**OMG you guys, you have no idea how badly I wanted to finally write this last line and post the chapter... **_

_**I will take a two or three-week hiatus from this story to work on the outline and the first few chapters of part two. I usually don't do an outline, but with this story it just feels necessary and I am going to post part two in this story instead of starting a new story for it... so stay tuned for more drama, twists and a big surprise...**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**So, this is not an actual chapter it's more like an outtake or maybe it can be seen as a prolog to Part 2, because like the first part, part two will be strictly from Ana's POV. This will give you all a little inside to Christian's point of view...**_

_**Another thing, many of you are upset that Ana and Emma are sisters. Some even think that I have ruined the story by going there... but it was the plan all along. I thought about changing it, because so many of you didn't like it, but I have a very clear picture of where this is going and the whole Emma/Ana storyline is a huge part of Part 2 and I actually feel that backing away from that part of the story wouldn't be the right thing to do... **_

_**So, this is your way out. If you are uncomfortable or down right disgusted by the fact that Emma was Christian's sub, now that you know that she is Ana's sister, don't read Part 2...**_

_**Chicago February 2010**_

Why the fuck am I even here? Another dull fundraiser, with dull people who are trying to kiss my ass. I stare at my watch for the hundredth time and it still is too early to leave. I wasn't even supposed to be here, but Ros is sick.

Fuck, why did she have to succumb to the flu this week? I had plans, my latest sub Susannah was trained as a slave by her previous Doms and it gives me the biggest kicks to see how perfectly obedient she is. I had planned a scene to really push her limits today, and then Ros called me that she was sick as a dog and couldn't go on the business trip she was supposed to.

And here I am in Chicago instead of my playroom fucking the hell out of my latest sub. Finally, after listening to endless speeches it is the right time to make my retreat without showing disrespect to the cause. I get up and make my way to the exit, but I am just in the lobby of the hotel when I see a young woman stumbling right in front of me. I leap forward to catch her and stop her from hitting the floor.

She grabs my biceps to steady herself and I feel the weirdest pull of electricity running through my veins. _What the fuck is happening to me?_

"So-sorry" she sniffs and I realize that the woman is crying. She looks up to me and my breath catches in my throat. Fuck me, those eyes... even swimming in tear she has the most beautiful eyes. Huge clear blue orbs stare at me, before she lowers her gaze to the floor in the most submissive way. Shit, I don't even know her name, but I want her.

"Are you alright, Miss?"

"Yes, thank you" she says and lets go of my arms, forcing me to let go of her too.

"Do you need help, you are clearly upset I could..."

"Ana? Oh darling, what is wrong?" I hear the voice of a woman and watch the beautiful brunette fly into the open arms of the woman.

"He is such an ass, mom. He promised he would be here and now he is out drinking with his friends again." she sobs into her mother's arms.

"Oh sweetheart, don't cry. You know Peter is sometimes like that. Come, we are going to fix your face and then your father wants to dance with you."

And with that both women leave, while I am standing in the lobby like an idiot wondering what the fuck just happened.

Before I know what I am doing I find myself back in the ballroom and scan the dance floor for the next fifteen minutes, waiting for the young woman to show up. Finally, I see her enter the dance floor and groan inwardly. Out of all people, this has to be her father.

I've never actually met Ray Steele, but I know that he is one tough son of a bitch. Damn, he is probably watching he like a hawk. I continue to watch as he dances with her twirling her small form across the dance floor and I feel drawn to her. I look around and ask the first woman I see to dance with me, to my great relief the woman seems to be in her late sixties and is giving me a pleasant smile as I lead her to the dance floor.

I purposefully lead her onto the dance floor not to far from the blue-eyed goddess, so I can watch her, but nothing could have prepared me for the reaction I feel deep inside me when I watch her father whisper into her ear and she starts to giggle. Usually giggling girls are not what I like, but hearing her giggle warms my heart. _Fuck, what heart Grey?_ the nasty little voice in my head asks tauntingly, but this time I ignore it.

"My Ana is a beautiful girl, but she is taken." the woman I am dancing with says and I turn my attention to her.

"The woman you are staring at, she is my granddaughter Anastasia."

"I.. I wasn't .. I mean" Fuck me, I am sure this is the first time in a long while, if ever that I have no idea what to say and I can actually feel my face heat it. _Fuck, control Grey, take the upper hand here.  
_  
"I was just making sure, that she is feeling better now, Ma'am. I've found your granddaughter in the lobby crying."

"You sure did, young man. I could dance with my son, giving you the chance to dance with her." she says smirking and I want to, badly. But I can't this girl looks young, way too young for what I have in mind with her and she is taken. I don't go after women who are taken, too messy.

"No, thank you. I have to leave now. It was a pleasure to dance with you, Mrs. Steele" I give a curt nod and lead her off the dance floor before I leaving the ballroom. What ever it was, I won't go after her and I have a good sub waiting in Seattle for me.

_**One week later**_

Those fucking blue eyes... beautiful huge blue eyes framed by long thick lashes. I have dreamed about those eyes, I see those eyes when I close my eyes... _fuck I am obsessed with little Miss Steele._

For one week I have tried to get her out of my mind, but even today after a long session with Susannah all I can think about are those eyes...

"Taylor" I call out loud enough for him to hear me in the security office and moments later he is standing by the breakfast bar.

"I need a background check on Miss Ana Steele. She is the daughter of Raymond Steele from Chicago."

"Very well, Sir" he says and leaves.

Two days later I find myself sitting in office re-reading the background check of Miss Anastasia Rose Steele for the tenth time. Anastasia... a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. Sadly though, the background check showed also that there is no chance in hell for me to approach her.

She just turned twenty a couple of months ago, is still in college and more so she is engaged and will get married next year in late May. Trying to get her to be my submissive is impossible. I have clear rules one of which is that I do not contract a submissive under the age of twenty-one. Of course, I could just wait until she turns twenty-one, but she is engaged.

What I have to offer is not what she wants. Clearly this girl is all about hearts and flowers. No, I can't do it. I have to forget those beautiful blue eyes and the way she made me feel when her soft hands touched my arms...

_**March 2011**_

_Fuck, fuck it all to hell... _I mean what are the chances? I knew that Miss Steele was adopted, her background check showed it, but I didn't look deeper into it and I should have. Now, it's too late. Damn it, I knew there was something about Emma that was just not right.

She looked too much like Miss Steele. Except for her eyes of course. Those fucking eyes that are haunting me for over a year now. I told myself to forget about her, but I couldn't. There is just something about Miss Steele that makes me want her.

And then I met Emma and was delighted to find out that she was in the lifestyle. Of course she became my new sub. It was easy to imagine that she was Miss Steele in our scenes, but then I came to think of it. Two girls who look very much alike. One adopted the other one lived in foster homes and state care since she was three years old, which fits the time when the Steele's adopted Anastasia. I just had to look into it.

Turns out that Miss Anastasia Steele was born as Anna Mitchell, younger sister of Emma Mitchell. Not sure they even know that the other exists, but since then I can't fuck Emma. It just feels sickeningly wrong to fuck one sister when I am secretly craving the other sister.

No, I need to end the contract as soon as I am back from my business trip...

Late September 2011

Another shitty day ... lately I had a lot of them. Faith keeps telling me that I should find a new sub, but I can't. I am torn, I've loosely kept tabs on Miss Steele and I know that she broke her engagement after her fiancé cheated on her.

What a fucking fool... and now she is twenty-one, old enough to be my sub. But can I do this? Is she even ready to enter any kind of relationship? Faith tells me that I either need to go to Chicago and talk to her or forget her and move on, but I am torn.

And then there is the whole Emma dilemma. I was actually relieved when she just disappeared. Sure, I tried to find her to make sure that she is alright, but when Welch came up empty I decided to let it go. But if I get Anastasia to sign a contract, I know that I should tell her that I was in a previous D/s relationship with her sister. Yet, I am not even sure if Miss Steele is aware of the fact that she was adopted and has a sister.

Welch had to dig really deep to get the information, so I am convinced that Ray Steele went to great lengths to make sure no one knows that his daughter is adopted. The only reason why he would do something like that is that he doesn't want his daughter to know.

"Sir, Mr. Raymond Steele is on the phone for you." Andrea's voice comes through the speaker and I sit up straight in my chair. Well, this could get interesting, maybe this is my opening to see his daughter again.

"Put him through, Andrea" I mutter and take the call.

"Mr. Steele, this is Christian Grey."

"Good afternoon, Mr. Grey. I am calling about the apartment you are selling at Escala."

"I see, if you want to see the apartment you have to contact my real estate agent."

"No, I want to buy it. I've done my research and Escala is one of the safest buildings in Seattle."

"Are you planning to move to Seattle, Mr. Steele?"

"Afraid of a little competition, Grey?" he chuckles.

"Not in the slightest, Mr. Steele."

"Good, but the apartment is not for myself. My daughter Anastasia wants to move to Seattle and I want to buy the apartment for her."

_Why the hell does my heart start to race hearing this?_

"Well, then I will give you the number of the real estate agent and you can discuss the details with him."

_**Three weeks later  
**_  
_Damn it Grey, just read those fucking reports! _Fuck, since Miss Steele and I had dinner a couple of days ago I am utterly worthless. I need her, I want her in my playroom and fuck her until neither of us can move.

She looks even more beautiful than I remembered her from the first time I saw her. I have to admit that I was a tad disappointed that she didn't even remember that we have met before, but I will make damn sure of it that she won't forget me again.

All I need is a good plan and soon she will be mine. As I am thinking of a good reason to call her my phone rings.

"Grey"

"Good evening, Christian" I hear Faith's voice and for some reason she sounds giddy, which is not usual for her.

"What has you all excited Faith?" I ask.

"I have a new submissive for you. A newbie, so you would have to train her, but I think that she would be perfect for you."

"Faith, I have told you that I am not interested in finding a new sub, much less so one who knows nothing."

"Oh, but I am sure you will change your mind for this one. A very pretty young woman, twenty-two, petite, long chestnut colored hair and those eyes are extraordinary. I've never seen eyes like hers."

"Faith, I am not interested." I snap.

"Good, then I call someone else to take Miss Steele on as a sub." she says and I nearly drop my phone.

"What did you just say?"

"That I am going to find a Dom who is willing to train Miss Steele."

"Faith, if you are fucking with me..."

"Sweetie, she is waiting in my office, Miss Anastasia Steele, so are you still not interested?"

"Are you sure it is her?"

"Yes, I've seen her ID. She looked so I wanted to make sure that she is at least twenty-one."

"Fuck my life. What else did she say?"

"That she is interested in the lifestyle and I told her that I might know someone who would make a good first Dom for her."

"Ask her if she is willing to do a scene tonight."

"Christian! She is new to the lifestyle and..."

"I want her Faith"

"Fine, I'll ask her. The usual scene?"

"Yes, but I don't want her to know who I am, not until the scene is over."

"I'll have her blindfolded then."

"Perfect"

Ten minutes later I am on my way to the Black Velvet... _looks like dreams do come true after all...  
_  
_**Three days after the breakup - Dr. Flynn's office**_

"Alright Christian, I understand now how things between Anastasia and you started, but have you ever told her that you've been in a sexual relationship with her sister?"

"No, I couldn't John. I wanted to come clean, but she doesn't know that she is adopted. She told me that her mother couldn't get pregnant again after she gave birth to her. How was I supposed to tell her the truth when she has no idea that she is adopted?"

"I see, but since you haven't been completely honest with her, don't you think that you should at least give her the chance to explain herself. After all she stayed after she ruled you out as one of her suspects. Have you even thought about the possibility that Anastasia stayed because her feelings for you are genuine?"

"It is not about the fucking lies, John. Yes, I am fucking hurt that she's lied to me, and she couldn't have picked a worse time to come clean, but that doesn't change the fact that I love her. If it was just about her lies, I would have given her a second chance gladly, but as it is..."

"Christian is there something you haven't told me?" Flynn asks and he looks rightfully concerned.

"I was so fucking angry, John. I never had to deal with feelings like these, love... and I was so fucking hurt... I just needed to get out, because I knew I was about to lose it any second. And then she grabbed my wrist and I was already in a state of mind where I wanted to beat the shit out of someone. I was so afraid to hurt her if I wouldn't get out of that apartment that I pushed her so she would let go of my arm. I just didn't expect that she would stumble and fall. When she fell her arm hit the chest in the corner and I could hear it John."

"Hear what, Christian?"

"How the bone snapped. I fractured her arm, John. And since then I hear that sound 24/7."

"Did you bring her to the hospital?"

"I ... no... I was so shocked, disgusted with myself and the look on her face all I could see was the pain she was in, pain I had caused. I just needed to get out and I have no idea how long I just walked and walked until I realized that I had just left her there. I called Taylor to go to her apartment and help her, but she had already left."

"Have you contacted her?"

"I can't John."

"Christian, you have told me that you love this woman, yet you didn't even care to call her to make sure that she is fine or if she needs help?"

"I... John, don't you understand. I am a fucking monster, I fractured her arm. I can never come anywhere near her again. All I wanted was to keep her safe and protect her, but the truth is I need to protect her from me."

"Christian, don't you think you are being over dramatic here? Yes, you were very angry and you pushed her which caused her fractured arm, but that doesn't make you a monster. We can work on your anger issues, but what you are doing now is that you are punishing yourself and her."

"I am not punishing her, John. I am protecting her. She deserves better than me. She deserves to find a man who can treat her right, not a fucked up monster that bruises her or fractures her arm. I can't take that risk, John, not with her."

"Christian, I understand your concerns, but don't you think you should at least see her and tell her why you feel like you can't be with her?"

Fuck, he just isn't getting it. "John, I can not risk allowing her anywhere near me, not when we might argue and I am going to lose it again. What if the next time I snap her neck or cripple her. I am not willing to take that risk."

"What if she tries to contact you?"

"She already has, I've sent her calls to voice mail and deleted her messages without listening to them. I am getting a new number on Monday, I have also blocked her emails, changed the elevator code for the penthouse and my staff knows not to let her into the penthouse."

"What if she comes to see you at Grey House?"

"I have put her on the list of proscribed visitors. Also if she tries to send me a letter I have let the staff both at Escala and Grey House know that I don't want to see or hear about them. I've ruled out all possible ways for her to contact me."

"She knows your family." he says and I scowl at him.

"I have told them what happened yesterday, and while they think that I need to talk to her, they understand that it is my decision and they won't pass any message Anastasia is giving them to me."

"Christian, I have to be honest. I think what you are doing is very cruel. One minute you ask her to marry you and the next you leave her and you are not even giving her the chance for one last conversation. Do you even consider how she is feeling right now?"

"I'd rather have her heart-broken for a while then to take the risk that I am going to hurt her even more in the future. She will get over it and move on."

"What about you, Christian?"

"I think our time for today is up. Bye John."

I know he wants to help me, but not even he knows the depths of my depravity to their full extend. I can't risk to hurt Anastasia again, I would never forgive myself. So, I have to let her go and try to convince myself that she never existed...


	19. Chapter 19

_**Hi... so, for those of you who are still reading The Journal welcome to Part 2 :-)**_

_**To me the second part is no longer called The Journal but Back To You, since there is/was a story by the same name I am not going to change the name, but don't be surprised if you see the new name at the start of each chapter...**_

_**Back To You - Day 1 (Two weeks after Ana and Emma met)**_

I remember a time where my life used to be easy. I was Anastasia Rose Steele. Only child of Raymond and Carla Steele. Fiancée of Peter Martin and a senior in college who had her life planned out. Life seemed so perfectly simple... now my life has turned upside down in ways I can't even start to understand. All because of a cheating fiancé, a move to Seattle, a set of journals, a sexy as hell billionaire and a sister I didn't know I had. Add a serial killer, BDSM and so many lies that even I have a hard to know what the truth is and what not to the mix and you might get an idea of how complicated my formerly perfect life has become in just seven months.

Now I am back in Chicago on my way to my parents house and I still recall the conversation with Emma in mind... what a game changer that was...

_\- Flashback Ana and Emma__'__s first meeting in the cabin -_

_Sister? Did she just say sister? I free myself out of her embrace and look at her. _

_"I'll leave you girls to talk." I hear Faith say and she leaves the cabin. _

_"I bet you have many questions. Let's sit" Emma says and I just sit down on one of the chairs. _

_"The police thinks you are dead."_

_"I know, I guess I have to fix that mess soon. It just wasn't safe for me to return. You see Matt nearly killed me." she says and my mouth drops open. _

_"Wait... are you telling me that you knew he is a serial killer and you just decided to go into hiding instead of going to the police?" _

_"No, look I was at home sleeping and all I remember is that I heard a noise and then someone grabbed me. It was dark I couldn't see who it was and he knocked me out. After that I don't remember anything until I woke up in the trunk of a car. I was so scared I pretended to be dead when the trunk was opened and next thing I know is that this person lifted me up and threw me off a bridge. I nearly drowned in the cold water, but somehow I survived. I was scared, confused, disoriented and by some miracle I found my way to the Black Satin. Faith wanted to call the police right away, but I convinced her not to."_

_"But why, oh my god what if he had killed more women in the meantime?" I ask... I get that she was scared, but this is crazy. _

_"I just couldn't risk it, Anastasia. The police would have asked questions and the only suspects at the time I had were Mr. Hyde and Mr. Grey. I couldn't risk exposing their lifestyle to the police and therefore the public if in the end it would have turned out that both are innocent. Faith agreed to help me figure out who it was. She was convinced that it was Hyde or someone else, she never believed for one second that it was Mr. Grey... and then you had to move to Seattle and make things even more difficult, couldn't you stay in Chicago and play happy family with your adoptive parents instead of moving to Seattle to find out what had happened to me... the sister you never wanted to meet?" she asks bitterly and I have no idea what she is talking about. _

_"Okay Emma, look I don't know what you are talking about, but I am not adopted." _

_She snorts. "Yeah right, keep telling that yourself, I did all I could to keep you safe Anastasia. I hired some asshole to rob you and send those CCTV pictures to your father, but nothing helped. Why were you so hell bound on finding me, when you didn't even want to meet me when I came to Chicago?"_

_What the fuck? "Wait, you hired that asshole who put me into hospital?" _

_"Yes, and I am sorry he attacked you. All he was supposed to do was steal your purse to scare you, so you would run back to your parents. And when you didn't I thought your Daddy would come here and demand for you to move back once he knew, but he didn't. Why couldn't you just leave? Why did you have to keep looking for me, it's not like you cared about having a sister before."_

_"Emma, honestly I have no idea what you are talking about. I don't have a sister and I am not adopted. I can show you pictures in which my mom is pregnant with me, she nearly died while giving birth to me and as a result she was not able to conceive again." I tell her and her eyes widen in horror. _

_"Wait.. I .. I don't understand they've never told you?"_

_"Told me what?"_

_"You are adopted Anastasia. We are sisters, hell they must have lied to me." she murmurs and I shake my head. This can't be true. _

_"No... that's not true." I mutter and she sighs and gets an old picture out of her pants pocket._

_"Tell me this woman doesn't look familiar to you." she says, hands me the picture and I gasp. Holy shit, the woman in the picture looks like me, and if it weren't for the fact that this woman is highly pregnant I would believe that it is a picture of myself. _

_"That woman is our mother Anastasia. She was eight months pregnant with you when it was taken. I'm sorry that you had to find out like this, but he told me you knew." she says sadly and I feel hot tears sliding down my cheeks. _

_"I don't understand, who told you I knew?"_

_"After our parents died we both came into state care. I was in a different foster family, I was traumatized... I guess being trapped in a car with your dead parents for nearly two hours will do that to a three year old. I was told you got adopted real quick, you were a new born, only six days old when our parents died. My case worker later told me that your parents were asked if they would consider adopting both of us, but they didn't want a traumatized child, too much trouble I guess. Anyway, I lived in different orphanages and foster families until I was 18, it wasn't exactly pleasant for most parts, but I always knew I had a sister out there somewhere. When I turned 18 I found out your new name and where you live, so I went to Chicago to see you. I met your adoptive father, he told me he would ask you if you wanted to meet me. A day later he came to the motel I was staying in at the time and told me you don't want to me; not now not ever and to respect that. He gave me five thousand bucks to keep my promise to stay away and left. That's why I was so surprised to find out that you are in Seattle looking for me, why did you do that when you had no idea who I am?"_

_I stare at her, this has to be a nightmare, this just can't be happening. If I am adopted why didn't my parents told me this years ago? I mean don't I have the right to know that I am adopted... that I have a sister?_

_\- End of Flashback - _

And since then everything has changed, Emma went to the police and for now she is staying with me at the apartment I have rented. It's furnished and the landlord gave me a short term rental agreement, so I can stay there for three months. Depending how things turn out today I either sign an extended agreement in three months or I will just move again, preferably to a deserted island where I can just lie on the beach all day and never have to see anyone else ever again... well besides Christian.

God I miss him so much, it's like I am in constant pain and he is the only one who can make it go away. I have tried everything to contact him. My emails bounced, my letters came back unopened, I've spent an entire day in the lobby of Escala, but he never showed up there. He ignored my phone calls and now he seems to have a new number. I even tried to contact his family, but they wouldn't take my calls either. I guess he really meant it when he said he never wants to see me again.

I get that he is angry and disappointed, but cutting me off so completely is just cruel. Especially after the way he left me at my apartment. I don't blame him for my fractured arm, it was an accident, but leaving me there when I could tell from the look on his face that he knew I was hurt... that just makes him leaving me and not even calling me once so much more worse.

And then there is the fact that he had a D/s relationship with Emma, who for all that I know is my sister. Yuck, that's all sorts of fucked up. At least she told me that she isn't interested in him. She thinks he is too uptight and while easy to look at not her type at all. I know he wasn't really into fucking her either and from what Emma told me she was his sub for 10 weeks, but only spent a grand total of 15 days with him and they had sex like 5 times. Not that that makes it any better, but at least it shows that he really wasn't into her. Five times sex, that was like a regular week day for us. I'm pretty sure that in short time I have spent with Christian I had more sex with him than I had with Peter in all of our relationship ever since we started to have sex when I was 17.

"Ma'am we are here." the cab driver announces when he pulls up at my parents house. I quickly pay him grab my purse and get out of the car.

_Okay Ana, it's now or never, just get this over with!_

I walk up to the house and open the front door with the keys I still have.

"Mom, Dad, I am home!" I call out and my Mom is with me first.

"Oh darling, finally... my god, what happened to your arm. You never told us that this monster fractured your arm!" she says and I sigh.

"He didn't Mom, I fell."

"Oh darling, you need to be more careful and why haven't you told us?"

"Mom, please. I need to talk to you and Dad."

"Of course, come he is in his study." I follow my and deep down I still hope and pray that Emma is wrong. When we reach the study my Dad sits at his desk totally absorbed by what ever he is reading on his laptop.

I have spent countless hours in here. His study is also the library and while he was working I would curl up in the old leather lazy boy and read a book. Sometimes when he needed a break we would sit down at the small table in the corner and play chess. He would let me win each time, even when I was old enough to know what he was doing, but that's my Daddy he would do anything to bring a smile to my face.

"Annie, what on earth happened to your arm, sweetie pie?" he says when he notices my Mom and I.

"Nothing, I fell."

"And Christian let you fly like that? He didn't insist on coming with you?" he asks not pleased at all.

"I... Christian and I we are no longer seeing each other. It's complicated."

"Has he dumped you, because if he did..."

"Dad, please I have something important I need to talk about with you and Mom, can we talk about Christian later?" I ask. I had to wait two weeks to talk to them, because they had to stay longer in Japan than originally planned. Which is also why I celebrated Thanks Giving with Emma and Faith instead of my parents.

"Of course, come on, let's sit down and we can talk."

When we all sit and my parents are looking at me expectantly I take a deep breath. _Okay, here goes nothing..._

"Am I adopted?" _there I said it; done._

For the longest time my parents just stare at me both their faces show no expression at all and I know it... I just know it is true. My Dad would have asked me right away how I could think something so silly if it wasn't the truth.

"Please, say something." I beg.

"How did you find out?" My father asks and with that the tears fall freely from my eyes.

"The woman who lived in my apartment before me, she disappeared. Matt tried to kill her, she survived and went into hiding. It was her who has sent you the pictures of Christian and I, she was trying to get me out of Seattle to keep me safe."

"I don't understand what this has to do with you finding out." he says and I know my Dad is about to cry himself which makes me cry even harder.

"Because she is my sister. Emma Mitchell. She thought I knew... she thought I didn't care about her. How could you do this Daddy, I had a right to know that I have a sister." I sob and he gets up to pour himself a whisky while my mother remains stone faced.

"Ana, you don't have a sister. Not since the day you became our daughter."

"That is not true! Adopted or not, Emma is still my sister. You could have adopted her, too. Why did you leave her in state care? Why did no one ever tell me?" By now I am almost screaming. This is just too much. I had so much shit thrown at me this past year, I just can't take anymore.

"Your mother and I, we wanted a baby desperately Annie. Carla was pregnant six times and the pregnancies always ended in a miscarriage. In early 1989 she was pregnant again. All looked well, until we went to see the doctor in early June. The babies heart had just stopped beating. Your mother had to give birth to our dead son and due to many complications she couldn't get pregnant again. It was a very hard time for us, for our entire family. I had a friend at CPS, he called us one night telling us about you and Emma. We came to see you and I just knew, that's our girl. We got the petition to adopt you out that very day. We also met Emma and Lord knows we've regretted our decision so badly over the years, but back then we just wanted a happy family. Emma was deeply traumatized. She was screaming and lashing out at anyone who came into her reach. At first we thought we could do it, but there was one incident where she had to leave the foster home she was staying in, because she bit the baby of the family in the face. She bit half of the babies nose off before she would finally let go. We couldn't take that risk Ana. Even the psychiatrist who evaluated her told us that it wouldn't be safe to adopt both of you. We had to make a decision to adopt either you or Emma. I understand that you are upset and angry, but I will never regret that we've picked you, Annie."

"And why didn't you tell me later?"

"Annie, you were just fifteen when she showed up here and your mother and I talked about it, we really did. I've waited a day to talk to Emma, because I needed to make sure she wouldn't be a danger to you. When her background check came back I knew I had to keep her away from you."

"Why?" My Dad sits next to me and takes my hand in his.

"I managed to gain access to her medical files. Ana, what ever she has told you, you can't believe her. There were transcripts of session with the shrink she had to see. She is blaming you for her parent's death. She told him in great detail how she would find you and somehow manage to get you to trust her and then she wanted to punish you for the life she had to live while you were having a good life with us. She doesn't care about you, if she was the person who has sent me these pictures she did it just so she could be the one to hurt you and no one else. The same day I went to her motel and told her that you have no idea that you are adopted and that we want to keep it that way until you are 21. She got very angry and threatened to tell you herself, in the end she demanded 250k to keep her silence. I gave her the money and we've never heard of her again. Annie, we really wanted to tell you, we didn't want to keep this from you, but by the time you had turned 21 all that shit with Peter happened and we just wanted to wait until you are better again. Your mother and I love you so much sweetie pie, it doesn't matter who has brought you into this world, to us you are our little girl, always have been and always will be. If you don't believe me, I can show you the file I have on Emma. It's all here." he says and as much as I want to talk more, I just can't I feel like I'm suffocating under all those lies and I don't even know what is true and what's not anymore.

"Later, please... I can't... I need to get out for a while."

"Please, Annie it's getting late and..."

"No, please Daddy, I just need to take a walk... I'm sorry." I grab my purse and just leave the house.

I really want to believe everything my father has told me, but I'm just so confused and I don't want to hurt them, so I need to just get out and think for a second. And while I wander absentmindedly through the streets I keep thinking of what my father just told me. Why would Emma blame me for our parent's death? This just makes no sense, nothing makes any sense.

After what feels like ages I stop walking and almost smile when I see where I am. Without even noticing it I have walked to the nearby cemetery and find myself standing near my grandpa's grave. I walk closer and sit down on the small stone bench that is facing his head stone. My Daddy had it put there for my Nana so she can come here and sit while she visits the grave.

"Hey Grandpa" I sob and bury my face in my hands. When ever I was upset as a child and teenager I would go to my Grandpa and he would listen to me, give me his opinion or just hold me in his arms to let me cry it all out. When he died I was so upset and missed him so much, one night shortly after his funeral I came here and my father found me later that night sleeping next to his grave. I just didn't want to let him go and right now I would give everything I have just for him to sit next to me and tell me that all is going to be fine.

I just don't know what to do... whom to believe ... it's like I don't know nothing at all. And all I want is for someone to hold me in his arms.

"I wish you'd be still here, grandpa. You'd know what to do. I miss you so so much. You know, suddenly I have a sister who most likely hates me and everything I thought I knew is just a lie. And I have lied so much and then there is Christian and he just won't allow me to talk to him and I miss him so much. How can he say that he loves me and ask me to marry him and then just cut me off like that, like I never even existed?"

And then I just cry, it's like a dam inside me is broken and I just can't stop crying. After what feels like ages someone sits next to me and wraps his arms around me.

"There there, sweetie pie. It's alright, just let it all out." I hear my Dad's voice and he just holds me while I am crying.

"Better?" he asks eventually and I nod and take the handkerchief he is handing me.

"How did you know that I was here?"

"Because you would always go to your grandpa when you are upset. Come, I want to take you somewhere." he gets up and takes his jacket off to wrap it around my shoulders.

"Thank you... Daddy, I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier."

"Annie, I understand that you are upset. We should have told you, your mom and I never wanted you to find out like that. Now, come, your grandpa wouldn't want you to sit here all night and freeze to death."

I take one last look at the grave and follow my Dad to his car. "Daddy, wait."

"Do you want to stay a little longer?"

"No, I just... I love you, Daddy, you know that, right?" I say and he smiles and pulls me in his arms.

"Of course I know that sweetie pie and so does your mom, we are a family, we get mad at each other, sometimes we yell, but what keeps us together is that we all love each other."

I nod and get into the car, but frown when he drives in the wrong direction.

"Aren't we going home?"

"Later, don't worry about your mom, I've asked your Nana to come over and sit with her. By now they both had most likely one to many martinis and are watching some old home movies until we are back home."

That makes me smile. My mom rarely gets tipsy, but my Nana likes to have a drink or two and she could drink anyone under the table, so I guess my mom is in for a hangover by now.

About ten minutes later my Dad pulls up in front of an old diner and I look at him in surprise.

"I thought the place closed two or three years ago."

"They wanted to close it. With all the fast food restaurants that opened in the neighborhood it is no longer profitable, so I bought the place from the owners. The still work here and I pay them well to keep it open." he explains and I can't help but smile. This diner was once the only one in the neighborhood and my Grandpa used to come here every Wednesday evening while my Nana was at her Bingo evening to have strawberry pancakes with whip cream and chocolate sauce for dinner. My Nana thought that was a terrible habit, but as often as we could my Dad and I would go with him. We had some great evenings here and I know my Dad came here long after my Grandpa passed away to keep his tradition, but I really thought the place had shut down years ago.

We go inside and I am surprised to find Joe, the old owner cleaning the tables. He must be in his late sixties now and with his white beard he looks a bit like Santa.

"Evening Joe"

"Evening Ray, the usual?"

"Yes, and the biggest chocolate milkshake you have for my Annie."

"Coming up" he says with a smile as my Dad and I sit in the booth my Grandpa would always sit in.

"Do you come here often?" I ask him.

"Every Wednesday evening, your Mom thinks I am jogging... so let's keep that between us kiddo" he says with a wink and I giggle.

"Ahh, that's much better sweetie pie. Now, I know this is hard for you, but I really want you to read those files on your sister. You know Annie, we would have loved to adopt both of you, but it just wasn't possible. Your sister is a very sick young woman. It's not her fault, it's what happened to her in her life, but I would never forgive myself if she would hurt you."

"She lives with me" I whisper and he gasps.

"Then it is best if you stay here in Chicago, Annie."

"No, look Daddy, I can't leave Seattle. I need to fix things with Christian. He is really mad at me and I can't just leave things as they are. He doesn't deserve that."

"Do you want to tell me what happened between the two of you?" he asks and I stare at my hands. Maybe he knows what to do... so I tell him everything, from finding the journals to how he proposed to me. Of course, I leave the whole BDSM part out and when I'm ready I look up at him.

"Well, that is some mess, kiddo. Do you want me to call him?"

"No, please Daddy, this is something I need to do. Maybe he just needs more time... I don't know. But I don't want anyone else to get involved in this mess."

"As you wish, Annie. But if you go back to Seattle you will take Henderson with you and tell Emma to leave your apartment."

"Henderson? Oh please no, Daddy" I beg. John Henderson is the head of security at my Dad's company and has worked for us as long as I can remember. He is like Taylor I guess, just way more stiff and because he knows me for all of my life he is almost like a second Dad for me, only that I can't wrap him around my finger like I can with my Dad. He has a no BS attitude and I wouldn't want to be on his bad side, because he can make grown men piss their pants with just one look.

"Take it or leave it, Annie, I am not going to take any chances where your safety is concerned." my Dad says and I know he means business so I nod and a moment later Joe places our food in front of us. Strawberry pancakes with chocolate sauce and whip cream, it reminds me so much of my Grandpa it brings fresh tears to my eyes.

"I miss him too, sweetie pie. But you know what, where ever he is right now, I know he smiling down at us and has plate of his favorite food, too."

"I hope so."

"I know he does. Now dig in, kiddo your Grandpa would give us both a spanking if we'd let any of it go to waste" he says with a wink and so we both dig in.

This might not be a solution for any of my problems, but being back in this place and having some good old comfort food takes all the worries away... _at least for a little while..._


	20. Chapter 20

_**Thank you for all the lovely feedback to the first chapter of Part II. This chapter will clear up whom Ana can really trust. It was highly requested to bring Christian back in the story and as much as I want to have him back in the story too, it isn't happening for another chapter or maybe even two. **_

_**Another thing that many of you want to know is what Gail's deal is and why she was so hostile towards Ana. Well, before I can cover that topic Christian and Ana have to be back together or at least start to talk again so Ana gets to see Gail again.**_

_**And lastly Christian's POV, I know many of you really want to read his point of view again, but for now this is strictly from Ana's point of view and one chapter will be from Grace's point of view. I put his point of view in as a bonus at some point, but not in the next couple of chapters...**_

_**Back To You - Day 5**_

I've stayed in Chicago for four day. I never went to meet with old friends or did anything else than to spend time with my parents and the rest of my family. Everyone came over to see me. We've talked, we've laughed and we've cried and in the end I realized it doesn't matter that I am adopted. They are my family, always have been and always will be. Yes, I wish my parents had told me this earlier, but it is what it is and I only have two options. Either I forgive them for not telling me earlier and let it go or I hold it against them and end up a bitter person.

But the truth is, I love my family too much to do that. And the more I have thought about it the more special I feel to my family. My parents could have picked any child, but they wanted me, they wanted me to be their child and growing up there was not a single moment where they have shown me anything else but unconditional love. If they had decided to adopt another child, maybe a boy to take over the my dad's business empire someday, who knows where I would have ended up.

The hardest thing was to read the file my Dad has on Emma. To read how she grew up in one foster home and orphanage after another. How she struggled and about her issues with anger and her hate for me. From the file I know that my birth parents died when they were on their way to pick me up from the hospital. I was born 5 weeks premature and had to stay a little longer at the hospital, which is why they had to wait to take me home with them. But what surprised me was that Emma was seeing a psychiatrist for young children even before our birth parents had died in the car crash. There where several incidents that happened at her daycare where she had scared or hurt the other children to the point that the staff asked our birth parents not to bring her in anymore.

When our birth mom got pregnant with me her outbursts became more violent, so our parents went to seek help for her, because her outbursts got so bad that she was even hurting herself during it. The psychiatrist had a couple of possible theories as to what was wrong with her, but after our birth parents passed away she never went to him again and what followed can only be described as ordeal for Emma. She was sent from one shrink to next and each one had a different diagnosis and therapy for her. No wonder there was no mention that she continued her therapy after she turned 18 and lived on her own.

Still her the records of her countless sessions with shrinks show clearly that she blamed me for our parent's death. For being adopted when she wasn't and the abuse she had to endure in one of her foster family. She stated clearly that she wanted my life to be as miserable as hers. I don't get it. Our parents died because a drunk driver crashed into their car not even a mile away from where they used to live. It wasn't my fault, if anyone is to blame than it is the man who decided to get drunk out of his mind in the early morning and then go for a drive. But I guess for a young child it was clear that her parents wouldn't have been in the accident if they hadn't been on their way to pick me up from the hospital.

And now I have to face her. She is still at my apartment and besides me Henderson and my Dad too came with me to Seattle. He was too worried to let me go on my own, but we agreed that they would wait outside the apartment. After all Emma is my sister and I know I can't share an apartment with her... not after reading those files. But I still want to talk to her, give her the chance to show me that she has moved on from her anger and if not... well I guess then I have to see what is going to happen.

Arriving at my apartment I find Emma sitting on the sofa in the living room watching TV.

"Hey Sis." she says, but I can tell from the look on her face that she knows something is wrong.

"Well look at that, did your Daddy spill the beans?" she asks and gets up.

"You knew he would. Just like you knew that I had no idea that I am adopted. What do you want from me Emma?" I ask bitter and she snorts.

"Really, what I want? Is that a joke? Listen princess, what I want has never been high on anyone's list. And now look at you, the perfect daughter, the submissive that made the great Christian Grey fall for her, you never had to worry about anything in your life. You never had to lie awake in bed all night hoping and praying that your drunk as hell foster dad wouldn't come into your room again to fuck you when you were just eleven years old. You never had to be hungry for days because no one cared if you had something to eat. You never had to be cold because you didn't have any warm clothes and you've never been bullied in school for not being dressed like all the others or because you didn't have all those nice little toys the other kids had. There was a time when I was just fifteen where I was so desperate to be like anyone else that I let some old pervs fuck me in exchange for nice clothes and a laptop. All the while you had the perfect life, everything was handed to you on a fucking silver platter.

But you don't deserve any of it and you know why? Because our parents didn't want you, they didn't want a second child. That morning when they died I heard them yell at each other. Mom wanted to pick you up, but our Dad, he wanted to leave you at the hospital. I wish they had done that, because maybe they were still alive then, see Anastasia it is all you fault, you had everything I ever wanted and if you want to know what I want, well that's easy. I want your life. I want parents who care about me, I want to have more money than sense and most of all I want to see you living my life just for one fucking day!"

I stare at her in shock. No child should have to experience the things she did. I even understand that she is angry that my life has turned out so different from hers, but what ever compassion I feel for her is minimized by the fact that she is staring at me and there is nothing but hate in her eyes. She really does hate me and still I don't want to believe that we can't somehow fix this.

"Emma look, had I known that you are out there I would have tried to find you and..."

"Oh sure, of course you would have done that, because that's what every rich girl would do."

"It's what I would do, Emma. After all I was looking for you without even knowing who you are."

"Morbid curiosity" she huffs.

"No, when I've read your journals I've read about a lost young woman, a woman who deserved so much more from life than to just disappear without a trace and without anyone really trying to find her. I felt drawn to you and it nearly got me killed, it most likely has cost me any chance to be with the man I love, but you know what that young woman from your journals she deserved to be found, no matter at what cost. And to find out that we are sisters it made me happy. Sadly as it seems you never wanted a sister to begin with."

"Damn right, you ruined everything, you killed them" she says but somehow behind all the hate I can also see the scared and traumatized little girl.

"I didn't Emma, a drunk driver did when he decided to get into his car for a drive. You are an intelligent young woman, so you already know that. Deep down I understand that you need someone to blame for what has happened to you, but as much as I want for us to work this out, it is not me who has to make the first step. So, I'll just give you what you seem to want the most." I say and make my way into my bedroom. I grab a duffel bag and pack what little clothes and personal items I have here. Most of my stuff is still at Escala, but I just couldn't stomach to be in that apartment any longer than absolutely necessary. I take my jewelry box from my vanity and leave the bedroom. Stopping at the breakfast bar I take my purse get my check book out and write a check for Emma.

"What are you doing?" she asks eyeing me suspiciously.

"I'm giving you what you want. You want to be me, well that is as close as you can get. I'm moving out, the rent is paid for three months, so now you have my apartment. We already look almost the same, so no need to do anything about that. My make up and perfume is still in the bathroom, you can have that too. Since I don't have any friends here you have to find some on your own, just like I have to, too. And this is a check over 500k for you. So now you have my apartment, my looks, part of my stuff and a good chunk of my money. I hope this is going to make you happy and on the rare chance that you figure out that money isn't going to buy you happiness, I'm sure you know how to find me. Have a good life, Emma." I start to walk towards the door, but she calls me back.

"Why are you doing this, why aren't you telling me that I am crazy or to get the fuck out?" she asks confused and I sigh.

"Because I am tired, Emma. This last year went from me graduating and happily planning my wedding to finding out that my fiancé is screwing my best friend and not just that he also knocked her up and married her. The media made it impossible for me to stay in Chicago, so I had to move away and here things only got worse. I found someone who made me really happy and he is probably never going to talk to me again, because I was so hell bound on finding you that I lied to him over and over again. I got assaulted in the garage of the building I lived in, had to knee some asshole in the balls who wouldn't take no for an answer, got almost murdered by a serial killer, found out that I have a sister and that my parents never told me that I am adopted and I am just tired. All I want is peace and quiet. I would love nothing more than for us have a good relationship and do all the things sister should do, but I don't think that is possible.

You clearly resent me for having the life you always dreamed of, and you have no idea how sorry I am for all the horrible things that have happened to you, because no one should have to go through these things. But I can't change the past and you are clearly not ready to let it go and move on into a more happy future. So, this is all I can do for you. And maybe once I have left and you had some time to yourself just sit down and think of what to do with your life. You now have the chance to make a fresh start. Maybe go to college, follow the career path you've always dreamed of or find a nice guy who is treating you the right way and start your own family. But no matter what you do with the money just know that I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy. Goodbye Emma."

And with that I place the keys for the apartment on the breakfast bar next to the check an leave the apartment.

"What happened Annie?" My dad asks and takes the duffel bag and jewelry box from me.

"She wants to be me, so I decided to give her just that. She has my apartment, some of my stuff and I gave her some money. That's it" I shrug and turn to Henderson.

"I want someone following her 24/7, Henderson. I had enough bad surprises for a lifetime. I want to know what she is doing at all times. I want daily reports and I want to be notified if she is within a five miles radius of me." I say and we leave the building.

I hate to put security on her, but at this point I just had enough of taking any chances. I always laughed about my Dad's control freakery, well I guess from now on I will be just like him when it comes to trusting anyone and just make the mantra he lives by to my own.

_**Trust is good, but control is even better!**_

_**Five weeks later - Day 40**_

I decided to stay in Seattle, much to my parents dismay as they wanted me back in Chicago, but I am still holding on to the hope that Christian will eventually come around. Now I know there is no other options, I have to make him listen to me.

I've found a new apartment and I love it, I've moved in three weeks ago and so far it is great. I still get my daily reports on Emma, but so far she is staying away from me and just living in the day. Right now, I couldn't care less. I have my own drama to deal with and I can't think about the sister I've only recently found who hates me. If we had grown up together it would be different, but as it is we nothing but strangers who happen to share the same DNA.

Actually, it's funny all human beings share 99.9 percent of the same DNA, it's only that tiny 0.1 percent that defines us as individual and shows if we are related to some one or not. So, why am I supposed to care more about a woman I have only know for a couple of days than all the other people in the world I have met at one point or the other in my life. I just can't deal with her, especially not after today.

Damn, how could this happen to me? How could my life spiral out of control like that? It's like every time I think that things are finally looking better there is yet another set back and I'm back where I started... miserable.

Though to be honest, this is not a bad thing. It is just not the right time, but I guess this is one of the things in life where you can't always pick. Sometimes it just happens. I just don't know if I can do it on my own. My parents are going to freak out, I just know it, but it is what is. There is no going back now.

_Oh Christian, why do you have to be such an ass? I need you!_

With a sigh I lift the bottle with apple juice to my lips and gulp down as much as I can. Then I repeat the same process I have done 29 times before today.

"No, damn it!" I yell in frustration and listen to the clutter of plastic hitting my sink. Okay, now it's official, I can no longer try to convince myself that this might be product failure or anything else.

I am Anastasia Rose Steele and according to the thirty pregnancy tests which are pilled up in my bathroom sink I am pregnant with the baby of Seattle's most stubborn and cold hearted billionaire Christian Grey...

_**Okay, let me know who of you saw that one coming? ;-)**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**Because I had so many request for an early update I just couldn't resist to write the next chapter before updating The Wild Ones and The Pact... so here we go :-)**_

_**Back To You - Day 131 ( Three months later)**_

"You know little one, next time we come here you could make mommy very happy and finally reveal if you are a little boy or a little girl. Then mommy can call your grandpa Ray and he will come to Seattle and paint your room." I murmur and rub my belly.

I am six months pregnant now and hiding my belly is impossible. Some women start to show really late into their pregnancy, but my belly is so huge already I have no idea how I am going to be able to walk or get up on my own if I get any bigger. At least my body has decided to give me something to balance out my ever growing belly, because my butt has gotten huge too. My parents think I am being ridiculous, but I am sure if someone sees only my backside he thinks I am Kim Kardashian.

To be honest, I don't really care. It's funny, I always wanted to look at good as possible, but now all I care about is that my baby is healthy and grows just like it is supposed to. I just wish I had someone with me to share this special time in my life. My parents and grandparents call me and visit me as often as they can, but it's the evenings when I am alone in my apartment that are really depressing sometimes. Or going to a park to take a walk and seeing happy couples and men who are rubbing their pregnant wife's bellies, looking at men who carry their young children on their shoulders or just spent time with their kids... and here I am pregnant and all alone in Seattle wondering if my child will even get the chance to know his or her father.

I have tried everything I could think of to somehow get in contact with Christian. And what did it get me? I was kicked out rather rudely by the building security of Grey House, was asked to leave Escala because I am no longer a resident there after selling my apartment there and when I went to Bellevue to talk to Mia or his parents some goon from Christian's security showed up and threatened me with a restraining order if I wouldn't leave. One day I got so mad that I called everyone close to him I had a phone number of and no one took my call... the next day none of those numbers were working any more. At this point my only option would be to have a banner put in place somewhere for him to see, but I can't do that. I don't want to make my pregnancy public or reveal the name of the father before I have the chance to tell him in person.

By now I am so angry at Christian, I am sure it is not going to be a pleasant conversation if and when I finally manage to get five fucking minutes of his god damn time. At least I can say that I have done everything within my power to contact him, if at any point he finds out about our baby, he can't say that I haven't tried. I wanted to give him the chance to be a part of our child's life from the second he or she is born, but now it doesn't look like that is going to happen.

Maybe I should have let my father handle this for me. He was livid when I had to tell my parents that I am pregnant with Christian's child and that he is doing everything within his power to make sure I have no way of contacting him. My dad wanted to go to Grey House and demand to see Christian, but I stopped him. It just felt wrong, I wanted to be the one to tell him.

As it is now, I have decided that I can't deal with this constant stress of coming up with ways to contact Christian anymore and I will just wait until the baby is born and let my lawyers handle it. He might not want to listen to me, but he has to listen to them and if he decides that he doesn't want to be a part of our child's life I will make sure that he is going to pay child support and that his name is put on the birth certificate as the father. I am willing to stay in Seattle should he decide that he wants to be a part of the babies life, but if not, I will most likely move back to Chicago. The only reason to stay here is that it would make it easier for him to see our child. With the crazy hours he is working each week it would be nearly impossible for him to see the baby on a regular basis if I move away, so for now, until I know for sure I am staying.

Today I was here at the hospital not only because I had an appointment with my doctor who has his offices here, but also because I wanted to look at the different delivery suites they are having here. I know I still have 19 weeks to go, but I like to know my options early and so far I am leaning towards a water birth. But I know I am probably going to change my mind and the midwife here told me that if at any point I feel like getting out of the tub, I can change my mind at any point, unless the head is already out, but I guess at that point I will be so out of my mind with pain that I don't care where I am as long as the baby is finally born.

To take my mind off of any thoughts of Christian or the pain during childbirth I decide to just look at the newborns through the window of the nursery. They are all so cute and I can't believe that only a couple of months from now I will be standing here looking at my own child.

"I am going to take my lunch break now, Julia."

"Of course Dr. Trevelyan, see you later" I hear someone say behind me and spin around. There she is Christian's mom walking down the hallway.

"Okay, little one, one last try" I murmur and hurry down the hallway behind her.

"Dr. Trevelyan? Please wait." I call out for her and she stops, but doesn't turn around because I am sure she knows that it is me.

"Please, Dr. Trevelyan, I know your son doesn't want you to talk to me, but please at least listen to me... please for your grandchild" I beg and she spins around and stares at my swollen belly.

"That... did you say my grandchild, Anastasia?" she asks and I nod slowly.

"Christian's baby." I say and I can see tears pooling in her eyes.

"I... my goodness, a baby. Please, come to my office, we should sit down and talk." she says and so I follow her up to the pediatric ward where her office is and sit down on the small sofa in the corner.

"How far along are you?"

"Today I am exactly 21 weeks along." I tell her and rub my belly.

"I don't want to offend you in any way, Anastasia, but are sure that your child is Christian's?" she asks and looks embarrassed to even ask me that question.

"Yes, I haven't been with anyone else than your son, since I have moved to Seattle. But I am willing to do a paternity test, even before the baby is born. I have nothing to hide."

"Of course not, I just needed to ask. Does Christian know?" she asks and I guess my expression leaves no questions open as to what a stupid question that was.

"I am sorry, of course you had no way of letting him know. I am sorry, Anastasia. My husband and I both think that Christian is making a huge mistake by treating you like this. He is just so scared to hurt you again, he loves you and it scares him that he has lost control and injured you." she says and I frown.

"Dr. Trevelyan, I have no idea what you are talking about. Your son isn't talking to me, because I wasn't honest with him and when I finally came clean he left me."

"Anastasia, my son loves you, he would have forgiven you any lie gladly, but he can't forgive himself for fracturing your arm and leaving you alone in the apartment." I stare at her. This is what all of this about? He is afraid he is going to hurt me... wow, that is the most stupid thing I have ever heard in my life.

"Well, if he cut me off so completely so he wouldn't hurt me again then he has failed, because that has hurt me more than anything else. And he didn't fracture my arm. I tried to stop him from leaving the apartment and he pushed me to get away, I stumbled and hit my arm on the edge of a dresser, it was an accident. Believe me, if I would think for one second that he did it on purpose I wouldn't be here, because I would do what ever is in my power to make sure he will never know about this baby."

"So you want him to know, to be a part of this child's life?"

"Yes, I mean he hasn't contacted me in nearly six months, so I have to live with the fact that he doesn't want me anymore, but that doesn't mean he can't be a wonderful father to our child. I grew up with a strong, loving family and I want the same for my child. He or she has a right to know both sides of his or her family, that is why I am still living in Seattle to make sure that if Christian wants to have an active role in our child's life he has every chance to do so. If he doesn't want to see me, that is fine too, we can find a way to arrange everything so that he doesn't have to see me, but I don't want my baby to grow up without his or her father. But before any of that can happen I need your help to tell him."

She sits down next to me and takes my hand in hers. "I promise you we find a way to make that happen. I won't allow my son to keep this up, not with a child on the way. He had enough time to come to his senses and face you, now I will make sure that he is going to see you."

I will always blame my hormones for this, but hearing her say this I start to cry. It's like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders and I finally can breathe.

"It's alright, darling girl. I won't allow my first grandchild having to grow up without a father. It's going to be fine." she says and gently rubs my back.

"So-sorry... I... it's just I didn't think I would get the chance to tell him before the baby is born and I don't want him to miss the opportunity to hold his child in his arms right after it is born." I sniff and take a tissue from my purse.

"I'll talk to him. I promise, Anastasia." she says and I just hope that she really can get Christian to listen to me.

_**Grace's POV**_

I am still fuming with anger when I reach Grey House. That boy really has done it this time. I wasn't happy with his plan to avoid Anastasia to begin with, but this has gone too far. I will not allow him to ignore her while she is carrying his child. My god, the poor girl is staying all alone and pregnant in Seattle waiting for him to come around, while he is burying himself in work and doing anything to keep her away from him when in reality he wants nothing more than to be with her.

I know my poor boy has issues, and he has never managed to overcome the horrors of the first few years of his life, but there is a new life involved now. He has to face Anastasia and take responsibility and if he doesn't... no I won't let that happen. I have not raised my children to abandon their own flesh and blood. I just hope that he is going to listen to me, Lord knows that my son can be shockingly stubborn if he wants to avoid a conversation. If not I will have to find a different way to get him to talk to Anastasia.

When I reach the top floor of his office building his secretary Andrea jumps up from behind her desk to greet me.

"Dr. Trevelyan-Grey, how nice to see you."

"Hello Andrea, it's nice to see you, too. Is my son in his office?"

"No, Ma'am. Mr. Grey is in a meeting at the moment."

"I see, please let him know that I am waiting in his office for him and that it is an emergency." I tell her and get into Christian's office. When I see the large picture of him and Anastasia on one wall of his office I smile. I had no idea he had a picture of her here, but it just shows how much he misses her, so this might be easier than I thought it would be.

"Mom? What is wrong, Andrea said there is an emergency" Christian says as he steps into his office.

"It's nothing bad, Christian. Please sit down, you and I have to talk." I almost smile when I see the look on his face. It is the same look he always has when I doesn't know what is going on. He doesn't like it at all when he is not in control of something, but I guess now that he is going to be a father he has to get used to it.

"Mom, what is going on?" he asks as soon as we sit.

"I've talked Anastasia today." The moment he hears me say that he gets up and takes his phone out.

"Taylor, Anastasia managed to approach my mother..." he takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose and with his eyes screwed shut he says "Get plan B into motion." he hangs up and I stare at him.

"I am sorry that you had to talk to her, mom. It won't happen again" he says and I can feel my anger rising again.

"What does plan B mean, Christian?" I ask and he remains silent.

"I think I have asked you a question, young man! Answer me!" I snap and that has his attention because he knows that I rarely if ever raise my voice.

"I have talked to my lawyers and we agreed that because Anastasia is not giving up, it would be best to get a restraining order against her in place. It's for the best, mom. I was sure she would have given up by now, but..."

"No! Do you hear me, Christian Trevelyan-Grey? You will do no such thing. You need to listen to her, she has something important that she needs to tell you."

"I can't mom, I can't take that risk. She deserves to find someone who is not going to hurt her the moment he gets angry. I'm sorry, but I have to get back to my meeting."

"We are not finished, Christian!"

"I'm sorry mom, I'll see you tomorrow" he says and I can't believe that he just walks out on me like that. Well, I guess this leaves me with no other choice. I leave the office and find Taylor in his office.

"Ma'am, can I help you?"

"Yes, you will not help my son to get a restraining order against, Anastasia."

"Ma'am to be honest, I think he needs to talk to her, but he is too stubborn to do so. But he is my boss and..."

"Anastasia is pregnant with my sons child and I am telling you right now that no one is going to serve the mother of my grandchild with a restraining order. You will not call his lawyers and just wait until tomorrow, do you hear me, Jason Taylor?"

"Yes, of course Ma'am... a baby... what a cluster fuck" he mutters.

"Do not tell him, Anastasia wants to tell him herself. Have a good day, Taylor." I say and leave Grey House. In my car I take my phone out and call Anastasia.

"Anastasia, this is Dr. Trevelyan speaking."

"Hello, Dr. Trevelyan, have you talked to Christian?"

"Yes, and he has agreed to meet you tomorrow at Bellevue. Can you be there at 6:30 pm?"

"Yes, of course. Thank you so much, Dr. Trevelyan."

"You are very welcome darling girl" I hang up and sigh. Oh Lord, please forgive me for lying... but my son needs to talk to her, he needs to know that he is going to be a father...

_**I am actually really looking forward to write the next chapter, because there is a major twist in it, so I will try to get it ready until Wednesday or even earlier ;-)**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Back To You - Day 132**_

I am so nervous. This is it, today I am going to see Christian again. I hope he is not going to freak out when he sees that I am pregnant. Because let's face it. If he takes one look at me I don't have to say anything. Still, I made an effort to look nice today. Why? I have no idea. It's not like Christian is going to care how I look, but I want to look good for myself. But now as I pull up in his parents driveway I feel like turning around and getting as far away as possible. To my surprise I see Taylor approaching the car and he opens the driver's door for me.

"Miss Steele, it is good to see you again. May I help you?" he asks with a smile and holds his hand out to help me out of the car. Surprised by his reaction I take it and thank him.

"So, I guess this means Christian is already here?"

"Yes, Ma'am, Mr. Grey arrived 15 minutes ago." he says and walks me to the door where he rings the bell and Christian's mother opens.

"Anastasia, it is so good to see you, come in dear." she says kindly and I take a deep breath and straighten my blue dress before following her. She leads me through the long hallway into the dining room and I swear I can feel Christian's presence before I actually see him.

When I step into the room behind Grace; Carrick, Mia and Christian turn to see who came in and my face falls because the look on Christian's face shows all too clearly that he had no idea that I would be here tonight.

"What the he... " he stops and stares in absolute horror at my belly when Grace steps aside so he can have a good look at me. Since I have no idea how this is going to end I take a step back and wrap my arms protectively around my belly.

"How?" he asks after what feels like ages and can't help, but snort.

"Really Christian, how? That is the first thing you ask after finding out that you are going to be a father? Well, let's see. Oh yes, as you know I was taking the pill, but I guess there are only so many times one can have sex before even the best birth control cries uncle." I hiss, suddenly I am so angry. This man has put through so much shit in the last couple of months, a time that should have been one of the most happy times in my life and now he is only standing there gaping at me like a complete idiot.

"Are you keeping it?"

"Of course I am keeping my child! Now let's just cut the crap, do you want to be a part of my child's life or not?" I ask and I know I should probably give him some time to digest this news, but all I want is to leave this house.

"I ... fuck... you can't just drop a bomb like that on me and expect me to make a decision in five fucking seconds Anastasia" he says and runs his hands through his hair.

"Now, both of you. You need to sit down and talk. Elliot won't be here for another thirty minutes, so we will give you some privacy to talk before dinner." Says Grace and before I know what is happening I am alone with Christian.

"Do you want to sit?" he asks and is looking anywhere but at me. Great this is just awkward, but I wanted to talk to him, so I should make the best out of it.

Walking over to the table I sit down and wait for him to say something, but he doesn't.

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask and he continues to look at me.

"Christian just say something, this is getting stupid" I snap.

"You are mad it me" I am not sure if it was a statement or question, but it pisses me off either way.

"Mad at you? Christian I am not mad at you, I am so hurt right now for what you have done to me in the last couple of months. Was it that hard to answer one of my calls? To give me five fucking minutes of your time? For fucks sake, you asked me to marry you and the next second you just cut me off and move on with your life like I've never even existed. That is just cruel, because I had enough shit to deal with and didn't need anything else thrown at me. Do you think I enjoy getting kicked out of buildings with people staring at me and pointing their fingers at me, because I can tell you that was not exactly pleasant and your building security is a bunch of assholes, but I guess that's a job requirement if you want to work for the king of all assholes himself." I stop this is not the right way. I came here to talk about our child and now I have reduced myself to cussing and name calling... _just great_.

"I did this to protect you, Anastasia." he says and I glare at him.

"Okay, if you dare to give me that stupid lame excuse that you were afraid to hurt me, because I fractured my arm by _ACCIDENT _I swear to God I will start to scream bloody murder."

"It wasn't an accident. Fuck, Anastasia! I pushed you and I just left you there injured. Do you think I wanted to stay away from you? I don't give a fuck why you signed that contract or about anything else, because I love you. I love you so fucking much it scares the hell out of me and that is why I can't take any risks with your safety. You are not safe with me, first I bruised you, then I fractured your arm who says I am not going to kill you the next time I lose it? I just can't risk that." he yells and starts to pace the room.

"You don't love me" I mutter and he stops and stares at me.

"How can you say that?"

"Because if you would really love me, you would have used the last nearly six months since we have seen each other to work on issues, to find a way for us to be together. Instead you used all your energy to make sure you wouldn't have to deal with me and you didn't even care that you were making me miserable in the process. That is not love Christian. Loving someone means to be willing to do anything to be with the person you love... but it doesn't matter anyway, because I am not here to talk about us. I am here to talk about our child."

"You... you don't love me anymore?" he asks shocked and I sigh.

"I do love you Christian, but that doesn't mean that I am willing to forgive you any time soon and it is not just me anymore. I can't give you a second chance as long as you are not willing to work on your issues. You need to deal with your anger issues first, because I will wring your neck if you ever lose it in front of our child. But what I really need to know is if you even want to be a father for our child, because if you tell me now you don't want an active role in her or his life then I am going back to my apartment now, pack my things and move back to Chicago."

"You can't expect me to make that decision now."

"It's not that hard Christian, do you want to be a father or not?"

"Yes it is a fucking hard decision. You said it yourself, I have a truck load of fucking issues and I don't want my child to suffer because of it. I can't be selfish and say that I want to be a part of my child's life and end up hurting him or her."

Hearing him say that I throw my arms in the air in frustration. "And now your doing it again. You are too afraid to work on your issues, so instead you are thinking about abandoning your child, just like you have abandoned me. But at least this time you have 18 years to think of a better excuse why you couldn't be there, because one day this child will knock at your door and ask you where you have been and why he or she wasn't important enough to you to get your shit together."

"You want a decision? Fine! You are not moving anywhere, because I want to be a part of my child's life. And if that is what you need me to do, I will work on my issues, but never again tell me that I am abandoning my child... I am not like him" he says and sits down holding his head in his hands.

"Like whom?"

"My birth father... maybe if he had cared... who knows what would have happened" he says without looking at me.

I sigh, this is what it all boils down to, his past with his birth mother and the horrors he had to go through as a young child, he was never able to heal because he can't let go of his past.

"Christian look, I am not saying that I can even begin to understand what you have been through as a small boy, but you have to find a way to let it go. You'll never be able to live a normal happy life if you are holding on to your past."

When he says nothing I decide it is time for me to go. "I should be leaving now, I guess I call you once the baby is born."

"Don't go, please Anastasia... I've missed you. Stay for dinner, please." I look at Christian as he says that and I know it would be best to leave now, but the sad truth is that even after he has hurt me so much I have missed him too.

"Okay" I answer just as Mia peeks into the dining room.

"Can we come back in, Elliot called he is going to be to be late." she says and Christian nods.

"Cool, I'll get mom and dad." she says and hurries away.

"So... is the baby okay?"

"Yes, do you want to feel it, the baby is kicking right now" I can tell he is tempted, but for some reason he seems unsure.

"Come on, you can't do anything wrong." I say and hesitantly he puts his hands on my belly and feels the baby kicking.

"Holy fuck, this is really happening. You are really pregnant." he mutters and I can't help but laugh.

"Well, I would hope so. The only other explanation for my belly would be that I had a pound of yeast for breakfast and I will most likely explode any second." I giggle and he raises one brow.

"Oh my gosh, is the baby kicking? Can I?" Mia asks when she returns with her parents and I laugh when shoves Christian away to put her hands on my belly.

"Mia!" her father scolds, but she doesn't even listen.

"Wow, that is so cool. Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?"

"No, I wish I would, but so far all my little one wanted to show is his or her little butt."

"I hope it's a girl, little girls are so cute, do you have a preference, Ana?"

"Not really, though when I was younger I always wanted to have two or three boys first and then a little girl. Growing up I always wished I had an older brother."

"Oh, believe me I grew up with two older brothers and they were in pain in the ass sometimes"

"Why thank you, Mia" Christian huffs.

"What? It's true. I will never forget when I was fourteen and Elliot and you walked into the living room and found me kissing Jimmy Runnels. The two of you scared him so much he pissed his pants and he never even looked at me again."

"That little fucker was trying cop a feel, Mia. Fuck me, I hope it's a boy. I'll probably end up behind bars for killing some little fucker who wants to date my daughter, if it is a girl." he mutters and I laugh.

"You think that's funny, Anastasia?"

"Yes, because you sounded just like my Dad. When I was a little girl he would always tell me that I better not start to date before I'm at least 30 or he might end up behind bars for killing what ever boy I am dating." I giggle.

"Then I might ask him for advise if it's a girl" he says and I nod, but I am pretty sure my Dad is going to punch him in the face the moment he sees Christian.

"So, are you staying for dinner, dear?" his mother asks me.

"Well, Christian has asked me to stay, but I don't want to intru..." Grace stops me mid-sentence by holding up one hand and smiles brightly at me.

"You are family now, Anastasia. I am happy to have you here and please, call me Grace."

A little later we are sitting at the table and Gretchen is serving dinner, while Mia is going on and on about all the things she wants to buy for the baby. If she really buys all that stuff I might have to move into a bigger apartment... one thing is for sure though, between my family and the Grey's this is baby is going to be spoiled rotten.

"So, Anastasia, what have you been doing in the last couple of months." Carrick asks me.

"Well, I've moved twice..."

"Twice?" he asks clearly curious.

"Yes, I couldn't bring myself to stay at Escala after Matt Turner died in my old apartment. I had luck, found a furnished apartment and the landlord offered me a short term rental agreement, but it wasn't the right place for me and then I've found the apartment where I am living now."

"Have you put the apartment at Escala on the market?"

"Yes, at first I thought I would never find someone who is willing to buy a place where a serial killer was shot to death, but after six weeks or so it was sold. I even got more for it than my parents originally paid when they bought it for me."

"That's good and are you working now?"

"No, I wasn't sure if I would stay in Seattle and finding a publishing house that is willing to hire a pregnant woman who only worked for two months after college wouldn't have been easy anyway. But after I had settled at my new apartment I got so bored out of my mind that I decided to follow my original plan and wrote the book I always dreamt of writing one day. I'm currently in talks with two different publishing houses which are interested in publishing my book."

"That's wonderful, dear. What is the book about?" Grace asks.

"It's about a girl who finds out that she is adopted and not only that, but she also has a sister. She finds her sister and at first everything seems to be perfect, they move into the same apartment, but shortly after that weird things start to happen and in the end the girl finds out that her sister is mentally unstable, has blamed her for the death of her parents and is trying to kill her in order to take over her identity."

"Well, that sounds interesting, how did you come up with the idea?"

"It's my story in some ways. I've found out about five months ago that I am adopted and my sister Emma, well she comes with a ton of issues and hates my guts for having the life she always dreamed of. It's complicated, but when I sat down and thought about what I want to write it was like the words were just flowing out of me, so I went with it."

"I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Are you still in contact with your sister?"

"No, but I have security watching her. I know from her medical files that she has or at least had mental issues from a very early age on and she is so full of hate that I am not willing to take any chances."

"Can my security look into it?" Christian asks and I look at him.

"Why?"

"If she is a threat to your safety, she is also a threat to the safety of our child, two risks I am not willing to take."

"Christian, my security is on it. If it makes you feel better I have them contact Taylor, but the last thing I need is more people watching her. I don't want her to get suspicious."

"If you have them contact Taylor and stay in touch with him, I won't put security on her, too."

"Okay." I say just when the door bell rings and a moment later Elliot comes in, but for some reason he is only looking at me.

"What are you doing here, Anastasia?" he asks and I frown.

"Your mother invited me to stay for dinner, Elliot" _what's it to him if I am here or not?_

"Have you told him?" he asks and I blink.

"Told him what?"

"About the baby, I mean I am cool with a paternity test, pretty sure it is mine away. Not like we haven't tried enough, right baby?" he says and my mouth drops open. _Is he insane?_

"What the fuck is he talking about?" Christian roars and I flinch.

"Christian, I swear I have no idea what your brother is talking about. The last time I saw him was here at the Coping Together event."

"Ouch, that hurts baby, I mean I know you are scared of him since he fractured your arm the last time he got mad at you, but that doesn't mean you have to lie and deny that we are having a pretty hot time now."

"Have you lost your mind?" I ask him and he laughs.

"Wow, you are really good at lying, baby. Well, guess who's not going to get laid tonight if you keep that up, and we both know that you have an insane sex drive." he says and winks at me. Next to me, Christian pushes to his feet and gets right into Elliot's face.

"Is that your way of getting back at me, because of that slut?" he hisses and Elliot actually laughs. _Fuck me, he has a death wish!_

"Bro, believe me, it has nothing to do with that. And by the way, if your ex likes to do both brother's at the same time how is that my fault? You didn't want to have anything to do with her all of a sudden and she showed up at my place one thing led to another and we hooked up. Came as quite a shock when she found out that she is pregnant, especially since we are not sure if it is mine or yours. But let's not kid ourselves, you are no daddy material."

"Prove it, tell me one fucking thing, that would make me believe you had sex with Anastasia."

"Well, I usually don't kiss and tell, bro... but if you need proof here it goes. I guess I don't have to tell that there is no one who can give head like her. I mean a freaking sword swollower has nothing on her. No gag reflex at all, that's quite a talent. Oh and those sex as hell little sounds she makes right before she reaches her climax, how fucking sexy is that... at least as sexy as the tiny birthmark on her ass, the one that looks like a heart." he says and I know my face is a flame right now. _Oh my god, how the hell does he know all of that. _

But before I can even continue that line of thought, Christian punches Elliot right in the face so hard that he sends him flying against the wall and I am actually terrified when he turns around and pins me down with his icy gray gaze. Slowly he closes the distances between us and leans down so he can stare right into my eyes.

"Paternity test" is all that he hisses before he straightens and storms out of the room. Leaving me back in the dining room with his family, shaking like a leave.

_This is a nightmare... can I please wake up now?_

_**Many of you suspected that Christian would show up with Emma, but no... she'll pop up at some point, but not before the baby is born. This twist is actually tying up two topics that where left open in Part I, so let me know what you think, how did Elliot gather such intimate knowledge of Ana and how did he know that she is pregnant? **_

_**Oh and for those of you who are wondering, Christian did not have security on Ana after he broke up with her. I know very un-fifty, but for the sake of the storyline it had to be this way... Next update will be up Friday or Saturday...**_


	23. Chapter 23

_**Back To You - Still Day 132**_

I can't believe that this just happened, but it did. Elliot is still on the floor, while Grace is trying to stop the blood that is gushing from his nose. Carrick is right next to her and Mia is staring at me as if to say _'What have you done?'_

I have to leave. I get up and I am almost out of the door when Carrick stops me.

"Miss Steele, I believe we should have a conversation, after all one of my sons could very well be the father of the child you are carrying." he says and his tone finally tips me over the edge.

"Christian is the father of my child, your other son is nothing but a pathetic liar. And maybe, just maybe you should think of what you have done wrong in raising your sons, because frankly, both of them are assholes. Have a nice evening, Mr. Grey" I hiss turn on my heals and head for the door.

This is it, I had enough. I mean seriously how much more humiliation am I supposed to take? The only thing that is really driving me insane is how Elliot knew this stuff about me. I can't picture Christian telling him and the only other person who could have told him is Peter, but they don't know each other. For a second I stop in my tracks and a terrible thought comes to my mind, but no, it can't be... shit, I hope it's not what I think it is.

I step out of the house and stiffen when I see Christian leaning against my car, but then I straighten myself and walk towards my car.

"Finally, I thought you would never come out" he says and I frown.

"What's it to you, Christian? I am pretty sure I won't find a doctor who is willing to perform a prenatal paternity test in your parent's driveway, so leave me alone!"

"Please, Anastasia. I don't need a paternity test, I know that this is our baby" he says and when he touches my belly I lose it and slap him hard across the face.

"Don't you dare and touch me again. You stood there in your parent's dining room not ten minutes ago listening to your brother humiliating me in front of your entire family and you did shit about it, instead you got into my face demanding a paternity test and left me in there. Fuck you, Christian, I'm done with you." I try to open my car door, but he isn't moving out of the way.

"I know you are mad at me and you have every right to do so, but letting Elliot believe that I believe him was the only way to insure, that he will leave you alone and give me the time to find out how he knew all that shit about you. I am sorry, Anastasia. Please come to Escala with me. We need to talk."

"No, absolutely not. I'm sick of this Christian. I feel like I have become everybody's doormat over the last year and this stops now. So, get out of my way and leave me alone. You didn't want to talk to me for months, well guess what, now I am no longer even remotely interested in talking to you."

He runs his hands through his hair and stairs at me, still not moving until he sighs.

"Does this mean you are moving back to Chicago?"

"Not until I know how your brother knows what he knows."

"Let me deal with this, here my new number is on the card, call me if you need anything" he says and finally moves out of the way, so I get into my car without saying anything and just drive away.

Even though I am not hungry, I stop at my favorite Italian restaurant for some take out and when I am back home I just sit on my sofa and stare at the food in front of me. I haven't eaten since lunch, so I take the fork and force some food down while I am still trying to figure out how on earth Christian's brother could have known all of these things.

Maybe he watched us when Christian and I had sex in his childhood bedroom? This would explain a lot, but I am pretty sure that I didn't give Christian head that night. In the end my mind goes back to the same thing all the time, but that just can't be it. I know it can't be. Exhausted, I give up and decide that I need to sleep, maybe tomorrow morning I will be able to figure this out.

The next morning starts with me throwing up after seeing the leftovers of greasy pasta I had for dinner yesterday still on the coffee table in my living room. Yup, one minute I crave it and the next it makes me sick to my stomach. So, after brushing my teeth for the second time I make myself some tea and oatmeal with peaches for breakfast. Ever since I started the second trimester I have this weird craving for oatmeal and peaches every morning. I guess I could do a lot worse, and it's healthy.

But after eating my breakfast I can no longer put it off. There is only one way how Elliot could possibly know what he knows. If I am right, I will go back to Chicago and kill Peter. Taking a deep breath I start my laptop and use a search engine to find entries with my name.

Two hours later I have found nothing and I am just about to give up when I click on the last page of entries with my name and see the domain of a website. I know immediately what I am going to see the moment I click the link. _Please let me be wrong, please let me be wrong... fuck!_

And there it is a video Peter promised me to delete right after we watched it together. In this moment I don't know if I want to cry, laugh, scream or take the next flight to Chicago and kill Peter, but in the end I just sit there and watch my 17 year old self having a good time with her boyfriend and I want to scream at myself to bite his fucking dick off and smash the camera.

It takes me almost another hour before reality kicks in. Fuck, there is a sextape of me on the internet for everyone to see and I have no clue how to get it off the internet. Do I have to call my lawyers or just the owner of the website? Would they remove it if I ask them to? And what about those pervs who already downloaded it?

Shit, I don't know the first thing about shit like this. My Dad would know what to do, but there is no way I can call him and tell him that there is a video of me having sex with Peter in my childhood bedroom all over the internet. He would get a coronary or worse kill Peter, because I have no doubt he would confront him. Not to mention that I would die of embarrassment if my parents would ever see this video.

I could ask Henderson to help me out with this, but I know that he reports everything to my father... so that's not an option either. In the end I know exactly whom I should call and ask for help, but I just can't do it. Christian has been such an asshole to me and yesterday was just the icing on the cake. I can't call him and ask for help.

And while I am still trying to figure out what to do, someone knocks at my apartment door. I get up look through the peephole and frown, because all I can see is huge brown teddy bear. I open the door and gasp. It is Christian who is caring the bear that is almost as tall as he is and behind him are Sawyer and Taylor both carrying countless bags with logos from baby stores on them.

"Christian! Oh my god, what on earth have you done?"

"Can we come in, that fucker is heavy" he says while heavily breathing and I know I should shut the door in his face, but at least this shows that he cares about the baby, so I step aside and let them in. I show them to the empty room that is going to be the nursery and get three bottles of water from the fridge before returning to the nursery.

They all take the water and I just look at all those bags completely overwhelmed.

"What is all of this, Christian?"

"Well, I went to a baby store and asked one of the employees to help me collect everything a baby might need. I wasn't sure about the stroller and which kind of furniture you want for the nursery, so we have to go back, but other than that I would say we have everything that our baby needs here now." he says looking very proud of himself.

"Oh, and I was told that as the pregnancy progresses it might get difficult for you to find a position to sleep in, so I got this for you, apparently those pillows help you to rest more comfortably." he says looks through the bags and pulls an enormous looking pillow out of one of the bags.

"I've heard of them... umm thanks." I murmur still not sure what to say to all of this.

"Your welcome and I also looked into birthing classes last night, I printed a list with classes in the area that start around the time you should start attending one, let me know which one you want to attend, so I can have Andrea clear my schedule for the classes."

_Whoa... is he kidding. Honestly, who invited him to the party?_

"Christian, why do you want to attend a birthing class?"

"Well, isn't it obvious? I need to know how to support you during labor." _Is he insane?_

"Christian, I'm not even sure if I am going to stay in Seattle until the baby is born and don't get upset, but right now you are not high on the list of people I want to take with me into the delivery room."

He looks at me for a moment and inside I am getting reading for an argument, but to my surprise he smiles.

"Well, I still have a couple of months to convince you otherwise. Do you want to see what else I got for the baby?"

I just nod, this is crazy and I have other things to worry about right now, but I look at all the stuff he has bought and have to admit he really did buy everything that I had on the list of things I wanted to buy over the next couple of weeks.

"There is one more thing, but you need to come outside with me, so I can show you." he says and I have a feeling I know exactly what he wants to show me. But I follow him anyway and sure enough, parked just out front of my building is a brand new Audi Q7 SUV in white.

"Christian... I have a car." I murmur and he continues to smile at me which is starting to creep me out, big time. _Maybe Mrs. Jones put some happy pills in his breakfast this morning?!_

"I know that you have a car, Anastasia. And while I have to begrudgingly admit that this awful pink car is very safe, it is not what you need with a baby. You need a car that gives you enough space for a stroller, diaper bag and other stuff you might need to transport when you want to go somewhere with our baby. You can keep the Beetle and drive it when you are alone, but this car is way more practical for you once the baby is born."

"Why are you doing this, Christian?" I ask instead.

"Because it's all that I can do right now. You have to do all the hard work, carry the baby for nine months, give birth... there is not much I can do until the baby is born, but I need you and our baby to know that I am 100 percent on board with this. Yesterday, when you told me that I am abandoning our baby... it had me thinking. I was up all night and I can't have that, Anastasia. I know our baby is going to have a wonderful childhood, because it has you to raise it, but I want to be there for him or her, too. I don't want my child to grow up wondering why I am not around. Even long after the Grey's adopted me I kept thinking about my biological father and why he abandoned me before I was even born, I don't want that for my own children. Fuck, I have no idea what kind of father I am going to be and to be honest it scares the hell out of me to even think about it, but I will never turn my back on our child. I've talked to Flynn this morning and I will see him three times a week until the baby is born, maybe it helps... I am not sure, but please give me a chance to be a father for our child."

Damn those pregnancy hormones, because listening to his little speech I can't help the tears which trickle down my face.

"Okay, I am not sure where this leaves us, but if you want to be part of our baby's life I am not going to stand in your way. I am not sure about having you with me for the delivery, but I'll think about it... and thank you for all the baby stuff and the car."

"Your welcome... so do you have ultrasound pictures?"

"Yes, upstairs." I turn around and head back to my apartment, but when we sit down and he looks at the picture my gaze drifts to my laptop.

"Christian, I know how Elliot knew all that stuff about me." the second those words leave my mouth his head shots up and he stares at me.

"How?"

"Umm, I umm... would you mind asking Taylor and Sawyer to leave." I ask, because they are still in the nursery unpacking things.

"Sure" he calls out for them and tells them to leave and wait in the car for him. When we are alone in the apartment I take my laptop and open the website. I just can't bring myself to say this out loud, so I click play and turn the laptop, so he can see it.

I watch him as he looks puzzled at the screen obviously needing a moment to comprehend what he is seeing and when he does he jumps to his feet and starts to pace, while I quickly stop the video.

"Did he put it online, that fucking ex of yours?" he hisses at me, takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a moment and sits down.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice at you. Did you know that this was on the internet?"

"No, I thought Peter deleted it right after we watched it. I never even thought about it again, I mean I was 17 and naive when we made that tape. It was his 18th birthday and he promised to delete it right after watching it once. But yesterday, when I was trying to figure out how Elliot knew all that shit about me, I remembered that freaking sextape and this morning I started to search the internet for it. I have no idea what to do now, I can't ask my parents for help. I mean what am I supposed to do, ask the owner of the website to take it down or call my lawyers? But what if I do that and threaten them with a lawsuit, and the thing goes viral?" I bury my face in my hands and Christian rubs my back.

"Let me deal with this, trust me I know the right people to get this off the internet before dinner tonight." he says and I shrug.

"Doesn't matter, the website has a download option. Who knows how many pervs are sitting at their computers right now jerking off while watching it." I shudder just thinking about it.

"Fuck! Wait... what did you say how old you were in that video?"

"Seventeen" I mutter.

"Wait a second" he says and makes a phone call.

"Whom did you call?"

"Amber Robertson, she works for the legal department of GEH."

"Christian, I don't want to get lawyers involved, I can't risk that video to go viral!" I snap and damn him he smiles again.

"Anastasia, you were seventeen when you took this video, from a legal standpoint it wasn't illegal to make the video, since you were both over the age of 16, but it's a different thing to post it online. You are under age in this video which makes it child pornography. Miss Robertson will be here in about thirty minutes, she will call the owner of the website and tell him that he has to remove the video from his website immediately and that he has to provide us with the IP address of every user that downloaded the video."

"Is that even legal?"

"Believe me, the second the owner of the website hears the word child pornography, he will be very eager to help us. No one is going to risk getting in trouble with the law for something like that. What do you want me to do about your ex, he uploaded the damned video, so you could get him behind bars if you want to."

I stare at my hands. Get Peter in jail... he deserves it. He cheated on me, broke into my apartment and now this...but I don't want this shit to make the news. I just want some peace and quiet until the baby is born and not sit in a courtroom and listen to Peter whine or having to tell my parents about this. Still, I want him to pay.

"I don't want him to go to jail... well that's not exactly true, but I don't want my parents to find out about this and my Mom is still friends with his mom and I would probably die of embarrassment if my Dad would see the tape, so... I don't know. I guess hiring someone to beat him to a pulp is not an option."

"If that's what you want I can find a way to make it happen." he says and I gape at him.

"He deserves it, Anastasia. First he cheated on you, then he broke into your apartment and now this. The fucker really has it coming. Just tell me what you want."

"What I want? I just want peace and quiet for five fucking seconds, but I guess that is not going to happen. I mean between my crazy sister, my fucking ex fiancé, your mood swings and everything else I feel like I am on a freaking roller coaster for over a year now. I just don't want to deal with anymore shit. I just can't do this anymore... I.. ouch ... shit" I gasp and clutch my belly when I feel a sharp pain in my lower abdomen.

"What is wrong?"

"I don't know, it just really hurt for a second."

"Okay, you need to rest." And before I can protest he has picked me up and walks with me in his arms down the hallway until he finds my bedroom and puts me down on the bed.

"I am going to call my mom to check on you or do you want me to take you to the hospital."

"No, I think I just need to rest for a while."

"Good, I'll take care of the video, you try to sleep. I'm calling my mom now, so she can stop by and check on you." he says and I close my eyes and try to calm down, suddenly I feel bone tired and fall asleep while he is still on the phone with his mother.

"Anastasia? Baby, wake up" I wake when I hear Christian's voice close to my ear and blink.

"Hey, did I sleep long?" I ask and stretch.

"Almost three hours, my mom was here. She checked your blood pressure and it was a little too high, she will be back in about an hour, until then she wants you to rest and if you are still in pain she wants you to see your Doctor or go to the ER."

"I feel better, I guess it was just too much stress. Thank you for staying."

"I am not leaving." he says immediately and I frown.

"I know you are mad at me and that you don't want to see me, but I am not leaving you alone like this, Anastasia."

"Christian, I'll be fine" I mutter sit up and hold my head when the room starts to spin a little.

"You are not fine, Anastasia. Please, let me stay just for tonight, I'll sleep on the couch, but I don't want you to be alone tonight. Imagine something happens and you need to go to the hospital, but can't reach the phone. I don't want to scare you, but ... shit, please allow me to take care of you. I know I've done everything wrong, but this is not about us, it's about the baby."

I want to argue, but he has a point. The same point my parents make every time I call them when they want me to move back to Chicago. I am pregnant and alone, if there is an emergency like clumsy me falling, I have no one to help me.

"Fine, you can stay" I mutter and he blows out the breath he was holding.

"Are you hungry, I wanted to send Taylor to get lunch for us, but my research showed that pregnant women tend to have cravings, so I wasn't sure what you would like for lunch."

"Research?" I ask smiling.

"I couldn't sleep last night, so I did a lot of research on pregnancy, child birth and how to take care of a baby. So, is there anything you are craving right now?"

"Not really, a salad with chicken would be nice though."

"Good, I'll ask Taylor to get it. You stay in bed, you need rest. Oh and Miss Robertson talked to the owner of the website, he was very forthcoming once she threatened him with a lawsuit, the video is no longer online and he is trying to compile a list with the IP addresses from the users who downloaded the file until this evening. By the end of the week it will be like this video never existed." he says and I slowly lay back down.

"Thank you, Christian."

"It's okay, I am happy that you let me take care of you. I want you to relax and not worry about anything." he says.

"Okay, but umm... shouldn't you be at GEH?"

"I've drowned myself in work for the last couple of months, I've got way more done than I planned to have by now, so I can take a couple of days of to stay here and look after you" he says and leaves the room.

_Wait a second! A couple of days? I agreed to one day! Well, it looks like now where I don't want him around me he is not planning to leave anytime soon, just my luck..._


	24. Chapter 24

_**Back To You - Day 133**_

For the next thirty minutes, I just lie in bed thinking of what to do... or to be more honest, how to get rid of Christian. Maybe I can ask my Nana to come to Seattle. My Dad cannot come here and stay with me, he has too much work to do and if I ask my Mom, I know she will drop everything to come here. I know she loves with all her heart, but she drives me insane if spend too much time together.

I decide to call my Nana, but first I need use the bathroom. I get up, but suddenly my legs feel like jelly and I have black spots dancing in front of my eyes. I flop back onto the bed awkwardly and wait for the dizziness to pass, but it doesn't.

"Christian?" I call out and five seconds later, he comes running into the room.

"What is wrong, do you need help to get up?"

"Yes, and I am dizzy." I murmur.

"My mom will be here shortly, why don't you stay in bed until she is here?"

"I can't, I need to pee."

"Okay, let's get you into the bathroom." he says and gently lifts me up. When I am finally sitting on the toilet, he is staring at me.

"Turn around, I cannot pee if you... "I stop and stare at the little brownish red spots in my panties.

"What is wrong?"

"Can you get my phone? I need to call my doctor, I am spotting."

"What? Shit!" and with that he bolts out of the bathroom and returns with my phone in his hand just when I am about to wash my hands.

I sit down on the small bench by the tub and call my doctor. "What did she say?" Christian wants to know the second I hang up.

"She wants me to come over to the Swedish. My blood pressure is a little too high ever since I am pregnant, so she wants to make sure the baby is fine." I tell him and he looks as if he is ready to freak out, but thankfully it only lasts a couple of seconds and then he takes control of the situation, helps me change and five minutes later we are in the back of the SUV with Taylor driving us. Christian is on his phone telling his mom that he is taking me to the hospital. I don't hear her answer, but since he said _'see you there_' before he hangs up, I am sure she is driving over there now.

"Your mother doesn't need to come to the hospital, I am sure that she has better things to do" I say.

"They know, Anastasia"

"Know what?"

"I've called them late last night and told them that I know you are carrying my baby. That by making Elliot believe I trusted his word more than yours, I just wanted to ensure that he would leave you alone. They weren't exactly pleased with my behavior towards you, to say at least. Trust me; there is nothing that could stop my mom from driving to the hospital to make sure that her first grandchild is fine." he says and though I am still not happy about the fact that his mother is coming over, I feel a little better because he already told them about his latest asshole decision.

Sure enough, when we reach the Swedish, Grace is already pacing at the entrance. She hurries over to the car and helps me to get out before Christian is even out of the car.

"Do you want me to get a wheelchair for you, darling?" she asks, but I shake my head. Actually, the fresh air is helping me a lot with my dizziness.

Christian and Grace help me to Dr. Marin's office and I am surprised that even though there are some women in the waiting area I am told to go right through. Grace stays behind, but Christian is following me inside the exam room. He looks around and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing at him, because he does not look comfortable being in here.

When Dr. Marin comes in she takes my blood pressure and frowns, but continues to ask me questions and I am glad that I decided to wear a dress, so I don't have to change into one of those awful hospital gowns when she examines me.

"Is everything alright, Dr. Marin?" I ask when she tells me that I can sit up again.

"Everything looks fine, Miss Steele, you are not dilating and your cervix appears to be normal, but your blood pressure is too high. Let's do an ultrasound, so you can see that your baby is doing fine, shall we?" she says kindly and I nod. I lie back down again and soon the sounds of my baby's heartbeats fill the room. I look up at Christian his gaze is fixed to the monitor.

"Oh, it appears that your little sweetheart is more cooperating today, Miss Steele. Do you want to know if you are having a boy or a girl?" Dr. Marin asks and before I have the chance to answer, Christian does. "Yes!"

Dr. Marin looks at me and I nod. "Well, as you can see here the baby has its legs wide open and right here," she points to the monitor, "all is flat. You are having a girl, congratulations"

_Oh my, a girl! I am having a little girl! _I only notice my tears when they start to roll down my cheeks. Suddenly, after hearing that there is a little girl growing inside my belly it feels even more real that I am going to be a mom. I look up at Christian and to my surprise, he is crying to, not able to look away. Dr. Marin continues to look at the monitor, doing... well what ever she is doing to make sure that my little girl is doing fine.

"Do you want me to print you the picture so you can show it to your family, Miss Steele?" she asks me and I remember Grace who is still waiting for us.

"Yes, but umm... Christian's mother is waiting outside, can she come in, so she can see her granddaughter, too?"

"Of course, I'll get her." she says and leaves us in the room.

"You alright?" I ask Christian.

"Yes,... wow, this is really happening... girl... wow" he murmurs and he leans down to kiss my forehead. "Thank you, Ana... this... seeing her... I have no words to tell you how I am feeling right now or what this means to me." he says his voice thick with all the emotions going on inside of him.

I smile up at him and we both turn our attention back to the monitor. When Grace comes in, she takes one look at the monitor and starts to squeal. "My goodness, it's a little girl. A granddaughter!" she exclaims happily and to my surprise she comes over to me and kisses my forehead, before kissing Christian's cheek.

"Do you see her mom, that's my little girl" I hear him whisper to her and I take great comfort out of the fact that he really wants our child. We might not end up as a couple, but at least now, I know that my daughter won't have to grow up without her father.

Half an hour later, I am in hospital suite. While Dr. Marin reassured me that the spotting was very light and not to worry too much about it, she still wants to run some test and have my blood pressure monitored overnight, so I have to stay here.

"Can I go home tomorrow, Dr. Marin?" I ask, because I hate hospitals.

"We have to wait for your blood work to come in and see if your blood pressure is going to go down overnight, but I would say, yes. However, from now on, I want you to rest as much as you can. Do you have someone to take care of you until the baby is born?"

"Yes, I will just move back to Chicago and ..." I stop when Dr. Marin frowns.

"Miss Steele, I would advise you not to travel by plane until the baby is born. If you have any complications or god forbid go into premature labor, it would put your daughter's life at jeopardy."

I stare at Dr. Marin and feel tears burning in my eyes. If I cannot fly, it would mean either driving all the way to Chicago or going on a two-day bus ride and even the thought of that stresses me out.

"Please, just try and rest for tonight, Miss Steele. You can think about anything else tomorrow." she says and leaves just as Christian returns to the room.

"What is wrong, Anastasia?" he asks alarmed by my tears.

"Dr. Marin told me that I need to rest more and basically that I need someone to take care of me until our daughter is born. I want to go home, but she told me I can't fly until the baby is born and I am not sure if I am up to making that trip driving myself or by bus." I explain while trying not to cry.

"I want you to move back to Escala, Anastasia."

"I've sold my apartment there, Christian and even if I hadn't, I would never be able to sleep in my old apartment again, not after Matt died in there."

"No, I want you to move in with me. Let me take care of you, when I am at work you have Mrs. Taylor to keep you company and..."

"Mrs. Taylor?" I ask confused.

"Gail and Taylor got married about two months ago. Please, let me take care of you, Anastasia." he asks again. I stare at him; it's not as if I am having a whole lot of options. I could still ask my Mom to stay with me until the baby is born, but she would drive me insane and my Nana would fly down immediately, but she is in her late seventies, I can't ask her to do that.

I feel the baby moving and rub my belly. "What do you think, Joey? Are we going to hang out at your daddy's place for a while?" I murmur and get a single kick as reply.

"Joey?" Christian asks.

"Well, yes, I started to think about names for the baby a while ago and I want to name her after my grandpa. His name was Joseph, so I thought Josephine or Joey for short."

"Josephine... I like it, but Joey? Why not Josie or even Jojo?"

"Because I think it's cute to have a little girl with a boy's name. Down the street from my parents lives a family with four little daughter's their names are Billie, Riley, Dylan and Alex. They are so cute and I love their names. If you don't like it, you don't have to call her Joey; my Dad calls me sweetie pie, even though I am going to be 23 in September."

"Well, then it's settle Josephine Grey, do you have a middle name in mind?" _Whoa!_

"Who says her last name is going to be Grey?" The moment those words are out of my mouth I can tell that he is pissed, but he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and smiles at me.

"We can discuss our daughter's last name another time and if you don't have a middle name set, I would like her to have my mother's name as middle name."

"Josephine Grace... yes, I like it. Sounds nice." I say and he nods and kisses my forehead.

"Good, I have to make some phone calls, Taylor will be back soon with your overnight bag. I'll also call Mrs. Taylor to let her know that you are going to stay with me until our little girl is born." he says and is out of the room before I can say anything.

_Wait a second! _I've never agreed to move in with him until Joey is born. But to be honest, I don't have much of a choice; I could hire a housekeeper, but what if I end up with a dragon like Mrs. Jones... um Taylor. Fuck, being at Christian with her all day is not going to be fun. I guess I just have to suck it up; moving back to Chicago is not going to happen until my little girl is born.

The next day, my blood pressure is still too high, but not as bad as yesterday. My blood work came back without anything to worry about and I had no more spotting. So, Dr. Marin advised me to take things slow, get a lot of rest, no heavy lifting, taking walks instead of workout and she gave me a list with food that is supposed to help keep my blood pressure down.

Now, I am in the backseat of the SUV with Christian again and his phone is ringing none stop.

"Yes, thank you, Gail. Has the... package arrived safely?" I hear him ask and what ever he was talking about must be something good, because he is smiling like an idiot, but his smiles fades when his phone rings again.

"Grey... I don't give a fuck... no, you owe me and you know it! I want you to bury the fucker... out by noon? Perfect." And with that, he hangs up.

It goes on like that until we arrive at Escala and get into the elevator. Stepping into his vestibule I look around and it's still all the same... _Hmm, if I have to stay here for the next couple of months I might need to make this place a little more cozy..._

"Oh, Miss Steele, you are here. Look at you... a baby... oh this is going to be wonderful!" I hear the delighted voice of Mrs. Taylor. _Wait, delighted? _

I look at her in surprise and suddenly she pulls me into a hug. "Don't worry about anything, Miss Steele. We are all here to make sure that your precious little baby girl will come into this world happy and healthy." she gushes and I am sure I am staring wide eyed at her.

_Who is this woman? Crap, maybe she is bi-polar!_

"Thank you, Gail. Is everything arranged?" Christian asks her and she nods.

"Ready and waiting in the living room." she says and I follow him, but stop dead in my tracks when I see my Nana sitting on the sofa in the great room, she hasn't even noticed us yet, because she is knitting something that looks like a white baby hat.

"Nana?" I get the word barely out because I am already crying.

"There you are sweet girl." she says and I hurry over to her and hug her. "How did you get here... when...? I..."

"Hush, it's alright, baby girl. Now, no more tears. You need to relax, come sit with me, little Ana." hearing her called that makes me sob and laugh at the same time. As long as I can remember my Nana always called me little Ana, even now where I am taller than her. To her I will always be little Ana.

"How did you get here, Nana?"

"Your friend sent his jet to get me here. He said you miss your family, so if you cannot come to see us, we'll have to come to you. Your parent's are going to be here this weekend."

"I'm so glad that you are here, Nana... wait I need to show you something." I fumble through my purse until I find the latest sonogram picture and show it to her.

"That's your great granddaughter, Nana. Her name is Josephine Grace. Joey, for short."

"That's a lovely name, sweetheart. And I am glad that I am still here to meet little Joey Grey" she says and I purse my lips while Christian grins as if he had just won some big prize.

"Make that Joey Steele, Nana," I pout.

"Now, don't be ridiculous young lady, why would you want to go through the hassle of changing your child's name later. Once you two are married your name won't be Steele either." she says and my mouth pops open.

"Nana, Christian and I are not going to marry. We are not even dating anymore."

"Believe me, little Ana. You two are going to get married. He is not going to let you go that easily, after all he fell for you the moment he first saw you years ago at your mother's charity gala." she says and I frown.

"Nana, I think you are mistaken. Christian and I met here at Escala for the first time."

"I'm sure that is not what he is going to say if you ask him." she says with a small smirk and I look up at Christian.

"You should rest for a while, Anastasia. I have some phone calls to make." he says and turns to my grandmother.

"I'm glad you could come here to keep Anastasia company, Mrs. Steele. I hope you had a pleasant flight."

"Everything was fine, thank you Mr. Grey."

"Please, call me Christian." he says and excuses himself.

He didn't come out of his study for the rest of the day and I was rather surprised when Mrs. Taylor told me that I would be staying in Christian's bedroom. Apparently, there are only two bedrooms on this floor and three more upstairs. He didn't want my grandmother or me to run up and down the stairs to get into our bedrooms, so for now he will stay in one of the bedrooms upstairs.

I've just changed into my pajamas when Christian comes in. "Hey, did you have a good day with your grandmother?" he asks.

"Yes, and thank you for calling my family and getting my Nana here. I know calling my Dad must have been rather unpleasant." I say and he shrugs.

"Well, I guess I can't blame him, Anastasia. The way I've treated you... there is no excuse for that. And now that I know that I am going to be father of daughter soon, I think I would have been shocked if he had reacted any other way than the way he did."

"Okay... so do you want to talk about what my Nana said this morning or will try to avoid me like you did today?" I ask and he looks really uncomfortable.

"There is a lot I need to tell you, Anastasia. But I can't, not as long as you are pregnant. I can't risk upsetting you, right now."

"Now you are worrying me." I say and he runs his hands through his hair.

"Fuck... fine. Come; let's sit in the great room. Do you want a drink?" he asks and I point to my belly.

"Sorry, of course... maybe a tea or something else?"

"I think an herbal tea would be great." I follow him into the great room and to my surprise; he busies himself in the kitchen making my tea and returns a while later with the tea and a glass of wine for him.

"Do you remember the charity gala your mother gave in February of 2010?" he asks and I try to remember that evening.

"Yes, I think Peter bailed on me like he did all the time and I..." _Holy shit! I remember. _

"You were there, I had just called Peter and I was so upset, I ran through the lobby tripped and you caught me. Why did you never mention this?"

"I wanted you, Anastasia. The moment I looked into your beautiful eyes, I just knew that I needed to find out who you are. I was about to leave, but stayed just to watch you. I had Welch run a background check on you. When I saw that you are engaged, I knew it wasn't going to happen. I wanted you happy, and what I had to offer was obviously not, what you were looking for. But you never left my mind. The subs I had during that time, they bored me, because no matter what I did, I couldn't forget you. I was obsessed. That is why I contracted Emma as my sub, because she reminded me of you." he stops and if I am not mistaken, then he looks guilty.

"Christian, did you know that I am adopted, that Emma is my sister?" I look at him and he can't look at me.

"Yes, I found out during the time when Emma was my sub. I didn't touch her after I found out and when you moved to Seattle... At first, I thought you knew, but then you told me that you are an only child, because your mother couldn't get pregnant again after giving birth to you and I didn't know what to do. I know I should have told you, but..."

"I'm glad you didn't." hearing me say this he lifts his head and stares at me confused.

"Why?"

"Because one of the things that make me resent Emma the most is that she knew I had no idea and she told me. It wasn't her place to say. If anyone had to tell me then it were my parents, not someone else. I'm not going to say that I like the fact that anyone else seems to know more about my life than I do, but there is not much I can do about it. Maybe I should be angry that you didn't tell me, but I just want to let go of all that. I want to move forward and not be holding a grudge over something neither of us can change. By the end of the year, we are going to be parents and I want us to be a team and not end up as two people who secretly resent each other and put on a show for the sake of their child. So, is there anything else you have done that I don't know?"

He looks uncomfortable and shifts a little on the sofa. "I've taken care of the situation with your ex."

"What do you mean; you've taken care of the situation?" I ask and clears his throat.

"I've cashed in some favors. Since this noon Peter Martin is not only unemployed, but he also won't find a new job anywhere in Chicago, on the entire West Coast and parts of the East Coast. And as of today everyone who downloaded a copy of that fucking tape has received a notification to delete it or the FBI will pay them a visit. My IT guy has some connections; I have a female hacker making sure they really delete it. I was tempted to hire someone to beat the crap out of your ex, but I knew you wouldn't want that, so I didn't. But, to be honest, if I ever meet that fucker in person, I will beat the shit out of him."

I look at Christian and I know this makes me a terrible person, but I can't help my delighted giggle. "You really blackballed him?"

"You are not mad at me?" he asks cautiously.

"No, well, I guess I shouldn't be thrilled that you did it, but ... shit, he had it coming." I laugh and his lets out the breath he was holding.

"Oh my god, that is so great, now he is forced to work for his dad," I laugh.

"And you think this is funny, why?"

"His dad supplies building sites and events with portable toilets. His Dad always wanted his son to take over his business. But as the snob that he is Peter told him he would never make his money with shit. Since then they only talk for the sake of his mother. I remember his dad telling Peter that if he would ever show up at his doorstep asking for a job he would not deny him, but he would have to start at the very bottom of the company, meaning my dear ex fiancé is going to spend a lot of time unloading and cleaning the tanks of portable toilets." I explain. "God, I wish I could get a tape of him doing that to post it on facebook."

"I think that can be arranged, Miss Steele and I am glad you are not mad at me. Now, it is getting really late, you need to sleep."

"Yes, you are right, but I can sleep upstairs, you don't have to let me stay in your bedroom."

"Yes, I have to; I don't want you to run up and down the stairs all the time. You tend to make at least five trips to your room and back until you are ready for the day, so having you sleep down here is much better."

"Okay, and Christian, thank you for everything you have done for me since yesterday."

We smile at each other for a moment and then I get up and make my way into his bedroom. I curl up under the covers and sigh. Maybe from now on things will finally start to look brighter again...

_**Next chapter Ana is going to have some fun by decorating the penthouse and Elliot will pop again, which will make him appear in a completely different light...**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**I just wanted to answer a question from a guest who wanted to know why Ana acted like a bitch about the baby having her last name and instead of Christian's. I wasn't trying to make Ana look like a bitch, it's just that I am from Germany and here if an unmarried woman has a child it is common that the child has her last name. Even if the parents are in a relationship, it is common for the baby to have the mother's last name. If they marry all children a couple has automatically get the father's name if the mother decides to take her husband's name. I was actually surprised to find out that in the US it is more common for the child to have the father's last name, because it doesn't make much sense to me, especially if the parents are no longer in a relationship, but I guess it's different from country to country...**_

_**Back To You - Day 140**_

I've been at Escala for a week now and I can't stand to look at all those white walls any longer. Therefore, I've asked Christian if he would mind if I would redecorate a little. He told me as long as his apartment wouldn't end up looking like Barbie's dream home he wouldn't mind. So, yesterday, after my Nana had to go back to Chicago I spent all day shopping online for something to bring a little more color into this place.

I made sure that everything I've ordered could easily be removed once Josie is born. After all this is his home and he seems to like this clean and clinical look. If it were up to me, I would have ordered buckets of paint and turned this place into something that qualifies as home and less of an art gallery. I know my mom itched to redecorate everything the second they arrived here last weekend. Man, that was the most uncomfortable I have ever felt around my parents. I fully expected my Dad to punch Christian in the face the second he got out of the elevator, but I guess he didn't do it so I wouldn't freak out.

Still, he barely acknowledged Christian's present at all, forcing him to spend most of the Saturday in his study until I had enough and talked to my Dad. Because again, this is Christian's home and it just felt wrong that my Dad came in as if he owned the place, while Christian had to hide in his study to avoid any drama. So, I've asked my Dad to talk to him and if he wouldn't do it for me, then at least for his granddaughter. I want my daughter to have a great childhood with tons of memories she is going to treasure as an adult. Therefore, I need my Dad and Christian to get along or at least to act civil around each other. I don't want my daughter to ask me someday why her Dad and her Grandpa aren't talking to each other.

In the end, they talked it out and for the rest of their visit everyone seemed to be much more relaxed in each presence. Another thing that happened over the last week is that I have signed a book deal. It still seems unreal, but soon I will be a published author. I was a little surprised when on Tuesday Christian called and asked me to put some nice clothes on. Because I am not leaving the apartment much and it is the most comfortable, I am mainly in yoga pants and t-shirt these days, but I dressed up and just when I was ready, Christian arrived with Mark Mitchell, vice president of the biggest publishing house on the West Coast. I nearly fainted when he told me that he had read my manuscript and that he wanted to publish my book. The next day the deal was sealed. I know that Christian must have cashed in some serious favors to get this deal done, when I wanted to do this on my own, but in the end, I couldn't be mad at him, because I am too thrilled that my book will be published.

So, I asked him if there was anything, I could do for him in return. All he did was to caress my belly and telling me that by having his child I was already giving him so much more than he had ever hoped for. That made me swoon a little, but I am still not at a point where I could just forget the weeks and months he just completely ignored me. Yes, I want him back, I want us to be a family, but right now, I am not sure if he is just playing nice because I am pregnant or if he truly means it when he says that he is sorry.

"Ana?" I look up and smile at Gail. I hate to admit it, but she is great. However, I am still a little confused about her sudden change of attitude towards me.

"Yes?"

"Sawyer is on his way to the delivery entrance, your online purchases have arrived."

"Gotta love overnight delivery" I giggle and get up. Yes, this place needs some color and a more homey feeling.

15 minutes later I am sitting on the floor with Gail unpacking all the boxes that where delivered.

"Hah! I found the one I was looking for." I beam and unpack a huge selection of scented candles in beautiful jars.

"What do you think, Gail, field of flowers or winter wonderland? Oh, and here I even found one for Christian." I giggle and hold up a candle with bacon scent.

"Bacon?" Gail laughs.

"Well, he is a guy, so I thought maybe he likes it." We both laugh a little more and I decide now is a good time to ask her.

"Can I ask you something, Gail?"

"Of course."

"Okay, so... when we first met, I got the impression that you didn't like me, but now that has changed. Why?"

She looks rather uncomfortable and stares at her hands for a moment. "I care very much for Mr. Grey. Not just as my boss, but also as the wonderful person he is. During the time I have worked here, he had several... umm... female guests. It always ended the same. Those women never even tried to be anything more to him, all they saw were the clothes, cars and other gifts he provided them with. To be honest, I didn't think you'd be any different and every time Mr. Grey ended their arrangement, he ended up in his study brooding for days. He deserves so much more; I just didn't want to see this happening again. Your relationship to him was unlike any he had before and..." she stops obviously trying to find the right words.

"You have the power to really hurt him, Ana and he has been hurt enough in his life. I don't want to make excuses for the way he treated you after your break up, but just remember that he is a very complicated man. He is impulsive and once he thinks he is doing to best thing for everyone, he will do what ever it takes to achieve this goal. But believe me; he missed you every single second of the day."

I stare at her for a moment not sure what to say to that, so I pick up two of the candles.

"I think I want to light these first," I say and with that the conversation is over and we light the cookie-scented candles.

In the next three hours Gail and Sawyer make me sit on the sofa and tell them exactly where I want the things placed. I've bought some cuddly wool blankets that are now neatly folded at each end of the couch along with many fluffy pillows, which are also placed on the couch. Some rugs have found their place on the floor, two huge vases are filled with beautiful flowers and the formerly white walls are now lined with colorful paintings. Not the fine art Christian prefers, but some nice and inviting still lifes, which make the great room look a lot friendlier.

At one point I had to laugh, thinking about what Christian would do if I would go up to the playroom and redecorate that room too. Maybe drape some pink feather boas around the whips and canes to make them look less intimidating. Of course, I wouldn't do that and I didn't tell Gail or Sawyer what had me giggling like a schoolgirl, but it was fun to think about.

"Where do you want the chest, Miss Steele?" Sawyer asks and I look around. I found this beautiful black chest of drawers online, which is kind of antique looking, but goes perfectly with the otherwise modern interior of the penthouse.

"Over there by the wall, Sawyer" I tell him and feel bad that he has to carry it alone, but he refused Gail's help and gave me the death glare when I attempted to get up to help him.

Gail places two candlesticks on the chest and a few smaller decorative items on it and I look around. _Almost perfect. _

"Did Dr. Trevelyan send a parcel, Sawyer?"

"Yes, Ma'am. It's right over there." He points to the breakfast bar and I get it. Inside are a few photos of Christian with his family. To me family photos should be on display in a home, I can't put pictures of my family on display, because this is Christian's home, so I asked Grace to sent some over. I've ordered so nice frames and a little later they are on the wall by the chest of drawers.

"Anything else, Ana?" Gail asks and I nod and put a framed sonogram picture of Joey on the chest of drawers.

"Now it's perfect." I say and look around the great room smiling. We didn't do anything drastic, but it looks much nicer now, like a home. And if Christian hates it, it won't take longer than an hour or two to remove everything.

Around six in the evening Christian arrives back home and looks around.

"If you don't like it we can remove everything tomorrow." I offer when he remains silent.

"No, I like it. I didn't think I would, but it actually all fits in quite well. But why family photos?"

"Well, it's your home; people usually have pictures of their family on display."

"This one is my favorite," he says smiling and picks up the frame with the sonogram picture of Joey. "How is my daughter doing today?"

"Right now, she is sleeping, but she was dancing in my belly only minutes ago... oh and she made me it apples with mustard again." I tell him and make a face. For the last four days, I have been cravings apple slices dipped in mustard; Christian thinks it is gross, but I just can't help it.

"I hope our daughter will prefer other things once she is born." He smirks, but frowns when he sees the fluffy rug by the couch.

"I am not sure about that thing, Anastasia. It looks like a dead animal."

"It doesn't, come on, take your shoes and socks off." I ask him and he looks slightly confused but does it and sits down with me. "Rub your feet over the rug." I order and he does.

"I have to admit, that is kind of nice."

"See... oh wait I have something for you." I get up and get the candle I've order for him along with the box that holds the other thing I've ordered for him.

I hand him the candle and he laughs. "Bacon scent?"

"Yes, I thought it is a more manly scent than roses or cookies. I have one more thing for you." I hand him the box and hope that he doesn't think it is cheesy or worse that I am making fun of him. I watch him open it and he looks at the dreamcatcher.

"A dreamcatcher?" He asks and I nod.

"I've heard you having nightmares the last couple of nights and... maybe it's stupid, but I remember when I was a child I used to have nightmares and my mom got a dreamcatcher for me and shortly after I had it in my room my nightmares stopped. Native Americans believe that the bad dreams get caught in the web and vanish in morning sunlight, while all the good dreams can come through the net." I explain a little shy. _Shit, maybe this was a bad idea._

"Thank you, Anastasia. It's a very thoughtful gift, I love it." He gives me one of his very rare shy smiles and to my surprise, he calls out for Taylor and asks him to place the dreamcatcher in his bedroom on the wall by his bed.

The next morning I decide that I need to get some fresh air. It's a sunny beautiful morning and I just want to take a short walk. After taking a shower, I get dressed and leave the guest room, where I am now staying in after I insisted that Christian would take his bedroom back. I've almost reached the kitchen when my gaze drifts to the couch and I notice that the fluffy rug is gone. I look around to see if Christian has removed anything else, too and see that the framed sonogram picture of Joey is also gone. _Wait a second!_

I quickly make my way to Christian's study and knock when I find the door closed.

"Come in," he calls out and I smile when I find him behind his desk with the rug placed under his desk. He is barefoot and rubbing his feet over the fluffy rug.

"Hold a second." He says to who ever is on the phone.

"Good morning, Anastasia. Do you need something?"

"No, I was just trying to find out where the rug has gone to. Did you take the picture of Josie as well?" I ask and he points to the frame on his desk.

"I think I have to buy more of those rugs, I like them."

"Well, I am glad to hear it, Mr. Grey. Look, I don't want to keep you from anything, but I need to get some fresh air. I'm going for a walk."

"Sure, take Sawyer with you and don't over do it, Anastasia."

"I want, see you later." I leave his study and ask Sawyer to accompany me.

After thirty minutes of being outside, I regret that I didn't have breakfast first, because I am starving.

"Sawyer, can we stop at the coffee shop over there? I am hungry."

"Sure Ma'am." He answer so we cross the street and my face falls when I see the log line inside.

"Just tell me what you would like to eat, Miss Steele. I'll get it for you." He offers while I sit down at one of the tables outside.

"Great, umm maybe a chocolate muffin and oh if they have custard donuts I want one of those too and a milk coffee, decaf." I add since I am not allowed to have anything with caffeine.

"I'll see what they have, Miss Steele." He says and gets inside. I look around the street trying to ignore all the people on the tables around me who already have their food, because I am seriously tempted to get up and snatch a donut from the tray of a seriously obese man at the table next to mine.

I get up to see how long Sawyer will need, but there are still four people in line before him. So, I am just about to sit down again when someone grabs me and before I know what is happening, I find myself in the passenger seat of a pickup truck. _Holy shit I am being kidnapped!_

Before I am able to comprehend what is going on someone jumps into the driver's seat and starts to drive. I stare at the driver in utter disbelieve. _Tell me this did not just happen!_

"I'm sorry, Anastasia. I was trying for days to get to you, this was my only chance. Are you alright?"

"Am I alright? Are you insane, Elliot? You just kidnapped me."

"No, I am saving you and my niece. I know that you are not allowed to fly, but I have a good friend, her name is Janet, you can stay with her until the baby is born."

"What? Why would I want to stay with your friend? Take me back to Escala, now!" I hiss at him.

"Please, stay calm, Anastasia. I know you are not supposed to be under stress."

"And you thought kidnapping me in broad daylight wouldn't stress me?"

"It's better than what could happen if you stay with my brother. I love him, I really do, but you can't stay with him." He says and if I am not mistaken then he sounds sad.

"Elliot, why do you think I am not safe with Christian?" I ask and blush when I my stomach rumbles loudly.

"Shit, you are hungry. Will Mc Donald's do?" He asks and I nod.

Ten minutes later, we went to the drive through and he bought enough food for a whole soccer team. We are in the parking lot and I look at him.

"Please eat; it's important for the baby." He begs when I just stare at him.

"I'll eat, but only if you tell me why you are feeling the need to protect me from your brother."

"I will, but first I need to apologize. When I saw you at my parent's house... pregnant... I just needed you to go back to Chicago. I had seen the video of you before the Coping Together event and I... I just needed you to leave town, to make sure he couldn't hurt you or the baby. I know that doesn't excuse the way I humiliated you in front of my family, but I didn't know what else to do. It was the first thing that came to my mind and I went with it." He explains and I take one of the egg mcmuffins.

"Go on" I mutter while eating.

"Look, I know that my ex is a slut who forgot all about me the moment she saw my brother. I know it for a couple of years now. I love my brother, I really do and I couldn't stand the thought of us not talking because of some bitch. So, three years ago I decided to man up and talk it out with him. Mia had given me the code for the elevator at Escala. I went up and Taylor wasn't there which was strange, but I walked into the penthouse and..." He stops and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I've heard noises that came from his study. The door was ajar and what I saw... Fuck, I knew he had anger issues, he had them all his life, but I never thought ... what I mean... look, he is not a bad guy, but you can't be around him."

"Elliot, I am five seconds away from jumping out of your car and screaming bloody murder. So, just fucking tell me what you saw in his study!" I snap and he looks surprised at my outburst.

"He was in there with a woman, she was bend over his desk, her pants and panties down at her ankles and he... he was beating her with his belt. She was crying and begging him to stop, but he ignored her. Fuck, I didn't know what to do, I wanted to help her, but I was so shocked that in the end I just left. Do you get it now; you have to get the hell away from him. If he loses it and beats you while you are pregnant... shit I don't even want to think about it." He murmurs and buries his face in his hands.

I don't know if I should laugh, cry or simply punch Elliot. What is it with these Grey men that they just do what they think it is best instead of talking?

"Are you alright, Anastasia?" He asks me after a while and I sigh.

"Just take me back to Escala; you need to talk to Christian. I know what you have seen back then must have looked quite disturbing, but it isn't what you think."

"What? Are you insane? He fucking beat an itty-bitty woman with a belt! Do you want to be next?"

"No, but he wouldn't do that to me."

"Yeah, sure! Excuse me if I am wrong, but didn't he already fracture your arm?" He hisses irritated by my reaction.

"That was an accident. He pushed me, I fell and landed on my arm. He didn't do it on purpose."

"Oh hell, is this some kind of Stockholm syndrome?" He mutters more to himself than to me and suddenly all hell breaks loose when two black Audi SUV's come to a halt on the parking lot and Taylor, Sawyer, Christian and three more guys I have never seen before jump out of the cars.

Before I can do anything, Christian has reached Elliot's car, yanked the door open and has pulled his brother out of the car.

"Christian don't!" I yell when he is about to punch Elliot and I am glad when Sawyer and Taylor manage to separate them.

"If you have hurt one hair on her head I fucking kill you, Elliot!" Christian's screams and he is seething with anger.

"I? You think I would hurt her? Fuck you, bro! I was trying to save her, so she wouldn't end up bend over your desk with you behind her beating her with a belt!" Elliot screams back and I blench. Fuck, people are staring at them.

"Sir, we need to leave!" Taylor says while Sawyer leads me despite my light struggle to one of the SUV's.

"Please get in the car, Miss Steele. Are you alright? Do you need medical attention?" He asks me worry edged on his face.

"No, he didn't hurt me, though I might need some rest." I confess this was just too much for one morning.

I watch as Sawyer walks over to Taylor and quickly returns. He gets into the car and starts to drive.

"I'm taking you back to Escala. Dr. Greene will arrive shortly to check on you." Sawyer informs me and I want to tell him that I am fine, but this is not about me, it's about my daughter. So, I don't say anything, though I am slightly surprised that Dr. Greene is coming over.

Three hours later Dr. Greene was there to check on me, but all was fine and I napped for two hours. And even though I am still a bit tired, I can't stay in bed any longer. I am starving.

I get up and leave the guest room, but stop in the great room when I see Christian and Elliot on the sofa talking.

"Hey, are you alright, shouldn't you rest a little longer after everything that happened this morning?" Christian asks and is by my side in a second.

"I am fine. I wanted to sleep a little longer, but our daughter is hungry." I smile at him to let him know that I am fine and he looks a little more relaxed.

"Good, Gail prepared a plate with sandwiches for you, it's in the fridge or would you like something else?"

"No, sandwiches are fine and I am glad to see that you are both still in one piece."

"Yes, I guess my brother is still trying to comprehend everything that I have told him, he is damn lucky that nothing happened to you and the baby or he would be dead by now." He mutters darkly and Elliot comes over to us.

"Okay, I am still trying to get this straight, help me out Anastasia. If my brother would beat you with his belt it would get you off?" He asks and I roll my eyes.

"No, if your brother would ever dare to take his belt off and beat me with it, I would feed him his own dick. I like some aspects of the lifestyle, but I guess your brother will agree when I am telling you that I am anything but submissive. Still, there are many women who enjoy something like that."

"That's fucked up, man. Have you seen that room upstairs?" He asks wide-eyed and I have to laugh.

"Yup, I've seen it." I answer and take the plate with sandwiches from the fridge.

"Has he fucked you in there?" He asks and I glare at him.

"Look Elliot, I get that you thought you needed to protect me, but that doesn't make us friends all of a sudden. You humiliated me in front of your parents and sister so badly, that I am probably never going to feel comfortable in their presence, so just quit the personal questions." I snap, take the plate and a bottle of flavored water and quickly get back into the guest room.

_What is it with men that they think with a simple apology all is fine? No, it's not men is general, but specifically the brothers Grey. Too bad that I am still hopelessly in love with one of them. _

I rub my belly and shake my head smiling. "Do yourself a favor Joey, don't ever fall in love. Men are so complicated it's not even funny."...

_**Now we know what crawled up Elliot's a** and died. And of course, there is more to Gail's sudden change of attitude than she wanted to admit, but that won't be revealed until the birth of baby Josie... **_


	26. Chapter 26

_**A/N: Hi Ladies, I wanted to let you know that I have decided to end this story after part two. Don't worry, because of that part two still has at least 15 chapters left. The main reason is that I am going to take a break from FF around Christmas and won't be back until March or April. So, in order for me to have this story finished by then, I had to work on the outline and I think I have worked it out now... **_

_**Therefore, this chapter is what was supposed to be the original ending of part two and for those who hoped for a little less drama... sorry not going to happen for at least another four or five chapter. I have to admit, I love to write drama and angst and this story has become my outlet for this little passion of mine... **_

_**But, because of that, the next chapter is going to have something that was often requested, which is Christian's point of view...**_

_**One last thing, to the guest who asked/begged me to get a beta. Sorry, at least for now I don't have the time to find a beta, unless of course you want to volunteer. I've been in contact with several beta-readers before and either they didn't have the time to take on another story or I was told upfront that because of their busy schedule they needed up to two weeks per chapter, which is why I don't have a beta...**_

_**Oh and before I forget it, some of you might need some tissues to get through this chapter...**_

_**Disclaimer: All characters belong to E. L. James**_

_**Back To You - 4 months later**_

"Go! We have another three weeks to wait until Joey is born. Gail and Sawyer are here with me and you'll be back in three days, so go and kick ass in New York." I tell Christian exasperated. He has to go away on business for three days and he is afraid that I will go into early labor and that he is going to miss the birth of our daughter.

"Promise me to call me if anything happens. Even if you are just feeling uncomfortable."

"Christian seriously, I have been uncomfortable for weeks now. Look at me, I am huge!"

"No you are pregnant and absolutely beautiful, Anastasia." He says and I can't help, but smile. Ever since I've made a comment about feeling really unattractive now that I am highly pregnant, Christian has started to tell me how beautiful I am every day. I would love nothing more than to kiss him, but somehow we have made a silent agreement not to talk about our relationship until Joey is born. Which to me is a joke, because our relationship is pretty much back to what it was before, well minus the sex. I am not allowed to have sex and even if I wanted to, I couldn't, because my belly is so huge, by now even the thought of having sex sounds exhausting to me. Yup, my libido has officially left the building...

Since I am also having a hard time to get out of bed alone, we are now both sleeping in his bedroom again. Still, I plan to move back to my apartment once Joey is born. Christian is not happy about it, but I insist. Not because I don't want to live with him, but I feel that we need to take things slow if we really want to figure our relationship out. That is of course if he really wants me back and is not just playing the part until I am no longer pregnant, which is my greatest fear.

"I have to leave, please don't run around too much, take things slow. I'll call you once I'm in New York." He says and kneels in front of me to expose my belly and kiss it.

"Be a good girl for mommy, Joey Steele and do daddy a favor and stay where you are until I am back." He whispers against my belly, kisses it again and pulls my shirt back over my belly. When he stands, he leans in to kiss my forehead and smiles down at me.

"Behave." He says sternly and I smile up at him.

"You should know by now that I'm not obedient, Mr. Grey."

"One of the things I love about you, Miss Steele." He says just as Taylor clears his throat to make his presence known.

"Bye Anastasia."

"Bye." As he turns around, I feel tears threaten in my eyes. Shit, I have gotten so used to having him around all the time; I hate the thought that I am not going to see him for three days.

"Christian wait!" I call out when he is about to step into the elevator.

"Do you need something?"

"Yes, a proper goodbye." I tell him and close the distance between us. He looks confused, but I pull his face down to me and kiss him gently. His arms snake around me, but he can't pull me any closer because my belly is in the way. When I end the kiss, he has the biggest smile on his face.

"Does this mean you are going to miss me?"

"No, it means I love you and I am going to miss you like crazy. Now get your ass in the elevator, I am pregnant, emotional and I don't want to cry."

"I love you too, baby. I'll try to deal with the issues in New York faster, so I can come home earlier."

"Take your time, me and little Miss Grey in here are not going anywhere."

"What ever happened to her name being Steele?"

"I picked her first name; it's only fair that she has your last name."

"Thank you, baby. You have no idea how much this means to me. I'll see you soon." He kisses me again and then I watch him get into the elevator and wait until the doors are closed. I turn around and find Gail smiling from ear to ear.

"You've made the right decision, Anastasia." She says and we smile at each other for a moment. It's crazy how much I like Gail now. At first, I thought she was an arrogant bitch, but in the last couple of months, she has become a second mother to me and I am glad that she is here to keep me company.

My parents will come to Seattle next week and I'm thrilled that my dad has cleared his schedule for three weeks, so they can stay until Joey is born. My mom asked if she could be with me during the birth and I know this means a lot to her, so I'll have her, Christian and his mom with me. My mom wanted to have my dad there too, but the hospital policy is that only three family members or friends are allowed in the delivery room and my dad looked rather uncomfortable when my mom asked him, so I guess he is happy to stay in the waiting room with Christian's dad and Mia.

Because I don't feel like taking a walk, I stay in for the next to days and read some books Christian has bought for me. Tomorrow he will be back and I can't wait to see him again. Now that I have let him know that I am ready for us to be a couple again, I feel more confident that he is not just playing nice because of Joey. Still, I feel a little restless this evening and it is almost midnight until I finally fall asleep.

When I wake up it is still dark outside, but as my sleep drunken mind slowly clears, I realize that I woke up because the bed is wet. Oh my God, this is so embarrassing, I've wet the bed... but before I can let the thought sink in and get up there is a sharp pain in lower back and I whimper while trying to breath through the pain. When the pain subsides, I roll and shift in the bed until my feet touch the floor and I manage to awkwardly get up.

Eww, okay so I didn't pee, my water broke and it feels like I am still dripping. I grab the phone on my nightstand and press the three to call Gail.

"Yes?" she mumbles sleepily.

"Gail, my water broke, can you help me change?"

"What, oh my god. I'll be right there." She hangs up and thirty seconds later, she is in Christian's bedroom.

"Come dear, we are going to get you out of these wet clothes. Did you have any contractions so far?"

"Just one... and I might need a towel or a pad or something... I'm still dripping." I murmur completely embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed dear; this is all part of giving birth." She says kindly and with her help, I even manage to take a shower before I change into clean clothes.

"Do you want to lie down for a while, Ana? It's just a little before five in the morning." Gail asks and I look at her. For a moment I not sure why looking at her has me startled, but then I see it. It's her eyes. Gail has brown eyes; I know that for sure, because I gave an eye shadow palette for brown eyes along with some other make up for her birthday last month. Now, her eyes are not brown and the eyes staring back at me are eyes I have seen and dreamed of so often. The most beautiful and rare shade of gray... Christian's eyes.

"Are you not feeling well, Anastasia?"

"Your eyes" I whisper and all the color drains from her face.

"I... please Anastasia, I can explain it to you, but you can't tell Christian, please." She begs and this is probably the first time I didn't hear her call him Mr. Grey or Sir.

"Okay, please explain it, but first I need to call Christian."

"I'll make some tea for us; do you want to eat something?" She asks and I re-call all those nightmare stories about pooping during labor in my mind.

"No, tea is fine." I let her know and take the phone to call Christian. At least it is almost eight in the morning in New York, so I won't wake him.

The phone rings two times then he picks up. "Anastasia, what is wrong, why are you calling this early... fuck, did something happen?"

"Please stay calm, Christian. I... well our daughter is not going to wait another three weeks to make her debut in this world. My water broke about thirty minutes ago."

"Shit, I knew it. Are you alright?"

"A little scared." I confess.

"Don't be scared, I promise I will be there before she is born. Okay, you are so strong, Anastasia and soon we can hold our baby girl in our arms."

"I know... shit... wait... contraction." I hold on to his dresser and breathe through the contraction until is passes and take the phone again.

"Sorry, now it's better."

"How close are your contractions?"

"About thirteen minutes apart, but they are not that bad, so it will probably still be a while before I have to go to the hospital."

"Good, I'll be there as soon as possible. I love you, Anastasia."

"I love you, too. Bye." I hang up and make my way into the great room where Gail is waiting for me. She helps me to sit down and I take a sip of tea while watching her closely. _Who is this woman?_

"I was born and raised in Detroit. My mother worked as a housekeeper for a wealthy family. Her boss's wife passed away when their daughter was six years old. Mr. Buchanan, he was a terrible human being. He would yell at everyone and ignored his daughter most of the time. She was four years older than me and we became best friends. It wasn't until I was ten or eleven that I noticed that Mr. Buchanan, his daughter Ella and I all had the same rare gray eyes." She stops and I can tell that this is a very painful topic for her.

"I asked my mother about it and she started to cry and confessed that I am his daughter, but he didn't want me. He always wanted a son and neither his wife nor my mother gave him that. From the moment I knew Ella and I were even closer. Of course, with the age difference, we both had other friends too, but at home, it was just us. When Ella was fifteen, she started dating a boy from the neighborhood. He wasn't the kind of boy any parent would want as their daughter's first boyfriend and Ella had to hide their relationship from her father, but it ended soon anyway. Shortly after it ended Ella changed, she didn't want to leave her room, she was crying day and night until I convinced her to tell me what happened." She stops again, but I know what happened, Ella was pregnant... with Christian.

"She told me that she was pregnant. She couldn't tell anyone and she made me swear to keep her secret. We were both scared and overwhelmed with this situation, but Ella wanted to keep the baby. She loved it right away. We came up with this completely idiotic plan that she could have the baby and we would just hide it. But we were so young she not even sixteen and me only twelve. We went to the local library and read every book about childbirth, pregnancy and how to take care of a child that we could find. Ella would wear wide clothes to hide her growing belly and it helped that her belly didn't grow as much as we feared it would and one night in June of 1983 she went into labor."

I gasp and Gail sighs. "You have to keep in mind how young we were Anastasia. We thought this would be easy. However, the reality was unlike anything we expected it to be. We had to hide in the basement and Ella was crying and screaming in pain for hours. It was a miracle no one heard us. I was so scared, I begged her to allow me to get my mother, but she wouldn't let me. It wasn't until the early morning hours that started to feel the urge to push and little over twenty minutes later I helped her to bring the most beautiful baby boy into this world. He was adorable right from the start, so beautiful and precious. Ella gave him the name Christian after her mother Christina. Here, those are the only pictures I could save." She says and hands me two old pictures. One of a blonde girl about twelve and a brunette girl that is a couple of years older both are smiling and look very happy. But it is the other one that makes me cry even harder than I already am. The picture shows a tiny baby boy, wrapped in a blue blanket and simply adorable... Christian.

"What happened next Gail?"

"Ella and I took turns. We hid him in the basement; it was the only place in the house were no one would hear him cry. It was a week after he was born; we were both in the basement with him when her father found us. My God, he lost his mind when he saw the baby. He started to yell and hit Ella and then he wanted to grab the baby and we knew he would hurt him or worse. I pushed against him with all the strength I had and Ella grabbed the baby and ran. He screamed after her that he would murder both of them if she ever dared to return. My mother came down alarmed from all the screaming and she told me to get into my room. When I saw her later that day one of her eyes was swollen shut, but she acted as though nothing had happened. From that day one, I was not allowed to mention Ella or the baby. Our father burned every picture of her; no one was allowed to enter her room. It was as if she never even existed."

"Have you ever seen her again?" I ask and wipe my tears.

"I tried to find her, I talked to all of her friends, but no one could tell me where she went. I was heart-broken and sick with worry. When I was fifteen I started to work after school, I saved every single dollar I earned until I had enough money to hire a PI when I was sixteen. I just needed to find my sister, needed to know that she and her son were well. The PI needed almost four months to find her and what he told me was devastating. He found her in the worst part of the city, she was a drug addict and that she was selling her body to pay for her drugs, he said he saw her with a little boy, so I knew she had somehow managed to keep Christian. I went to the address he had given me the same day. I knocked many times, but no one opened, I was about to give up when I heard a tiny little whimper coming from her apartment. It was easy to get into the apartment; the lock was so old all I needed was a hairpin to open it. Inside... she was dead, she was beaten beyond recognition lying dead on the floor and next to her was Christian. My God, he was more dead than alive, his tiny body marred with bruises and scars. I called the police and waited around the corner for them to arrive. I watched as they took him to the hospital and I prayed to God that he would find a better family."

"Why didn't you keep him?"

"I was just sixteen; I couldn't take him home with me. I had no money and I just knew that I wasn't what he needed. A couple of weeks later someone from CPS came to see my father. They told him about Christian, that Ella had died and that there was a couple that wanted to adopt him. A Dr. Trevelyan-Grey and her husband who was a lawyer. My father told them that he didn't want anything to do with the child and that to him his daughter died years ago. I left my childhood home the moment I graduated from high school and never looked back. I would talk to my mother on the phone, but she died before I turned twenty. I have no idea what happened to my father... maybe he is still alive, but to me he is dead. I've moved to Seattle after I got married and when my husband died, I decided to work as a housekeeper. It was more than five years ago that my agency told me that Christian Grey was looking for a housekeeper and I just had to take the position."

"Wait, does Christian know?" _Why would she wear contacts to change her eye color if Christian knows that she is his aunt? _

"No, at first I wanted to tell him, but then I thought what good would it bring to tell him the truth, it would only remind him of a very painful past. And... I know this is selfish, but he is all that is left of my sister and I wanted to be close to him. I knew that he would get suspicious because of my eyes and the fact that I am from Detroit, so I started to wear brown contacts."

"Didn't he run a background check on you?" I ask after another contraction has passed.

"He did, but my background check doesn't show any connection to Ella. Like I've said my father didn't want me, so his name is not on my birth certificate. Therefore Ella wouldn't show up as my sister and why would he look into the names of my mother's former employer when she was dead. I know you have forgiven me for the way I behaved when you first came here, but maybe now you can understand why I am so protective when it comes to Christian. I love him as if he was my son and I just couldn't stand the thought that you were just another woman who became his sub just for his money or because of his handsomeness and not because of the wonderful human being he truly is. Because that is what he deserves and I am so glad that he has found this in you."

I have no idea what to say to this, she is his aunt and he has no idea. And suddenly the awful thought comes to my mind that again I am keeping a big secret from Christian.

"Gail you have to tell him. Please, I'm begging you don't make me keep this from him. If he finds out by accident and I have to tell him that I knew, he will never forgive me."

"He will fire me Anastasia. I just know it."

"Gail, Christian adores you. Believe me, I grew up in a household with a housekeeper and while she was a lovely woman, she was still staff. Christian treats you as family, he treasures your opinion and I am sure he will understand your reasons."

"Anastasia!" We both turn when we hear Grace's voices and Gail hurries from the room, most likely to get her contacts, so Grace won't see her eyes.

"Christian called me, how are you feeling, darling?" She asks and sits down next to me.

"Good I guess, my contractions are still over ten minutes apart, but they already hurt a lot and since my water broke earlier I guess there is no turning back now."

"No, but you will do just fine. Don't worry about anything, today is going to be one of the happiest days of your life, Anastasia." She says and I know she is right.

Six hours later, I am already at the hospital and my contractions are so painful that I have cried several times and still the stubborn part of me wants to do this the old-fashioned way without epidural or any kind of pain relief.

"You are making very good progress Anastasia. You are dilated to eight and your contractions are strong and good. I would say your daughter will be here before it's the end of the afternoon. Man, you sure are going to be one of our quicker first time mommies" Rochelle, my midwife announces.

"I... I can't do this... I'm scared" I get out before the next contraction hits me and I squeeze both Gail's and Grace's hand as hard as I can.

This is exhausting and I am so, so tired, but most of all I want Christian here. I know he must be here any minute, but I need him here now, so I can tell him what a bastard he is for doing this to me.

"You are doing great, Anastasia." Gail tells me while she uses a cold washcloth to wipe my face, neck and arms.

"Really, because I am feeling anything but great right now... not again." I whimper when it starts again and I can't hold back my tears any longer. The pain is so all consuming that I only realize that the hand that I am squeezing is Christian's when the contractions ends and I look up at him.

"Hey baby, I'm here, how are you feeling?" He asks and I lose it.

"How am I feeling? What kind of stupid ass question is that? Fuck you; Christian you did this to me you bastard!" I yell at him and he gapes at me.

"I... I'm sorry; do you want me to wait outside?" He offers and I glare at him.

"Are you kidding me? Oh no, Grey you'll sit here with me and let me squeeze your hand...oh fuck... damn it... shit... son of a bitch!"

"Rochelle?" I murmur when the pain lessens.

"Do you want some pain relief, Anastasia?"

"No, but be honest... why on earth would any woman go through this hell a second time... I'll get my tubes tied, that's it, no more babies." I pant and she laughs.

"You'll get the answer to that question once you hold your little girl in your arms." She says with a bright smile, but I don't believe her. Had I known what it feels like to be in full-blown labor I would have insisted to get a c-section.

Finally, an hour later I'm fully dilated and started to push which is even more exhausting... I just want to hold my baby... see her and kiss her little face and that is the only thing that keeps me going, I want to see my baby.

My legs are shaking so badly I have Grace and Christian holding them up for me, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to keep them in the stir ups or worse hold them up in the air like that myself.

"With the next contraction I need you to give me a good hard push Anastasia, your baby is almost crowning." My doctor announces and when I do it, it hurts so bad that I am screaming so awfully it makes even me flinch. I know Christian is whispering something in my ear, but there is just pain, I don't hear, see or notice anything other than pain. I faintly hear Rochelle yelling at me to push and I try, I really do, but there is just pain and some where in the far distances I think I hear my baby cry.

"Anastasia? Anastasia! She is losing too much blood... we have to get her to the OR... her heart rate is dropping ... shit we are losing her..."

Voices floating in the air, but I drift further and further... my baby... where is my baby? I want to hold my little girl... the pain... there is no more pain just the blinding white light in front of me... silence... nothing...

_**Would have made one hell of an ending for part two, right? Next chapter will be up by the end of the week with Christian's POV...**_


	27. Chapter 27

_**Sorry that this chapter is a little late, but this chapter really gave me nightmares... I guess I shouldn't write about traumatic birth scenes while being only three months away from giving birth myself lol. Also, I know that usually what happened to Ana happens in an earlier stage of labor and not while the baby is already half born, but for the sake of not putting the baby at risk lets just say it can happen this late... or maybe it really does... I don't know but I couldn't read any more on the subject without driving myself insane...**_

_**Back To You - Joey's birth**_

_**Christian**_

Fuck, something is not right, suddenly there are nurses and doctors running into the room and my mother drags me out of the room.

"Mom, let go of me! I need to be with Anastasia." I yell at her and for the first time in my life, my mother disrespects all my boundaries and holds me back from re-entering the room.

"Christian, stop! You need to calm down." My mother tries to hold me back and I want to just push her away, but from out of nowhere Taylor appears and helps her holding me back.

"Let go, Taylor or I'll fire your ass, I need to know what is happening to Anastasia!" By now, I am screaming and suddenly all goes into slow motion. The door to the birthing suite opens and they are rushing her out of the room in her bed. One nurse is with her on the bed, a doctor is screaming orders and finally Taylor lets go of me, so we all can run after them only to be outside of a closed door again. This time the doors to the OR.

"Mom, what is happening? Why is she bleeding like that?" I ask her while pulling my hair. Fuck, I have never been this scared in my life. Why is this happening, this was supposed to be one of the happiest days in our lives?

"Christian, please you need to calm down." My mother tries again and I finally lose it.

"Calm down? How can I fucking calm down when the woman I love is in there and I have no idea if she going to survive? How Mom? Tell me how?"

My mother takes a step closer, but I step back. I'm holding on to my sanity by a threat and I have no idea what I will do if anyone touches me right now.

"Christian, I can't tell you what happened. There are several things that could have caused this severe bleeding. But I need you to calm down now. You are not helping Anastasia if you lose it now; if you do, the hospital security has no choice but to escort you out of the building. You don't want that, so please as hard as it is, you have to calm down and wait until we get more information."

"No, I can't just wait... Mom... she can't die... I ... I just got her back... even after all the shit I have put her through she has forgiven me and I ... I can't lose her, I need to show her that I am worthy of her love."

"I know darling and you will. Believe me the doctors are doing anything within their power to safe her life. And Anastasia is not someone who gives up easily, she has proven this enough times. She is a fighter. Now, take a deep breath and try to be calm for her." My Mom begs me, but I can't help it when I see a nurse coming out of the OR I grab her by the arm.

"Anastasia Steele, what is happening... what are they doing in there?"

"Sir, I can't give you any information, you'll have to wait for a doctor. Miss Steele is about to undergo surgery, that is all I know."

"Then fucking go back in and ask them..."

"Thank you, Ma'am" Taylor interrupts me and starts to drag me back down the hallway.

"Taylor, I swear to God let go or you are fired."

"Just shut up and wait." He mutters and that takes me aback for a moment, which is enough for him to drag me into the birthing suite where he lets go of me.

Holy fuck, oh my god my daughter... how could I forget? I watch as Taylor approaches the nurse that is tending to her and he carefully picks her up in his arms and carries her over to me.

"If you can't keep it together for anyone else then do it for her. Your daughter needs you now boss."

When he places her carefully in my arms, I nearly forget how to breathe. Oh God, she is perfect... just absolutely perfect. She has the cutest little face with pouty lips and a tiny little button nose. And then she opens her eyes and it is as if Anastasia is staring back at me. In this moment there are so many emotions inside me, I can't even begin to describe all of them, but just looking at my daughter, unconditional love is the one feeling that is the most powerful. I didn't even notice that I am crying until the tears start to fall onto the pink blanket in which my baby girl is wrapped.

I lean down and kiss her little face. "Hey Joey, your mommy and I have waited so long to finally meet you. Your mommy can't be here right now, but we will wait for her together okay? I love you so much baby girl." I tell her and sit down with her in the chair by the window.

"Mr. Grey?" I look up and see a nurse in front of me.

"I will get a bottle of formula for you daughter. I know that Miss Steele wanted to breastfeed, but I just called the OR and she is in surgery and..."

"What did they say, how is she?"

"You should wait for the doctor, Mr. Grey."

"Please, just tell me what you know." I try to keep my voice as soft as possible so I won't startle Joey, but I'm about to really let the nurse have it if she won't tell me what is going on.

"Miss Steele has lost a lot of blood; she has a rupture in her uterus. In most cases, this happens to women who had a cesarean and decided to give birth vaginally with their next child, but sometimes it even happens to first time mommies. Right now, the doctors have her stabilized and are trying to fix the rupture, but there is the possibility that they have to remove her uterus if they can't fix the rupture."

"But she will be fine? She is not going to... to die?"

"Look, I can't give you an answer to this one. Most women survive complications like that, but sometimes the blood loss is too severe. For now your girlfriend is alive and that is very good sign. I will let you know once Miss Steele is in the recovery room, so you can see her. I will get the formula now."

"Can't we wait until Anastasia is out of surgery, we agreed that we don't want to bottle feed our daughter at least for the first three or four months."

"Mr. Grey, Miss Steele won't be out of surgery for a while, in addition, the medication they had to give her needs to be out of her system before she can breastfeed her daughter. So, it will most likely take up to three days before she can start to nurse."

I just nod and watch her leave. This can't be happening, she can't die... I need her... our beautiful baby girl needs her. She hasn't even seen her. No, this is not happening.

"Your mommy won't leave us, Joey. She is the strongest woman I know and she will be the most amazing mother to you."

An hour later, I am restless. What the hell is taking them so long? Why is no one telling me how Anastasia is?

"Christian?" I look up and see my mother coming in.

"Any news?"

"Yes, Anastasia is in the recovery room now. They were able to save her uterus, but she has lost a lot of blood and is very weak at the moment. You can see her now, but she will have to spend a day or two on the ICU."

"But she will make it?"

"She is in stable condition; if no complications occur then she will be fine in a couple of days."

"Okay, can I take Joey with me? Anastasia hasn't seen her yet."

"Once she is on the ICU she can see her, but not in the recovery room. Do you want me to take a picture of Joey so you can show it to Anastasia?"

I nod and my mom takes her camera out of her purse and has the biggest smile on her face when she looks at Joey who is peacefully sleeping in my arms.

"Oh my, she is adorable Christian."

"I know... man she already looks so much like Anastasia, I will probably have to learn how to shoot to keep all those little pricks away from her ones she starts high school." I chuckle as my mom snaps a picture of her.

"Your father said the same thing the day we brought Mia home. You'll be just fine, trust me and you have Anastasia to keep you on your toes when you get too overprotective."

"You're right about that, can you stay with Joey while I am with Anastasia?"

"Of course." She says and takes Joey from me while I take the camera and hurry down the hallway to the OR where a nurse leads me into the recovery room.

When I see Anastasia, she is very pale and a nurse is adjusting her IV line.

"You can come closer. Miss Steele is fine, she just needs rest." She says encouragingly, I step closer and takes Anastasia's hand in mine.

"Chris... Christian?" She whispers barely audible.

"Hey baby, it's okay I'm here. You are going to be fine." I whisper against her ear and again I feel tears rolling down my face, this time in relief that she is still here with me.

"Joey...okay?"

"More than okay, she is perfect, baby. Just adorable, healthy and so so beautiful, just like her mommy."

"She... here?"

"No, my mom is with her, you are in the recovery room, baby. Once they are going to move you to the ICU you can see her." I tell her and see the tears well up in her beautiful eyes.

"Hey don't cry, you are going to be fine, baby. I promise you just need some rest and tomorrow you will feel a lot better."

"I... I want to... hold my baby."

"And you will, you just need a few more minutes here in the recovery room and then they are going to move you to the ICU. Once you are there, you can see Joey. Your parents will be here soon, too. One of my security guys is on his way to Sea-Tac to pick them up right now."

"Don't let my Dad be mean to you." She murmurs making me smile.

"I deserve it, but I am sure he won't even notice that I am there once he sees his granddaughter." I tell her and notice that she is shivering. "Are you cold?"

"I feel like someone tied me naked to a pole for hours."

"Tied up and naked, that gives me some ideas, Miss Steele."

"Don't get any ideas, Grey." She mutters making me chuckle and her Doctor comes in filling her in on what happened and I really want to give her some choice words when she tells Anastasia that her next baby is going to be delivered as a planed c-section.

Fuck me; is she out of her mind? As if I would ever allow Anastasia to get pregnant again. No way are we going to have another baby and put Anastasia's life at risk. I am not going through this again.

I am asked to wait outside for a moment so they can check on Anastasia before getting her to her room on the ICU. When I am outside the recovery room, I see Gail standing a few feet away from me and walk over to her.

"Thank you for staying with Anastasia until I got here, Gail."

"Your welcome, Mr. Grey. May I ask how Miss Steele is doing?"

"Better, she has to stay on the ICU for the night, but all they expect her to make a full recovery."

"Oh thank god, I was so worried when I saw them rushing her to the OR."

"Me too, I thought I never see again." I murmur and pinch the bridge of my nose. Shit, I think I have cried more today than in all my adult life combined.

"She is going to be fine. After all, she not only has you, but also a baby now and no mother would leave her child willingly." I hear Gail say and pull myself together.

"I guess you are right, here this is my daughter, Gail." I show her the picture on the camera and she smiles.

"You have a beautiful daughter, Sir." She says and something comes to my mind.

"Gail, I know Anastasia wanted to move back to her apartment once Joey is born, but she will need help now, so please make sure that everything is ready when I can take my girls home."

"Of course, Mr. Grey."

Finally, an hour later Anastasia is on the ICU and her parents are already with her. I have security in place to watch the nursery as Joey will stay there tonight until Anastasia will be moved to the family room tomorrow.

When I reach her room on the ICU, I get inside and Anastasia gaze is fixed to the pink bundle in my arms.

"Your daughter, baby." I say and carefully place Joey in her arms, but stay really close to them in case she doesn't have the strength to hold her.

The second she lays eyes on our beautiful girl for the first time the tears start to flow down her face and she just looks at Joey who is awake and looks back at her. Seeing them together, I know that I will move heaven and earth to keep my two beautiful girls safe and happy. This is my family and I am not going to mess it up ever again...

_**A quick question: Do you want more of Christian's POV or do you want me to write the remaining chapters solely from Ana's POV?**_


	28. Chapter 28

_**Since 99.9 percent of you want both POV's I'm going to alternate between Ana and Christian's POV from now on. Just a little warning, huge cliffy at the end of this chapter, so I am going to try to post the next chapter until Wednesday, I just have to update Broken and Seduction first...**_

_**Back To You - Three weeks later**_

_**Ana**_

The last three weeks have been the most wonderful and exhausting two weeks of my life at the same time. After two days on the ICU, I could finally move into the family suite and five days later Joey and I could leave the hospital. Christian insisted that we would go back to Escala and I didn't fight him on it. For the first couple of days I was in so much pain I could barely move and I am just now starting to feel like my old self again. My lower half was so sore it was not even funny. Apart from the normal soreness that comes from giving birth I also had some tearing that needed a couple of stitches and the surgery wound was just the icing on the cake.

Though I have to admit that I don't care at all about feeling weak and sore whenever I am holding my beautiful daughter in my arms. She is so adorable I could hold and kiss her all day long. The one thing that still makes me sad though is that she just won't nurse. Once I got the okay to start breastfeeding she wouldn't do it. No matter what I tried nothing helped, she would cry and cry whenever I tried it and I felt like such a failure I started to cry too. I followed all the instruction and tips the nurse, Grace and my doctor had given me, but Joey wasn't having it. In the end, Christian put his foot down and told me to stop trying for a while as it was stressing me out so much.

Now I pump my milk and Joey drinks it from a bottle. I am not happy that I can't nurse her, but Christian is right, if trying to nurse only leads to me being stressed and upset, while Joey is crying because she is hungry it is just not worth it. At least I have no problems with pumping my milk. Christ, I have so much milk I could feed triplets and my boobs look like they are ready to split open. I had to ask my Mom to buy me bigger bras while she still here, because the ones I had didn't fit anymore. I usually have a B cup, sometimes even C, but right now, I need a D cup and the bras I have right now barely fit. I hope once I stop to pump milk for Joey they will go back to normal, because I look like a porn star.

Christian loves them though, every time I take my shirt off to pump milk he is staring at my boobs and sometimes after I have pumped the milk, he just grabs me to lick and suck on them. He really can barely behave himself, but to be honest with everything that is going on with my body right now, sex is the last thing on my mind. And of course, there is the fact that today I am moving back into my apartment with Joey.

Christian and I have argued about it so often during the last week that I worried he would go postal. What he did though is worse. At one point, he just got up and said if I didn't want to be a family with him and our daughter I was free to leave. That really hurt, because to be honest, I don't want to leave Escala either, but I have to. Gail is too afraid to tell Christian the truth and I am scared shitless that he finds out one day by accident and I have to tell him I knew. I'm just so afraid to lose him, that I feel like I have to put some distance between us or I won't be able to cope if he finds out and walks out on again.

I begged Gail to come clean, but she wouldn't budge. She is too scared of his reaction and she made me swear to keep her secret. So now, I am torn between telling Christian and betraying Gail's trust in me or keeping quiet and risk that Christian is going to be really mad at me or worse that he is going to break up with me. So, for now I feel like I have to protect myself by putting some distance between us... and I feel like shit for doing so.

"Anastasia?"

I look up at Christian who is holding Joey and I hate how sad he looks.

"Yes?"

"Security is in place. There will be two guys outside of your building at all times and one in the lobby. Have you heard from your security?"

"Yes, Emma is just doing her thing, nothing suspicious. Christian, can we talk?"

"What is there to talk, Anastasia? I want us to be a family and you don't want that. I'm tired of arguing with you and I can't force you to stay here. So, there is nothing left to say. I'm going to put Joey down for her nap." He says and leaves the great room.

I hate this... I wish he would be angry. Angry Christian I can deal with, but not this. He is just hurt and I don't want to hurt his feelings. So, I get up and find Gail in the utility room.

"Gail, we need to talk."

"Anastasia, please. I already regret that I told you, but I can't tell him. He is all I have left of my sister and once he knows the truth he will fire me, I just know it and I know I am being selfish, but he is the only family I have. No one is forcing you to move back to your apartment and he will never know."

"But he has a right to know, Gail. He has the right to know that you are his aunt, that his mother loved him right from the start. He deserves to learn more about his mother's life, because right now all he knows is that she was a crack whore and that she was beaten to death because she was trying to protect him from her pimp. The only picture he has ever seen of her was one where she was already heavily addicted, but he deserves to see that once his mother was a happy young girl."

"And you think it will be better for him if he finds out that his mother's life spiraled out of control because of him? Because she was kicked out of her home with a baby and that she had to sell her body to support him?" She asks bitterly and I take a step back.

"Are you blaming Christian for what happened to your sister?" I ask horrified and I can see tears in Gail's eyes.

"No, I would never do that. He was an innocent baby and is not to blame. Ella made a lot of bad choices, but she was still so young... the only person who is to blame is our father. Now, please Anastasia, I'm begging you just drop it. I can't tell him and you promised you wouldn't either." She says and I shake my head sadly. This is getting me nowhere.

The thing is I can't keep this information from Christian for the rest of our lives. He deserves to know the truth and again I am the one who is keeping things from him.

Maybe I really need a couple of nights away to figure this out. If I can't get Gail to talk to him then I have to find a way to live with the guilt of not telling him.

I leave the utility room and find Christian in his bedroom, which we have shared for the last two weeks and find him staring at Joey who is taking her nap.

"She already looks so much like you." I whisper and he looks up.

"When are you leaving?"

"After her nap, I want us to be settled in before her bath time."

"I see, well I'll stop by tomorrow around noon." He says gets up and leaves the bedroom. In this moment I am so tempted to run after him and tell him that I am not going to move back to my apartment, but at the same time the memories of him proposing to me and then walking out on me only minutes later come back to my mind and I know I can't do it. I'm just too scared that the moment I allow myself to just enjoy this new time in our lives and live with him permanently everything is going to turn into shit.

I look at Joey and smile. She is wearing a little shirt and it says 'I found my prince and his name is Daddy' on the front. Mia has bought tons of cute outfits for Joey and Christian is just as crazy as I am when it comes to dressing our daughter in cute outfits. God, she is so perfect and beautiful. For some reason I always thought babies are born bold or with very little hair, but my daughter has a head full of dark copper colored hair that is so soft I could spent all day just running my fingers through her hair. It is already so long, I will need to use head bands or little hair clips to stop it from falling onto her forehead all day. Grace said that we could trim her hair a little, but I couldn't bring myself to cut some of that amazing hair off, not yet anyway.

I softly stroke my finger over her cheek and smile. Her skin is so soft and this newborn smell... I don't know what it is, but she smells so good, I wish I could bottle the scent. For a moment, I just keep looking at her, but then I decide I have to talk to Christian again. I don't want him to be this upset and hurt. After looking around the apartment I find him in his study with the picture of him and Joey in his hand that I took a couple of days ago when he fell asleep on the sofa with her sleeping on his chest. He framed it right away and it is now placed on the desk in his study next to the sonogram picture of Joey and the picture of the three of us that my mother took the first day we came home from the hospital.

I walk around his desk and sit down on his lap. "Christian, I don't want to hurt your feelings... that is the last thing I want, please talk to me."

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"That you love me; that you've forgiven me?"

"Of course I meant it. I love you so much, Christian. I just don't want us to rush anything." I say and he snorts.

"I'm sorry, Anastasia, but don't you think that it is a little late for that? We have a daughter, that makes us a family and call me old fashioned, but I believe that a family should live together. Don't you see that us not living together is only going to make things harder for us? I work a lot, so if my girlfriend and my daughter live somewhere else that means I probably won't have much time each day to see both of you. At least here, I can see you between phone calls and working late in my study. If we want to go out you have to bring Joey here anyway so Gail can watch her. You will be under constant stress with no help at your apartment, while here you can devote all your time to our daughter and let Gail and the security take care of the rest. And most of all, I am going to miss living with you and our daughter. I want my family to live with me."

I can't help the tears that come to my eyes when I hear him say that. Maybe I can do it, just keep my mouth shut and never think about it again, but the simple truth is I can't.

"Christian, I love you and I understand everything that you just said, but for now I think it is best if I move back to my apartment. Maybe soon I'll figure out that this is not what I want, but for now I think it is best."

Later that afternoon I am at my apartment with Joey and I hate it. This is not what I want, but I try to ignore the urge to take Joey and just go back to Christian. Through out the evening, he sent a couple of text messages and with every passing hour, I know that it was a mistake to move out. Joey doesn't seem to like being here at all and I am glad that I have a crib for her in my room, because she is waking up every twenty minutes and cries for no reason. She is fed, her diaper is clean and she doesn't seem to have gas, so the only reason I can come up with is that she doesn't like being here and that she misses Christian.

"You miss your daddy, right baby girl? Believe me, I miss him too." I murmur and gently rock her in my arms until she is asleep again. I put her back into her crib and crawl back under the covers of my bed. Staring at the alarm clock on my nightstand, I scowl. It's almost five in the morning and suddenly I am angry. Angry at Gail, but even more so I am mad at myself.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I putting the wishes of a woman I barely know over my own happiness and even more so over my daughter's and Christian's happiness. Shit, I didn't even like Gail at first and now I am keeping this secret for her and have to lie to Christian again.

I decide I had enough of this shit, I'll try to get at least an hour or two of sleep and then I will take my daughter and move back to Escala. Screw Gail, she had years to come clean and I didn't force her to tell me jack shit. Once I am back, I give her one day to come clean and then I tell Christian that Gail is aunt. I'm not going to let this come between Christian and me. I love him too much to put our relationship at risk just because Gail is too much of a coward to just tell him. And with that thought on my mind, I drift into a deep much needed sleep.

When I wake up, I stretch and keep my eyes closed for a moment. Joey seems to be asleep too, because I can't hear any sounds coming from her. When I do open my eyes I see that it is almost eight in the morning. I sit up in bed and grab the hair tie on my nightstand to pull my hair up into a messy bun. Then I get up and walk over to the crib.

"Good morning sunshi..." My world stops, because when I look into the crib to say good morning to my daughter she is not there... the crib is empty...


	29. Chapter 29

_**Most of you thought/hoped, it would be Christian who has Joey... well let's see ;-)**_

_**Back To You **_

_**Ana**_

This can't be happening... oh my god... my heart is pounding as I run towards the living room and when I reach it, I stop abruptly and fear grips me.

Sitting on the sofa is Emma and she is holding Joey in her arms. I am so terrified just seeing her holding my baby, but at the same time, I remind myself that I need to stay calm. I can't risk her hurting my baby; I need to find a way to get both of us out of here.

"Look who's finally up, but oh hey, I don't mind, while you were sleeping I've spent some quality time with my niece. She's really cute." Emma says and slowly I get closer to her, but she gets up too.

"I think you are close enough, Anastasia. I didn't harm her, that's not what I want."

"And what do you want, Emma?" I ask with a shaky voice.

"You know I have thought a lot about the last time I have seen you. You know, how you said by living at your place, having a chunk of your money and some of your stuff I am as close as it gets to being you... and guess what, you lied."

"I didn't..."

"Shut up! You lied, because while I am all alone in that apartment, you have a family, you have your fucking boyfriend and what do I have? Nothing, I am alone, but we can rectify that now."

I feel sick, I know exactly where this is going, but the word somehow escapes my lips anyway. "How?"

"I want your baby. She will be my family, simple."

"Emma, please you can't take her with you. If you feel alone, then go out and find friends, go on dates, find a nice boyfriend and have kids with him. You can still have your own family." My heart is pounding and I am sure I was never this scared in my life.

"Sounds easy, right? Go out and find a boyfriend and have kids. Do you know what happened to me? How often I was abused as a child? I can't have children, Anastasia, but this little girl she can be mine. You don't have to worry about her I would never hurt her. If you really want me to leave and never come back then let me have her. She will be happy with me. You... you can just have another baby, start over, but I can't. You wanted us to be sisters, isn't this what sisters would do for each other, help each other or were you just lying to get rid of me? To have your happy life back?"

I stare at her and I know she is not going to give me Joey if I step closer now. I need to come up with something else.

"How did you get in here?"

"You think I don't know that you have someone watching me?" She huffs. "I noticed it right away, so I used a little trick. Met a girl at the club, took her home with me and drugged her. She is still passed out at my place. I took her clothes, her car and used a blonde wig; the idiot you have to watch me didn't even look at me. To avoid your security in the lobby and outside I came in through the garage. To open your door was a bit tricky, but not too much trouble."

"I see, so you planned this?"

"Since the day I saw the article of Christian and you shopping baby clothes. I have prepared myself for being a mother to her. Now all I needed was to find a time to come and get her. Will you help me pack her things?" She asks and I know that this woman is insane; I need to find a way to get Joey out of her arms before Emma snaps.

"Most of her things are at Escala and Christian will never give his daughter away, Emma. Even if I would agree, he would hunt you down. Do you want to live like that always on the run with a baby?" I ask and she frowns. Maybe this is the right way, maybe if I make this about Christian she will give me Joey and leave.

"He can have more children."

"But you know him, Emma. Christian doesn't like it when someone takes something away from him that is his. He will not rest until he has his daughter back and his Dad is a lawyer, they would cash in favor after favor to get you into jail, I don't want that for you, Emma. I want you to be happy."

"You could tell him she died in her sleep." She offers.

"He would want to see the body, how would I arrange a funeral without a body? This is not a good plan."

"Well, then you better help me to come up with a better plan, because I am not leaving without her." She yells, Joey starts to cry and Emma rocks her but way to hard.

"Please, you need to rock her gently; she can get hurt if you rock her this hard." I plead and she starts to gently rock her.

"Why won't she stop?"

"You startled her, if you let me hold her I can calm her down for you."

"No, I can do this myself! God, is she always this annoying and she reeks disgusting."

"She needs a new diaper and her next feed is also due shortly."

"Well, then give me her food!" She hisses and that gives me an idea.

"I can't, she refuses to take a bottle, I nurse her. Emma, you can't take her with you now, she is too young. Why don't you wait until she is a little older and doesn't need to be nursed anymore? I can talk to Christian; I can make him agree to let you have Joey if you give me some time. Maybe I even get him to give you a couple millions, so you can buy a nice home for you and Joey. It's expensive to have a baby and they cost only more money once they get older, so you can use a little support from him."

She looks at me nervously and I can tell that Joey's crying is making her anxious, while all I want is to rip my daughter from her arms and run, but I am too afraid that she will hurt Joey before I get to her.

"You think you can do that?"

"Yes, if I could make him leave his lifestyle behind, then I can get him to do anything I want."

"And you promise that I can have her, that you will give her to me once she doesn't need to nurse anymore?"

"Yes, I promise." I say without blinking, at least now my ability to be a good liar comes in handy, because right now I would promise her anything as long as she gives me my baby back.

"Okay, but if you are lying, I will come back and make you watch how I kill your baby and Christian before I kill you." She says and finally gives me my baby.

"You have six months not a day longer." She hisses and I watch her leave the apartment.

The first thing I do is to check Joey for any visible injuries and then I walk over to the window and watch until I see Emma getting out of the building from the garage and into a car on the other side of the street.

That's all I need to see, I wrap Joey in her blanket and rush out of the apartment.

_**Christian**_

Fucking great, first Anastasia decided to move out and now she isn't answering her phone. Does that mean she lied when she told me that she loves me?

"Sir?" I look up when Taylor enters my study and nod at him. "Sawyer just informed me; he has Miss Steele and your daughter in the car and is taking them to Escala."

"What, why? Anastasia has insisted to take her own car." Fuck, something is wrong I just know it.

"Sawyer told me that Miss Steele seemed very upset and appeared to be under shock. She came running out of the building wearing her pajamas and demand from Sawyer to take her back to Escala. I could hear her sob in the background.

"What? Is she hurt... oh my god, is my daughter alright?" By now, I am pulling my hair I am so scared that something has happened to them. Fuck, that's it, she had her five minutes of freedom, I knew I should have made her stay, but stupidly I gave in. But not anymore, she is staying here if she likes it or not and if I have to tie her stubborn ass down to make her stay then that's what I will do.

"Sawyer helped Miss Steele to strap your daughter into the car seat, Sir. He couldn't find any injuries on her."

"Garage now" I snap and head for the elevator. In my mind, I am going through all kinds of horrible things that could have happened and it all boils down to the fact that I wasn't dare. That's my girlfriend and my daughter and I am the one who has to keep them safe, yet Anastasia is making things difficult for us. Shit, I don't know if I am angry or if I am finally about to lose my fucking mind, but I can't take this. I need control, no matter what happened, it wouldn't have happened if I had been there...

I stop my thoughts when I see Sawyer driving into the garage and pace until parks in his spot. The second the car stops I open the back door and find Anastasia who is still crying and leaning over the car seat with Joey in it.

"Baby, what happened?" I ask.

"Emma... I woke up... and ... and Joey wasn't in her bed and ... I found Emma holding her in the living room."

Fuck! I don't know how the fuck this could happen, but one thing is for sure heads will be rolling.

"Did she hurt her?"

"No... but she could have and it's my fault... I shouldn't have moved back..." Anastasia sobs and I keep my mouth shut, she has been through enough this morning and doesn't need any shit from me right now.

"Come, let me get Joey out of her seat, Taylor can carry her you don't look like you will be able to walk."

"I'm sorry, Christian."

"Please, it's not your fault, but Anastasia, don't even bring moving back to your apartment back up, I mean it, I won't let you move out again."

"I was coming back anyway. I hated being there without you." She murmurs and I have Taylor hold Joey while I help Anastasia out of the car, carry her into the elevator and just hold her while she is crying softly into my neck.

An hour later, I leave my bedroom and find my mother who I called to make sure that Joey is fine.

"And?" I ask nervously.

"Don't worry, she is fine. I have also changed her diapers and gave her a bottle. How is Anastasia doing?"

"She is sleeping, she told me what happened and ... fuck... her sister is crazy, she could have hurt both of them, Mom."

"Have you called the police?"

"Taylor is on it. Anastasia is in no state to talk to anyone, she was crying and crying, shaking like a leaf. I've never seen her like this, she is usually so strong."

"Well, she woke up to find that her daughter wasn't in her bed anymore and when she found her, her mentally unstable sister had Joey, that is quite a shock. Let her sleep for a while and talk to her later. She needs you now."

"I know, but I am so angry, Mom. This wouldn't have happened if she wouldn't have insisted to move back."

"It isn't her fault, darling or do you believe that Anastasia would have moved back to her apartment if she had thought it would expose your daughter to any kind of danger."

"No, of course not. I am mad at myself, Mom. I shouldn't have allowed her to move back to her apartment in the first place, but she was so stubborn and I was afraid to lose her, so I let her go."

My Mom sighs and then smiles at me. "Darling, you can't force her to stay. If you want my advice, then talk to her and find out why she felt like she needed to put distance between you and her. She seemed so happy with you; I didn't understand why she would want to move back."

"I know, I guess you are right, I need to talk to her."

"Good, I need to go to the hospital now, I'll call you later." She says gives Joey to me and kisses my cheek before she leaves.

I ask Gail to watch Joey and have a talk with Sawyer. I gave them instructions to watch the fucking building, so how could that bitch get in?

Thirty minutes later, I have fired Mitchell, who was supposed to watch the garage and didn't think it was suspicious when he saw a woman walk into the garage. Taylor told me that the police has arrested Emma and that she was brought to the psych-ward of the hospital, because she completely lost it when they came to her apartment to question her. They also found a young woman, who was barely alive by the time of their arrival and it is still not sure if the woman is going to make it. I have Taylor send two of my security guys to the hospital to make sure Emma won't escape.

This has gone too far; I won't her looked away either in a jail cell or in a psychiatric facility, but not out there somewhere trying to harm my family. Fuck, it's not even eleven in the morning and this day has already been one giant cluster fuck. Back in my study, I pour myself a glass of whisky and sit down, but a knock interrupts me and Gail comes in holding the baby monitor in her hands.

"Sir, do you have a moment?" She asks and it makes me frown, she looks nervous, scared even.

"Yes, where is Joey?"

"She is sleeping in her bassinet in the great room, Sir."

"Good, have a seat, Gail."

I watch her sit down and she is wringing her hands. "I know why Miss Steele moved back to her apartment. It was my fault."

What the fuck? "Explain!"

"When Miss Steele called me to help her after her water broke... it was the early morning I was sleeping when she called and I forgot something, she noticed it, so I told her the truth and made her promise not to tell. She left because she is afraid that you will leave her if you find out the truth and that she knew. She begged me to tell you, but I... I guess it was selfish of me to expect her to keep this from you."

"Gail, please, just tell me what is going on." I already had a rough morning and I am not in the mood for anymore shit. I watch Gail sigh and then she tips her head back a little and removes contacts from her eyes. She looks at me again and it takes me a moment to understand that she was wearing colored contacts, but as I take a good look at her eyes, I start to shake my head. This can't be right, but I can see it clear as day, the eyes that are staring back at me are very familiar, because they are just like my own.

Fuck, please don't let this be what I think it is...

_**Next chapter will be Gail's confession and Christian's reaction to it, as well as a talk between Ana and Christian that was long overdue...**_


	30. Chapter 30

_**Back To You**_

_**Christian's POV**_

I stare at Gail, not sure, if I want to listen to what she is about share with me... and she says nothing and looks anywhere but at me. Slowly she takes a photo from her pants pocket and holds it out to me. I take it, look at it and close my eyes when I see the two persons in the picture. I have always wanted to know what my mother looked liked before she was deep into drugs and now I know it... she was just a happy young girl.

"I assume you are the other girl?" I ask and I hate how distant and cold my voice sounds, but that's what I do. The second I feel emotionally unbalanced I hide behind all the walls I have built up to protect myself.

"Yes, the picture was taken about a year before you were born. Here, this is you." She says and she hands me a picture of a small baby swaddled into a blue blanket. I have never seen a picture of myself as an infant before... I didn't know there were any. I stare at it for the longest time, thinking about the child I once was... my own daughter and it actually fills me with pride when I see similarities between Joey and myself as baby and suddenly I have so many questions. I could never get any information on my mother, the life she led before me and Gail has all the answers.

"Who are you?" I ask. I know we must be related in some way, but I had a background check on her and nothing suspicious came up.

"Ella was my half-sister. We grew up together, for the first years we didn't know that we were related, but she was always my best friend... I ... I need you to know that she loved you, she might not have been a good mother to you, but she wanted you more than anything in her life.

"How come that didn't show up in your background check?"

"We shared the same father, but he never acknowledged me as his child, my birth certificate shows father unknown. My mother was his housekeeper, which is why I lived in his house. I only found out when I asked my mother, because we had the same rare eye color."

At least this starts to make sense now. "Did you know my father?"

"I have seen him a couple of times, but Ella and he didn't date for long... he was a typical teenage boy, not interested in anything serious. I know that he is still alive and..."

"Don't, please I don't need to know." Maybe I should show more interest, but the truth is I have the best father in the world. My Dad and I sure lock horns from time to time, but he is the only father I ever want in my life.

"How did my mother end up the way she did?" I ask and deep inside I dread the answer, afraid that it has been my fault that she became a crack whore, because she had me.

"I can't tell you what exactly happened; we weren't in contact for the last four years of her life. She ran away with you... she had no choice."

"Why?"

"When Ella found out that she is pregnant with you... she was desperate. You have to understand that our father was not a good man. He was very aggressive... abusive and her mother had passed away long ago. When she confided in me... we where so scared, we didn't know what to do or whom to trust and in the end... we came up with a plan." By now, Gail is sobbing and I hand her a handkerchief, but she continues.

"We decided to keep it a secret and by some miracle it worked." I listen to her as she tells me how they kept the pregnancy a secret and how my mother gave birth to me in the basement of the house where they managed to hide me for a week. When she stops, I want to yell at her... they didn't just put my life at risk, but my mother's too. We could have died that night and when I stare at Gail, I stop myself last second from yelling at her.

She is crying and shaking like a leaf... and suddenly I am transported back to the day I walked out on Ana. Shit, I am doing it again, letting my fucking temper get the best of me and as I think about that the full impact of what Gail just told me it hits me and I realize they were just two kids. My mother was sixteen when she had me, Gail couldn't have been older than 12 or 13 at the time and they must have been scared out of their mind and just completely overwhelmed with the situation.

Fuck, I can't even imagine what I would have done in her place... with no one they could have asked for help and no real plan of what to do with me or in how much danger Ella was when she gave birth to me all alone just with her little sister in a basement.

"Gail, please... I get it, you two were kids and you didn't know how to deal with a situation like that. Can you tell me what happened the day your father found out about me?"

Gail looks at her hands wringing the handkerchief and fresh tears fall from her eyes.

"We were in the basement, we were trying to come up with a plan for her to find a place to live with you, we knew we couldn't keep you hidden in the basement forever. We didn't hear him come, but when our father saw you... my god, he lost his mind. He beat on Ella and she was shielding you with her body. I started screaming for my mother to help us and he grabbed Ella by the hair and shoved her away from you. I knew if he would manage to get his hands on you... he would have killed you. So, I pushed against him with all my strength and yelled for Ella to run. She took you and ran... that was the last time I saw her alive. From that day on, I wasn't allowed to even mention her name... it was like she had never existed."

I look at her trying to comprehend what she has just told me and then it dawns on me... she said it was the last time I saw her alive, not simply I never saw her again.

"Gail, were you the young girl who reported her death? " I ask and she nods.

"I started to work after school as soon as I was old enough and saved money to hire a PI. I wanted to find her and when I did... I didn't want to believe what he told me, but I went to her apartment and knocked many times, but she wouldn't answer the door. I was about to give up when I heard a tiny whimper. So, I picked the lock and found you. I called the police and waited around the corner. I was so scared that you would die too, but then a CPS case worker came to see my father and that is how I knew that a couple wanted to adopt you and what there names were."

For a second I let that sink in and the more I think about it the more I understand her reasons for not telling me right away.

"So you knew who I was when you applied for the position as my housekeeper?"

"Yes, I knew."

"Why didn't you tell me, Gail?"

"I guess my reasons were selfish, you are a part of my sister and I was sure you wouldn't want me to work for you if you knew... and I didn't want to bring up painful memories for you."

"Does Taylor know?" I ask and frown when Gail chuckles.

"No, he thinks I am wearing contacts, because I don't like my eye color. He is fiercely loyal to you, Mr. Grey. He would never have tolerated me keeping this from you." She answers and something about her calling me Mr. Grey feels wrong.

"Gail, it's Christian."

"No, I couldn't..."

"I insist, Gail. You know that you and Jason are more like family to me than people who just work for me. Well... now I know that you are family, Gail. I won't lie, I would have liked for you to come forward and open up to me earlier, but it is what it is."

"Yo-you don't want me to leave?" She asks shocked.

"You thought I would fire you?" I ask surprised and she nods, but actually, considering my temper, there was a fair chance that I would lose it and kick her out with no questions asked.

"Well, you are not fired, but I would like to ask if I could keep the picture of myself you've showed me, it would mean a lot to my parents and especially my mother to see it."

"Of course, it's yours, I always hoped that I would one day find the courage to tell you the truth and give you this picture."

"Thank you... can I ask you something about Ella... my mother?"

"Yes."

"Do you... do you think that she felt regret that she had me?" This is the one question that always haunted me even after all these years, that my sheer existence ruined her life.

"No. Absolutely not, I might not have been there to talk to her, but I know that my sister loved you with all her heart. She was just a young girl, too young to make the right choices, she never had an easy life, but the moment you were born, and in her arms she was the most happy I had ever seen her. Her life might have been short, but I know that having you was the best thing that had ever happened to her and I don't want you to believe anything else. Ella loved you, she wanted you so very much, Christian and I know that she is very proud of you always has been and always will be." She says and I nod, my throat to tight with unshed tears to voice any reply.

After a moment, I clear my throat and get up from my chair. "I should probably check on Anastasia and Joey, thank you for telling me the truth Gail and I would like for us to sit down tomorrow and talk some more, maybe you could tell me some more about my mother."

"Yes, of course, I should probably start to make lunch, anything specific you would like, Mr. Grey?"

"Apart from you calling me Christian, Aunt Gail, I'll be fine with whatever you will come up with for lunch." I tell her stressing out the word Aunt and Gail wipes fresh tears away.

"Of course, Christian." She says and hurries out of my study. I stay behind and rub my hands through my hair. Well, that was unexpected and I would have loved to ask her many more questions about Ella, but not now, first I need to have a talk with Anastasia. I can't believe she thought I would kick her out if I found out that she knew. Would I have been hurt that she kept this information from me? I guess I would have been, but it wasn't her story to tell. But of course, I knew that my terrible reaction and behavior after she told me about her reasons to become my sub had to come back to haunt me at some point.

It was just too good to be true how easy she had forgiven me for cutting her off in such a harsh way. Entering the great room, I find her winding Joey.

"Wow, good job, sweetie." She giggles when Joey burps loudly.

"Did she eat?" I ask and take Joey from her.

"Yes, she took a little more than usual, but then again she was also a little late for her feed." Anastasia explains and sits down on the sofa. She hasn't looked at me once and I can tell from her body language that she is scared.

"We need to talk, Anastasia."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Her voice is barely audible and I sigh. This is what I do, with all the displays of my fucking temper I'm making sure that everyone believes the worst the second I am serious.

"No, just the opposite, baby. But with that being said, we need to have a serious conversation. I am going to ask Gail to watch Joey for a while, okay?"

"Sure." Fuck, I hate this. I want my Anastasia back, the one who would always tell me exactly what is going on in her mind, the one who wasn't afraid to call bullshit whenever I was out of line and now she is all submissive and I can't stand it.

A couple of minutes later Anastasia and I are on the balcony and she is still avoiding to look at me.

"Look at me, baby. Why are you so scared?"

"Did Gail... did she tell you?"

"Yes, she told me and she also told me how you found out and that she asked you not to tell me. Did you really think that I was going to kick you out if I would ever find out by accident?"

"Yes."

"Why?" The moment the word has left my mouth her head snaps up and she is glaring at me.

"Why? You really have to ask why? Oh my god! Christian, the last time when I had to confess something to you, you broke up with me. You made it impossible for me contact you. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? I mean one minute you ask me to marry you and the next you walk out on me and I was nothing to you. You've done it once, so who says that you won't do the exact same thing the next time I fuck up. I want to be with you, I love you so much, Christian, but it's just not like it was before. I feel like I have to put some distance between us, because the moment I allow myself to feel safe in our relationship you will kick me to the curb again. That's why I wanted to move back into my apartment. I was just afraid you find out and kick me out again. I didn't want to move back, but I felt like I had to and I don't like to feel this way. I want things to be the way they were between us, because you have been the first person I felt like I could just be myself with, now I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells afraid to piss you off and ruin us again."

Wow, fuck, I guess I really was happily ignorant of her feelings. I thought all was fine between us...

"Look Anastasia, I don't know how to fix this. There is nothing I regret more than how I have treated you, but I can't change the past. All I can do is to promise you that I won't do it again, but at the same time, you have to talk to me. I'm a guy, if you tell me all is fine than that's what I believe. I wish I could read your mind, but I can't so you have to be honest with me and tell me how you feel. Tell me, is there anything I can do to make you feel more safe in our relationship?"

"I don't know, right now my head feels so empty. I just want us to be happy, Christian. I hate to feel like I have to watch myself constantly around you. I mean look what happened... I'm trying to do what feels right for me and in doing so my crazy ass sister nearly kidnapped our daughter. I just can't do it right and not just with you, but in general."

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, isn't it obvious? I was with Peter for over six years and he still cheated on me and not just with anyone but with my best friend. So, that means I wasn't just a shitty girlfriend, because otherwise he wouldn't have cheated, but I must have been also a miserable best friend, seeing that my best friend had no problem with fucking my fiancé. My mom is constantly on my ass for doing things the wrong way and you just left with... it must be my fault, I mean it can't be just coincidence that everyone in my life I love leaves or betrays me sooner or later."

Anastasia stares out onto the Seattle skyline and I'm shock. She thinks that it is her fault? I get up pick her up, sit down in her spot and put her in my lap.

"Baby, your ex is fucking jackass who didn't even deserve a girl like you to begin with. And your so called best friend... well let me tell you from growing up with a younger sister, girls tend to hang out with the most pretty and popular girls, but not because they like them, they simply do it to get some attention for themselves. It's hard to find true friends, that's why I like to hang out with my siblings; at least I know I can trust them. But the thing is, what they did is not your fault and about your mom... well I won't deny that from the few times I have met her she can be a pain in the ass, but it is also obvious how much she adores you, your entire family does. My family adores you... hell my dickhead of a brother went so far as to kidnap you just to keep you safe. There are so many people who love you that you really shouldn't focus on the few people in your life who turned out to be not even worthy to ever be in your presence." I kiss her temple and try to think of something to lighten her mood.

"Besides, I'm the one with the self-loathing, go and find your own issue." I wink at her to let her know I am joking and I am reward with her lovely giggling.

"It's just... I have never loved anyone as much as I love you and I am so terrified that I am going to ruin us, it scares the living daylights out of me."

"I'm scared too, baby. I've already ruined us once and you know what? I won't do it or let it happen again and that's why we are going to set up some rules."

"Rules?" She asks and I know she is thinking of the contract.

"Nothing like that, baby. I like submissive Anastasia in my playroom, but outside of it, I want to be with the girl that is not afraid to give me hell when I am unreasonable or too controlling. So, we need some rules to make us both feel safe in our relationship, the first one would be no more running."

"Does this rule apply to both of us?" She asks.

"Yes, they all do, as you may have noticed I am just as good when it comes to running and sticking my head into the sand as you are, if not better." I confess and she snorts.

"So, do you agree to the first rule?"

"Yes, what other rules do you have?"

"Number two would be open communication. As I have mentioned earlier, I can't read your mind, so you have to tell me what is going on in that beautiful head of yours and I will try to do the same."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Good, now rule number three is more of an extension to rule number one. Anastasia, I don't want to sound like a domineering asshole, but you will not move back into your apartment. In fact, you are going to sell it and we are going to look for a house. A fresh start. This penthouse is a great place, but I think we need something more suitable for a family. I was thinking maybe a house at the Sound."

She looks at her hands and I groan when she starts to chew on her bottom lip.

"Anastasia, if you keep that up I am going to come in my pants."

"Sorry... it's just ... well I think I have already found the perfect home for us."

"What, where?"

"It's on the water front by Puget Sound, before I could tell you that I was pregnant I was thinking about buying a house and I looked at some houses. I know the one I liked the most is still on the market, maybe we could call the real estate agent and look at it."

"Sure, how about later this afternoon?"

"Actually, I would like to take a nap, I didn't get much sleep last night and my scar is itching like crazy, so I would rather go Monday."

"Wait, is it infected?"

"No, I've asked your mom and she says the itching is part of the healing process, she looked at it and it was all fine, but it's driving me insane." She says with a pout.

"It will get better soon, baby."

"I still feel cheated, I mean it's like I gave birth naturally and had a c-section on top of it. Next time I'll have a planned c-section."

"Next time?" My voice sounds way harsher than I intended to, but she can't be serious.

"Yes, I want at least one more, but you have time to get used to the idea, I am not allowed to get pregnant for at least the next two years."

"You nearly died, Anastasia! You can't seriously be entertaining the thought of going through this again."

"I don't want our daughter to be an only child and like I've said, I would not take the risk to deliver vaginally, but opt for a schedule c-section."

"Can we discuss this another time, baby, because the memories of nearly losing you are way too fresh for me to even think about having a second child. I'm not saying that I don't ever want a second child, but right now I don't want to think about it."

"Okay, I can live with that. So, any more rules?"

"Just one more and it's not an actual rule, but more something I want to ask you. Would you feel more secure in our relationship if we would be married?"

Shit, maybe I shouldn't have asked that, because she says nothing. She just stares at me and I have no idea what is going through her mind.

"Christian, I love you so, so much, but to be honest, even the thought of being engaged gives me anxiety, let's face it the last time I was engaged didn't turn out well for me and the last time you asked me to marry you... well let's just say that didn't turn out well either. Getting married to fix a relationship doesn't feel right and if you wanted to leave me it wouldn't matter if we are married or not. But with that being said, yes I would love to be your wife one day. Maybe one day when we both feel like it we can just elope."

"You would elope?"

"Why not, I know it's more traditional to have a long engagement and all that, but I don't need all of that, the only people I would want to attend my wedding are my parents and my nana, but if you want a huge wedding with hundreds of guest..."

"Baby, if I could get it my way, I would get my jet ready and we would just fly to Vegas tomorrow. Yes, I would want my parents, siblings and grandparents to be at our wedding, but other than that I don't need any guests and months of planning."

"Perfect, so let's make a deal. When we both feel that the time is right, we just gather our families and get married. Oh, but I guess you should ask my Dad... or buy some really good running shoes." She says and that makes me laugh.

"Don't worry, we already have your father's blessing." I announce proudly and her mouth drops open.

"When did you ask him?"

"The day Joey was born, your mother and my mom were at the nursery with Joey and he and I sat with you on the ICU. We were still worried if you would make it through the night and I told him that if you would come out of this alive he had to get used to the fact, that in the not so far future I would be his son in law."

"No you didn't!" She gasps.

"I sure did, want to know what his answer was?" I ask and she nods wide-eyed.

"He told me if I had any balls I would have dragged your stubborn ass down the aisle before our daughter was born, but since it's better late than never he gave me his blessing. Since then he calls me once a week to ask if I had finally grown some balls and asked you. I hate to admit it, but I really like your Dad."

"Well, that sounds like my Dad." She giggles. "Do you want to call my Dad and tell him that you've found your balls?"

"Later, now I am going to carry you to our bedroom and hold you in my arms so you can sleep for awhile, while my new found aunt will watch our beautiful daughter." I get up with her in my arms and carry her into the bedroom.

I lie down with her, she looks at me and I know that there is something going through her mind. "Tell me, baby. What are you thinking about?"

"For a while I was afraid that you just wanted to be with me again because of Joey, you know so I wouldn't move back to Chicago and you could see your daughter."

"Anastasia, there is absolutely nothing that could make me want to spend the rest of my life with another person other than the fact that I am hopelessly in love with this person. I think about you from the moment I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night and even in my dreams, it's you most of the time. I'm not just in love with you, I am obsessed with you. I want to protect you, take care of all of your needs and lay the world at your feet. True, I can be a tremendous ass at times and I am working on that, but I would never lead you on just to get what I want, that is not who I am."

"So you are not mad at me for thinking like that?" She asks cautiously.

"No, as my dear sister likes to say, my ever changing moods can give a person whip lash, so I guess after shutting you out for months it came as quite a shock when I wanted you back."

"Well, I'd rather get whip lash from your moods than from the cat in your playroom." She smirks and I kiss the tips of her nose.

"There are no more whips, canes or belts in my playroom. With you it's all about pleasure, baby and I can't wait to show you."...


	31. Chapter 31

_**Hi, sorry for the long wait. I've taken sometime to re-read the story and decided that this was a good point to end the story. I'm not completely happy with how the second part of the story turned out, so I might go back sometime next year and write it again, but for now, this is the final chapter of The Journal / Back To You. **_

_**I want to thank all of you for who took the time to read this story; you have no idea how much this means to me :-)**_

_**I hope you'll all have a very merry Christmas and happy holidays...**_

_**Christian - 5 years later**_

"Good morning, Sir. Breakfast will be ready in thirty minutes." Gail greets me cheerful and I raise one brow at her.

"Really, Aunt Gail? Sir?" I mutter and she laughs. We have become quite close ever since she finally revealed that she is my aunt. My mom struggled with it for a short while. At first, I didn't know why, but Anastasia pointed out to me that it could be possible she was worried Gail could take her place in my life. I thought it was ridiculous, but Anastasia was convinced and pushed me to spend more time with my mother and it turned out she was right, but after some long conversations my mom was really happy for me and Gail.

Gail still works for Anastasia and I. I've told he she doesn't have to work anymore, but Gail wasn't having it and told me if I would fire her, she would just show up the next day and continue her work without being paid for it. That of course was unacceptable to me and by now I am pretty sure that Gail Taylor is the best paid housekeeper in the US or maybe even the world. Still, she insists to call me Sir or Mr. Grey whenever she is working and I think that is just stupid.

"Well, I'm on duty, Christian. Right now you are my boss and I'm your employee, therefore I have to treat you with respect." She explains and I hold my hands up in defeat.

"Okay, okay, have it your way, Gail. I'll go and wake my girls up." Leaving the kitchen, I walk up the stairs and make my way to Joey's room. It's still early, but I find my daughter on the floor of her room playing with her dolls.

"Daddy! Play with me! Please!" She squeals the second she sees me and claps her hands excitedly. She definitively takes not after her mother, because unlike our very energetic five-year-old daughter, Ana is not a morning person.

"Later Princess, breakfast will be ready soon, after that we can play."

"Okay." She pouts and gets up to go to the bathroom. I make sure that she brushes her teeth and help her pick an outfit for the day. When she is ready, I send her downstairs to the kitchen and open the door to the nursery where I find my 18 months old daughter Siobhan sitting in her crib.

After what happened when Joey was born, I was sure that I didn't want to have a second child. Not at the risk of losing Anastasia. However shortly after Joey turned two I started to think about how amazing it would be for her to grow up with a little sister or brother. Therefore, I started to do a lot of research on risk that come with having a baby after what Anastasia went through and even talked to some of the leading obstetricians in the US. After I was satisfied with my research, I decided to talk to Anastasia about it. She really surprised me, because the second I mentioned that we could try for a second child she went into the master bathroom, took her pill and flushed them down the toilet before she turned around to face me and said. _'I'm in, come on Grey, let's work on baby number two!' _To say that I was surprised would have been an understatement, but she explained that she had been thinking about it too and that her doctor gave her the okay to try. So we did and eleven months later our second daughter Siobhan Ella Grey was born without any complications at all.

"Good morning, Cookie." _Yes, I have given my daughters nicknames. _With Joey, it was princess right from the start. With Siobhan it took a while and I would call her all kinds of nicknames, but when she was eleven months old I was at home with her and I swear I only turned around for five seconds which was enough time for her to reach the plate with cookies on the coffee table and try to shove as much of them into her little mouth as possible. Since then she is Cookie.

"Hi." She grins up at me and with that our little morning routine starts.

"Hi." I answer.

"Hi." She repeats I let it go on for about a minute or two, just because she is damn cute when she smiles up at me and says hi. Besides, other than mama, dada, no, and mo, which means more, hi is all she can say right now.

I pick her up and after she is wearing a clean diaper and is dressed, I carry her downstairs to Gail.

"Gail, can you watch both of them for a moment. I want to check on Ana?"

"Sure, we'll be fine." She says so I strap Cookie into her high chair and walk up the stairs for the third time this morning. Christ, I love our home, but sometimes it's annoying to run up and down the stairs time and time again.

When I open the door, I am greeted by the sight of my sleeping wife. Beside her in the crib on her side of the bed is our three weeks old son Jacob. Jacob Raymond Grey was a true surprise.

Anastasia and I did agree on having one more child, but not so soon. However, when Siobhan was not even a year old Anastasia discovered that she was pregnant again. We were both happy and scared, because with her history getting pregnant again so soon was a risk. In the end, it all went well and now our family is complete.

"I know you are staring at me." Anastasia mumbles sleepily and I smile.

"One of my all time favorites, Mrs. Grey." I can't help the stupid grin on my face. Even now after four years of marriage, it still makes me giddy with joy that this beautiful woman is truly mine. My wife.

It was about six months after I've found out that Gail is my aunt that Ana and I decided to get married. We've married on Christmas Eve in Chicago and in a small and intimate ceremony with only our family to witness and celebrate with us. Apart from the births of my children, this was the most special day of my life.

"Would you mind if I stay in bed a little longer. Your son kept me up all night, Christian can you call Grace. I think my milk is just not enough for him. He seems to be hungry every second that he is awake. Maybe we need to top him off with some formula." She yawns and I sit down on the edge of the bed.

"I'll call her and you catch up on some sleep. I'll take Jake downstairs with me. Is there still some of your milk in the freezer?"

"Yes, two or three bags." She mumbles and two seconds later, she is asleep again. Even now, exhausted, with dark circles under her beautiful eyes, slightly greasy hair and dressed in one of my old t-shirts my wife is the most beautiful sight that I have ever seen. Leaning down I kiss the top of her head and turn the crib.

Careful not to wake him up, I pick my son up and inhale his unique baby scent. Man, I could keep Anastasia knocked up until menopause just so I could smell this scent every single day of my life.

I love the little guy, Anastasia and I decided not to find out the sex of our baby before he was born, so I was a sobbing mess when the doctor announced that it was a little boy. I mean, I love my girls to death, but deep down I wanted to have a son too. I guess that is a man thing, but now that we have two beautiful girls and a little boy, I truly feel that my family is complete.

Back in the kitchen, I gently place Jacob in his pumpkin seat and strap him in.

"Is Anastasia still asleep?" Gail asks as she places a cup of steaming coffee in front of while before she continues to help Siobhan with her breakfast, while Joey is munching away on her pancakes.

"Yes, Jacob is giving her a hard time. The little guy seems to be hungry every hour, so I'll call my mom after breakfast. Maybe we need to top him off with formula, but something has to change. It's exhausting for both of them."

"And you." Gail points out and I shrug.

"It's Anastasia who has all the work. She had to carry him inside of her for nine months, she had to give birth to him and she is the one who has to nurse him. It's the least I can do to get up with her whenever Jacob is awake and make sure that she can take a nap during the day."

"You are a very good husband and father, Christian." Gail says and I smile.

"I try my best." I answer just when my phone rings. I look at the caller ID and roll my eyes. Only my brother would call me this early.

"Can you watch them for a moment?" I ask Gail and leave the kitchen when she nods.

"Good morning, Elliot." I answer. Over the last few years, we have become closer again. He still is the biggest pain in the ass I know and just thinking about how he tried to kidnap my wife to save her from me makes me want to punch him, but after many joint sessions with Dr. Flynn, I do understand his motives and we were able to move past all the tension between us.

"Hey bro, morning. I was wondering if you and momma bear are up for some visitors this evening."

"We are, but I am not sure my wife would appreciate it to be referred to as momma bear." I grumble and he laughs.

"Then don't tell her. I'm already in the doghouse with my own wife; I can't afford to be on Annie's bad side too."

"Her name is Anastasia."

"Anastasia, Annie, Sweetie Pie, Momma Bear or Ana... she has quite a few names, want to share some of the dirty names you call her."

"Hanging up now, bro." I growl and he laughs.

"Sorry, really, I'm just trying to rile you up. Has been a while since you've been fucked right?"

"Fuck you! Now do you have anything else to tell me or I can I go back to breakfast with my children?" Damn, he is irritating.

"Actually, I do. Like I've said, wifey is a little pissed. Well, really pissed, you need to help me out."

"First I need to know what you have done to piss her off."

"Right, so I kind of told her that she is fat... well not in so many words and it wasn't intentionally. I don't even think she is, but it kind of came out like that."

Oh fuck me, Elliot and his wife just had their first child, a little girl by the name of Ava, four months ago. True his wife has put on more weight than she should have and she hasn't quite bounced back to her pre-pregnancy weight, but by no means is she even remotely fat.

"What, exactly did you say?"

"That I saw Anastasia yesterday, when I dropped of the blue prints you asked me about and that she already looks really thin again, unlike her."

"Elliot do yourself a favor and buy yourself some kneepads, you are going to need them while you are on your knees begging for her forgiveness. Christ, you idiot. You never, never ever tell a woman that another woman looks better, is thinner, younger or anything that she isn't. Fuck, you are one stupid son of a bitch, Elliot."

"Well, thanks, that was not the advice I was looking for."

"Just tell her that she is beautiful and how much you want her. Apologize, repeatedly. Maybe take her out for dinner, but seriously, you don't tell a woman who recently had a child that another woman is losing the baby weight quicker."

"Worst part is, now she will go crazy about her weight and I like her with a little more meat on her bones."

"Can't help you with that one... got to go, Jacob is crying. See you tonight." I hang up and make my way into the kitchen. Where Siobhan has created a soggy mess of pancakes in front of her while Joey is blowing bubbles with a straw in her milk glass.

"Joey, we talked about this, no bubbles or I'll take the straw." I address her first and continue to wipe my younger daughter's hands and face with the conveniently placed wipes near the breakfast bar.

"His bottle is almost ready, Christian." Gail announces while she is rocking Jacob in arms.

"Wow, busy morning." I hear my sister's voice and turn around.

"Mia! Hi, when did you return?" Mia went back to France one year ago to work with a famous French Chef. He is so pleased with her work that she is going to be the chef in his newest restaurant in New York, which will open in about 8 months.

"I arrived late last night." She says and hugs me. "I missed you, Christian."

"I missed you, too." Kissing the top of her head, I realize her from my embrace and she takes her time saying hello to her nieces before she turns her attention to Jacob, whom she hasn't met so far.

"Wow, look at this little one. He looks so much like you already. Hah, this little one is going to give you a run for your money." She giggles and I smirk.

"Maybe, so tell me. Why didn't you tell us that you came back?"

"Welllllll..." _Oh hell, I know that whatever she is going to tell me, I won't like it. _

"Just say it."

"I've met someone. His name is Brandon, he works as business consultant and we met in a bar on my night off. We talked and just instantly had this connection and umm... we've dated for a while and he had to go back to the states. That was four months ago. We were both miserable, but kept talking over Skype and emailing back and forth. He flew to France to visit me three times, but it just wasn't enough and on his last visit, he told me... he wants to marry me. The thing is, Brandon wants to do this the right way, you know, he wants to ask not only Dad, but Elliot and you too for your permission to marry me. So, I came back a little early and I was hoping you would agree to meet him."

"Wait, for how long do you know him? Why haven't we heard about that guy before and what about your career?" She can't be serious.

"Brandon lives in New York, we'll look for a home together and I will open the restaurant as planned. I know it's a lot, but I can make this work and Brandon supports me in my goals."

"Fine, I'll meet him, but I want to know his last name for a background check."

"Sure." She murmurs and I know there is something she isn't telling me.

"Mia, out with it. What aren't you telling me?"

"Brandon he is a bit older than I am." _Oh Christ!_

"How old is a bit older?"

"44" She says as quick as possible and I close my eyes.

"So you are telling me, that you want to marry a guy who is 18 years older than you are?"

"Yes, but I love him Christian. He is a good man. He works hard, he was never married before, has no children. He is honest and has a great sense of humor, he..."

"I get it, you love him. Fine. I'll meet with him, I wish you would have found someone closer to your own age, but I want you happy, so we'll see how the meeting goes. Can we have it here? It's easier to have guests here than to go out with Jacob, he is a bit fussy."

"No problem, how about I give you some time off and spend the day with my nieces. There is an indoor playground near by, I could take them their."

"I know the place we've been there a couple of times with Joey... yes, I think that is a good idea, but you have to..."

"Take security with me. I know, don't worry, Christian. I am not going to put my nieces at risk. So, I help them get ready and we'll be back in the afternoon."

Once Mia has left with Joey and Siobhan, I call my mom first and then Welch so I'll have the background check on Mia's boyfriend ASAP.

Around ten, I go upstairs to check on Anastasia and find her in the bathroom fresh from a shower.

"Hi, sorry I slept so long. Do you want to take a nap now, you need some sleep too."

"I'm fine, baby. You know I need a lot less sleep than you do. By the way, Mia is back and she took Joey and Siobhan to the indoor playground."

"Really... oh my god, I'm the worst mother ever. I didn't even say goodbye to them. I..."

"You need to stop right there, Anastasia. You are a wonderful mother and I won't allow you to think believe anything else. So, do you want to hear some news?"

"Where is Jacob?"

"Downstairs with my mother. She told me that we should start to give him formula in the evening before we put him down for the night. If it helps to make him less fussy she recommends to nurse him two times a day and to use formula for the rest of his feeds."

"Good, man I feel bad, I didn't want to start giving him formula for at least two or three more months." She sighs and I pull her in my arms.

"I know, baby. However, if he needs it now, then that's what has to happen. Besides, this way we can take turns at night to get up with him. It will make things easier."

"I remind you of that when I send you to the kitchen at three in the morning to get his bottle ready." She giggles and I just enjoy the sound of it.

"So, the news?"

"Yes, so my brother has managed to get himself into the doghouse, by telling his wife that unlike her you are almost back to your pre-pregnancy weight." I tell her and she laughs.

"Oh my gosh, really? What an idiot, I bet Kate went ballistic on him!"

"She sure did, by the way, I still believe that you introduced my brother to Kate to get back at him for the way he treated you at first." I chuckle and Anastasia snorts.

"Hey, I just introduced them, I thought maybe they hook up, never in a million years did I see them getting married. Well, serves him right and anyway, who tells his wife that she has to lose some weight, that's so mean and I am nowhere near my pre-pregnancy weight."

"You look mighty fine to me, Mrs. Grey." Damn, I shouldn't even go there. _Three more weeks, you can do it, Grey!_

"Looks like someone is in need of some release." She smirks and drops to her knees in front of me.

"Baby, you don't have to... or you know what forget that, I could really need some release." I mutter when her petite hand finds its way into my sweatpants and wraps itself around my dick. _Yes, he definitely needs some attention. _

"Good, because _I _need this too." She says and licks her lips before she yanks my sweatpants and boxer briefs down to my ankles.

"Look who is up and ready for some action." She smirks up at me and grips my dick tightly in her little hand. _Fuck that feels good. _

"You know, three more weeks and I am going to drag you into our bedroom and ride your hard cock until you beg me to stop."

"You'll be the one begging me to stop." I moan when she pumps my dick up and down.

"Promises, promises, Mr. Grey. Maybe we need to visit Escala once I'm good to go. I could use some serious playtime with my favorite Dominant."

"You better hope I'm your only Dominant." I growl and she laughs.

"That you are. Pleasing you is a full-time job, Sir, because you, Mr. Grey, are insatiable."

"Because you are extremely delicious and fuckable, Mrs. Grey." I reply and she rewards me by flicking her tongue over the head of my erection.

"Just like you and I think I have to taste you just to remind myself just how delicious you truly are." She says huskily and takes my dick in her delectable mouth.

Involuntarily, my hands find their way into her hair and I guide her head back and forth on my dick just at the pace I like. When she sucks hard I feel the first burst of pre-cum spurt into her mouth and she doubles her efforts to suck me off, taking me so deep into her mouth that I hit the back of her throat, but she just keeps going.

Damn, this feels so good and I am sure my wife can give the best head on earth. Then she does it, with one hand she squeezes my balls, while she makes that humming sound deep in her throat and I can't hold back any longer. I fuck her mouth furiously chasing my release and when I find it feels like the head of my dick is exploding into her divine mouth while she keeps sucking and swallowing until she has sucked every last drop of cum out of me.

I lean back against the wall by the sink and when I look at Anastasia, she is still kneeling on the floor and grins like a Cheshire cat, obviously very pleased with herself.

"You are indeed _very_ delicious, Mr. Grey." She smirks, licks her lips and gets up from the floor.

"Three more weeks." She says with a wink and leaves the bathroom.

_Yes, three more weeks and I will spend a good amount of time each day in my favorite place again, deep inside of my sexy as fuck wife..._

_**Anastasia - 5 Days later**_

"Mommy is Jacob bad." Joey asks while we are sitting on her bed where I am brushing her long hair.

"What? Why would you ask that, Joey? Your little brother isn't bad; he is a precious little baby."

"I heard unky Lelliot say that Jacob is sucking the life out of you, Mommy. I don't want that." She tells me with worry written all over her adorable little face and I make a mental note to give Elliot a slap on the back of his head as soon as he gets here today.

"He didn't mean it literally, darling. You know sometimes people say something to describe something different. Do you understand that?"

"No." She answers and I decide to try something different.

"Okay, so you know how your little brother drinks his milk from my breasts?"

"Uh-huh. And when I'm a big girl and become a mommy I have milk in my boobies too."

"Exactly, so, in order for mommy to have milk for your little brother, mommy has to eat very healthy, so all the healthy things in the food go into my milk and your brother eats healthy too. Sometimes nursing a baby can be exhausting, because your little brother is hungry very often and that's why mommy is a little tired lately, but that isn't your brother's fault or a bad thing. It is how nature wanted things to be. So, what your uncle Elliot meant is that nursing your little brother is making mommy tired."

She looks deep in thoughts for a moment and chews on her bottom lip, just like I do whenever I'm deep in thoughts.

"Did Siobhan and I make you tired too, Mommy?"

"Yes, but after a couple of months all went back to normal. So, you have nothing to worry about, sweetheart. Mommy is fine."

"Okay, because I was worried Jacob is sucking the life out of you and I didn't know how to put it back in." She says.

"Oh darling, you are such a sweetheart, do you know that?"

"Yup, that's why everyone loves me so much." She says and nods her little head. Man, I might be biased, but my little girl is the most adorable five year old in the whole wide world.

"Exactly, so Miss Grey, how would you like mommy to do your hair?"

"I want pigtails mommy and the pink glitter bows, please."

"Good, let's do this, then we can go downstairs and you can play with Gramps and Grammy until your auntie Mia and her new friend arrive."

30 minutes later Mia and Brandon arrive and I watch how Christian and Elliot hug their little sister. It makes me a bit melancholic, thinking about Emma. My sister that I didn't know existed and whom I couldn't save.

She was arrested by the police and charged for murder, because the girl in her apartment died of the drugs she had given her. Due to her history with mental issues, she was brought to the psych ward of a mental institution for evaluation. In the end, it was decided that she had to stay for treatment and five weeks later, she was found in her room where she had hung herself with the bed sheets.

It was terrible, even though I knew that there was nothing I could have done to save her, I tortured myself by asking myself if there had been anything I could have done to prevent this from happening.

Christian was so worried about me that he insisted for me to see his shrink and it really helped me to work through the guilt and grief. It also helped me to work through all the other drama I had been through with finding out that I am adopted; Peter's betrayal and the way Christian treated me after he proposed the first time. It has made me see things differently and made me a stronger person.

In the end, I was strong enough to go back to Chicago and confront Peter and my former best friend. Something I had never done and needed to do for myself to finally put those ghosts to rest. When Christian and I returned to my parent's house after the meeting with them I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It wasn't my fault. I just was unfortunate enough to trust and love the wrong people.

Now, I can say that I don't have many friends, but the ones I have I know I can trust. There is Kate, my former neighbor at Escala. One day I just decided to call her and we met for cocktails. Since that night, we are best friends and she is also my sister in law now. Then there is Roxanne Evans, whom I met through Joey. Her daughter Destiny is Joey's best friend and during the many play dates our daughter's have had we just connected and like to go to the spa together and just meet for lunch whenever our busy schedules allow it.

Another good friend of mine is Luke Sawyer, my CPO. Christian didn't like it that I see Luke as my friend, but in the end he realized that Luke is to me what Taylor is to him and Christian had to admit to himself a long time ago that Jason is not just his CPO, but his friend.

Christian... my overbearing, megalomaniac, sometimes dominant husband. He has really changed from the man I've first met. The man who wouldn't allow anyone to touch him. Not because of his dominant nature, but because of a phobia that kept him isolated. I will never forget the day he allowed me to touch him freely.

It was shortly after Joey was born and I had another breakdown, due to Emma's suicide and me thinking that I could have done something to prevent it. He wrapped me in his arms trying to comfort me, until he noticed that even in his embrace I was hugging myself in a pitiful effort to give me the comfort I needed at the time... or maybe just to keep me from falling apart completely.

He gently made me unwrap my arms from myself and wrapped them around him, so my hands were resting on his back. He was shirtless that morning and when I noticed what he had just done, what he allowed me to do to give me the comfort I needed so badly I cried even more, knowing that our relationship had just reached a whole knew level. One that I feared we would never reach.

Now almost five years later he is craving my touch. Whenever we are alone he just takes my hand and places it on his chest, just to feel the touch he missed out on for some many years of his life. Sometimes he looks so content when I touch him; he looks almost as if my touch could make all the horrible memories of the first four years of his life just go away.

I wish I could do this for him, but I know it is not possible. Still, I know that he is happy now, as a husband, father, nephew, son and brother. Grace still thanks me so often, she believes that it was me who finally brought Christian out of his shell, but I believe he has done it himself, by allowing the people around him to love him and accepting their love, which ultimately allowed him to love himself, something he had never done before.

"Hey sis, you are married for four years now, don't you think it is time to stop watching your hubby with little hearts in your eyes?" Kate asks me with a wink.

"Nope, I'll always do that. So, I've heard Elliot got himself into the doghouse." I giggle and she snorts.

"Yeah, Christ, he just can't think before he speaks. Sadly, I still love him like crazy. Do you think I need to lose weight?"

"What, are you insane? You are a bombshell Katherine Grey. Women would kill to have curves like you do... or pay horrendous amounts of money to their beauty docs. Don't get onto some crazy diet or I'll kick your ass!"

"Wasn't planning to do something like that. Actually, I like myself a little curvier. But man, look at you, how do you bounce back so fast?"

"Not sure, I just eat healthy and the nursing and two really energetic daughters do the rest."

"I bet your hot as fuck hubby gives you some good exercises too." She whispers and I pout.

"Still over two weeks to go, but believe me, the second I have the okay from Dr. Greene I'll call Grace and Carrick to babysit and tie him naked to the bed." I wink at her and we both giggle.

"What's so funny ladies?" Elliot asks and that reminds me.

"Ouch! What was that for Annie?" Elliot asks and rubs the back of his hand, which I have just slapped.

"You need to look around before you talk, Elliot. Joey heard you say that Jacob is sucking the life out of me and she got worried that her brother is bad and how to put the life back inside of me." I explain and he looks contrite.

"Shit, sorry. I didn't know she was around. Do you want me to talk to her?"

"No, I explained it to her, just be a little more careful to look if she is around before you talk. She was so jealous when we brought home Siobhan, I don't want her to get jealous or upset about Jacob."

"Yes, of course, I won't do it again. So, want do you think about our potential new brother in law?"

"I don't know, I haven't talked to him yet, but he looks like a nice guy, there were no red flags in his background check and Mia seems to be crazy in love with him that is all that counts to me. Age is just a number and it's not like he is in his sixties and Mia is fresh out of highschool."

"Maybe, fuck, I've talked to him and I kind of want to hate the dude, just because... but he really seems to be a nice guy and he adores Mia."

"Just give him a chance, if he makes Mia happy then that is all that really counts."

"I guess." He huffs and walks back to where Christian and Carrick are talking to Brandon.

Later that day we are all outside on the patio where we are having a BBQ and Brandon is staring at me, which is making me a bit uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry for staring at you, Anastasia, but I'm sure I have seen your face before. I just can't place it."

"Probably in some gossip magazine." I shrug and he rubs his chin.

"No, hah! Of course, Anastasia Steele, you are an author, right?"

"Well, I have written two books so far. Right now, I'm concentrating on my family and some charities I am championing."

"I've read both of them; I like a good crime novel, especially on long distant flights." We have some small talk about my books and I recall the absurd amount of money I was offered to write a book about Matt and how he tried to kill me.

I declined the offer. His story has been used for books and movies already and I had and have no intension to get into his crazy mindset to write a book about him. It still makes my skin crawl that the police found out that he murdered all these innocent women, because of his highschool sweetheart who left him for someone else and then became his first victim. After that, he went insane and believed she wasn't really dead, so he killed all these women who resembled her in one way or the other.

"Baby, can you help me. Siobhan and Jacob need new diapers." Christian says.

"Sure." I get up and take our daughter, while he takes Jacob and we head into the bathroom, where I change Siobhan on a blanket I have put on the floor, while Christian is changing Jacob on the changing table.

"So, what do you think, is Brandon right for Mia?"

"Christian it doesn't matter what I am thinking, what Mia thinks is important and she is in love with him. However, if you want my opinion on him then I have to say, I like him. He seems to be nice and he obviously loves Mia a lot."

"I think the same, so I guess I have to give them my blessing. I just hope they are planning to have a long engagement. They haven't lived together so far and Mia can be quite challenging."

"Mia wants a spring wedding in Paris. So that gives them at least another nine months before they get married. Enough time to live together and see how that works."

"I hope so; I want my sister to have a good and happy marriage. Brandon seems to be a decent guy, so I hope he can make her happy. Has she told you if they want to have kids?"

"Yes, but they want to wait. He really supports Mia's career, so they have agreed not to try for a child before Mia turns thirty."

"That's good, Mia isn't ready for kids and I would hate if he would pressure her into having kids just because of his age."

"He won't, so don't worry too much."

"I can't help it, it's like practice for the time when some guy wants to marry one of our girls." He says and I laugh.

"Christian our girls are five years and 18 months old, I am pretty sure they won't get married any time soon."

"But one day they will and there is nothing I can do about it. It's not a good thought, believe me. Some fucker wanting to get into my daughter's panties. Oh fuck, I can't deal with that." He says and I glare at him.

"You drop the f-bomb in front of our babies one more time and you won't live long enough to witness someone wanting to date your daughters, Grey!" I snap and he has the grace to blush.

"Fudge, I'm sorry, I didn't think."

"I've noticed, and please, stop worrying about this. You still have many years before our girls start to get interested in boys."

"You are right. Okay, let's get back."

Later that day, after our guests have left and Mia is officially engaged to Brandon, Christian and I are in our bed and I'm cuddled up against him with my head resting on his chest.

"Have I told you how much I love you, Anastasia?"

"Not for an hour or so, but I love to hear every single second of the day. I love you too, Christian. So, so much."

"I guess that's means we'll live happily ever after." He says with a ridiculous huge grin on his face.

"Yes, we will live happily ever after..."

_**The End**_

_**Again thank you all so much for reading/ reviewing/ following this story. I guess this is a good time to make a little confession. Out of all of my stories, this is one was/is my favorite. Therefore, I'm especially happy that so many of you liked it. **_

_**Oh, and for those of you who are waiting on an update for The Wild Ones. I have the final chapters almost ready, just one more and I need to edit the chapters that are already written, so I will start to post them this Saturday and should have them all posted by New Year.**_

_**BTW, I've found out today that the world premiere of the FSOG movie is in Germany on February 11th. Sadly, I live far away from Berlin, so I won't be able to go and watch Jamie Dornan walk the red carpet... but it's cool anyway, because usually blockbuster like that premiere in cities like London, Los Angeles or New York... **_


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